"Oh, great. Fantastic. I'm dead. Gone. Poof. Honestly? I wasn't even that mad about it. Life was a solid 6/10 anyway. And then, the shimmering light, the cosmic elevator music, the whole 'Congratulations, Soul #9421, you've won a second chance!' speech. I was hyped. I was ready. I've read the webnovels! I know the drill!
Give me a sword that scales with my ego. Give me a System that whispers cheat codes in my ear while I one-shot dragons. I was prepared for the grind. I was prepared for the difficulty spikes. I was even prepared to be a lowly slime or a goblin if it meant I got a fresh start.
But... but... BUT.
Are you actually—and I mean this with every ounce of my rapidly fraying sanity—kidding me right now?
A succubus? You reincarnated me as a succubus? Look at me! Well, don't look at me, I'm currently having a crisis, but you get the point! I am a man! A dude! A guy who enjoys guy things! And now I've got... what? Translucent wings? A tail that twitchy-witches whenever I get annoyed? What is the job description here, exactly? Am I supposed to just... frolic around in leather dental floss and lure unsuspecting farm boys to their doom?
Do you want me to suck the life force out of people for a living? Because let's be real, if I'm a 'succubus,' that implies a very specific career path involving a lot of... horizontal cardio. Is that the plan? You want me to be the world's most magical buffet? What are they going to do to me? My butt hole is a strictly one-way street, System! One-way! Exit only! No trespassing! Violators will be prosecuted! AHHHH! For God's sake, I had a plan! I was going to be a Paladin! A Mage! Literally anything that didn't involve me being a professional thirst-trap!"
[DING!]
[Host is experiencing unnecessary cognitive dissonance. Please calm down. You are not a 'Succubus.' You have been reincarnated as an 'Incubus.']
"Oh, an Incubus. Wow. My apologies. Totally different ballgame," Adrian snapped, his voice dripping with enough sarcasm to corrode metal. "So instead of the female version of a magical parasite, I'm the male version. Huge upgrade. Massive. Truly, the glass ceiling has been shattered. It's still the same problem, you glorified calculator! I'm still a supernatural gigolo!"
[Correction: Host is processing the mechanics of this world incorrectly. As a High-Tier Incubus, your primary method of essence acquisition—and subsequently, your path to gaining skills, leveling up, and receiving System rewards—is through 'Intimate Harmonization.']
[In this world's ecology, you are the apex of the 'Reverse' dynamic. You do not 'suck' life; you exchange it. To grow stronger, you must form bonds with powerful female entities. The stronger the partner, the greater the reward.]
Adrian paused, his tail giving a skeptical flick. "So... you're saying I don't have to be the... uh... recipient?"
[Precisely. You are the catalyst. However, the System notes that for maximum efficiency and 'Versatility Experience Points,' the option to engage with males is technically unlocked. They could use your butt—]
"NOOO! THANK YOU!" Adrian screamed, his face turning a shade of red that matched his new horns. "We're stopping right there! We are locking that door, welding it shut, and throwing the key into a volcano! No 'versatility'! I am sticking to the manual! The very, very specific, female-only version of the manual!"
Adrian stood there, his mind reeling as the weight of his new reality settled in. He was an Incubus. A high-tier, essence-exchanging, supernatural catalyst. It sounded fancy, sure, but there was one glaring, catastrophic flaw in the System's grand design.
"Wait a second," Adrian muttered, his voice dropping into a hollow, horrified whisper. "Hold on. I just realized something. You want me to... to 'harmonize' with powerful women to get skills? Me? System, I spent thirty years on Earth. Thirty. Years. Do you know how many 'harmonization' sessions I had in three decades? Zero. Zip. NADA. I was the king of the friend zone! I didn't even have a kingdom, just a folding chair in the lobby of loneliness!"
He clutched his head, his fingers brushing against the cold, sharp curve of his new horns.
"I don't know what I'm doing! I'm a thirty-year-old virgin who just got promoted to a job that requires a PhD in seduction! This is like asking a guy who can't boil water to head-chef a five-star Michelin restaurant!"
[DING!]
[System Note: Data scan of Host's previous life confirmed. Thirty years of celibacy detected. Analyzing... Analyzing... Status: Pathos. The System feels a profound sense of pity for the Host's historical lack of game.]
"Pity?! You pity me?!" Adrian's eyes bugged out. "You're a collection of light and code! You don't get to feel pity! Don't you 'poor baby' me while you're the one who put me in this body!"
