Raven: Alright, here's what we are going to do. One side of your power is unstable because it's tied up in all the guilt and 'should haves' that you're carrying. The other side resonates with mine. I can feel it. It's calmer because it was meant to be used with precision.
I didn't completely agree since both required a high degree of discipline but I didn't say anything.
Voranis: So?
Raven: So we're going to use the dark to contain the light.
I frowned slightly.
Voranis: That sounds…backwards.
Raven: Sometimes the part of you everyone's afraid of is the one that actually knows how to survive.
She murmured silently.
That felt like it was more directed to herself that to me.
Raven: Focus on your dark powers and try to bring it forward. Let the light take a step back. Don't erase it, just… let it take a back seat.
I drew in a breath and reached towards the chilly, darker current in my core. The world around me dimmed as if I slipped through a quieter place.
In my mind's eye I saw it clearly. Two overlapping streams of energy. One was bright, surging, relentless. The other quiet, dark, like a blade under moonlight.
Under Raven's suggestion, I felt like I was wielding that dark blade.
The ambient hum in the room changed. Raven's cloak fluttered slightly without wind.
Raven: Good, your presence just got a lot less…loud.
Voranis: You say that like it's a compliment.
Raven: It is. Before, it was like you were screaming your pain at the world and expected an apology. You won't get any.
Voranis: Again, terrible at comforting people.
I mumbled.
Raven: Breath.
I did.
With my Dark Templar energy forward, my emotions didn't vanish, but they felt…less like a storm and more like a deep, cold river. The grief was still there. The rage was still there. But they weren't exploding against the surface. They flowed beneath it, quiet, dangerous, but contained.
Raven: Good, do you feel the difference?
I nodded.
Raven: Good. Now gently, pull some of your other power forward but keep the dark in the forefront.
I hesitated for a bit.
Raven: Voranis, look at me.
She said gently and I opened my eyes.
Her irises glowed faintly like twin amethysts. I could sense her power. It moved like a shadow given intention. It wasn't wild. It wasn't tame either. It was constantly balancing.
Raven: I know what it's like to be afraid of your own power. To be afraid that it will destroy everything. But if you keep shutting that part of you away completely, it will just keep knocking harder. And harder. And harder. Until it breaks the door.
Voranis: You…speak from experience?
She didn't answer, but she smiled. Pain hidden behind that smile.
There were old scars behind her eyes. Emotional ones, not physical, but no less real.
I reached inward and gave a small tug to my High Templar energies. To my surprise and slight horror, I realised something that I hadn't. My power started resembling that of Alarak's. Highlord of the Tal'Darim.
"This is not right. I can't let this go on."
I thought.
A trickle of bright energy responded, washing through me. It wanted to flare, to surge, but the shadow wrapped around it, like fingers closing gently but firmly around a burning brand.
I felt a semblance of control. It was like I was training again as a young Protoss.
Raven: Alright, let's stop here for now.
I stared at the floor in front of Raven's crossed legs.
Voranis: How do you live with it? The fear of what your powers can do if you lose control. Before…this, I never even entertained the idea of losing control.
Raven: I heard something once. 'It's not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me'. That quote resonated with me.
She paused.
Raven: My powers and heritage don't define who I am. And even when I'm overwhelmed by them, I trust my team will pull me back to the light.
Voranis: Trust…
The image of a woman in blue and red flashed in my mind before it disappeared just as fast.
Raven: If you never trust anyone again, then whoever took those people from you gets to decide how the rest of your life goes.
A small pause.
Raven: I'd be annoyed enough by that to at least consider being petty and healing out of spite.
She said with a grin. That startled a genuine laugh out of me.
Voranis: Out of spite huh?
Raven: Spite can be a powerful motivator. Nightwing runs half on sense of justice and half sheer stubbornness. Beast Boy runs on tofu. We all have our thing.
Voranis: Who's Nightwing?
My question seem to catch her off guard and she chuckled.
We spend the next hour talking. Nothing serious, just casual talk.It put my mind at ease and I released some of the stress I had.
At some point, the door opened.
Beast Boy: You still there?
He asked, his voice slid before his body did.
Beast Boy: Raven didn't banish you to another dimension or anything, right? Because if she did, I call dibs on your room.
I blinked and turned my head. Beast Boy leaned against the doorframe in a loose, half-slouched way.
Voranis: I'm still here.
Beast Boy: Yeah, no kidding. You look like a sad statue.
He pushed away from the door and said with a grin.
Beast Boy: Come on, we're having snacks in the lounge. Team ritual. Also, Star's making something so there's a fifty-fifty chance we'll live.
Voranis: I'm not hungry.
I said reflexively.
Beast Boy: Cool! Lucky for you, this isn't about food. It's about not brooding alone like a discount Batman. Let's go!
Raven: Come, it will be good for you.
She interjected.
Emboldened by Raven's words, he came next to me and offered a hand. He stood there like the outcome has already been decided.
Voranis: Alright, let's go.
I didn't want to leave him hanging for long so I took his offered hand and stood up. My legs protested as I rose. I've been sitting there for quite some time.
Beast Boy: Great! I hope you're not easily embarrassed.
He said and pulled my away with the excitement of a kid in a toy store.