Just as Kōichi and Kazuma Satou were still lost in their fantasy of being master strategists, commanding from afar and winning battles before they even began, reality slapped them across the face at supersonic speed.
The plan really was perfect. The problem was that both of them had forgotten who would be carrying it out.
"Ooohhh! They're coming! That raw, reckless, primal wildness! The feeling of being completely swallowed up by countless powerful bodies...! I can't wait anymore!"
Darkness, who was supposed to serve as a fixed-point decoy, completely lost control the moment the lizard horde appeared on the horizon.
She ignored Kōichi's order to hold position entirely. Like a bull that had spotted a red cloth, she hauled her heavy armor forward at a bizarre, feverish speed, charging straight into the oncoming cloud of dust.
"Hey! Darkness! Get back here! This is an interception battle, not a throw-yourself-at-them battle!"
Kōichi waved frantically from behind, but his voice was completely drowned out by Darkness's delighted panting.
Meanwhile, Dust, who had been tied to a wooden stake, displayed an astonishing survival instinct.
He actually bit through the rope with his teeth, then dragged his still-cuffed hands along as he let out a gut-wrenching scream. "Help! I am not getting crushed to death by those slimy lizards! Whoever wants this job can have it! I'm done!"
In his blind terror, Dust did not even watch where he was going. He charged straight toward Aqua, who was leisurely drinking beer.
"Waaah! Don't come near me, you sweaty thug! Stay away! Stay away from this Goddess!" Aqua jumped up on the spot, so startled that she spilled her beer all over the ground.
In her panic, she instinctively waved her folding fan, trying to drive Dust away while chanting at random, "Sacred Turn Undead! No, Holy Taunt!"
A blinding golden holy light burst from Aqua, radiating an overwhelming come-hit-me aura. It was so bright that it looked like ten thousand-watt lightbulbs had been switched on in the middle of a pitch-black night.
The lizard horde that had been charging toward Darkness slammed on the brakes.
Those hundreds of male lizards, all in heat and with nothing but mating instincts in their heads, instantly found their new destined mate in that divinely seductive glow.
They turned their heads in perfect unison. Even the panting in the air seemed to stop for a second. Then...
"Hissssssss!!!"
The hundreds of lizards looked as if they had spotted the most delicious prey in the world. They ignored Darkness right in front of them, curved around her, and charged straight toward Aqua, who had collapsed onto the ground.
"Huh...?" Aqua stared blankly at the green wave of flesh surging toward her like a tide, and huge tears instantly welled up in her eyes. "Waaahhh! Why are they all coming after me?! Kōichi! Kazuma! Help me! These horny perverts are coming this way!"
Even worse, when Darkness saw the lizard horde go around her, her face filled with utter disappointment and fury. She spun around, waving both arms as she chased desperately after the lizards, her shrill voice heartbreaking.
"Stop right there! You tasteless beasts! I was here first! Trample me! Come back and trample me!"
Kazuma Satou, crouched in the tree, dropped his sniper bow straight to the ground. He turned to Kōichi, who looked just as stunned as he did, his voice full of doubt about life itself.
"...Kōichi, did I just hear the words 'the plan is perfect'? So is the Goddess getting chased by a lizard horde while the female Knight chases the lizard horde begging to be abused also part of the plan?"
Kōichi wiped the cold sweat from his face, silently drew the staff at his waist, and forced a sadistic smile that looked uglier than crying.
"...No, Kazuma. There's only one plan now. Before Aqua gets completely ruined by the lizard horde, we need to get things back on track somehow."
Just as Kōichi tried to maintain the last shred of his dignity as commander with his pitiful amount of magic, reality struck him with another heavy blow.
"Breath of Wind! Die, you reptiles who only think about mating!" Kōichi waved the staff in his hand, releasing a weak blast of wind pressure to slow the lizard horde slightly, while shouting at the top of his lungs toward Aqua, who was being chased all over the place. "Aqua! Stop running in circles! Run toward the tree Kazuma is in! Lead that crowned Lizard Princess over there! Once Kazuma kills it, this herd of crazed male lizards will scatter!"
"Waaahhh! Kōichi, you heartless monster! You're actually telling me to act as bait and lure the princess?! Is that a princess? That's obviously Godzilla!" Aqua was crying so hard that tears and snot streamed down her face. Under the double Buff of extreme terror and low intelligence, her brain completely filtered out the key words "Kazuma" and "tree."
All she saw was Dust, dragging half a rope behind him as he ran for his life.
"Dust! Wait for me! You bastard, if you're running that fast, you must know where it's safe! Don't leave this Goddess behind!"
As if she had found a lifeline, Aqua somehow unleashed agility beyond human limits and sprinted straight after Dust's backside.
Meanwhile, Dust was in the darkest moment of his life.
He looked at the hundreds of lizards behind him, their eyes glowing red and drool spilling all over the ground, then looked at Aqua chasing after him with the Holy Taunt aura still active. His mind was on the verge of collapse.
"Stop following me, you walking disaster! Stay away from me!" Dust desperately scanned his surroundings until his gaze locked onto Kōichi, who was standing on a small mound giving commands. "Kōichi! You've got a backup plan, right?! You definitely set up some invincible trap over there, right?! Help me!"
Following the simple logic of dumping trouble onto someone else and that the safest place was beside the boss, Dust made a sharp turn. With the wailing Goddess behind him, and behind her hundreds of rutting lizards surging like a tide, he charged straight toward Kōichi with terrifying momentum.
"...Hey, wait, don't come over here." Kōichi watched as the battle line, which had originally spread out in every direction, suddenly converged into a green torrent powerful enough to destroy everything and came crashing toward him, the last conscience of Axel. The smile on his face froze completely. "Dust, stop right there! Aqua, run left! Left!"
"Kōichi! Help me!"
Aqua's scream was almost right beside him. Kōichi could even smell the stench from the mouth of the lizard at the very front.
From the tree, Kazuma Satou watched the entire group launch a suicidal charge toward Kōichi. He silently tossed the bow he had just picked up back down again, slumped against the trunk, and put on a serene smile like a man who had seen through the mortal world.
"Ah... it's hopeless. Kōichi, we haven't known each other long, but I'll take good care of your inheritance. Megumin, don't hesitate. Everyone's in the center now. Fire."
"W-wait! Kazuma, you beast! I'm still here!"
Kōichi let out his final furious roar.
At the very back of the group, Darkness was still sprinting while crying out in heartbreak.
"That's so unfair! All of you are over there enjoying the impact! Kōichi! I want in too! Count me in!"