The Suicidal VIII
「Undertaker.」
「If at all possible, do not tell the next-run me that you are a regressor.」
「I'm greedy and a devout follower of the God of Impulse-Buying―」
「So the idea of 'I'll throw away this run for the sake of the next one' simply won't take root in me.」
「If I find out I still have hundreds of years of lifespan left, I'll definitely burn it all on the present run.」
「Only at the very end.」
「Until the truly final crisis arrives, guide me so my lifespan keeps accruing interest.」
And so it was.
The conference room, moments ago ablaze with the heat of world-ending fury.
One would have thought someone's lovely neck would soon be decorating a gallows, yet, astonishingly, it was all settled in a single "Silence!" from the great author Oh Dok-seo.
Even this regressor's eyes had not foreseen that development.
"True… even when she'd gone rogue, Dok-seo threw out Heavenly Demon Lord Footwork, so in a way she's the textbook 'hidden powerhouse.'"
"No. I think she's actually the proof of 'the quiet ones are the scariest when they snap.'"
Tower of Babel. Terrace.
There the Saintess and I were getting a breath of air alone for a moment. Oh Dok-seo had adjourned the meeting for about thirty minutes.
"Dok-seo, quiet…? Search the whole peninsula, and I bet even old man Jo Yeong-su would give up finding anyone more uncontrollable than her."
"She only lets all her defenses down in front of Undertaker-ssi."
The Saintess spoke.
"When Dok-seo deals with other people she usually volunteers to be the one who gets pushed around. I think that's the posture she learned for interacting with others."
"Then why is she always making trouble for me?"
"…"
The Saintess didn't answer.
Instead, she cast a glance down to the plaza ten floors below the Tower of Babel.
Packed solid.
Hundreds of Baekhwa Girls' High guild members, Samcheon World guild members and even the Eastern Holy State's holy knights were crammed shoulder to shoulder.
– Undertaker, awaken! Awaken! Awaken!
– Drag that bastard out! Drag him out right now!
– Everyone! Our northern Saintess! How noble and pure she is! To mock! To harass! Huh! Such a shameless unbeliever is hiding inside that Babel Tower!
– Unbelief! Hell! Unbelief! Hell!
– Why the Tower of Babel, you ask? The very name the Lord used to punish human arrogance! Do you think it was attached by chance? For the sake of the Saintess, who has risked her life for us until now, we must repay this grace and tear the tower down!
– Oooooooo-!
– Divine wrath! Divine wrath! Divine wrath!
"…"
Honestly, it was a little frightening.
Ah-ryeon, just how much propaganda did you pump out in the Eastern Holy State?
Samcheon World and Baekhwa weren't groups to lose out in the madness department, but even they had quietly edged back to the outskirts of the plaza, cowed by the State's fanaticism.
"This time… it looks like Dok-seo didn't tell anyone and went ahead alone."
Against the riotous roar below, the Saintess's voice drifted across the quiet rhythm of the terrace.
"Eh?"
"I actually suspected, when Mr. Undertaker whisked Ms. Dok-seo and a few others off the roof of Babel Tower a while ago, that it had all been arranged in advance."
She was referring to the crystal gravestone bearing the trace of the [Time Seal]. No one but me could see it.
"But seeing your reaction today, it really does feel as if Ms. Dok-seo rammed ahead on her own."
"Why? At least talk it over with Ah-ryeon or Ha-yul, why do it alone…?"
"I'm sorry. Offering a guess with my own lips might be disrespectful to Dok-seo-ssi."
The Saintess gave a wry smile.
"That's also why I didn't dare approach you these past few days. I was busy checking with the members of the Regressor Alliance one by one, trying to understand what on earth was happening."
"Ah…"
"But now I understand. I think Ms. Dok-seo wanted not only you, Mr. Undertaker, but also me, to face reality and reflect on ourselves."
Reality? Reflection?
"To discover just how impatient I am. How people can be so oblivious and indifferent not only to others' feelings but to their own."
The Saintess still kept her gaze hanging in mid-air.
