I go limp. This isn't the first time I've been in this position, and I learned quickly that fighting back only hurts more.
"Where is the dungeon?"
"At the end of the sewer in the Noble district, on the right." I reply immediately. She doesn't seem the type to make empty threats.
"You little psycho. What level are you?"
"Fifteen."
Wham
She drops me to the ground and I land like a sack of potatoes.
"Leveling up that many times will make anyone do crazy things, so I can hardly blame you. I knew this was a possibility when I sent you in there."
"..."
"By the way, I don't know how you learned that little trick but people's heart rates don't change when they answer a question normally; and they definitely don't remain steady when confronted."
"You knew?" I say, my mouth agog.
"You'll need to start working on your perception stat. I've mostly been having you train your physical stats for the time being but you can train your perception in your free time."
"..."
I don't know what to say so I take her advice and keep my mouth shut. She stares at me for what feels like hours before standing up and walking to the shelves on the wall.
"I assume you don't know how dungeons work or else you wouldn't have made such an obvious lie."
"..."
"Oh, now you learn to shut up." She scoffs. "Goblins are able to sense emerging dungeons and migrate to them instinctively. Given that we had multiple incidents involving goblins, there had to be a dungeon in the sewers. The larger pipes had been searched numerous times, It had to be in one of the ones you searched."
She glares at me momentarily before returning to sifting through papers. a few terrible moments of silence pass and then she pulls out a big sheet of paper. It looks like a map of some sort which she spreads out across her desk.
"Lucky for you, that dungeon is under the Noble district and we've had a falling out recently."
"..."
"The goblins aren't a threat as long as they don't establish themselves. You'll need to go all that way through the sewer once a week in order to keep that from happening."
"You're sanctioning this?" I ask, cautiously.
"I'll look the other way. Just know that while the guild is responsible for any deaths that may occur, they'll be on you." Her eyes narrow as she waits for my reaction.
My breathing quickens. I'm stunned that things are working out this well.
"Alright, I'll keep that in mind."
"You're going to begin accumulating points; don't use them to gain stats. Also, Duke Ishawaak is bringing a Dragon Core with him."
"What's that?"
"It's very bad news for anyone that he uses it against, so you need to avoid him at all costs and continue your training."
"Okay, but he's not going to use it on me, is he?"
"Get out." She declares without answering my question. I run out of the room before she changes her mind.
I meet back up with the kids downstairs who are counting our pay.
"I didn't think we'd get anything since we didn't find them." I say as I sit down.
"You really did all that for free?" Sakura eyes me skeptically.
"I guess I wasn't really thinking about it."
Sakura rolls her eyes at me and Josh pushes a small pile of coins my way.
"Thanks." I say, still out of it.
'I think we should destroy that dungeon.' Nick says after we leave. 'I don't want to responsible for someone getting hurt.'
"I understand, but you'll have to do it."
'Why do I have to do it?'
"You want to take responsibility, this is your chance."
'Fine. Let's do it now.'
"Sure."
I fall back and watch as he goes back down the manhole and through the narrow pipes. I'd like to believe that I'm helping him learn a lesson about responsibility but really I'm just mad he's taking away my fix.
We arrive at the crack and find a goblin wedged into the crack.
"What do I do?" Nick asks.
'You're going to have to kill it.'
"Fine." He takes a deep breath and pulls the dagger from its sheath.
"Hah!" He shouts and drives the blade into the monster's chest. His muscles bulge.
"Hah, haha, ahahaha!" Nick starts laughing and repeated stabs the dead goblin until its mangled corpse falls back into the dungeon. Inside is a small goblin no more than a foot tall.
"Die!" He shouts a sick grin on his face. The blade flashes, blood splatters everywhere as the goblin is rent in two. "More."
Nick madly looks around for a new target.
"That's enough." I say as I push him out of the way.
'Stop! What did you do! Go away! Give me back my body!' He rages around my skull which causes an agonizing headache. 'IhateyouIhateyouIhateyouIhateyou!'
As always, the pain brings my mind into focus. I can feel my hot breath and the rough ground beneath my shoes. I look around to make sure there aren't anymore threats before sitting on the ground and closing my eyes. In, out, in, out. The air is cool but heavy, like a thick fog. In, out, in, out.
'Ahhh!'
In, out, in, out. The pain is transient. This too shall end. Time is in my favor, though the flow is currently torturous.
Nick continues his rampage for several more minutes before quieting down.
"You alright?" I ask.
'...'
"Nick?"
'...'
I look up at the glowing orb in the wall. A warm blue light beams from the transparent sphere; strands of various colors float gently along it's surface.
