"Um... Kōichi-san, I'd like to check the water quality too... After all, I'm a Lich, so I'm sensitive to that kind of dangerous power..."
Wiz tried to push herself up from the bench, but her knees gave out, and she fell back with a frail little cry.
"Be good, Wiz." Kōichi turned around and gently pressed down on her shoulders, his voice unbelievably kind, though his eyes were full of depraved desire. "In your current condition, if you get any closer to that pool of Holy Water released by that moronic Goddess, you really will turn into purified water. Go back to the room and wait for me, okay? Once I've dealt with the chaos inside, I'll bring you something tasty."
"...O-okay. Kōichi-san, you really are so considerate."
Wiz's pretty face flushed crimson as she obediently lowered her head. Under Kōichi's watchful gaze, though he was really just making sure she actually left, she walked out of the locker room, glancing back every few steps as she headed toward the inn room.
Once Wiz disappeared from sight, the tenderness on Kōichi's face instantly collapsed, replaced by a depraved grin that made the air itself seem to turn cold.
"Heh heh heh... All the obstacles are gone." Kazuma produced two dry towels from who knew where, handed one to Kōichi, and wrapped the other around his own head. His eyes gleamed like a predator's. "Kōichi, I know you haven't learned [Lurk] yet, but don't worry. The steam here is the perfect cover. Follow my lead, keep your breathing quiet, move fast, and whatever you do, don't make any creepy pervert noises."
"You're the one who looks most like a pervert, Kazuma."
Kōichi muttered back in a low voice, but his body had already crouched down with frightening honesty. Like two giant crocodiles stalking through a swamp, the two silently pushed open the door leading to the mixed bath.
Whoosh!
A wave of scorching, humid steam rushed into their faces.
Thanks to Aqua's earlier antics, the spring water here was not only absurdly clear, but also gave off a faint golden glow. Combined with the thick steam, it looked almost like a legendary bath from Heaven.
"...Whoa, look over there!" Kazuma jabbed Kōichi with his elbow and pointed toward a misty white corner.
Through the hazy steam, several graceful figures flickered in and out of view.
"Eek! Megumin! Don't splash water on my face! You got my hair all wet!"
Yunyun's voice, full of grievance and soft gasps, drifted out from deep within the mist.
"Hmph! This is the Crimson Demon Clan's number one genius's Explosive Water Splash! Yunyun, is that all you can manage as my rival? Take this!"
Megumin's clear, pleasant voice followed at once, accompanied by a violent burst of splashing.
"You two brats are way too loud!" Aqua's unmistakable voice rang out from the middle of the pool, carrying a faint trace of drunkenness. "Watch closely! This is real art! Look, I can make little ducks out of the spring water!"
A little farther away, a figure seemed to be leaning motionlessly against a rock, letting out heavily restrained breaths.
"...Ha... Haa... This suffocating feeling of being wrapped tightly in steam... this sinful thrill that a passing man might see everything at any moment... this humiliation of waiting for some unknown fate in sacred spring water... Haa... It's wonderful..."
There was no doubt about it. Darkness was lost in her own fantasies.
Kōichi and Kazuma exchanged a glance, and both swallowed at the same time.
"Kōichi, see that big rock in the middle of the pool?" Kazuma pointed toward a fake boulder near Aqua. "That's the perfect observation point. We can watch Megumin and Yunyun's Crimson Demon Clan duel, and get a close-up look at that moronic Goddess's tricks. We'll sneak over slowly. Whatever you do, don't step on the soap Aqua dropped."
The two held their breath, dropped to all fours to reduce their presence, and slowly crawled across the slippery stone floor.
Kōichi could feel his heart pounding. The thrill of walking along a knife's edge, peeping right under a Goddess's nose, sent adrenaline surging through his body.
Just as the two were about to reach the fake boulder, Aqua suddenly stopped her performance and sniffed suspiciously.
"Huh? That's weird. Why do I smell... an incredibly strong stink of shut-in trash and depraved men?"
Kōichi and Kazuma froze on the spot.
Since when did this moronic Goddess have a nose as sharp as a dog's?!
Beneath the almost transparent spring water, two figures lay quietly at the bottom of the pool like submarines.