Because she spent most of each day using [Clairvoyance], her sense of 'sight' had to be different from ordinary people's.
For her, 'direct gaze', looking someone straight in the eye, was an angle that actually required practice.
"When I saw Undertaker-ssi dating Noh Do-hwa… my heart shook. I was startled by how strong the feeling was, not realizing I had it."
"…"
"Obviously it had to be a disguise set up by someone's scheme. Even if I considered the worst case, it was the work of an anomaly. So there was no need to react emotionally; the thing to do was determine if it was a human disguise or an anomaly's phenomenon. …I judged that way and I acted that way."
A mutter.
"I thought I understood everything, and yet it turns out I still didn't understand myself. And…"
The Saintess turned her head. The water-colored light of her eyes looked straight at my face.
"…"
Suddenly.
As I met that gaze, this thought rose in me.
True orientation. The correct direction. In a house, for instance, good orientation is a south-facing room that sunshine pours into.
Then what is the true orientation of a person's gaze?
Perhaps it is the direction where the one who lets the brightest light seep into your life and your time is standing.
"To learn about the parts of me I still don't understand, I think the way isn't digging deeper into myself, but overlapping the direction of trying to understand someone else."
"…"
"I like you, Mr. Undertaker."
The Saintess smiled softly.
"I'll wait until the day I can hear your answer."
On the way back to the conference room.
"Ah. Mr. Matiz."
I ran into Yu Ji-won in the corridor.
The usual expressionless face. She was carrying a silver tray piled with paper cups of instant coffee.
"Have you finished speaking with the Saintess?"
"Yeah. Ji-won, you're doing coffee delivery?"
"Yes. Normally I would have ordered a subordinate, but given today's illustrious attendees I decided to do it myself."
Yu Ji-won said without so much as a blink.
"If I'd asked Mr. Seo Gyu he would gladly have obliged, but I volunteered on purpose."
"Huh? Why?"
"Mr. Seo Gyu is the type who's touched by small considerations like this. When I serve the coffee cup by cup in the conference room he'll surely exclaim, 'No, you should have told me to do that!' and I'll reply, 'You finally made it up from the dungeon, so please just relax for once.'"
"…"
"Seo Gyu's favorability toward me will rise without fail. With a single coffee errand I dramatically increase the chance of recruiting the Warden of Anomalies to my side in an emergency. Nothing but profit."
Honestly, I had never met, and probably never would meet, another human as strangely diligent as Yu Ji-won…
"Let's walk."
"Yes."
Step. Click.
Our two sets of footsteps echoed together on the corridor leading back to the conference room.
They never fell out of sync. The speed and stride were perfectly identical. Not a centimeter ahead or behind.
"…"
It was something she had learned.
One summer in middle school, after meeting a man who introduced himself as 'Matiz,' she had analyzed his walking speed and stride and grafted it onto herself.
To Yu Ji-won, the person Matiz had never once been physically absent, even in all the years she hadn't seen his face.
"A lot of people kicked up a fuss in this incident."
"Yes."
"But you stayed quiet from start to finish."
"That is only natural."
Her voice came from about forty centimeters to my left shoulder.
"Natural? What do you mean?"
"First. Director Noh Do-hwa would never start openly dating Mr. Matiz unless she had completely lost her mind."
"…"
"From what I have observed, the Director's likelihood of entering a romantic relationship is exceedingly low, and even if she did, the probability she would flaunt it before others converges at absolute zero."
"Can't argue with that."
"Second."
Yu Ji-won spoke as usual.
"Mr. Matiz would never decide to date someone without consulting me first. That probability is likewise zero."
"…"
"A single event might pierce extreme odds, but for two events to coexist requires truly astronomical probability. Believing the romance to be real is the irrational position."
Though her tone was calm, I felt a strange embarrassment, so I changed the subject.
"Ah-ryeon said if I started dating someone who wouldn't accept her, she'd kill the partner."
"As expected of Sim Ah-ryeon."
"What about you, in a similar situation?"
"You keep positing highly improbable scenarios, Mr. Matiz."