The die have been cast; what shall be, shall be. I walk back out of the dungeon and crawl out of the sewer. The smell is still stomach churning and I make a quick stop at the guild to clean up before heading home. Trying not to draw attention, I go in through the courtyard straight to the rooms in the back. Nick doesn't say a word even when we reach home. I step in the door to find Carroll making food.
"Nick, how are you dear- oh." She stammers when she sees me.
"We had a bit of a rough day." I sit down at the kitchen table. Vincent is sitting next to me with his eyes glued to the pages of a book in his hand.
"I'm sorry. Is everything okay?" She asks in a metered cadence, as if she were an actor delivering their lines for the first time.
"We're fine, we just don't feel much like talking at the moment."
"You sure talk a lot for someone who doesn't feel like talking." Vincent laughs and slaps his knee before returning to reading. I ignore him and look down at the food. It occurs to me that I haven't had the chance to try Carroll's food yet. Nick is always the one that does that. It's a spiced rice dish served with some type of red meat, the smell of cinnamon tingles my nose.
"That reminds me. I got some money." I place the handful of coins down and Vincent sweeps them up.
"Thanks, boy." He says as he counts.
"Vincent very much appreciates... your effort." Carroll says as she struggles to find the words to address me.
"He knows that, he heard what I said." Vincent chuckles.
"I know, thanks." I turn my attention to the food and take a bite. It's bland. While the scent is aromatic enough to evoke thoughts of a feast, though the amount of spices used leaves much to be desired.
"You don't like it?" Carroll asks, cautiously.
"It's good." I reply, halfheartedly. I don't have anything bad to say about the dish, just not much good either.
I finish my food first and retire to our room.
"Nick?" I say when I close the door.
'...'
"I know you're in there."
I try to think of something to cheer him up but the only things he likes are books.
"Hey, Jezabel said something about training our perception in our free time. Do you have any books about that? That'd be fun to read about."
I start sifting through the books on one of his bookshelves and I can immediately feel him reacting.
"These are all out of order too, let me just fix this up."
'Stop!'
"Oh, there you are."
'...'
"If you're not going to talk then I'm going to reorganize all your books."
'Okay, okay... You're mad at me, aren't you?'
"Why does everyone keep saying that? I never get mad at anyone. Do I look mad?"
'I said a lot of mean things.'
"It happens." I shrug. "Besides, it's far from the worst thing I've said to me."
'It was so much. I never want to feel that out of control again.'
"I understand. I hope you understand where I'm coming from now."
'I won't question you anymore.'
"Whoa, let's not go that far. I'm far from infallible and I always appreciate your input, okay?"
'Okay...'
"Anyway, why don't you look for something about increasing our perception stat? We haven't really made any progress there."
'mmhm.'
I slide back and let him take control. The first thing he does is reorganize the books I touched. He even brushes them off as if I got them dirty by touching them which pisses me off because we use the same hands, it's not like I pull another pair out of my pocket when I'm in control.
"I think this is it." He says as he pulls a book off a high shelf. The cover reads 'Muraqaba Meditation Technique.'
"I think growing your perception stat is about focusing on your senses or something."
The book describes a seemingly standard meditative state where one focuses on their breathing to stop engaging with your thoughts. Then, transitions to focusing on the internal minutia of your connection with the Gods. The God stuff sounds like mumbo jumbo to me but I don't see any reason not to give it a shot.
We sit down on the bed and take slow, deep breaths. I push aside the tempest of thoughts in my mind; it's hard. I have so much I need to consider and plan for. There are still many choices that need to be weighed. Despite that, I focus on the rise and fall of our chest. Although I'm deep within the mind sea, I can subtly make out the sensation of breathing if I concentrate. In, out, in, out. I'm brought back to the battle I had with Nick in the sewer. His impudent rage, and the sharp pain it caused. Stop thinking. In, out, in, out. It reminds me of the first time we trained with Jezabel. I wonder how things would have turned out differently if I'd declined her offer. Stop thinking. In, out, in, out.
I struggle to keep a clear mind and concentrate my attention inward. It's numb. Without a body there's not much for me to focus on. My attention moves to our back where I sense something firm. I feel around the firmness with my consciousness until it's shape comes into focus. It's the seal. This tattoo extends deep within me, reaching all the way to my core, our core, until it spreads out through our limbs. The seal is simultaneously part of us and separate. Both in and out. I might compare it to blood, which seems like a separate substance that flows through our veins but sustains us; or bones, which can feel more like a structure our bodies are built around than something that's apart of us.
Our seal is patronized by the God of Wisdom. Maybe this is the connection to god the book was talking about? I thought it was some esoteric nonsense but maybe it's more practical.
Time dilates and contracts. It becomes difficult to measure once I've separated myself from my thoughts and we sit silently for what could be hours, or only a few minutes. I settle into this newfound freedom and enjoy the inner peace I've found, no matter how temporary it may be.