Not far away, Darkness was throwing herself straight into the densest cluster of ghosts in an incredibly twisted yet strangely seductive pose.
Her sturdy Crusader armor gave off waves of cold as the ghosts passed through it, while she herself was flushed bright red, letting out deeply unsettling moans.
"Ah... this is it... this feeling... cold, emotionless souls passing through my body... it feels like even my organs are freezing... and there are even dolls tugging at my hair... more! Curse this lowly body of mine with all your might!!"
"Hey, Kōichi, should we maybe warn her that if the client sees that look on her face, we might get arrested as members of some weird cult?"
Kazuma asked, the corner of his mouth twitching.
"Leave her alone. She's having the time of her life." Kōichi waved it off calmly, then shouted at Aqua, "Hey! Aqua! Quit slacking off! There are still three dolls peeking at you from the left! Hurry up and wash them away with that holy water stream or whatever! If we finish this tonight, tomorrow morning we're going out for dragon meat buns! All you can eat!!"
"Dragon meat buns?! Really?! You'd better not be lying!!" The moment Aqua heard the promise of food, the light that had been fading around her instantly flared up again like an oversized spotlight, vaporizing all the ghosts in half the hall on the spot. "For the buns! Sacred Purification!!"
Megumin was crouched beside Kōichi's chair, looking up at him with deep resentment in her eyes. "Kōichi, why am I the one stuck here guarding you two? I want to go cast Explosion Magic too. Blowing all those spirits away in one huge boom would definitely feel way better than Aqua's slow, plodding purification."
"Megumin, be good." Kōichi patted her on the head, and incidentally brushed some cookie crumbs off his hand onto her. "If you use Explosion Magic, we'll be eating dragon meat buns in the middle of a pile of rubble. Be patient. Once the exorcism's over tomorrow, I'll take you outside town and let you blow up those giant toads. As many as you want."
"You said it. It's a promise!"
Only then did Megumin finally sit down in satisfaction.
Kōichi and Kazuma exchanged a look and broke into the kind of sadistic, perfectly synchronized smile that only came from exploiting their teammates.
"Brother Kōichi, once we get this mansion, do you think we should expand the hot spring pool?"
"We absolutely should, Kazuma. And I'm thinking of putting a vending machine in the wine cellar too... naturally, one that's only accessible to the two of us."
Moonlight spilled over the estate through the clouds, and accompanied by Aqua's cries and Darkness's breathy moans, this night of exorcism felt strangely beautiful and harmonious.
The sizzling in the hall still hadn't stopped, and Aqua's once clear, pleasant voice had by now deteriorated into something like the rasping squawk of a broken bellows.
"Ugh... I can't do this anymore... my divine power... it's running dry... Kōichi... please... just let me have a sip of water... even foot-washing water would do..."
Kōichi sat there with one leg crossed over the other, toying with the faintly glowing Adventurer Card in his hand, completely ignoring Aqua's desperate pleas.
"You know, Kazuma." Kōichi took a sip of red wine and looked thoughtfully at the "Lv. 18" displayed on his Adventurer Card. "I suddenly realized something. We've spent all this time making money and dealing with these little troublemakers, but we've barely learned any proper skills. Look at this. I'm almost level twenty, and my skill list is still practically blank. If word got out, wouldn't that be embarrassing for the future owner of a mansion?"
Kazuma froze for a moment, then pulled out his own card and scratched his head awkwardly. "That's true. Other than learning a few basic skills like Steal and Lurk, I haven't really picked up anything serious either. But Kōichi, what are you planning to learn? Two-Handed Sword? Or Explosion Magic? Just so we're clear, if you learn that one, our house really is going to go straight to heaven in a single shot."
Kōichi shook his head and revealed a profound smile reeking of capitalist greed.
"No, Kazuma. If we're going to become nobles, then we need to act like nobles. Fighting and killing can be left to a tank like Darkness and a human cannon like Megumin. As an elegant manor lord, what I need isn't the art of killing, but... the art of living."
Kōichi took a deep breath and gave the command in his head: [Allocate Points].
A translucent screen that only Kōichi could see unfolded before him.
Ignoring all the combat skills flashing with a cold gleam, Kōichi fixed his gaze directly on the life skills section under the sub-class tab.
"System, max out Cooking for me! No, wait, just raise it to Proficient first."
As 15 attribute points, AP, and 10 skill points, SP, vanished, Kōichi felt a massive flood of knowledge pour into his mind. Ingredient handling, heat control, secret seasoning techniques, all of it arrived in an instant.
Kōichi now felt as though he could not only tell whether a hundred different mushrooms were poisonous, but even make a feast from the simplest cabbage that would leave a king drooling.
"Hehehe... with this skill, the next time we hold a banquet in the mansion, I can personally show off a little and watch all those nobles and socialites stare at me with those 'An Adventurer made this?' expressions on their hopelessly uncultured faces. Now this is the true path of showing off."
Kōichi got to his feet and brushed the cookie crumbs off his rear, his eyes shining with fanatical fervor.
"Kōichi... your expression is seriously messed up."
Kazuma shrank back a little, his face full of disgust.
"Kōichi! Did you learn some amazing magic? Hurry and save me!" Seeing Kōichi stand up, Aqua assumed he'd finally grown a conscience and was about to help her, and tears of excitement instantly welled up in her eyes.
Kōichi strode over to Aqua's side. Just as she thought he was about to unleash some kind of large-scale purification spell, he pulled a rusty kitchen knife out of his coat, one he had casually picked up earlier, and expertly flicked it through the air in a neat flourish.
"Aqua, stop yelling. I've just grasped the true meaning of life. For tomorrow's dragon meat buns to have the perfect texture, I need to head to the kitchen right now and study the proper dough fermentation ratio. So you just keep glowing and heating things up over here. Try to turn all these ghosts into the purest steam possible. Maybe you can even help preheat my steamer."
"You're a demon!! You really are a demon!! Who the hell studies dough at a time like this?! Uwaaaaahhh!!"
Aqua's scream turned even shriller, but Kōichi paid it no mind. He even started humming to himself.
"Megumin, come on. You're with me to the kitchen. I'll teach you how to control heat scientifically. You may only know how to blow things up, but if you fine-tune your magic output a bit, you might be able to make the perfect Explosion Fried Chicken."
"Explosion... Fried Chicken?" Megumin's eyes lit up instantly, and even the ruby in her staff began to sparkle. "That sounds... delicious in a truly destructive way! I'm coming!"
And so, in the hall of the estate, Aqua continued serving as a humanoid bug zapper, Darkness kept rolling around in the middle of the ghosts and moaning, while Kōichi, full of ambition, headed for the dust-filled, haunted kitchen with Megumin at his side, ready to begin his journey toward becoming a noble master chef.
As for the ghosts?
Hah. In the presence of the peerless delicacy that was about to be born, they were nothing more than background props.