Kaela's POV
The flowers smell like lies.
White roses everywhere. The whole bonding hall smells like flowers and wolf musk and sweat that everyone is pretending is incense. Two hundred pack members are standing around watching me wait for my life to start, and I'm trying not to notice that Riven hasn't looked at me once since the ceremony began.
He's looking now.
His eyes find mine and something in them is wrong. Something is so wrong that my wolf goes quiet. Like she's holding her breath.
"I cannot do this," he says.
The hall goes very still. I can hear someone's breathing get louder. I think it's mine.
Riven steps closer to me and says it again, making sure everyone hears. His voice is steady. It's the voice of someone who practiced this. "I cannot bond with you. It would be unfair to Ironveil."
I open my mouth. Nothing comes out.
"You are kind," he continues, and those words hurt more than anything else could. Kind. Like I'm a pet. Like I'm safe and forgettable and small. "But kindness is not what we need. Our pack needs strength. We need someone who can stand beside me without flinching."
My hands start shaking.
He's not done. There's more. There's always more when someone is explaining why you're not enough.
"Petra," he says, and she steps forward before he even finishes the sentence. Like she was waiting. Like this was planned and she was just standing there, watching me stand in this dress that my grandmother helped me into this morning, telling me I looked beautiful, telling me I was finally going to have everything I'd waited for.
Petra walks forward in her white dress, except it's different. Better. Nicer. And pinned to her chest is the Luna pin. The one that was supposed to be mine.
The one I watched my mother polish yesterday while she smiled like everything was going to be fine.
My mother. I look for her in the crowd.
She's looking at the floor.
I look back at Riven and he's not looking at me anymore. He's looking at Petra like she's the answer to something. Like she's everything I'm not.
The pack starts whispering. Not angry whispers. Confused ones. This wasn't supposed to happen. This was supposed to be the day I stopped being invisible. This was supposed to be the day that finally meant something.
I stand very still. I don't cry. I don't scream. I don't fall apart like my wolf is screaming at me to do.
Instead, I turn around.
My legs move. One foot in front of the other, walking toward the edge of the ceremonial hall. My bonding dress is heavy. It's pulling at me, trying to keep me there, trying to make me turn around and beg him to change his mind or explain what I did wrong or something.
I don't turn around.
The pack house doors are in front of me. I can see the night outside. It's cold and dark and empty and it looks exactly like where I'm supposed to be.
I walk through the doors and nobody stops me.
Day One
The bonding dress comes off in pieces as I run. I rip the fabric without looking back. My feet are bare by the time the pack house lights disappear behind me. The forest floor is cold and wet from rain. Pine needles dig into my skin but I don't slow down.
I run until my lungs are burning and my legs feel like they're going to give out.
Day Two
My feet are bleeding. I can see where the skin has split open on my heels. There's a rock I pass twice which means I've been going in circles but I don't care. The numbness from the ceremony is starting to wear off and if I stop moving, everything is going to hit me all at once.
I find a stream and I drink from it. The water is cold and it tastes like dirt but I don't care. I don't think about where I am or whose territory I'm in. I just drink and keep moving.
A wolf crosses my path in the afternoon. Not Ironveil. I know Ironveil wolves by their scent and this one is different. Larger. The wolf watches me for a moment then keeps running like I'm not worth stopping for.
By evening my dress is completely gone. I'm wearing scraps. My hair is matted with dirt and sweat. I smell like fear and desperation and I don't care.
I run.
Day Three
By the morning of the third day I'm not thinking straight. Everything is pain and hunger and the need to keep moving. I haven't eaten since the ceremony. My stomach stopped asking for food sometime yesterday.
The forest looks the same everywhere. Trees and more trees and no end to any of it. I'm starting to think maybe I'll just keep running forever. Maybe that's the answer. Maybe I don't have to go back or go forward. I can just exist in this space between two worlds.
My legs give out around midday.
I collapse by a clearing and I lie on the ground and I try to remember what it felt like to want to be alive. Three days ago I wanted a bonding ceremony. Two days ago I wanted to escape. Now I'm not sure what I want except to stop hurting.
A sound wakes me. I don't know how long I've been lying there. Could be minutes. Could be hours. The light is different so it's been at least a little while.
There are wolves moving through the clearing. Not far away. Close enough that I can smell them.
My wolf lifts her head inside me. She recognizes the scent before I do.
Not Ironveil.
Something else. Something that smells like pine and territory markers and danger.
I try to get up. My legs won't cooperate. I manage to get on my elbows and that's when the nearest wolf sees me.
Its eyes are gold in the afternoon light and they're focused on me like I'm prey.
There are more of them emerging from the trees. Three. Four. All staring at the girl in rags on their territory like they're trying to figure out what she is.
I should be afraid. I know I should be afraid. But I'm so tired that fear feels like a luxury I can't afford.
One of the wolves shifts. The sound of bones cracking and reforming fills the clearing. A man stands where the animal was. Scarred. Dangerous. Looking at me like I've just made everything so much worse.
"You lost, little girl," he says, and his voice is rough like gravel, "or stupid enough to cross into Ashford territory on purpose?"
The word hits me like a physical blow.
Ashford.
That's not just any pack. That's the pack Ironveil has been at war with for three years. That's the enemy. That's everything my pack taught me to fear.
I've been running for three days and I've run straight into the worst possible place.
The man reaches toward me and there's nowhere left to run.
My legs give out completely.
I collapse and the last thing I hear is his voice saying something about what to do with me.