Morning sunlight pierced through the gaps in the torn curtains, mercilessly stabbing into Kōichi's bloodshot eyes.
Inside Room 3 of the "Calm Waters" Inn, the air still held an indescribably sweet, cloying scent, a mixture of young women's sweat and cold magic.
Kōichi sat up slowly, supporting his aching waist, with dark circles under his eyes so huge they could rival Axel's famous pandas.
On his left, Darkness let out a satisfied little murmur and rolled over.
After last night's baptism by ice-and-fire sandwich, the Crusader's skin carried a healthy flush, and the corner of her mouth still held an extremely suspicious smile filled with some unspeakable happiness.
On his right, Wiz also slowly opened her eyes.
After being nourished by Kōichi's life energy all night, the beautiful Lich looked radiant. Even her once-pale complexion had turned clear and luminous, and her whole body gave off an intoxicating maternal glow.
"...G-good morning, Kōichi-san. Thank you so much for taking care of me last night." Wiz lowered her head, blushing fiercely as her index fingers twisted together nervously. "In the future... if I start turning transparent again, could we... um... sleep together like last night?"
"...Stop. Any more of that and I'm going to reincarnate back home from nervous exhaustion." Kōichi waved weakly.
When Kōichi dragged his utterly exhausted body down to the inn lobby to regroup, he saw an even stranger sight.
Kazuma and Dust, both severe PTSD patients, were sitting back-to-back in an incredibly twisted posture. Their waists were even bound tightly together with a thick hemp rope, making them look like a pair of conjoined freaks that had just escaped from a laboratory.
Their eyes were vacant, and each of them clutched his dagger in a death grip. At the slightest sound around them, the two would let out a shrill scream in perfect sync.
But the most shocking one was Aqua.
The idiot Goddess, who normally would not stop until she had turned the world upside down, was now kneeling obediently at Kazuma's feet, hands folded on her thighs, head lowered, not daring to say a word.
A talisman with "Seal" written on it was stuck to her forehead, clearly Kazuma's handiwork. Her whole body radiated a Zen-like aura that said, "I have achieved enlightenment. Please treat me as air."
"Hey, Kazuma, what exactly did you two do to her last night?" Kōichi asked, the corner of his eye twitching.
"Nothing much." Kazuma stiffly turned his head, his dead-fish eyes filled with a cold indifference that suggested he had seen through all worldly desires. "After she tortured us with healing magic for three hours, Dust and I decided to team up and let her experience the ultimate wrath of mortals. As for the details, you're better off not knowing. It wouldn't be good for your mental health."
Just then, heavy footsteps came from behind the counter.
The innkeeper walked up to block their way, her face dark, holding a giant abacus in one hand and a bill so long it dragged across the floor in the other.
"Good morning, dear Adventurers." The innkeeper's voice was as cold as the ice springs of Arcanletia. "You made such a racket in your rooms last night that even the guards on the next street thought the Demon King's Army had invaded."
She pointed upstairs at the ceiling, which looked as though it was on the verge of collapsing, then at the massive hole connecting Rooms 3 and 4, a hole wide enough for two Orcs to walk through side by side.
"The damaged partition wall, shattered furniture, bedding soaked in some unknown liquid, plus compensation for the dozen or so guests who checked out together this morning because of your screaming..." The innkeeper furiously flicked the beads of her abacus, producing a crisp clatter that made their hearts tremble.
"Rounding it down, that comes to 100,000 Eris." The innkeeper slapped the bill hard against Kōichi's chest and gave him an extremely vicious smile. "Will you pay now, or shall I send you straight to the city guardhouse and let you spend the rest of your trip to the City of Water in a cell?"
"A-a hundred thousand?!" Kazuma let out a scream like a pig being slaughtered. "We haven't even started making money yet, and we're already buried under a huge debt?! Kōichi! This is all Aqua's fault!"
"Waaahhhhh! I don't want to go to jail! Kōichi! Use those underhanded tricks of yours and think of something!"
Aqua finally broke down and started bawling while clinging to Kōichi's leg, smearing snot all over his pants while she was at it.
Kōichi looked at the 100,000 Eris bill, then at the hopeless teammates around him, and let out a deep sigh.
(...A hundred thousand Eris for one night of ice-and-fire sandwich, plus a front-row seat to watch the idiot Goddess get disciplined... when I think about it carefully, maybe it wasn't that bad a deal?)
