"Breaking News Saskia of the Nepoz has reported that she departed the country for a break after their group disbanded this year. Her manager quoted that the former singer wanted to study abroad and take a break from everything."
I sighed as I looked at the Tv were my face was flashing.
Dsibanded?
Whoever leaked that news is not credible.
We only asked for a break, after all we've been working our ass for five years without resting.
I sighed as I looked for the remote control to turned off the Tv. I get up and went stairs to check my phones and saw it was buzzing with so many notifications.
But only one notications caught my eyes.
It was notification from my dump account where I never post anything.
Why did I ever forget that I could see him here in my feed?
I thought I already unfollowed him.
I accidentally clicked the photo and stared at it for a while.
It was his photo or should I say his photoshoot photo with his member for their new album comeback.
I scrolled among the comments and saw someone's familiar account on that post.
She just commented a heart emoji and their fans goes crazy when he replied the same thing.
It was like him confirming their relationship that I discovered one month ago.
I shut my phone and threw it on my bead as I sit on the edge of it.
I caressed my stomach as I was calming my mind as well as my heart.
It still hurting so much. My tears stream down on my face as I was sobbing silently inside my huge room.
"I'm sorry..." I whispered as I kept on caressing my flat stomach.
I wanted to tell him about the baby, but who am I?
I am just his senior who he didn't even knew exist, and he would be doubting it since we have never even met.
I keep mumbling and whispering to my unborn chld not because he or she was there, but I am sorry that she was conceived in a wrong way and won't even be acknowledge by his or her own father.
---------------
FLASHBACKS~~~~
I looked at my friends who were partying as we wer finally allowed to have some break for a year and half.
We were now inside the bar which was owned by someone whe knew.
"Cheers to us!"
I said as I raised my glass and they also did the same thing..
"Finally, after five long years we can finally have our freedom even if it's just for a short time."
Jasiha said as she smiled at me.
I looked at my friends as I smiled bitterly.
Yes, freedom...
But I have another problem that I didn't want to spill. They all knew how I felt for him as we don't hide secrets from each other.
For us we were not just a groupd but rather we were sister not by blood, but by heart.
We were just teenagers who runs away from home when we met each other, our families were not supported of the path that we wanted to take.
As me I runaway from my family who always controls everything in my life.
"By the way, have you heard the news?"
Lyra asked as she looked at us, but her eyes were hesitating to say it.
"What news?"
I asked even though I already knew what it was.
They probably heard the rumor about Kylo and Carissa secret rendevouz.
I already know it, as stupid as I am. and obsess with him, I even hired some private investigator to tail him.
But in the end, I just got my heart broken.
"Ahmm.... About Kylo and Carissa..."
Lyra said as she looked at me with worry in her eyes that whether it is okay for me to hear it or not.
Just like her everyone also looked at me with some worry in their eyes too.
While I stiffened, even though I already know it and been hearing some rumors about them before, but both of their agencies always denied the rumor.
"What was it?"
Jaisha asked as she sighed as she looks at me like she was asking whether it is okay for me to hear it?
My friends are not against me having a crush on him, but they were against with me fawning at him.
They discovered it when they saw my room with lots of picture of him, like I'm some creep lunatic stalker.
I even sent him some gifts whenever I had a chance under the guise of annonymous as his number one fan.
"The two were spotted kissing in another country..."
Why didn't I heard about this?
I thought he was busy on his brand endorsement with some big company for luxury clothes that's why he went to paris.
"How is that? I head from a friend that they were in paris, didn't know Carissa was also there."
Jaisha said as she looks confused, she knew someone from that company as she trained there before.
"No,no... Carissa also attended some fashion event for her own brand endorsement, and someone spotted them kissing in streets of paris."
Lyra said as she looked at me again and seems to forgot.
"Are you okay, Saski?"
She said with concern, Lyra was the frank one in our group, sometimes she seems insensitive, but that's her being frank and she hates beating around the bush.
"Th-that..."
Jaisha looked at me before she could finished her sentence I stop her with my hand and smiled at her.
"I am okay, why wouldn't I? We're not even acquaintances to begin, and besides he didn't know what I feel, I am just someone who was obsessing with him."
I said trying to hide the bitterness and sadness in my voice.
Who am I kidding?
I am definitely not fine and far from the word, I wanted to scream in pain, but I shouldn't do that...
What right do I have?
For him, I don't exist in his world.
They all looked at me as they were trying to assure whether I am fined or not, and I just smiled at them as we took shots again.
We were in the middle of our drinking sessions when my phone rings.
I walked to thre restroom to answer it, I am not scared of being find out going to the bar, besides I am not doing something immoral and illegal for me to be afraid of.
"Mom..."
I whispred as I answer the phone.
"Saski, baby when are you coming back in here?'
She asked as her voice sounds sweet.
My mom was the sweetest woman in my life, but she too was against of my dreams becoming an idol just like my grandpa and father as they said.
Being and idol means me opening my life to public and will be subject to some scandals, I still remember the first year we debuted when some senior talk to me and because we are still new that time and has no solid fandom, I was subject into bashing saying I am a slut, and why can't I just go far away from their beloved idol.
Some even resulted in making some nude photos of me which is edited and was taken by my family as they saw it, I still remember how my grandfather yelled at me for the path that I take.
He even said that this is the path that I chose and I needed to stand in my own two feet next time, and said that the world could be harsh especially for women.
I cried for the whole day that time as I could see my face everywhere with some shameful words and pose written.
I even went to see pyschiatrist for my peace of mind ever week.
But I managed, I took some steps and first is me avoiding using and seeing any social platforms and I remember my doctor said, that what other thinks of me doesn't really define me as long as I know my truth and my self.
"Are you still there, Baby?"
Mom asked and I sighed, I almost forgot that we were still talking.
"Maybe after I finished my course in LA.."
I said as I looked at her, I have been taking some classes online for my masterals without the world knowing about it as I wanted that part of my life to be private.
"Your dad and grandpa misses you."
I almost choke when she said that.
My grandpa who was always strict and cold to everyone, and my dad who was as strict as him who was always not around as he was going to business trips to business trips .
"Don't joke on me , Mother."
I said as I chuckled. We talked for awhile before I ended up the call and she was insisting that I should go home since it's been five years since she last saw me in person, it's not that she didn't tried to reach me out, it was me protecting their privacy.
I went out from the washroom, after doing my things and was now walking on the hallway when I feel my world moving.
Damned did I drink that much?
I stopped for awhile, but when I was about to walk someone pulled me and-