Aye, you'll probably recognise...some of it, if you come across it I mean. Right now the world is currently the size of your Earth's sun, and maintaining a standard 60/40 land water ratio, you do the maths." he muttered, almost to himself. My brain felt like it was on fire.
"I'm sorry, did you say it's the size of the fucking sun?!" I exclaimed. He paused, and nodded at me with that same, distant smile.
"Oh yeah, it's got a BUNCH of things going on there, you'll probably be working on it for a few millennia easily." he said. "parts of it are your bog standard dungeons and dragons sesh', you got your demonic incursions, your anime demon lord's...in fact, there's a spot equal to the surface area of Jupiter which is nothing but a bunch of warring Demon Lords. Bunch of uhh...what'd ya call em? Chuunibyo's?" he chuckled to himself.
Gods, please don't let me spawn there, I'm BEGGING you.
"You got your average xianxia stuff, your 'mythical Asia', complete with a..frankly DISTURBING amount of cliche's…" he muttered that last bit to himself.
"Oh, and all of the magic systems that come with that, so uhh, you won't be lacking for interesting magics and so on to learn."
I blinked.
Okay, slightly LESS Worrisome. Still wrapping my head around "planet the size of a star."
"Alright...anddd just like that, lets give you a few rolls to warm you up…"
Reality seemed to hum slightly, and something shivered in my soul. I grunted at the feeling.
Celestial throne activated.
Bearer of the Celestial throne, thou shalt grow into thine throne…
Hero
Trait
You are a Hero, a child blessed by light and holy. All Light and Holy-based abilities are strengthened alongside your physical abilities. Beings aligned with the Divine/Clergy are more favourable toward you and are more likely to view you with reverence and affection, and to reward you for your merits and service for them. In addition, all blessings are stronger and last longer on you.
Rod of Covenant
Item
Resembling a fancy spear, it is capable of releasing a blast of eldritch energy from its tip that can melt even a Necron in a single blast, and reduce an organic being to nothing but ash. It also generates an energy field that allows it to be used in melee similar to a Power Weapon. A favoured weapon of Triarch Praetorians.
Spartan-II
Trait
You are one of the rare few transformed by the brutal Spartan-II program. Your body has been reforged with cutting-edge biomedical augmentations, increasing your strength, speed, reaction time, and bone density beyond normal human limits. You heal fast, learn faster, and possess a mind honed for strategic and tactical thinking under fire.
You are trained in every form of warfare imaginable armed, unarmed, on land, sea, or in vacuum. Encased in powered armour and backed by discipline, you are a weapon designed to end wars before they begin. Where others fall, you adapt and continue.
"Oh fuck, lets GO!" I bellowed, even as I felt my body tingle with blessed magics and also shooting up from an easy 6' to an absurd 7.2ft tall. The office worker chuckled, as he raised an eyebrow at me.
"Oh that's a lot of good rolls...wanna spice things up? Take a random curse?" he asked me I blinked, and smiled.
"Sure, fuck it, why not? I'm sure it won't be anything too bad." I said.
The man stared at me for several seconds, as horror built across my face.
"Why the fuck did I say that-"
"Annndd generating curse!" he spoke over me.
[Discrimination]
Congratulations! You receive a free race(species) change! Unfortunately, you do not get a choice, and the species you belong to is one that is guaranteed to be one that is, at the very least, not very well looked upon by the inhabitants of your world, whether that is an imp, a goblin, a gnoll, a grimm or whatever. At least you get an Uncommon-ranked or below race trait out fo it.
Between one blink and the next my height shot downwards, shrinking me to being barely taller than the table in front of me, a head taller than it at best. I couldn't even see the keyboard properly.
My form shifted uncomfortably, and suddenly I was-
"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!" I howled, staring at my green hands and already knowing what I had become.
Race Change; Goblin.
The man was howling behind the table, tears genuinely running down his face as he clutched his sides, watching me scream and rage in a far more scratchy voice.
"Ahhhh, fortunately, seems like you kept your little spartan modification, so you're like, the spartan equivalent of a goblin now?" he tilted his head slightly in thought. "huh. Weird. Anyway, lets see what you got for this."
Be the Alpha
Trait
Large and in charge is nature's way of telling you at a glance who's the boss, and why should that be any different when we have equalisers like guns floating around as common as air? This Perk mildly boosts your charisma and dominance over anyone you are A) taller than, and B) more muscular than. Naturally, this also gives you a few extra inches where it counts.
"I'M A CHAD GOBLIN WITH A BIG DICK NOW?!"
The man absolutely lost it. Literally, he fell through his chair and down into the ground, vanishing from sight. I was left alone in the room for a second, feeling utterly depressed, before he laughingly fell through the roof, landing in his chair once more, catching his breath like nothing happened.
"ohhhh, boy...thanks mate, I really needed that laugh after everything that's happened today." he chortled slightly. I huffed.
"Glad to be your entertainment." I muttered. He grinned.
"Well, put it this way, you're just gonna have to be a bit more creative with your world saving then aren't you?" He said amusedly, before clicking a singular button on his computer.
Suddenly it was me who was falling, flying into the void, barely hearing the
"I'll set up your insurance and other rubbish! Have fun!"
before I found myself staring at a...frankly incomprehensibly sized planet ahead of me. It was so vast that I couldn't truly see the horizon of it, just growing outward in a seemingly endless fashion. In fact it seemed to be growing bigg- oh wait that's just me heading towards it.
Wait, what?
My seemingly innocuous floating had turned into a free fall, and I screamed as I realised I was beginning to literally sink through the atmosphere, burning yet not feeling a single thing as I began to head towards a singularly large continent that made Africa feel insecure.
My fall narrowed further and further, my eyes fluttering shut as I realised I was in fact getting wind resistance now. Closer, and closer and closer-
OW.
I slammed into the earth, not at terminal velocity- thank god- but rather at the same speed as if one were a child who'd fallen off the edge of a rather steep wall. It hurt, but it wasn't shattering my fucking bones and rupturing my skin.
