The first thing I noticed about the tower was how quiet it was.
From the outside, Titan's Tower loomed like a monument that reached for the sky. Glass and steel catching the afternoon light.
I stood in my room, hands tucked inside a dark hooded coat. My long black hair fell past my shoulders still a bit damp from the shower.
Standing in front of a mirror I stared at my own two eyes. One blue, the other one green. I never paid attention to them in a mirror before, but now it was a reminder. I remembered the compliments I got for my eyes.
Two voices that I'll never hear again and one where...
Lightning crackled around me for a second but I forcefully stopped it. Another meltdown wouldn't serve anyone.
The Titans were giving me space. Time to calm down before Raven could help me.
Noticing faint scorch marks near my feet, I winced.
Voranis: It's time.
I said to no one in particular.
I left my room and walked down the hallway towards Raven's room.
Before I even made it half way, I saw Raven coming towards me. She was floating, cloaked in the deep indigo hood. the gemstones on her belt caught the ceiling lights and flickered.
Now that I am mostly calm, I noticed. The air around her felt contained...controlled… and I was reminded of her earlier words.
She said she knew how it felt to fight inner demons.
Raven: Come Voranis, we are going to the meditation room.
I had a feeling she knew about my incident.
I glanced towards my room.
Voranis: I don't think it's… safe for me to be around anything flammable.
Raven: That's why we are going to the meditation room.
She repeated herself without sounding annoyed.
She led me to a circular dimly lit room. Some inscriptions on the ground combined to form geocentric circles around a cushion seat.
Voranis: What are these inscriptions?
Raven: The inscriptions help me with my meditation. My circumstances are a bit…different than most people.
The meaning behind those words revealed the fact that there was a lot more to her than meets the eye, but I didn't want to push her to reveal things. That takes trust and I don't think I've earned any yet.
We began a session of guided meditation. Raven's voice was calm, but there was a firmness that reminded me of someone else. Someone with gentle hand and kind eyes. Her house…somewhere I can't go again, filled with blood and screams-
My chest tightened. The edges of my vision darkened as dark thoughts surfaced.
Raven: Hey. Don't go there.
Her voice barely above a whisper.
Voranis: How-
Raven: I can feel it.
She simply said.
Raven: You're not…subtle.
I wanted to argue, but the guilt and pain clawed up way too fast. The memory surged forward. The smell of blood, the smell of ozone.
A faint crackle of energy slithered across my hands. The room pulsed with a rising hum as psionic energy began leaking from me like steam from a broken pipe. Blazing, unstable and reddish white.
Raven stepped in quickly, one hand raised to my back.
Raven: Don't fight it. Just follow me.
Her voice was steady.
She reached out with her powers. Dark violet threads lacing through the wild storm of my mind. It pressed against the murky feelings inside me, guiding me.
This time, she didn't just use her powers to forcefully bring balance to mine. She was helping me accept my pain and overcome it.
I flinched.
She felt like the void between stars, and yet somehow not empty but…familiar.
I could feel my psionic energies roiling, pure psionic power, meant for clarity, guidance, protection now twisted by grief and guilt. They flared and sputtered inside me, begging to be unleashed, to rewrite what had happened, to burn away the world that had let it happen.
Layered beneath that, quieter, colder, was the other power. My Dark Templar side. It was shadows, cloaks and whispers. Void energy that smothered things instead of obliterating them.
Raven: Let's try something different.
Voranis: Alright, what do I do?
Raven: Breath.
Voranis: That's it? I have tried this before.
Raven cracked one eye open and stared at me.
Voranis: …breathing is fine.
Raven: Good choice.
This time, we sat facing each other as the room seemed to fall away around us. Raven's presence grew more defined in my perception as if, now that I was focusing, I could sense her mind as a cool, disciplined flame beneath layers of shadow.
Raven: Your powers are reacting to your emotions.
She explained.
Raven: That much is obvious. But you can't simply disregard or not feel anything. That won't work, trust me.
I lowered my head.
Voranis: I should have been there, I should have been able to protect them.
I said without meaning to.
Raven: Perhaps, but you weren't.
My head snapped back up, eyes filled with hurt and anger.
Voranis: Excuse me?!
Raven: That is fact and you can't deny it. But you have a choice. You can either let that define your whole life moving forward.
She paused.
Raven: Or rise through it.
I stare at her.
Voranis: You're terrible at comforting people.
Raven: Good thing I'm not trying to. What I am trying to do, is make you understand that some things are out of our control and life moves forward.
Then I noticed the briefest almost imperceptible rise at the corner of her lips.
Raven: And I'm also trying to keep you from possibly turning to a walking disaster to you and those around you.
I blinked, then…chocked on half a laugh which came out strange. But, it was like it cut through the fog inside my chest.
We continued. Inhaling and exhaling together. Raven's breathing was slow, steady, like a metronome. I did my best to match her pace.
Raven: Now, focused on your powers. The bright one and the dark, quieter one.
I nodded, eyes still closed.
Raven: Can you feel the difference?
I answered.
Voranis: Yes. One is loud. It reaches out and wants to burn. But it also wants to change things, to protect.
Raven: And the other?
Voranis: It's… contained. Focused. It slips between things instead of punching through them. Maybe it also feels…uncaring?
Raven hummed.
Raven: Careful with that thinking. Darkness doesn't mean numbness. It just means that it operates in different ways.
Hearing her say those words felt a bit strange. More than just advice.
I open one eye.
Voranis: Are you talking about my powers or yourself?
Raven: Yes.