Fuming, Adrian began to stomp his feet, his new boots—thankfully not stilettos—mashing into the lush, vibrant grass beneath him. He marched left, then right, then spun in a circle of pure, unadulterated frustration. The grass was impossibly soft, springy, and smelled like crushed mint and morning dew.
The physical sensation finally broke through his tantrum. He stopped stomping and actually looked around for the first time.
It was green. Aggressively, overwhelmingly green. Massive, ancient trees towered above him, their bark shimmering with a faint, silvery luminescence. The canopy was so thick it looked like a ceiling of emeralds, but shards of brilliant golden light managed to pierce through, dancing on the forest floor.
He squinted up at the sky. Judging by the angle of the sun and the way the heat was just starting to bake the humidity out of the air, it had to be around 10:00 AM.
"Okay, fine," he huffed, wiping sweat from his brow. "The scenery is an 11/10. I'll give you that. Where the hell am I, anyway? Please tell me it's not 'The Forest of Certain Death' or 'The Woods of Eternal Anal Probes.'"
[Welcome, Host, to the Viridian Heart of the continent. You are currently located within the Sylvan Solace of Aethelgard-Vael.]
[Aethelgard-Vael is the ancestral cradle of the High Elves and the sanctuary of the Great World Tree. It is a land of ancient magic, strict hierarchies, and—fortunately for your leveling requirements—some of the most magically potent females in this realm.]
Adrian's tail gave a sharp, nervous twitch. "Elves? You dropped a sex-demon-in-training into the middle of an Elven sanctuary? System... that's not 'lowering the difficulty.' That's like starting a game on 'Insane Mode' while my controller is unplugged!"
"Oh, don't be such a pessimist," the System's voice chimed, sounding far too cheerful for Adrian's liking. [Actually, Host, I have some good news regarding your current coordinates.]
Adrian stopped pacing and wiped a bit of dirt off his arm. "Good news? Finally. Lay it on me. Is there a town nearby? A cozy inn with a very thick door and zero expectations?"
[Negative. However, while Aethelgard-Vael is technically Elven territory, the High Elves themselves are incredibly reclusive. They rarely venture into this specific sector of the forest. Encountering one would be considered an extreme rarity—a 'one-in-a-million' event, if you will.]
"Okay... okay, I can work with that," Adrian exhaled, his shoulders finally dropping an inch. "So I'm just alone in a beautiful, empty forest. I can practice... I don't know, flirting with a tree? Learning how to walk without tripping over this stupid tail? That's actually a relief. No people, no problems."
[Correction,] the System interjected, its tone shifting to something more clinical. [When I said the 'Elves' don't come here, I did not imply the forest was empty. You are currently in a high-density biodiversity zone. For instance, this sector is heavily populated by Goblins.]
Adrian froze. His foot stayed hovering in mid-air above a patch of moss. "What? I'm sorry, I think my ears are still adjusting to the reincarnation. Can you repeat that last part? The part after 'populated by'?"
[Goblins. Primitive, green-skinned humanoids with a penchant for scavenging and aggressive tribalism.]
"Goblins," Adrian repeated, his voice reaching a pitch only dogs could hear. "You put a defenseless, virgin incubator in a forest full of Goblins? Have you read the same webnovels I have?! Goblins don't exactly 'harmonize' nicely, System! They're literally the bottom of the fantasy food chain, and they usually come in packs of fifty!"
[Host is overreacting. Goblins are merely the baseline. There are also Orcs in the neighboring ridges.]
Adrian's jaw didn't just drop; it practically hit the forest floor. He stared at the shimmering air in front of him, his eyes wide with a mixture of disbelief and pure, unadulterated saltiness.
"Orcs. Goblins. And maybe—if I'm 'lucky'—an Elf queen who will probably shoot me on sight for having wings," Adrian whispered, a hysterical edge creeping into his laugh. "Oh, fuck. Seriously, FUCK. I went from a thirty-year dry spell to being the only piece of premium meat in a forest full of monsters. This isn't a second chance at life, System! This is an 'All-You-Can-Eat' buffet and I'm the main course!"
He looked at his hands—pale, refined, and definitely not built for punching Orcs. "I'm a man! A man who used to pay his taxes and play video games! Now I'm a fantasy snack-pack! What am I supposed to do if an Orc finds me? Seduce him? I already told you, the butt hole is closed for business!"