Thank fuck.
Standing up slowly, and with all the patience one could afford to such a scenario, I looked around.
Enormous Redwood trees spiralled into the sky, green moss covering every inch of them as they bathed in the sunlight far above. I felt rather tiny for a moment, not helped by my...actual tininess.
Wait, did he get rid of my clothes? That DICK!
Wandering between the tree's was a rather pleasant experience, save for the soles of my feet rapidly gaining calluses from being used on actual forest floor so fast.
My senses seemed rather impressive still, for a Goblin at least, so I kept my ears pricked and my eyes peeled and my nose...pickled? For any changes that I might need to head towards.
So far, it was all just forest life. Birds chirped, insects hummed, and the wind ran through the bushes.
It was rather peaceful.
...I hated it.
Maybe I'm just grumpy, or maybe the Goblin God of this world is getting paid by the fossil fuel industry to influence us Gobbo's, but I really wanted my fucking city back. I wanted to live in a nice house with central heating, a bath, and the ability to get some food nearby. Was that too much to ask?
Apparently yes.
My first day was spent much like that. Wandering around, investigating the local area and making sure I didn't double back my mistake.
Fortunately, I was still a spartan, and that came with a BUNCH of survival wilderness stuff, taught in the case of long term missions in hostile areas.
As such, I was very relieved I had crafted a spear on one of my resting breaks when I heard screaming nearby.
Ah, fuck.
Well, time to be a hero I guess.
Elaeris Iriveev PoV
They had gotten careless.
It shouldn't have been possible for the Goblin menaces to get so close to the camp unopposed, let alone ambush us so effectively. Her warriors were some of the best the Town of Excador had produced in five hundred years!
So why…
Why were they all dead!
She watched, paralysed from some sickening poison as her best friends were killed before her very eyes. Their cheerful faces from just a few short minutes ago had been reduced to that of agony and pain, the humiliation of defeat.
And now she was the only one left.
She felt nausea building in her gut, despite having long thrown up all the contents within. As the sole High Elf that had been part of the company, she well knew the feud between her people and the wretched Goblins. A war between their God and hers, fighting for who knows how many millennia, and it had spilled across the world below them.
She knew that the only reason she had yet to be...defiled, was because she was to be sacrificed to their evil deity, Beelzorix.
She shuddered.
Even as the two goblins that had pinned her down giggled to one another, lifting her up and beginning to drag her away, only for them to falter as the gang of twenty stopped suddenly.
Exhaustion filling her, she looked up, and her eyes widened.
Before them stood a goblin like she'd never seen before. Most Goblins barely made it a habit to train with their preferred tools before fighting, and were known to be of pitiful and weak stock.
This Goblin looked like he'd been bred for war.
A head taller than even the largest of the gang that caught her, eyes dark with rage and muscles that bulged. A spear in his arms looked more akin to something a human would wield than an actual primitive tool.
And he was naked...and...wh-what...what a specimen in deed!
Goddess, he was like a damn python! Is this what a blessed Goblin looked like?!
"Now I KNOW I'm not watching a damn tribe of gob's trying to steal away with an elven gal." the goblin drawled, making her (and every other goblin) blink.
It spoke Common?! Just who, or WHAT was this?
The gang leader, wearing a half helm that covered its scalp, began gibbering at the new arrival in their bizarre, unsightly tongue.
The Taller Goblin cocked his head.
"I don't know what the fuck you just said, but its probably a slur." he said flatly, before rolling his shoulder.
"Ah well, not like I wasn't brought here to do this!" he muttered, probably under his breath but to Elaeris, it was crystal clear.
He...what did he mean by this? He was brought to this forest? Or this gang? or...or was he meant to be some sort of worldly hero like she had long dreamed of meeting as a child?
But who would be so cruel as to put such a heroic and noble spirit into a Goblins form!?
Return PoV;
Feat Acknowledged; Slaughter 20 Goblins.
1*Lesser Roll granted.
Generating…
Enhanced Endurance
Trait
Enhances the user's existing endurance, allowing them to function for longer before getting tired and enduring more punishment.
….Why am I still here? Just to suffer? Every night, I- okay, never mind, I never even PLAYED those games.
I sighed, yanking my trusty wooden spear out of the last victims eye socket, even as I felt the weariness that had been building, the minute traces of acid build-up in my joints vanish like they'd never been there in the first place.
Fucking hell, someone put the Invincible screen card over me or something.
Turning, I look towards the only survivor, guilt burrowing in my heart.
She's watching me like I'm either about to leap at her to follow my 'brethren' or like I'm about to knight her, which...what?
"You good?" I asked her finally, as I began the time honoured tradition of looting. I wasn't about to be naked around a lady afterall.
No response.
I gave her another glance….yep, still staring.
"Hello? Ma'am? You okay?" I asked. She blinked slowly, as if she was trying to process still, which..fair.
"You...you can talk...and you killed all of those…" she shuddered. I nodded carelessly, finding a pair of actual fur pants that I could use, if I shimmied a bit. No blood on em too!
"Yeah, don't really condone the whole 'rape murder' stuff, its a bit tacky." I say, as I wiggle a little to see how the pants felt. Pretty decent, okay!
"But...but you're a Goblin...you're one of them?" she asked slowly. I huffed, wiping a bit of dirt off my hand as I inspected the next corpse.
"Only for now, but who knows what could happen later." I answer. Oooh, a penny!
"What...what does that even mean? Were you cursed, perhaps?" she asked tentatively and...was that hope I heard. I huffed, nodding as I stood up again.
"Yeah, pretty much. I was meant to be like, a hero with blessings and stuff, but then I got cocky, took a curse, and well." I gestured at myself. "here we are."
She breathed a sigh of relief, seemingly relaxing.
"Oh thank the Gods…" she muttered which...ow, but also fair.
"Name's...huh, I need a new name for my new life, I guess." I muttered to myself after a few moments of silence.
"Do you not remember your previous name?" she asked, sounding sad. I shook my head.
