His face reflects his feeling at that moment; sorrow and agony. However, for him, it was like his burden lifted a bit. The guilt of lying to me, that everything was his fault had been consuming him. He held my hand with his worried and apologizing face.
His story was too sad, even I could feel my heart broke into a million pieces. He had no one by his side, not a single person. He lived each day all alone, with guilt that tore him apart. Even a day in pain was torture, but a century was unbearable. How did he live his life all this year? The thought of seeing someone I loved died horribly in front of me, makes me want to console him. The thought of him living alone in torture, makes me want to comfort him. However, it didn't change what he had done to the original Deanna Remus and me.
"I promise I will return everything back to normal," he said with determination.
"So what you meant was, I am here because of you," I said to him while looking straight at him.
"Why couldn't you just tell me?" I continued with a stern voice.
"I'm sorry. I acted on impulse," he said with a weakened voice, feeling guilty.
We tend to say 'think before you act, but none could ever run from making mistakes. Sometimes we may have considered the consequences, yet we solely acted rule by our emotion. Thus, we will bear the consequences of imprisonment of ourselves, or sometimes in positive outcomes, we may open the gate of opportunity. Hence, we should know in which situation we could act solely on emotion.
"Listen, Helios. I am not angry. For me, it doesn't matter where I am; I just want to be happy," I said as I comforting Helios who was feeling bad.
"I am not going to lie to you Helios, because I believe in you. So I hope you can trust me too," I continued, while he looked speechless.
"Deanna, do you really forgive me?" he said with teary eyes.
"Yes, Helios. I love my family, but I am not happy there. Each day I felt like I am on the edge of a building, waiting to be pushed down," I said in a sad voice while playing with my fingers.
"Is it wrong for me to be selfish? Can't I be happy too?"
I continued as I looked at Helios's face with teary eyes. Sometimes I wonder why we tend to perceive selfishness as being bad and selfless as being good. Do we always have to act according to the people surround us? Do we have to neglect our own happiness just for the sake of making everybody happy? What about us? Who will make us happy? Hence, I believe we should know when to act selfish or selfless. Never sell your feeling for the price of other's happiness. We should love ourselves more, as we deserve more than just a bargain.
Helios patted me gently to calm me down. He didn't know how to respond to my question, as he also never achieved that true happiness as well.
As I started to calm down, we continued the conversation where we left off.
"Helios, I don't mind if I'm not going back there anymore, but I would like to know what happened to me in my real life. Am I dead?"
"What about my family?" I continued. Even though I don't mind living here, but it doesn't change that they are still my family. I miss them a lot, more than I thought I would.
"I am not quite sure for now, but I will look into it for you," he said.
"Deanna, I'm sorry."
As he finished his words, my view got blurry and my mind went hazy. Then, I passed out.
Suddenly, I heard someone kept calling my name so tenderly. He held my hand with his callous hand, it felt warm and loving though his hands were cold.
My eyes slowly swung open and saw a young man with eyes as red as the sunset looked straight at me with a worried face. As he realized he was still holding my hand, he hurriedly moved it away in embarrassment. A faint blush decorates his cheeks, accentuating the shine of his red eyes.
"Lex," I said softly.
"Lie down," he said as his hand brushed against my shoulder as I tried to sit down.
Then, he stood up and walked out of the room without turning his head back at me.
A few minutes later, he walked back inside with the physician beside him. The physician checked on me thoroughly, while Prince Lex's eyes fixated on me. I am unsure of what he was thinking about, as he just looked at me without showing any emotion.
A few minutes later, the physician left the room. Now, it was only Prince Lex and me. He sat back down on the chair that he sat before without saying a word.
"Lex, thank you. I am fine now," I said as I forced a smile. It was not because I am insincere towards him, but due to the pain that I felt at the moment.
"I'll go after you sleep," he said, with a low voice.
"You don't have to, Lex. I am fine," I said as my eyes looked straight towards him. His eyes looked sparkled under the light the shine through my bedroom window.
"Stop telling me you're fine. I hate it," he said, as he looked angry yet worried.
"Why couldn't you just be honest for once? I hate it when you keep on saying you're fine when I know you're not," he continued. He, who was always looked indifferent, now looked so devastated and worried.
"Lex, I'm sorry," I apologized. I know he was worried, but I acted without caring about his feeling.
"Thank you, Lex. For being here with me," I said.
A few minutes before, the Duke had returned home from his work. He doesn't know what had happened in his household while he was away, but he couldn't ignore the buzzing sound since he got in.
