The problem was that—as anyone could have predicted in advance, and as, predictably, no one had predicted—the duo of Yosaku and Zoro lasted exactly until they found their first hunter. While Yosaku escorted the terrified man back to Shachi and Clione, the green-haired swordsman vanished without a trace in an unknown direction.
Luffy realized his mistake only when Zoro's 'voice' began rapidly moving away from the island. Nearly suffering a heart attack and stroke at the same time, the boy, eyes red with fury and foam practically dripping from his mouth, rushed after his first mate.
The Grand Line was not East Blue! Where were they supposed to search for that green-haired idiot afterward?! And why, for fuck's sake, did he always climb aboard other people's ships?!
Abandoned by his rapidly departing captain, Johnny returned to the site of their improvised camp and immediately saw his dejected friend.
"Why the hell did you leave him alone?!" he demanded the moment he spotted Yosaku.
"I was escorting the hunter I found back here."
"Did it never occur to you to think about what Zoro might do when left alone?"
"And where were you earlier, Mr. Genius? You could also have realized that Zoro needed more than one person accompanying him!"
"Everyone here is at fault," Nami judged while tiredly rubbing her forehead.
The green-haired swordsman's ability to dull his family's vigilance had already reached some truly mystical level. Who among them did not know about Zoro's monstrous topographical idiocy? Every single one of them knew.
Yet once again, no one had drawn the correct conclusion. Even the mega-cunning Luffy stepped on the exact same rake with enviable regularity.
Mysticism. Nothing else could explain it.
"I don't understand, Nami. Where did everyone go?" Johnny asked after a moment.
Indeed, while he and Luffy had searched for hunters, only Yosaku, Nami, Usopp, and Igaram's head with its bound body remained on and around the sofas. The huntresses were gone. The Heart Pirates were gone. No one else remained.
"I put Sanji in charge of watching the girls, so they're aboard the Going Merry with him now. Everyone else is on the submarine with the captured hunters."
"Why all the activity?" Johnny asked, puzzled. "When Luffy and I left, everyone could barely move."
"Bepo woke up and put things in order."
Sleeping drunk on the ground at night was generally not the best idea, especially in unsafe territory. It was an even worse idea when the strongest fighters had scattered in different directions.
"A white polar bear as first mate." Johnny sighed. "Traffy really is one of us."
"It seems I was mistaken when I called this mission boring," an insolent, languid voice suddenly said, surprising everyone present. "I thought that since the Boss had sent us to the very back end of the Grand Line, we would die of boredom here. Who could have guessed such a surprise was waiting for us?"
"Kya-ha-ha-ha!" A slightly shrill female laugh followed. "Luh-cky! We have a reason to entertain ourselves!"
When Johnny, Yosaku, Nami, and Usopp turned toward the voices, they saw two people. A man and woman, both appearing only slightly older than twenty, stood beside each other with identical arrogant smiles.
While the Straw Hats collectively wondered what pair of idiots had arrived at their party, Igaram's head clarified the situation.
"M-Mr. Five! Miss Valentine!"
"So they're from Baroque Works too!" Johnny instantly brightened. "And it's Mr. Five with his partner!"
"Luh-cky!" Yosaku mimicked the woman's terrible accent.
After assessing the men's unhealthy enthusiasm, Nami decided to warn them, just in case.
"I want to remind you that we need these two alive as well."
"Don't worry, don't worry!" Johnny waved carelessly over his shoulder. "We're only going to evaluate the strength of numbered agents from the top five. Or have you forgotten? According to our information, they should be much stronger than the other numbered agents."
"I'd call that a fairly useless description," Yosaku inserted. "It isn't difficult to be stronger than complete weaklings."
"Kya-ha-ha-ha!" the woman laughed again. "Mr. Five, it appears they're underestimating us!"
Short blond hair barely covered her ears. She had bright green eyes, a beautiful face, a snow-white smile, long legs, a firm backside, a noticeable chest, and a perfect waist. A yellow-orange hat sat on her head, and she wore a yellow dress with an ultra-short hem and patterns resembling lemon slices. White high-heeled shoes covered her feet, elegant white gloves her hands, and she carried a bright green umbrella with blue stripes. Her earrings were shaped like tiny lemon wedges.
Frankly, with that clothing, appearance, and jewelry, the woman herself resembled one enormous lemon slice. Strangely enough, the look suited her.
"Underestimating us? Such insolence deserves the strictest punishment."
If Miss Valentine resembled a lemon wedge, Mr. Five looked more like a bar of dark chocolate. He had dark skin, black hair braided into short dreadlocks, a tall, athletic build, a brown coat, and a dark pink scarf tied around his neck. Brown trousers were visible beneath the coat, dark brown boots covered his feet, and stylish black sunglasses concealed dark brown eyes.