"nah, but it's a whole new realm, a new face, and new life, it only makes sense to take on a new name right?" I asked her with a grin. She flushed, but nodded.
"w-well...wh-what about Cerebror?" she said nervously. I blinked.
"Cerebror?" I asked slowly. She nodded eagerly.
"Yes! It's the name of an old saint from my homeland!" she said excitedly. I frowned.
"Isn't that a bit...I don't know, insulting to your people? I am still a Goblin right now…" I warned. She shook her head rapidly, eyes sparkling.
"No no! It's fine! The saint is really old and, i-if we travel together, I can explain that I named you!" she said eagerly.
...I am getting a vibe from this woman that I'm not sure I like. She's not turning me into her mental messiah or something, right?
Feat Acknowledged; Create a new name for yourself.
1*lesser roll granted!
Generating…
More Eyes
Ability
You can manifest eyes anywhere on your body. You will not be disorientated by the multiple instances of vision you manifest.
….I am this fucking close to bursting a blood vessel I swear to Christ.
Sighing, I wave the woman over to me.
"well, regardless, I imagine you've got some friends back the way you came that need to be buried, yes? Or cremated, or elevated, or...well, what ARE your funeral processes?" I asked her as we began walking. She hummed softly, the elation muting in her eyes in real time.
"It depends on the village, mostly. Sometimes the winter ground is too hard to dig into, so we have to burn the bodies, but I do know that the more important the person was, the higher into the sky they are brought." she murmured. I nodded. So, sky burial it was.
"Is having an eyeline of the sky required?" I asked her. She shook her head.
"No, only that we raise them as high as possible."
"Got it...I'll start working on something."
Feat Acknowledged; Create your first mass grave!
1*lesser roll granted!
Generating…
Skeleton Band
Familiar
This band is bad to the bone. It is a conglomerate of skeletons capable of playing any instrument with fair skill and supplied with full band equipment. They are completely incapable of combat or harming but are also incapable of being targeted by harm. Just summon them and choose the jam they should sing and dance to. If they get hit by an attack they will fall apart comically before reforming to perfect condition in less than a second and resume their song without interruption.
….I swear to whatever fucking deity is in charge of this forest, I am going to murder it.
I can feel my eyelids twitching as I stand over the grave, singular.. NOT a fucking mass grave. My compatriot, who calls herself Elaeris, murmurs prayers over it as she rocks side to side. Apparently this is just how they do it here, since space is so...limited underground.
I could call bullshit on that, but frankly, I don't know what this worlds underground is like, maybe its just an endlessly writhing pit of snakes or something.
Actually, I AM in fantasy hentai land, maybe they're following horny Dungeons and Dragons lore, and there's a bunch of Drow goth dommy mommy's under the ground….
I shall resist the temptation to check.
For now.
I don't think even my 'gigachad Gobbo' build is going to impress that lot, even if I activate the 'seemingly invincible goblins' cheatcode most fantasy hentai use.
Hmmm, thoughts for later.
For now, I have to set up camp, which involves me building a few things from scavenged materials.
Step aside, primitive technology youtuber, let me show you how a REAL survivor builds a home.
The extra eyes prove surprisingly useful, as I can place them on my fingers to get into tight spots and see if there's anything hidden from view behind stuff, like roots and bugs. Fortunately, the elven camp supplies aren't entirely ruined, so we have some rations for the road, but otherwise we need to hunt and stuff.
I haven't brought out my sexy sexy Necron spear because, frankly, its way too impressive for me to wield right now.
I ain't stupid. The minute I walk into a town with that thing over my shoulder, some twit will claim I stole it from his great grandfather's shrine and shank me for it, and who'll be blamed? me.
So until I can get an upgrade on my bod', I'm stuck for now using whatever tools I can make/take from the elves and goblins.
Or I find something that warrants breaking out the boomstick.
Elaeris practically falls into her den without another word after eating, and I can hear her quiet sobs begin to fade out into the quiet as I keep watch.
Fucking Goblins man.
Sooo, much like OtCRoR was twinned with a funny fic for me to do stuff with, Red Eagle Jnr. is getting a comedic side project in this...fucking thing. Nothing serious, nothing too dramatic (yet), just a guy wandering through a bunch of fantasy countries stirring up shit and getting hit...on. There will be no 'deep lore', if you have heard a trope or cliche before, it's probably being used at some point. This is to vent all of my silly-bones out.
Ha, get it? because of the skeleton band? Ah you're no fun...
I hope you all enjoy it, let me know what you think!
peace! Like Quote ReplyReport Reactions:idk152, Death & Gravitas, Ronmr and 738 others
HOW MANY-" Thunk! "of you BASTARDS-" CLANG! "ARE going to attack us-" SKREE- "before you realise that we aren't-" CLANG "on!" CLANG! "The!" CLANG! "MENU!" CLANG-krunch.
I blink, looking down at my club that I had taken to wielding, now shattered into two pieces from the bit of goblin femur that was now lodged inside of it.
"Ah, fuck." I muttered, even as my 'brethren' are already fleeing the scene, the two dozen that had been chasing us reduced to an even 8 by the end.
Elaeris and I had made our plan the next morning after breakfast. In short, her groups goal had been to meet up with the local knightly chapter and become recruits for their order, and she still wished to make it there, if only to fulfil her promise to her friends. She had asked-begged really- for me to come with, and while the idea of entering ANY sort of civilised area with armour wielding warriors made me break out into hives, I couldn't really turn her down.
Especially once I realised just how fucking obscenely overrun the forest had been with my supposed kin.
I don't know if it was something in the air, or if we were just insanely unlucky, but it felt like every Goblin for miles around was zeroed in on my companion as we began our march westwards.
Every few hours, a swarm would burst out of hidey-holes or just straight up run at us in the open screaming, and we'd deal with them in relatively short order.
But the hordes were getting bigger.
What had been a squadron of five at the beginning now began to crest into the twenties regularly, and it was beginning to exhaust even my reserves to be on a fighting march for so long.