When Kōichi, looking pained to the core, pulled a thick stack of Eris from his coat and slammed it onto the counter, the innkeeper's face instantly blossomed into a professional smile as warm as a spring breeze.
"Oh my, I knew you were all people who did big things! We'll be happy to have you back to demolish... no, to visit our establishment again!"
Kōichi ignored the innkeeper, whose face changed faster than turning a page. Dragging his heavy body, which felt as if all its magic had been drained, he turned toward Kazuma and Dust, who were still in sage mode.
"Hey, Kazuma, Dust, stop pretending to be holy monks over there." With heavy panda eyes, Kōichi lowered his voice and flashed a sadistic smile that every man would understand. "Now that we've paid, let's go relax at the open-air hot spring in town. I asked around. The mixed-bath management there is pretty lax, so with a little trickery, we can all go in together..."
He had expected these two lust-starved demons to instantly revive at full health. Instead, Kazuma merely turned his head slowly and looked at Kōichi with a world-weary, compassionate gaze before letting out a long sigh.
"Kōichi, form is emptiness, and emptiness is form." Kazuma pressed his palms together, his tone as flat as dead water. "I've decided. From today onward, my heart belongs to this great City of Water, not to any troublemaking machine with breasts."
"Exactly, Brother Kōichi." Dust nodded with a solemn expression. "Right now, all I want is to sit on this bench with Brother Kazuma until the end of time. Mixed bathing and such... would only distract us..."
Kōichi froze.
He looked at the two men who had completely broken, then at Aqua, who was crouching obediently on the floor counting ants, not even daring to breathe too loudly.
In the end, he decided that since these two useless men had already lost their dreams as men, he could not be bothered to persuade them.
He turned around and looked at the female group already gathered at the inn entrance.
"Since those two aren't coming, let's go."
With a wave of his hand, Kōichi led the group of lovely ladies toward the city's most famous hot spring, run by the Axis Cult.
When they arrived at the hot spring entrance and saw the huge sign reading "Mixed Bathing. All Axis Order believers are one family, so there is no need for modesty!" the atmosphere instantly turned subtle.
"...M-mixed bathing?" Yunyun's face instantly went red all the way down to her neck, and wisps of steam even rose from her head. "I-isn't this inappropriate? I came here to make friends, but isn't this level of honest openness a bit too big a leap?!"
"Hmph, Yunyun, this is where your training as a member of the Crimson Demon Clan falls short." Although Megumin was also a little red-faced, she still puffed out her reassuringly flat chest and tried hard to look mature. "Back in our homeland, this level of contact is nothing at all!"
"Uwooooh... mixed bathing!" Darkness had already entered a deep fantasy state. Hugging her own shoulders, her body twisted unconsciously. "In full view of everyone... being stared at by Kōichi's eyes, shining with sadistic light... and perhaps even experiencing some unspeakable collisions in the steam... This is the hot spring humiliation I've always dreamed of!"
"Um... Kōichi-san, if you don't mind, I'm fine with it."
Wiz smiled gently. Her Lich constitution made her not particularly resistant to this sort of thing. If anything, she was looking forward to getting close to Kōichi's warm life force again.
"Come on, Aqua. You need to wash out that head full of mush too."
Kōichi grabbed Aqua by the back of the collar and walked straight into the steaming mixed-bath area.
Amid the drifting steam, Kōichi was the first to take off his shirt and jump into the pool. The warm spring water instantly wrapped around his exhausted body, making him let out a deeply comfortable groan.
Soon after, with soft footsteps and the faint sound of fabric slipping away, one graceful figure after another appeared through the mist and entered the pool.
On the left was Wiz's flawless, white-jade body, full and impossible to ignore even beneath the water. On the right was Darkness's firm, beautiful figure, brimming with powerful elegance and flushed pink from extreme embarrassment. Directly across from him, Megumin and Yunyun had started splashing water at each other over whose skin was paler.
As for Aqua, the moment she entered the water, she activated automatic purification mode and floated on the surface like a salted fish, muttering, "I am a Goddess. I am Aqua, the Goddess of Water. Everyone, come worship me..."
Kōichi leaned against the edge of the pool. His left hand brushed Wiz's cool, smooth skin, while his right hand accidentally bumped against Darkness's scorching thigh.
(...Sure, 100,000 Eris is expensive. Sure, Kazuma and Dust are broken. But looking at the scene in front of me...)
Kōichi wiped the warm water from his face and revealed an extremely satisfied, sadistic smile.
(...This one's a surefire win!)