Kazuma's sobbing stopped dead. He stared at Kōichi with wide eyes, disbelief written all over his face.
"W-what did you just say?! Seduce her?! You want me to seduce a Demon King's General with a dick?! Kōichi, are you even human?! Did a Slime eat your conscience?!"
"Tch. Now is not the time to be picky!"
Kōichi shoved him with a look of disgust.
"This is a necessary sacrifice for a strategic retreat! Besides, weren't you calling her a Goddess incarnate just now? Just close your eyes and imagine she's a slightly more muscular Aqua. That should work, right? Now go, or we're both dead today!"
Just then, Sylvia seemed to grow tired of waiting. With a casual wave of her hand, she sent out a dark red shockwave that blasted a thick tree beside them into splinters.
"Looks like you two have finished discussing your last words."
Sylvia licked her lips and prepared to attack.
Kazuma looked at the tree reduced to dust, then at Sylvia's face, beautiful yet brimming with the aura of death, and his will to survive finally overcame the PTSD buried deep in his soul.
He shuddered, shoved Kōichi aside, and, under Kōichi's stunned gaze, somehow forced himself to stand up straight.
Kazuma wiped the tears from his face. His terrified expression instantly switched into an incredibly twisted, almost heroic in its desperation, sleazy grin.
He even fussily straightened his tattered Adventurer's coat and took two stiff steps forward, moving as if his bones might snap at any second.
"W-wait! Sylvia-san!" Kazuma's voice carried a skin-crawling kind of magnetism, though it was still on the verge of cracking. "Just now... just now, I was only too shy! After all, a woman as... as broad and profound as you is simply too much for a country boy like me to handle. The truth is... from the very moment I saw you, my heart was already yours!"
After saying that, Kazuma even shot Sylvia a sleazy wink. Unfortunately, with the tear tracks still clinging to the corners of his eyes, it looked more like he was suffering from some sudden eye disease.
Watching from behind, Kōichi felt his whole body go numb. He dug his fingers hard into the dirt as his mind screamed.
"This guy... this guy is a true genius! Faced with the choice between dignity and life, he threw his dignity straight into the shredder without a second thought!"
Sylvia's hand, which had been about to attack, abruptly froze.
She looked at the human boy before her, who had suddenly changed completely. A trace of surprise flashed through her deep eyes, only to be replaced by a thick, far more aggressive interest.
"Oh? Yours?" Sylvia withdrew her magical pressure and studied Kazuma with fascination. "Hehehe... interesting. How very interesting. You were scared out of your mind a moment ago, and now you're saying things like that. Young man, you really haven't disappointed me."
She stepped forward with a feline sway, slowly closing in on Kazuma again. That suffocating pressure returned along with her rich fragrance.
Kazuma's calves were trembling like mad, but he clenched his teeth and maintained that sleazy grin, the sort that would make any normal woman call the police.
The situation was steadily spiraling out of control. Sylvia's hands, glowing with red magic, slowly slid toward Kazuma's chest, which had already gone as stiff as stone. She even let out a soft, breathy sound that made the whole scene far too suggestive.
Although Kazuma kept that horribly twisted sleazy smile on his face, Kōichi could clearly see a single clear tear of regret sliding from the corner of his eye. His lips were trembling so hard he looked ready to bite them bloody.
"Hehe. Young man, since you're being so forward, then I'll... gladly accept that heartfelt offering of yours."
As Sylvia spoke, her entire body pressed fully against Kazuma. The crushing presence of a Demon King's General, along with some indescribable physical impact, nearly made Kazuma's eyes roll back as he fainted on the spot.
Just as Kazuma was about to lose the last shred of his masculine dignity and have his soul step fully into the abyss, Kōichi, hiding in the bushes, suddenly spotted several Crimson Demon Clan villagers passing through a clearing at the edge of the forest. They wore pitch-black cloaks, their eyes glowed with eerie red light, and they were striking ridiculous chuunibyou poses as if no one else existed.
"T-this is our salvation! Sure, they've all got holes in their heads, but they're still the Crimson Demon Clan with off-the-charts combat power!"
Kōichi looked at Kazuma's dead-fish face, as if he had already seen through all worldly illusions, and knew that if he waited any longer, Kazuma really would become one of Sylvia's synthesis materials.
He took a deep breath, leapt out of the bushes, cupped his hands around his mouth, and let out the loudest cry for help of his life.
"Help!! There's a perverted older sister here... No! There's a drop-dead gorgeous woman with a dick trying to abduct an innocent man!! Heroes of the Crimson Demon Clan, come look! There's a live show here even more explosive than Explosion!!"
That shout not only froze Sylvia in place, but also made the Crimson Demon Clan villagers, who had been immersed in their own chuunibyou world, turn their heads in perfect unison.
"Hm? Who calls upon us?" The Crimson Demon Clan man at the front whipped his cloak aside and struck an unbearably embarrassing pose with one hand covering his eye. "I am the Crimson Demon Clan's foremost Magic Item craftsman, Chekipepe! What manner of fiend dares commit lewd acts in broad daylight and disturb our resonance with the earth?!"
"Indeed! What shameless conduct!" Another Crimson Demon Clan woman immediately struck a one-legged pose, her eyes flaring bright red. "Though we have conducted some research into 'forbidden love,' such violence in broad daylight is nothing less than a desecration of the Crimson Demon Clan's aesthetic sensibilities!!"
Sylvia's face instantly darkened. She slowly pushed aside Kazuma, who had already gone limp on the ground, and fixed her murderous gaze on Kōichi, who had jumped out from hiding.
"You... damn little rat." Sylvia's voice was cold as ice. "It seems you not only refuse to join in, but you also intend to ruin the show I was so looking forward to."
Meanwhile, the moment Kazuma heard the Crimson Demon Clan's voices, it was as if he had grasped the last lifeline.
He scrambled and crawled toward Kōichi, shouting tearfully as he ran.
"Help! Help me! Kōichi! You finally became human again! Waaaah... Everyone from the Crimson Demon Clan! Hurry up and use your brainless magic to blast this monster away! I'll give you every last Eris I have on me!!"
Kōichi watched Sylvia's magic grow more and more violent, then looked at the Crimson Demon Clan villagers, who were slowly chanting an extremely long, unbearably embarrassing spell as they prepared for their grand entrance. The corner of his mouth twitched again.