Elaeris was straight up spent, needing more and more time after each scuffle to recover some energy before we moved on.
It felt like a losing game.
Or at least, it would, were it not for my funky little gifting system.
Feat Acknowledged: kill 10 Goblins. Kill 50 Goblins. Kill 100 Goblins.
3*lesser rolls granted!
Generating…
Immolate
Ability
Engulf your target in demonic flames that burn continuously for an extended period. The initial blast deals moderate fire damage, but the true power lies in the persistent burning effect that sears the victim's flesh and soul. The flames are difficult to extinguish and cause agony with each passing moment.
Balder Armor
Item
Armor worn by knights of the ancient, ruined kingdom of Balder. Although lacking in coverage compared to most other armor, the thick iron plates offer significant protection. The protection against physical threats is heavily emphasized, but the pieces offer decent protection against most things you'll face in these lands. No defense against curses however.
Sense Atum
Skill
Atum. The fire that exists in all beings with a soul. Used in many martial arts, it is called "life-force" on some worlds. And you can use it to your advantage. You can sense the Atum (or life-force, in other jumps) of other beings, even through stone or dirt, but not metal of any kind. The further away, the more muddled they are. But hey, it's better than nothing.
It would seem that my RNG is on the upswing, for now at least -though I question the efficacy of a demonic flame spell in the middle of a forest filled with elves, or at least has SOME elves in it.
Balder armour that was suited to my height and Sense Atum basically giving me a built in radar, which allowed me in turn to recognise that Goblins have a nasty soul fire. I didn't though, thank fuck.
That night was spent kipped in the tree's above, with me spending most of my time on watch while she caught some Z's. It was technically inefficient as a system of travel. Cold Spartan logic said that my increased value to our survival meant that I should have more sleep AND food given to me in order to maintain that protection.
However, that didn't account for the fact that there's a cute Elven Girl who looks five seconds away from being triggered for the entire day who collapses the moment we stop to rest looking at me.
You know how hard it is to dig into that mindset when she's staring at me with tears in her eyes?
It's hard as FUCK okay?
So here I was, working on four hours of sleep a night, eating half my required amount of calories, and hoofing it in basically full plate.
Probably not my smartest move to be honest…
The singular 'day' of our travelling together turned into two, then three, and then a week of marching westwards while simultaneously fighting off goblins. It was fortunate that at a certain population threshold the goblin tribes simply begin to bicker with one another instead of uniting under a single leader. Rare was it indeed that any one Goblin would command more than thirty goblins at a time. While it meant not being overwhelmed in a singular melee, the alternative they'd chosen was a 'death by a thousand cuts' type deal.
"We cannot be that important to them that they'd keep attacking us like this. It doesn't make sense." I muttered one night, stirring our...dinner. A rare bird hadn't been disturbed by our passing, and Elaeris had one shot it with her bow from fifty feet away through the eye.
Very impressive to watch.
Said Elf girl chuckled bitterly as she examined her boots carefully over the light of the fire.
"You say that, but I AM a high elf, something their God hates with a burning passion." she murmured. I blinked, tilting my head.
"Whys that?" I asked. She sighed, and began telling me a tale.
To learn that we were essentially getting divine hate crimed kind of sucked eggs if I'm honest, but it was also somewhat enlightening on why these fucks were so desperate to get us. While Wood Elves were seen as an okay sacrifice, and under Elves (Drow for my D&D compatriots) were too closely tied to their own gods to truly separate them after death, thus rendering most sacrificial attempts useless, high Elves were practically the Sacrificial equivalent of a 3 star Michelin meal.
Goblin tribes who had managed to catch such beings typically gained great boons for their leadership, allowing their numbers to swell for a time before their gang leaders inevitably did something to get themselves killed, too swollen on their own hype.
It was all rather fascinating.
So basically, I'd hitched myself onto a prime piece of Class A Wagyu Beef steak.
Joy.
Our journey took us westwards for some time, until, as Elaeris told me, we'd find the great "seven Gods river", which we would have to find the crossing for.
An action which could take some time apparently, due to the bridge/city moving along the embankment over time.
"What the fuck do you mean it moves." I asked flatly, as I rolled my left shoulder slowly. A goblin had managed to get a club on it this morning and it was starting to ache.
She giggled.
"Oh, there are three bridges built onto the seven gods river, and two of them constantly move up and down the river, on either side of the third, which remains static." she lectured. I pointed at her.
"Then why not take that one?" I asked. She hummed. "and why aren't there any checkpoints to wait at? Like a carriage stop or something?" I added after a moment.
"We could, if we could find it. But unfortunately, due to how isolated this forest is from the outside world, it's far easier for mankind to travel around the edge of the forest and wait for the crossing to come to them, then for them to build a number of routes straight through to a crossing that might not be there in three days time." she said lightly.
"And the third?" I asked in confusion. She hummed.
"It's...it has its own issues." she admitted. I groaned, leaning back to stare at the canopy above.
"Is it corrupt, evil, or overpowered?" I asked. She blinked, tilting her head to the side as she considered.
"I...do not understand." she admitted after a moment. I sighed, and raised my hand with one finger.
"Option A. When you say it has 'its own issues', that means that the town leadership, its guards, or shopkeepers are corrupt, meaning they're willing to swindle people and extort whoever travels through in order to get as much money as they can." I began, unfolding my second finger.
"Option B. they're evil, meaning that the leadership is openly promoting something that the world at large doesn't like, such as necromancy, blood magics, or just, I don't know, eating raw sewage, and thus, travelling there means interacting with said users."
"Option C. Their leaders are basically demigods and so far removed from understanding how the mortal world works that a minor incident like "spilling some tea" ends with the servant and their entire family being sacrificed and put into soul gems for a thousand years."
Elaeris stared at me in horror.
"Is….is that common in your world?" she asked weakly. I shook my head, before humming.
"Not the evil or overpowered stuff, but corruption is pretty common." I glanced at her. "So which is it?"
she huffed, and crossed her arms under her chest.
"It's...corrupt." she grumbled. I smirked.