"His handsome right? Lady Deanna so lucky."
"Two men in a day. I wish I had Lady Deanna's life,"
"What do you think they are doing inside her room?"
"What do you think two people do in a closed room?"
Then all the maid laughed simultaneously. However, the sound of laughter stopped as the Duke who was eavesdropped before walked straight towards them.
"Tell me. Who's in Deanna's room?" the Duke asked furiously.
His thought was split in half, with one that said I didn't do it, while the other said what if it was true. He thought that he didn't know much about me, so what if I lied to him. He couldn't help but felt betrayed for believing I was just like my mother.
"We are not sure which house he is from. He was there since morning," one of the maids said as they all looked among one another.
Then the Duke walked hastily towards my room with many thoughts and feeling colliding among themselves inside his mind and heart.
"Deanna!"
The Duke shouted as soon as he opened my bedroom door. Prince Lex and I were startled by his shouting. As soon as he saw my father, Prince Lex who was seated before stood up to greet my father. However, my father ignored him and walked straight towards me.
"Deanna, you are a lady. You should never invite a man inside your room. Where is your dignity? You..."
"Stop!" I shouted as my eyes were full of tears. I was frustrated and heartbroken. I was in pain, and all he could think was my dignity? Does he always think of me as cheap?
As it was like my words shook him, his mind cleared out now. He realized that my face was as pale as sheets behind the tears that fall down my cheeks. Besides, there were purple palm prints that were visible on my skin, and my left hand which has been stepped by my stepmother before was wrapped in white bandages.
"Who did this to you? I will make them pay for it," he said as he held my hand.
"Would you do it if I said it was your wife?" I said with an angry voice.
"…," he didn't say anything as he was shocked. He never knew that Lady Chlaricia would behave as such. She always seemed kind and sweet, like a person who couldn't even hurt an ant, but today he heard it differently. He knew she hides something from him, but this, never even came close to what he thought about.
"Just leave me alone, like you always do," I said to him.
"Thank you, Lex. I'm sorry you have to see that. You should go, I will see you next time," I said to Prince Lex with my teary eyes but still forcing a farewell smile.
Then, I covered myself with my blanket and hold it tightly. It was like I tried to hide myself from everyone. I felt miserable with what happened right now.
"Duke Remus, we should go now," Prince Lex said as he felt that I wanted to be alone.
Duke Remus just walked out silently with guilt and worry. He didn't even look at the person beside him, but just walked ahead while looking absentminded.
"May I have your time, Duke Remus?"
Prince Lex broke the silence between them as the Duke was still shocked.
"Your highness? I am sorry I didn't realize it was you. Come let's go to my office," the duke was startled but didn't act like it.
The walked towards the office was nothing but silence. Both of them walked confidently, like everything before was only a nightmare. But to those who could read their thought, would not say so. As one of them felt guilty, while the other felt contempt.
"Have a seat, your highness," the duke said as they enter the office.
"Thank you," he said.
"I am sorry for what happened before," the duke said.
"I think you say sorry to the wrong person," he said with a stern face.
"I know I am not a good father. I was never there for Deanna. I wanted to repay for all the things that I miss, but I kept on making mistakes," the duke said with a sad voice.
"Do you even love your daughter, Duke Remus?" he said.
"I do," the Duke said.
"Then tell me, was that how you showed you love for someone?"
Prince Lex was furious for how little my father thought of me, and he was angry as he didn't know about it sooner.
"All I could see was, you barged inside the room and blamed her for everything without listening first. Is it wrong, Duke Remus?" He continued his words while the Duke cowers in shame and guilt.
"I didn't think straight at that time," the Duke said with a low voice as his head looked down. He acted rashly at that time as he felt he had betrayed my mother for not taking care of me. Hence, he believed he had to make things right.
"Duke Remus, I am going to say this once. And I am not going to accept any pleading from you," he said as he didn't care about the Duke's feeling.
"I am going to make whoever hurt Deanna pay for it, and it starts with Lady Chlaricia," he continued his words. He knew he had to act as such because he didn't know if Duke Remus would brush this incident off, or he would actually act as a father.
"….," Duke Remus couldn't come up with words to say.
"I couldn't leave her alone after what I have seen today. If you really love your daughter, act like you actually meant it."
Then, he stood up and leaves the Duke alone in his office. He walked out with determination to protect me with all his might.
The Duke who was still seated on his luxurious sofa, still thinking of the incident before. He felt guilty, and remorse towards me whiles betrayed and distrust towards Lady Chlaricia.