Yu Ji-won tilted her head.
"There is no way Mr. Matiz would love someone who won't accept my existence."
"…"
"Of course, human beings are creatures of emotion. Even if Mr. Matiz's reason rejects it, his feelings could resonate."
But, a whisper flowed,
"Comparing the time spent in such a love with the time spent with me, the latter has far greater value to Mr. Matiz."
"All correct, so I can't refute."
Step. Click.
"Others seem to interpret your avoidance of romance as the regressor's pain—the inevitable farewell—"
"Hmm?"
"My view is a little different."
Yu Ji-won said.
"Mr. Matiz simply feels that the way of life we are sharing now is the happiest, and thus had no need to choose romance."
"…"
"In your mind, even now, are the people being sacrificed by anomalies. Starvation. Thirst. Necrosis. You remember countless deaths."
Step. Click.
"To you those deaths are past, present, and future all at once. Colors that will never fade. Therefore, you comprehend more clearly than anyone how precious, how joyful, this brief peace with the people around you is—the scant twenty-odd years granted each run."
"…"
"I trust your judgment. If you are living like this, it means this is the optimal state. And I am not the kind of person who, while in the optimal state, bewails her lot as unfortunate."
"I see."
"Yes."
Step. Click.
For a while the corridor echoed with two sets of footsteps and a single rhythm.
Yu Ji-won retrieved the pause she had placed in her words and opened her lips.
"Some may call this the 'normal ending,' claiming there exists a happier one beyond. But for me, this moment alone—as a normal ending—is enough."
Suddenly.
「Vice Guild Leader, Your Excellency.」
A memory of the past overlaid the present.
「If the me of run five was happier than the me of run six, isn't there a fair chance the me of run seven will be a little happier still?」
「Please leave a will telling the next-run me to try her utmost to live a happier time before holding the funeral…」
「Mm. Won't I be a bit happier next run?」
For someone like me with Complete Memory, the past was always equal to the present.
「I think I can be a little happier next time.」
The 'Yu Ji-won' of the past and of the present wore the exact same face and the exact same expression.
So I ended up asking the exact same question without thinking.
"Ji-won."
"Yes?"
"Are you a bit happier now?"
Our steps stopped.
When I turned my head, she too had turned hers. When two sides meet, it seems to become a front.
And then—
"――'Happiness' is a strange word."
A different answer came from Yu Ji-won's lips.
The overlap of past and present began to crack in my regressor's vision.
Little by little.
"Everyone uses that word as if the concept were fixed, yet for one person it means affection, for another, lust. Power. Shade in midsummer. A glass of good liquor."
"…"
"People sign the concept of happiness in their own handwriting, so happiness looks less like a word and more like a blank space."
Little by little,
the 'current' Yu Ji-won drew closer to me.
"If that is so, then even someone like me, setting aside all other words, must have the freedom to sign the blank called 'happiness' however I wish."
At some point the silver tray in her hands had been passed to me, and at some point I had accepted it without a word.
Thus lightened, she rose on tiptoe and leaned her face near the nape of my neck.
A breath.
It was not a gesture of affection or desire.
"…"
Confirmation.
Authentication.
Proof.
A quiet breath confirmed the scent clinging to my skin.
In this world humanity was not a single species; each person was a different race, and this was a rite permitted only to the race called Yu Ji-won.
Satisfied that the perfume of seven hues still lingered unchanged, she slowly withdrew.
"I too have filled that blank with the name 'Matiz.'"
"…"
"And I know my name is written on your page, in your own script."
Yu Ji-won smiled.
"So, yes."
An artificial yet more beautiful than nature, human smile.
"I am happy now, Mr. Matiz."
-x-X-x-
The Suicidal IX
The meeting was quietly entering its final stretch.
From Dang Seo-rin's point of view the last few days had been nothing short of chaos.
First came the bombshell that Undertaker and Noh Do-hwa were dating, then the revelation that Undertaker was actually a Regressor, and on top of that the real reason he had never "regress-outed" until now was the sealed will her tenth-cycle self had left behind. Taking three fastballs to the head like that would have rattled anyone.