"Nnneat."
She pouted, and pointed at me angrily.
"No, not 'neat'! They're scum! They extort traders out of their wealth, imprison people for the smallest of reasons and force them to pay to get out, and its rumoured they deal in the slave trade!" she exclaimed. My grin widened.
"Oh shit, did you say Slave trade? Oh we gotta go there then!" I chirped. She scowled, and stopped walking instantly, as I walked a few paces.
"I didn't take you as someone who believed in the subjugation of others, Cerebror." she said firmly. I spun to look at her, cocking my head to the side.
"who said anything about buying slaves?" I asked, still feeling something dark unfurling in my chest. She blinked, looking confused.
"what did you mean then?" she asked. I chuckled.
The trade city of Emistorva bridged over the 'narrowest' gap of the seven gods river, still an astounding dozen miles in width. The city's construction had been the work of centuries, and even today, the construction sector was one of the most reliable markets in the world, on account of them constantly reinforcing and repairing water damage to the bottom layers of the bridge.
On either side of the river way, lay a huge wall that protected the core of the city, the bridge proper. Outside of THAT lay a slums that was more or less left to its own devices, save the occasional guard patrol that went to 'collect taxes' be they in coin or flesh.
This...idyllic location's peace was disturbed by the sound of a cataclysmic explosion from the front gate.
Scorched brickwork and mortar flew down the streets that lead across the bridge, guards and civilians alike screaming in horror as their peace was disturbed seemingly without warning.
An ominous green light glowed from the entry that had been made, with the few people who hadn't fled watching in terror as a figure moved through the dust.
That figure was I, John Brown- I mean Cerebror.
"Alll righty fella's, here's the situation, you're gonna bring out your slaves and let me free them, OR...I turn your inside into goop." I say with utmost seriousness.
The street ahead of me was lined with extremely nervous looking guardsmen, rough hewn armour and cheap metal pauldrons that were more meant for threat than actual combat.
"I don't know who you are, GOBLIN!" one of them, wearing a fancy feathered cap crowed back. "But around these parts, we SELL our merchandise, not letting them go...so how about you turn around and march your stupid ass out of here!" he called. A few cheers and chuckles echoed out as I moved closer, my elven partner matching my step.
"Hmmm, interesting point. Counter offer!" I say cheerfully, before pointing the Rod of the Covenant at him.
The blades glowed bright green, and suddenly a beam of pure necrotek energy burst down the street, people barely had time to flinch before it hit said shouter, and he screamed as his armour rusted and his body was reduced to ashes within a second, the sound of his scream cutting off sharply when his vocal chords were reduced to atoms.
The guards stared.
"Th-there's only two of 'em! They can't kill all of us!" someone shouted.
More shouting started up, and I sighed.
Damn, and here I was wanting to threaten them only.
Pffft, I'm fucking with you. Lets kill some slaving bitches.
But first….
"Maestro! Take it away!" I called out, snapping my fingers.
My skeleton band appeared off to the side, startling people as their charge halted for a moment, before their fingers clutched various instruments that appeared on them, and they began to play.
Oh neat, one of them spawned in with one of those kiddie cars you push babies around in, and is simultaneously driving AND playing the guitar...somehow.
He's getting tipped after this.
I began moving forward, my spear already glowing.
Yeah, it wasn't a fair fight.
The first men to reach me (those not cut down by my beams of pure plasma energy and Elaeris' arrows) were clumsy and slow compared to me.
I mean, the goblins I expected it, and I knew spartan 2's were good, but having it laid out like this was really something else.
I practically danced around my enemies, rending metal in twain and the flesh beneath into ashes with a single swing. The full might of their weapons couldn't compare to my movements, methodical, lethal and uncompromising. The first wave barely lasted two full seconds before they were carved to pieces. Not wounded or injured to tap out. Dead.
The next wave hesitated, which was their mistake, as I bounded forward and leapt high, performing a singular twirl in the air like that one Jedi from the Old republic trailer and with a single swipe, carved their heads off.
The sounds of three heads falling to the ground, followed by their bodies a full second afterwards was deafening.
The four that followed were now trying to halt their momentum to turn around and flee, but that just meant they got shot in the back as they fled.
Seriously, where was my epic magical duel! I wanted my combat wizard to kick my ass!
"ho, what a filthy creature.~"
YES FINALLY! Lets see what-
Is that another elf? A mage at that?
Damn she's fine as hell.
"Oh, looks like I've been noticed, dear me~." she cooed(?!) at me, as she began to move towards me, staff in hand.
….boss battle music? Skeletons start playing boss battle music.
...Actually, you know what? The OG was just fine for boss battle music, lets get this shit GOING.
I'm already moving, launching myself not towards her, but to the side, and it seems my predictions were correct as her stave instantly swats out and sends a beam of lightning my way that shatters the concrete where I once stood.
Rolling along the floor I rise up again, idly slashing open a man cock to skull with a passing flick before I turn the blade towards her and fire another beam.
She dodges, twirling elegantly as the green beam of sun fire hits the nearby wall and detonates, collapsing the small house in on itself. She's uncaring her face turning into an eager grin as she twirls her stave in her hand before more magic flows through her, conjuring up several boulders that get sent my way.
"Now this is more like it!" I cackle, launching myself over the last rock before I begin to close the distance again. Her grin looks unhinged, and a beam of energy crackles out of the top of her weapon, even as she closes with me too and tries to strike me.
Our blades clash-
cling!
We both stare at the impossibility, the two weapons not budging against one another, nor cutting through them.
We exchange glances.
And our grins brighten.
What followed was a blur even to my senses, running on pure instinct and thankfully ingrained muscle memory. The slightest twitch of her body sends me rushing to deflect. The flick of my wrist gets her to dance away before closing again. Blade against blade, clanging and creating a sound akin to wailing metal.
Our hands blurring in the midsts of the many attacks we were each outputting per second.
Who the fuck IS this bitch? Did I accidentally a high level NPC?!