Thanks to Aqua's damned Holy Water purification, the once-murky hot spring now had terrifyingly good visibility. Kōichi could even clearly see Kazuma's face, flushed red from holding his breath and practically stamped with the word "depraved."
Their eyes met underwater, and an intense aura of betrayal instantly filled the air, or rather, the water.
Kōichi, we may have been comrades who shared life and death just moments ago, but this is an emergency...
A dangerously sharp light flashed in Kazuma's eyes as his hand quietly reached for Kōichi's ankle.
Same to you, Kazuma. To keep this grand infiltration plan from completely falling apart, someone has to step up, draw the fire, and take the blame.
Kōichi refused to back down. His knee was already pressed against Kazuma's stomach, ready to use him as a springboard and kick him out of the water at any moment.
Underwater, the two silently reached the same conclusion.
Let the teammate die, but not me!
Just then, Aqua's sandal-clad feet reached the edge of the fake boulder, less than half a meter from their hiding place.
"Weird... The smell's getting stronger. It's like a human disaster made by mixing a NEET who hasn't bathed in two months with a pervert who spends all day thinking about stealing panties." Aqua bent down, her pretty face gradually approaching the surface of the water, suspicion in her blue eyes. "Hey, Megumin! Darkness! Does it look like there are bubbles coming from behind this rock?"
"Bubbles? Could it be a spring source?" Megumin stopped splashing water and leaned in curiously.
"...Haa... Bubbles... Could it be some kind of tentacle monster hiding underwater, preparing to drag me into the depths in front of everyone? H-how wonderful! Hurry up and come out!"
Darkness was already hugging herself, her face flushed bright red and her eyes burning with excitement.
Beneath the water, Kōichi and Kazuma attacked at the same time.
Kazuma yanked Kōichi's ankle hard, trying to fling him toward Aqua's toes as bait.
Kōichi, relying on his slightly superior strength, planted both hands firmly on Kazuma's shoulders and shoved off him like a pedal, sliding sharply backward. While he was at it, he delivered a vicious kick to Kazuma's backside.
"Gurgle gurgle gurgle!"
A violent string of bubbles burst up from the bottom of the pool.
After Kōichi's sneak attack, Kazuma lost half the air he had been holding. Like a dried-out salted fish, he suddenly shot up from behind the fake boulder.
"Pwah! Cough, cough! Kōichi, you bastard...!"
Kazuma shouted while coughing, but before he could finish yelling Kōichi's name, he realized he was already in the center of a circle formed by four women, three girls and one Goddess.
The air instantly fell deathly silent.
Aqua's eyes went wide. She pointed at Kazuma and let out a scream loud enough to pierce eardrums.
"Aaaaaah! It really was you, you shut-in NEET! I knew that stink couldn't be wrong! You were really sneaking around in the women's bath! And with that perverted guy too... Huh? Where did that perverted guy go?!"
Kazuma stiffly turned his head, only to find that the spot where Kōichi had been hiding now held nothing but a faint ripple. That despicable bastard had used the momentum from that kick, along with the steam and the fake boulder's shadow, to silently glide toward a drain farther away.
"...Um, if I said I was just practicing underwater stealth, would you believe me?"
Kazuma forced a smile that looked uglier than crying, his hands instinctively moving to cover the important parts.
"The prelude to [Explosion] has already begun, Kazuma." Megumin raised her staff expressionlessly. She couldn't cast Explosion magic in the hot spring, but her killing intent had already become almost tangible. "Yunyun, help me grab him. Don't let him get away!"
"O-okay! I know this isn't very nice, but Kazuma-san really does deserve to be punished a little!"
Yunyun blushed and fumbled as she began chanting a binding spell.
Hidden in the shadows at the other end of the pool, Kōichi watched Kazuma get surrounded and attacked by the girls, in the very physical sense, and silently drew a cross in his heart.
Kazuma, your sacrifice has meaning. At the very least, you've helped me see one thing clearly... Darkness's expression right now is completely beyond saving.
"Help me! Kōichi! You treacherous piece of trash! Come back and save me!"
Kazuma's utterly miserable cries for help echoed through the hot spring facility.