**Next day—or at least, that's what I think.**
*Yawn.* I still feel sleepy. Man, being a kid is so comfortable—aside from the occasional mental dilemmas here and there, it's like the best occupation for me. Yeah, I should probably apologize to those guys I berated earlier for being wrong about it. Although, let's be real, being a baby is super boring and exhausting, especially with the lack of control over any of my limbs.
Now that the intro's out of the way… Wow, I'm 10 chapters in, and we're still stuck in the baby phase. I wonder if people will read my biography in this world or my story if I ever make it back to Earth. Let's put that aside for now. Breathe in, breathe out, and slowly calm your mind down. *Fuuh.* Don't mind if that's not the correct sound effect—remember, this is my story, so not your problem. Moving on, concentrate on feeling yourself… Wait, like *feeling* feeling myself, or just feeling myself? Probably the latter. Shoo, shoo, get out of here, dirty thoughts! So, moving on, find your inner self. O…kay. You know what? I give up on this. What the hell were those bald codgers thinking when they wrote this crap?
Now, to clarify: "bald codgers" doesn't refer to Buddhists or anything like that. It's just a group in my neighborhood who like to write. Fancy way of saying it? Literary Club. Mind you, they're good at writing, but they can't get their facts straight to save their lives. And yes, that's where I come in. I give them research materials copied from Wikipedia or other sites. So what? They weren't paying me anyway, so it doesn't matter.
Now, let's get back to meditation. First, find a comfortable place where you can sit without distractions for at least 15 minutes (so I'll just lie still, since, you know, I'm still a baby). Sit comfortably with your back upright and without back support, if physically possible. Close your eyes and focus within. Focus your attention. You can focus on your breath and breathing. Breathe in and out. Just watch the movement of your in and out breaths. You can repeat an affirmation (a positive statement about yourself and life). If you use an affirmation, try to feel what it means to you.
You can also focus on your heartbeat or use any other method you feel comfortable with. If you notice your mind wandering, that's okay—just bring your focus back to your technique. When you're done meditating, give yourself a few minutes to acclimate slowly back into the activities of your day.
Start with two to three minutes of meditation, then gradually increase the duration.
So, that's how you meditate. Wait, this isn't a meditation manual—go search G**gle or something for proper instructions. What's the point of the internet if you don't use it to learn things you don't know? What's the internet, you ask? Were you living in a cave or something?
Anyway, back to me, myself, and I trying to meditate. Go, Meditation, I choose you! Meditation used Calm. Meditation has become calm. Meditation used Nourishment. Meditation has slightly increased abilities. Chris used Stop. Chris is no longer going to bullshit.
Okay, once again, I've meandered away from what I wanted to talk about. I'm surprised I even remember useless stuff like this. I mean, yeah, it's helpful, but I should be remembering more important things—like how to make a phone, computer, apps, the internet, cars, guns, laptops, or something. Even remembering books would be fine—by that, I mean books I like, not the ones I don't.
Ahh, screw it all. Now, back to important talk. So, I realized I can't really hear what people are saying properly. Is that normal? I mean, yeah, I was born not long ago, but is that supposed to happen? Also, why can I see properly… or not? Just realized everything's inverted. Hey, who knew hanging upside down on Earth would help me someday.
Now that I've talked about Earth, let's talk about my brother—my elder brother. Name: Jacob Elsworth Reynolds. I know it's pretty long, but then again, Mom named him. Age: 20. Occupation: Finance student. Hair: black. Eyes: black. Skin tone: tan. Height: 6ft. He has a French beard and a well-trimmed mustache—yes, that's how he prefers his facial hair. And now that I've mentioned this, I had—well, *have*—a small beard and mustache that were well-kept. Moving on, Jacob's hardworking nature led to me being reprimanded countless times.
I mean, I get where they're coming from, but it's not fair that I get scolded even when I'm getting better grades than him. Yes, I'm whining, but who cares? It's my book, after all. Now, move along. So, Jacob was the model kid for our parents, and it would've been me, but I was lazy and… white.
That's racist, I know, but I was in a country of brown people who hadn't yet overcome the grief of war that had engulfed their country—and once again, I was white.
So, not what I was going for, but putting jokes aside, I was white—like, unbearably white. I got mistaken for a tomboy when I started going outside to play with the other boys. Yes, it's hilarious. Laugh it off, you jobless piece of crap.
Once again, we're here at the end of the road. So, for that reason, I'll say one thing: if you thought the country part I mentioned was a joke, you're right. It's just one of those ideas I had for a story that I never… well, wrote a single chapter of.
Anyway. S-L-E-E-P. A huge, transparent, silver-like ring—compared to my baby body—encased me. With this sudden enclosure, my eyelids felt heavy and started to close. I could only helplessly watch myself fall asleep. See you next time on *Legend of the Prince of Sleep*. Yes, that's a Dr*gonb*ll Z reference. I don't care what you guys think—I like it, so whatever. Ugh, so cringe-inducing. I don't even know why I said it like that. Better sleep on it.
Chris used [Later]. Chris fell asleep soundly and won't wake up till later.
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