"Oh its been too long!" she howls, and then leaps high into the sky (?!?!?), the ground cratering beneath her as she throws her stave above her head, gathering energy from the sun above as she grins at me.
I tense.
She fires.
Concentrated energy the colour of the sun begins to move towards me from the tip of her stave.
I focused.
Spartan Time was a rather interesting phenomenon. It was basically your brain firing so fast that your perception of 'time' was loosened, as your brain made infinitely more connections per millisecond than even computers could truly comprehend.
Your best unaltered human might be able to get their reaction time down to 250 milliseconds. An impressive feat.
The average spartan reaction time could get down to twenty milliseconds.
So even as the beam began to move towards me, and my adrenaline spiked, and my brain was firing on all cylinders, I wasn't truly pushing myself until just that second.
I could see the way the air in front of her beam attack was becoming displaced and superheated at the same time. I could feel the air rapidly heating above me and the light beginning to itch as I moved myself away, throwing myself upwards and onto a nearby roof like a chimp, turning around and watching the beam impact the ground and detonating with the force of an artillery round.
Fortunately my friend had kept towards the entrance to snipe, but the other elf's comrades?
No such luck.
Men were thrown screaming, their armour fusing to their skin from the heat as they were tossed end over end, crashing into houses and buildings with enough force to break bones.
Shrapnel the size of kidneys rocked through the air, slamming into windows and huts, causing more injuries to spread as people got a face-full of superheated rock.
By the time it was over, the main street was a wreck. Whatever smooth brickwork had been laid out was now gone, and one could see the river below roiling from the attack piercing it and boiling so much water at once.
Steam bellowed out of the hole in the ground, floating upwards as the woman panted, grinning even still after everything.
And then she saw me, standing at least fifty feet from her attack.
She blinked.
And then rage overtook her.
"you BASTAR-URK!"
I blinked, as a second arrow has hit the goth elf, this time in her upper throat rather than her gut, and she dropped out of the air like a stone.
...which was ironic, because she fell through the hole she'd created, and the splash was rather impressive.
Silence filled the battlefield as everyone stared at my partner, who watched the scene without emotion on her face.
I grinned, and gave her a wink and a thumbs up.
"NICE-A JOB!"
Wait, why was she flushing?
Imagine getting Isekai'd and rather than clinging to your morals and being a good person you caved immediately upon seeing that slavery was still legal and public and buying yourself a Concubine/Servant. Cringe.
Anyway, my boy is built different. Based And liberty pilled if you will. Absolutely Freedom-Maxxing.
Plus, it was a good way to see where he stood in the world, and it turns out that the only thing that can hurt him are Sexy sexy elf mages. oh the horror.
Anyway, let me know what you think! HOpe you enjoyed!
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Feat Acknowledged; Save 150 slaves! Defeat 50 Armoured guardsmen! End the slave market in a given city!
1*lesser roll granted!
3*average roll granted!
Generating lesser roll…
Mediterranean
Skill
Gyros, falafel, hummus, and more. Delicious lamb meats and pita bread are your specialties. You also receive several bottles of olive oil in every style you can imagine, which will never run out.
Generating average rolls…
Greater Throw
Ability
Allows you to imbue additional speed into any object you throw proportional to the amount of energy/mana you expend. You can throw a rock and launch it at Mach speeds with enough energy.
Kei Recovery
Trait
You get back into the fight quicker than others. While others can spend up to an hour recovering their Kei, you recover all of your Kei in 20 minutes or less. All other energy types will recover 3 times faster.
Kamino
Ability|
Jujutsu Kaisen - By chanting "Kamino" you can manifest a fire arrow with immense power behind it, although the wind-up is slow, its sheer destructive power and heat more than makeup for it.
So...busting slave traders is lucrative. Who could have thunk?
Me. Me thunk.
The city -townstead if we're being honest- was barely able to put up a fight once their hot mage elf got sent into the river. Their guardsmen were basically just a bunch of thugs who'd wanted to make a quick bit of coin in a peaceful(?) town.
Thus, their 'loyalty' fell as soon as the strongest of them did.
Now I was here, walking out of the city once more, a wagon loaded with gold and freed slaves to ride in.
Oh, and four abilities, with only a single slot to use.
Twitch. Twitch.
I could only presume that I would unlock more with time going by, but for now, greater throw seemed like the best play. My weapon had a ranged ability that couldn't be beat for now, and wasting my energy on playing at Sukuna just seemed like a poor idea.
No, better to maximise what I had, then to try and spread into other, less reliable tactics.
Aura farming could come later, when I wasn't a fucking GOBLIN.
Speaking of which, it was a little weird how the majority of the slaves seemed to have their eyes locked on me for the majority of our evening march. Not in a nervous way -which I could understand, what with my race- but in an almost hopeful, desperate way.
It certainly didn't help that my first companion seemed rather smug about something.
...Shit, is she starting a cult? She better not be starting a cult. Cults are tedious, and rather dumb.
Wait, this is a porn world. There's a not insignificant percentage chance that she's doing an "addicted to Goblin dick without consequences" type deal. Especially if there are pervy elves in this world. But what are the chances of that?
Elsewhere, Elaeris sneezed.
….Nah, I'm sure its fine.
The next few days were an effort of logistics, as the food we'd taken from the river town swiftly dried up under the weight of all the former slaves that now travelled with us. This lead to us (read, me and Elaeris) having to go hunting while simultaneously defending the caravan full of anxious, half starved civilians.
Yeah, it wasn't fun.
Eventually, the folks began to regain enough strength to start stumbling, or at least holding weapons while they travelled, thus ensuring they could do their part as we travelled.
It turned out that my abilities could be swapped relatively quickly. Needing five minutes before the cool down came off and they could be swapped again. Not great for combat, but it did mean I wasn't locking myself into a singular option whenever I needed to switch for some reason, be it an actually dangerous threat (like those D&D-esque basilisks that tried attacking us one night) or a simple change in tactics (Greater throw+nearly indestructible spear = now that's alotta damage!)
