"Now what, genius?"
"What? How is this my fault."
"You went down the tunnel to find that fairy."
"I was following you, bro."
"Don't call me bro."
"Then don't call me genius... wait."
We're currently standing outside the hole trying to figure out which way to go. Travis has kindly left ice trails for us to follow but now it just meant there are paths extending away from us in both directions.
"Let's check the ice marks." Tyrion suggests. He walks over to the nearest tree and runs his hand along the frozen scar. "It looks like the bulk of the ice is heading to the right which probably means we should go that way."
"Like more ice collects at the end of the strike?"
"Maybe. Think about it like slapping the surface of a pond; the splash is going to move the same direction of your hand."
"If you're wrong then we're probably dead."
Tyrion bites his lip, a trace of fear colors his face.
I turn back to the hole and find Woohee peeking out to watch us.
"Hey, Woohee! Which way back to town?"
She ducks down into the hole but sticks one arm out pointing to our left.
"Good thing I asked." I say with a smirk.
"You want to trust the fairy?"
"Better than your splash idea."
"Fine." Tyrion snorts and we both jog down the path chosen by the tiny fairy. It doesn't take long for the glowing fungus to fade signaling the approaching treeline. Sure enough, we burst out into the open air accompanied by the sound of several gasps.
Travis has his axe raised as if to strike but lowers it when he sees our faces.
"Oh, good. You made it back. That just leaves one more."
"One more? What about Jezabel and your team?" I ask.
"They'll be back. I trust them." Travis says with a strained smile.
"So who's missing?"
"Will." Tyrion responds.
"You know him?"
"Yeah."
I wait for him to continue but he just silently stares back into the forest.
"Dammit." Travis punches a tree in frustration. Josh and Sakura are standing off to the side looking worried.
"I think we should start heading back."
"What about Will? And Jezabel? And the others?" Sakura asks while searching my face for answers.
"We'll have to leave that to the grown ups. We're too weak to be of any help."
A foul mood fills the air as we start walking back to town. Tyrion and Travis stay back to stare into the woods, waiting. Initially, we all stay silent, but it isn't long until Sakura and Nick both start yapping excitedly and I can no longer hear myself think. It ends up being a good haul and we each walk away with two hundred Denarii or so, which Vincent happily snatches up when we get home.
The next day we walk into the guild to ask Ashley about the people still missing in the woods.
"Whoa!" I'm so shocked by Ashley's appearance that I breath in my own spit and start coughing my lungs out.
"Are you okay?" She asks as she slaps me on the back.
"Am I okay? Are you okay? What happened to your eye?" I ask once the coughing fit ends. Her eye is is bruised a sickly black and swollen closed.
"Oh, I just tripped and accidentally hit myself in the eye, it's nothing." she waves away my concern with a strained smile.
"Right." I reply skeptically.
"What did you want to talk about?" She says as she tries to change the subject.
"Has Jezabel or anyone else come back from the woods yet?"
"No, unfortunately not." She shakes her head. "Travis is staying by the treeline with a medic to help them when they arrive."
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault. No one could have expected those Brontobeasts to rampage like that; they're normally docile."
"I thought all monsters were aggressive."
"No, the Vesperts you see around town are domesticated monsters." Ashley explains. "It depends on the condition of their monster core; cores with fewer soul fragments in them are usually found in calmer monsters while cores with many soul fragments are more aggressive."
"Hmmm, interesting."
"Isn't it?" Ashley's eyes, or eye in this case, light up at my comment. "I love learning about monster biology! Did you know most monsters don't need to eat very often because they take in mana from the atmosphere to supplement their energy!"
"I didn't. Can we do that?"
"Yup, but much less than monsters."
"Ashley!" The rat woman calls from the door to the backrooms. "Please come to the main office, we need to speak with you."
"Coming!" She says as she trots off, her dog ears flopping back and forth.
"Done talking to your girlfriend?" Sakura asks mockingly.
"I think she's got one, unfortunately." I sigh.
"I didn't think you'd be jealous." She says while hanging off Josh's arm.
"Is that what it looks like?" I say and peer directly into Sakura's eyes. I see her insecurity, her fear, and her hope. She moves back behind josh and only peeks at my from behind his arm.
"Stop." She says, her voice muffled from pressing her face into Josh's arm.
"Sorry." I close my eyes and try to gather my emotions. I'm furious. Ashley is likely being abused by her partner on top of that, several people have disappeared that I've come to rely on. My calm facade is cracking. I take a deep breath. Calm people live, that's the saying, but how can I stay calm when I'm so, so angry?