He truly did resemble a large chocolate bar.
"Lemon Wedge or Chocolate Bar?" Johnny would not have been Johnny if he had ignored his opponents' appearance. "Which one do you prefer?" he asked his friend with a grin.
"I'll take the Wedge."
"Damn. I thought you'd take the Chocolate Bar!"
"What use is Chocolate if I'm not allowed to break it into pieces?"
"…I hadn't thought of that."
While the delighted men joked together, Mr. Five lazily picked his nose, rolled its contents into a small ball, and flicked the resulting projectile toward Johnny and Yosaku with a finger. He accompanied the action with the appropriate words.
"Nose Fancy Cannon!"
One could safely say that none of the Straw Hats present had expected such a vile and monstrous attack. With screams of horror, the men threw themselves to the ground. The booger flew past them, landed slightly farther away, and detonated with the force of a cannon shot.
Pale and sticky with sweat, Johnny and Yosaku stared at Mr. Five with eyes widened in terror. Usopp's eyes, peeking over the back of the sofa, expressed no less horror. Nami sat on that same sofa with her legs tucked beneath her, pressed into the farthest corner, and regarded Mr. Five the way any other woman in her place might look at a bucket filled with swarming cockroaches.
"Kya-ha-ha-ha! Mr. Five, it seems the explosive power of your fruit has terrified our opponents!"
"Exactly what I expected from a group of weaklings." The dark-skinned man curled his lips into a contemptuous smirk. "And don't worry, beautiful. I certainly won't hurt you," he added, looking at Nami.
Mr. Five tried with all his strength to present himself as a cold, impressive badass, but the treacherous blush that made his face even darker exposed him completely.
Nami did not appreciate the attention in the slightest. Her face literally turned gray with fear, and a faint but prolonged sound escaped her throat.
"Eeeee…"
The girl anxiously turned her head in search of help. Traffy was still operating on the princess. Sanji was cooking aboard the ship with music playing and clearly heard nothing. Ikkaku was treating the duck. Shachi and Clione were analyzing blood samples aboard the submarine, as were all the other Heart Pirates. Usopp was hiding both behind the sofa and behind Nami herself.
Nami's choice was therefore somewhat predictable.
"Ryu-chan! Yosaku! How long are you going to keep trembling in fear?!" The frightened girl did not so much shout as squeak loudly. "Deal with him immediately!!!"
Johnny and Yosaku, still seated on the ground, looked at one another.
"I chose the Wedge!" Yosaku blurted immediately. "That means Chocolate is yours!"
"I was only joking!" Johnny protested at once. "Why would I let you choose? The Wedge is mine. You deal with Chocolate yourself!"
"I'm feeling generous today, so you can take both!" Yosaku offered magnanimously.
"Thanks. Keep them."
"Nose Fancy Double Cannon!"
This time Mr. Five used two boogers at once, each flying toward a separate target. With fresh screams of primal terror, Johnny and Yosaku fled on all fours, only to be caught a moment later by the blast wave from the double explosion behind them.
"Eeeee!!!" Nami and Usopp's frightened shrieks merged into one.
"Kya-ha-ha-ha!" Miss Valentine's voice came from somewhere above. "Mr. Five, allow me to join the fun!"
At some point, the woman had risen into the sky and now flew in some incomprehensible fashion thanks to her umbrella.
"Ten-Thousand-Kilogram Press!" she declared from the heights directly above Johnny and Yosaku. She closed her umbrella, and her body immediately plummeted as though she now truly weighed the stated ten tons.
Johnny became the victim of Miss Valentine's unusual attack. The woman landed directly on his back, smashing him deep into the ground with a deafening crash, while the impact wave hurled Yosaku far to the side.
As practice demonstrated, Miss Valentine did not merely seem to weigh ten tons. She actually did.
"Kya-ha-ha-ha!" Rising back into the sky from the cloud of dust, the woman laughed loudly. "One down!"
"Miss Valentine, there was no need to kill him so quickly," Mr. Five said to his partner in displeasure. "It took us more than two weeks to reach this place, and I would not mind enjoying myself before completing the assignment and beginning the return journey."
"Kya-ha-ha-ha!" The blond woman laughed yet again. "My apologies, Mr. Five! I became too carried away!" she added after landing beside the dark-skinned man. "And since we've mentioned the assignment… The first person to tell us where to find Miss Wednesday will die quickly and without pain!"
She addressed the last words to the frightened Straw Hats.
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