Fortunately, the goblin population this side of the river was much reduced, on account of the short distance between the two settlements that ran this area.
Thus, it was only a week until we reached the Great City of Naboovar.
...yes I laughed too when I heard it, shut up.
My willingness to be put in chains as soon as we were within eyeline of the city seemed to do a lot for the locals, which was the plan all along.
While my fellow travellers protested, I argued that there was a large difference between them and a city of law with a population of upwards of ten thousand.
Could I fight off most of these guards? Probably.
Would it end well for me? no.
oh sure I might be able to negotiate myself a better deal for staying here, but my reputation would be permanently stained. And in fantasy worlds, reputation was everything.
Despite how stupid it seemed to us in the modern era, there's a very real reason that face is so important amongst cultivators.
Muderhobo's don't make it long in the real world.
So, here I was, sitting in jail, waiting for time to pass as my case was argued by my...friends? Accomplice? Inverted axis of the word Victim?
I think the guard was convinced I was the next coming of Kira or something, because he kept muttering about increasingly complex plays and counter-plays that I 'could' be making in order to lower his defences.
….just how bad are the goblins in this world man?
Feat acknowledged: make a great journey in a fantasy world lasting more than 50miles. Get imprisoned, a classic fantasy trope!
2*lesser rolls.
Generating…
Occlumency
Skill
Through this art you magically close your mind against mental intrusions. This can prevent Legilimens and telepaths from accessing your thoughts and feelings, or manipulating them.
Finishing Move
Skill.
Finishing moves also known as super moves are powerful techniques that draw out the user's power. These techniques typically must be charged up, but they allow the user to unleash power far beyond their limits. For example, some of the Z-Fighters super moves could multiply their attack power by 300%. This perk allows you to supercharge your techniques as well. This is mainly done by gathering energy to condense the skill.
Additionally, the longer you charge the attack the stronger it will grow. Though it may become difficult to contain after a certain point.
Huh. Neat.
I can feel the way the perk is reaching out and grabbing at my current capabilities, and twisting them into finishing moves for me to use. Greater throw gets the equivalent of a seismic toss, Immolate gets its own version of 'Fuga' and Kamino...well, Kamino becomes an even slower charging Kamehameha.
Nice.
Sadly, this is not the fanfiction version of Occlumency, which was basically Atlas Alchemy from FATE turned into a mini-game. No conjuring up the mental idea of Hogwarts to hide my deepest memories in for me I'm afraid. Just a fucking mental wall I can put effort into.
Still, better rolls than "more eyes." Ugh.
My musings are interrupted by...what looks to be an entourage of Elves, including Elaeris, as well as several guards, who all crowded around my cell like people at the zoo which...rude.
"What a vile little creature, are you sure it's sentient?" one of them, a lithe looking blonde with a tattoo of a flower over her left eyebrow spoke.
I raised an eyebrow at her, before looking at my former companion, the flash of indignant rage crossing her face before she smothered it and spoke smoothly.
"Aye, your ladyship, Cerebror has repeatedly shown himself to a normal man trapped in the body of a Goblin. There is simply no other alternative explanation."
One of the guards hummed.
"Maybe it learned to speak the common tongue away from its mates?" he murmured. I looked at him flatly, even as the other women in the entourage tittered quietly.
"Trust me, friend, if I was a normal goblin who spoke as well as I, you'd have more to worry about at the moment. Like say, me taking your job since you seem to lack the manners to not speak when you're in the presence of ladies." I drawled. The women squeaked, and the guard looked downright indignant even as his mates snorted and hid their laughter from him.
Elaeris groaned.
"Please, Cerebror, do not make more enemies than you already have." she tried. I tilted my head.
"I have enemies?" I asked.
A throat cleared, and one of the women from the pack moved forward slightly...clearly an elf, though more on the...milf side of the elven spectrum, hubba hubba…
"Indeed, Sir Goblin. While most are merely seeing you as a passing fancy, there are some within our court that believe you to be either a spy or a demon in disguise, and wish to send you to trial."
"On what grounds?" I asked in curiosity, and totally not because indignant rage was welling up in my throat.
"Your general existence for starters." she returned, her lip twitching slightly. "Goblins are a menace at the best of times, a sentient one that can speak and wield powerful artifacts? That's a threat goblin-kind has never produced before."
"That's fair." I nodded slowly. Elaeris frowned worriedly.
"B-but Cerebror isn't a Goblin truly! He was cursed!" she protested. I privately agreed, even as another of the entourage spoke, bright orange hair washing down her shoulders in waves.
"That doesn't matter to the Vizier, Knight Elaeris. He remains a threat all the same." she murmured.
I tilted my head, humming in thought as I latch onto one of the words.
Vizier, eh…
"A Question to you fine ladies." I drawled, earning confused looks from the crowd. "Does this vizier have a very pointed beard, and sharp eyes?"
There were some confused looks, a few spikes of concern, and...was Elaeris looking amused? The fuck?
"Y-yes, he does, why?" one of them asked. I hummed.
"Does he keep repeating how loyal to the city he is? Maybe say he's willing to do "anything" for the kingdom?" I asked. Another few worried looks, and nods all around.
"and would he say, I don't know, maybe have some sort of pet that wanders around with him, acting shady?" I asked.
"He does have a lot of snakes…" one of them murmured. Elaeris couldn't repress a snort.
"Is this another one of those John Brown moments, Cerebror?" she asked stiltedly, her voice filled with mirth. I smirked at her.
"Oh yeah, that guy? Totally a bad guy." I declare. Many of them gasp, clutching their pearls even as they murmur concernedly to one another. The guards snarled, drawing blades.
"I won't have the leaders of our city insulted by a damn GOBLIN!" the head guard snarled at me.
I looked at him.
"When was the last time you got paid your actual wage instead of 'reduced costs due to poor taxes'?" I asked him. He blinked, sword lowering slightly.
"Uhh...the vizier told me the king said we were currently in a 'crisis' and as such, needed to divert the budget elsewhere." he said slowly. I stared at him slightly sadly as the noblewomen turned to look at him as well.