"Let's go to the courtyard and workout; there's nothing we can do right now." The kids nod and follow me outside. I have them do some lifts with the crappy weights while I go for a run. I'm so angry. I'm helpless. I can't do anything for these people who I've come to care for. I just have to watch as they suffer. I can feel my stomach boiling as I try to pour my emotions into exercise.
My powerlessness brings up all the emotions I felt when I watched my mother fall into a pit of despair until she put a bullet through her skull, when I watched my father spend ten years drinking himself to death, and when my brother followed them both; all the emotions I thought I swallowed when I ate that bullet came roaring back, roiling within me.
"Fuuuuuck!"
I never want to feel this helpless again. If there's one thing I want to do with this second chance, it's to help the people around me; I'm already dead in my own eyes, I just don't want to have to watch the people I care about suffer like that again. I slow to a stop and see the kids staring at me. My mind goes blank.
"What do I do now?"
With that, I take a deep breath and keep running. I will become strong enough to help eventually; I just need to keep pushing myself. These feelings are transient. One day I'll be able to change things for the better, all I need is more power.
With that I make a pact with myself. I need to do everything I can to get as strong as possible, that way I can help, that way I'd never have to feel helpless again.
The kids are still staring at me. I walk over to them having no idea what I want to say.
"Um, why don't we switch?"
They nod and move to the track while I do some barbell squats. I pour all my impotent rage into the squats until my legs give out and I fall on my ass. I glance at my status and see my stamina still three quarters full.
"How does stamina work, anyway?" I ask. I've calmed down some now that I've worn myself out.
'Um, are you okay?'
"No, but that's okay too. I didn't think I'd ever feel anything for people again before I left my last life. I thought I was just an empty husk. So, I'm not okay, but I'm glad I can still hurt this bad when I see people around me suffering; maybe I'm still human."
'...'
"Anyway, how's stamina work? My legs gave out even though I still have a lot to spare."
'From what I've read I think it basically determines how much additional energy the system can provide based on our stats, so since our strength is low it can't provide as much energy.'
"I guess that makes since. It's like having two motors working at the same time; since my stats are still so low, the 'motor' I provide is bigger than the system's 'motor.' and since I'm doing most of the work still, it's hard to move when my legs when they give out even if the system is still helping."
I stretch my legs and hop up and down. I try to feel the force provided by the system versus my own muscles. It's subtle but I can definitely feel the difference now that my legs feel like jelly. Based on my stats alone, it should mean that the system is providing a substantial boost, but the growth has been slow and is difficult to differentiate from my innate strength. I suppose the best way to tell would be to drop my stamina to zero and then I'd really be able to tell the difference.
Intent on doing just that, I cycle through a variety of exercises for the next couple hours until my stamina is fully depleted.
"Nick, we're going home." Sakura says while I'm catching my breath on the track.
"Sounds good. I don't think we'll be going back into the woods any time soon so let's just meet up here again tomorrow; hopefully they start up the temp work again."
The kids nod and I'm left alone by the dirt track. My body feels heavy.
"Does endurance go up faster when you have full stamina or when it's depleted?"
'Definitely when it's depleted, but it gets really hard to move once-'
"Perfect."
I start jogging around the track and dark clouds move in overhead. A summer sprinkle soon descends into a downpour. My lungs arch and my legs might fall off at any moment. It's excruciating. Maybe this is why I never cut myself; I always felt I deserved to suffer but never put a knife to my skin. Maybe this was my outlet. I could torture myself endlessly on the track. Each step was a testament to my own self loathing.
I lose count of my revolutions around the yard. The rain has turned the ground to mud. While making a turn I slip and land face down in the mud.
'Maybe you should stop.'
The small voice in my head speaks up but ignore it. This was the best chance to get stronger, right? What else should I do? I had to get stronger, and this was the only way I knew how. Maybe I could level up if the forest was open but even that felt too dangerous. This wasn't my body to gamble on a whim.
I flip over and lay on my back, rain pouring down my face. I can't keep my eyes open. Suddenly, the rain stops. Not everywhere but I don't feel anything hitting my face.
My eyes open to the sight of Jezabel staring down at me.
"Welcome back." I say. It doesn't feel real. Is it just my imagination? Am I going crazy? "Oof!"
A sharp kick lands on my arm. Apparently I'm not dreaming.
"Get up!"
"Yes, ma'am." I struggle to my feet and see three other people standing in the pouring rain.
"I'm glad everyone made it back." I say as I struggle to stay standing.
"Get your ass inside." I follow her orders and walk through the door with others following close behind. "Sit."
I fall to the floor by a door and everyone piles into the room. Relief fills my chest. I know it doesn't make any sense but it feels like my effort is what brought them back. It can't be true, it's impossible nonsense, but some part of me still believes it. I smile and close my eyes. Sleep comes in like a lion.