"We're not in crisis, the city's never been better! Where in the hells is there a crisis?" one of them asked in confusion. The man stuttered and stalled, before trying to think it over.
"uhh...he didn't say…" he admitted quietly.
Silence rang through the room, before Elaeris couldn't keep it in anymore, and burst into laughter, holding her gut as she cackled.
My time in court was scheduled for tomorrow morning, and so, despite her desire to sit with me and chat, something that had become a pastime for us both on the march, she was bustled out with the other girls, leaving me alone with a singular guardsman.
I sighed slowly, and could already feel the courtly intrigue building.
And three...two...one…
creeeeeeakkk.
"L-Lord Vizier! I didn't know you were-"
"Silence, guardsman, and please, take some time to rest, while I observe this...individual." a voice sneered.
The hesitant sounds of footsteps echoed from beyond my closed eyes, and thus leaving me alone with supposedly the one who thought I was a threat.
"You. Goblin." he drawled. I peered through my eyelids.
Wow, he looked familiar.
"Your...compatriots, seem to believe that you are cursed. Is this true?" he asked me. I hummed, nodding slowly.
"Yessir, was a powerful man indeed who cursed me." I answered, which was technically truthful. He sneered.
"And just why were you wandering the Great Forest?" he pressed. I sighed, sitting up from my cot and looking at him flatly, even as I raised up my mental walls.
"I was flung there." I stated. He blinked.
"F-flung there? By who?" he asked incredulously.
"The same man who cursed me, of course. He claimed he wanted me to live in interesting times, and tossed me through a spell of some kind."
Again, technically the truth.
He hummed, fingering his chin slightly.
"I see…"
Was he legitimately twirling his fucking moustache?!
"I presume your past life was perhaps not of the legal kind?" he asked slowly. I shrugged.
"If you wish to be technical then yes." I answered.
"Of what sort of crimes?"
"Piracy." I answered immediately.
What? Sometimes you gotta do shady shit. Don't fucking judge me, have you seen how expensive the Switch two is?
"Ah, someone with a bit of mercantile experience, who also understands the meaning of mercenary...good...good." he smirked, standing to his full height.
"Do you know what I think, Mr. Cerebror?" he asked me.
'That the house of mouse is going to fucking sue this planet?' I thought dryly.
"What?" I asked out loud.
"I believe that you could be of great value to the nation, and its people...and perhaps we may together figure out a way to remove this curse." he said, tutting as though I was some unfortunate kitten, and not a Goblin in a prison cell.
"I see...what do you need?"I asked him. His smile widened.
"Oh nothing for now, but after the trial, I may call upon you to deal with a few things, nothing too sinister…." he trailed off, chuckling to himself before he turned and started walking out.
"I look forward to working with you, Goblin." he called back, as the door shut on me.
...wow, that was...ham-fisted as hell.
Feat Acknowledged; Get involved in local politics!
1*lesser rolls granted!
Generating..
Feasting on Ashes
Skill
Survival on Apokolips requires several things: The ability to step on the throat of anyone between you and the next day, the ability to live on scraps, to grovel when it suits you and then to slide a knife into the back of your jailer to take their place. You have all of these things. You know how to survive in a desolate wasteland by any means necessary, consuming horrific foods with almost no nutritional value and managing to live off of that, removing any shame towards doing so. In particular, you know how to win the favor of the few in power, or at least how to avoid their scorn...perfect for lining up your opportunity to take their place, of course.
...motherfucker.
So glad to know how to eat fucking ashes and shit. Or know the best way to appeal to a psychopathic space monster that wants to eat my balls.
When the fuck is this ever going to be useful?!?
Well, I suppose if I end up on Apokolips or something, but that's not gonna happen for like, at least a hundred years or so.
Depending on my lifespan...shit, how long do Goblins live?
What does the spartan treatment do to that lifespan?
...We'll figure it out later.
The night was spent contemplating my future moves. Not much more to do really. Sleep wasn't AS important to me, and considering I'd gotten pretty much the only guy who REALLY wanted me dead on side-even if he wanted to be shady about it- I figured it was more important to do some forward planning.
My new found skill was already sifting through what knowledge I had picked up from our journey here, either from the former slaves or Elaeris herself.
Naboovar (Snrk) was a 'great city', part of a collection of city states that lived under the command of the 'golden empire', whom were sort of their patron/overlords. Basically imagine the Free cities of the Holy Roman Empire and you've more or less got the right idea, save for the fact that each city could have a territory as vast or small as they could exert. They were on the borderlands of what they called 'the true wilderness', and as such, there was theoretically space for infinite growth, save for the big ass forest in between that had more goblins per square mile than it had Ants...probably.
Naboovar in particular had taken the term 'free city' and stretched its definition to the absolute limit, establishing colonies across the wild and savage eastern lands, where towns would train hardened warriors and bring them back to the capital. The city itself had above average wealth, its position near to good farmlands and a near endless supply of wood and monster parts meant that the population rarely went hungry in wintertime.
It was hardly the perfect starter town, but it WAS a good capital city for a sparkling new empire, run by yours truly of course.
But only after I spend a few years building up a legend or something.
And get rid of this fucking curse, hopefully before the horny elves start appearing.
Far above, away from the dungeons, multiple elven women were currently fantasising about the knowledge they had been given by the humble knight who'd arrived recently, dreaming about Goblin cock.
In other news, the space race has been reignited, funded by Disney, who quote 'won't let those fantasy bastards steal our copyrighted material'. Supposedly Walt Disney's corpse will be tied to the front of the engine in order to quote 'show them who's boss'.
Anyway, poor Cerebror, thinking that he's missed the Lewd Elves when they're already inside the house. Who could have foreseen that saving a traumatised maiden and implying you have somesort of religious backing could make her...somewhat fanatic about you?
Elaeris: We could make a religion out of this
Cerebror: No don't.
Anyway, let me know what you think! I'm having alot of fun with this one. I hope you enjoy it too.
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