Even so,
"…It feels cowardly, you know. I ought to be angry that you hid it from me all this time, but in the end you were keeping the secret because of a promise you made to me, not anyone else."
After hearing the whole story Seo-rin could only sigh as though she had no other choice.
"Do you realise how foolish that is? Promise or not, who on earth tries to keep faith with something agreed thousands of years… Wait. Was it thousands of years ago?"
"No. It was tens of thousands of years ago."
"Good grief. How does anyone honour a promise that old to this very day?"
Her expression was a tangle, anger and joy, sorrow and wonder, all vying for the front seat.
She would need time to settle those feelings.
So I voiced only the question that had to be asked now.
"Seo-rin."
"…"
"As Oh Dok-seo pointed out, I have followed the will your tenth cycle left behind. No, I have tried my best to keep it. I believed doing so would prove that someone called you once existed in that distant past."
Silence blanketed the room.
The Saintess at the table, Yu Ji-won, even Sim Ah-ryeon, who chased dopamine wherever she went, all held their tongues.
"And now that we have reached the thousandth cycle, I want to ask for your decision again."
"…"
"May I keep telling the next you, and the one after that, that I am a regressor?"
The silence lingered.
"Tenth-cycle me must have… I do not know exactly, but I think she trusted very little."
After letting the weight of my question sink all the way down, Seo-rin finally opened her mouth.
"All sorts of things. Faith in myself, whether I could fight anomalies without burning through my whole lifespan… Faith in you, whether you were as precious as this world."
"…"
"But you waited tens of thousands of years for me. If I could not even hold out and watch how this world ends, that would be pathetic."
"So."
"Right."
She clasped my hands.
"I will endure, no matter what."
"…"
"I have no idea how much lifespan you have already stacked on me, but that span does not belong solely to me. It is yours as well, the result of you guarding my will. Therefore,"
Seo-rin smiled,
"The life you protected, I want to spend it when you want me to. My lifespan, I leave it in your care."
Warmth flowed through our palms.
"Bravo!"
Clap-clap-clap-clap-clap!
From the judges' dais Oh Dok-seo sprang to her feet, hammering her hands together, tears streaming for some reason.
"Yes, this is it, sniff, absolutely moving. See, all you have to do is talk. If you just talk you can move forward, so why, why not talk, huh? I despise stories that drag out conflict you could solve with an honest conversation, it is manure, total manure. If you claim to care for each other why must hurting each other be inevitable? Only conflicts that survive true dialogue are real conflicts. Hrk, uncle, sob, I always trusted you, dang it!"
"…"
Except for Dok-seo and one single other person, no one in the chamber joined her standing ovation.
Rather, the prevailing mood was "for the love of all things, do not lump me with that one."
In short, it ended in a way everyone could accept.
"Tch."
Cheon Yo-hwa still rested her chin in her palm, looking somehow hollowed out.
Her head and her heart never stopped rubbing each other raw.
Stories about Yo-hwa could wait for another time; a heavy emptiness still draped over her and that shadow deserved its own episode.
Therefore,
my gaze fixed on a single person.
Clap, clap, clap, clap.
"…"
With a flawless smile, no shade over her face, no shadow at the corner of her lips, she applauded right after Dok-seo.
Only Noh Do-hwa.
An epilogue had to be told.
This one was not short.
Quite a long one, in fact.
Let us go through it step by step, in order.
"Brothers and sisters, please calm yourselves."
The first piece of cleanup was, of course, soothing the Awakener mob in Tower of Babel Plaza that looked ready to lynch me on the spot.
The Northern Saintess ascended the podium, showing off the saintess robe she had changed into ahead of time, a holy smile on her lips.
"There is no doubt about Sir Undertaker's feelings. He loves me, and that love is not some vulgar romance but the pure Mo Gwang-seo style compassion that embraces my entire being."
– What.
– Wait, really?
– See, I told you so!
Murmurs swept the crowd.
The paladins who had been one step from declaring a crusade downgraded at once into woodland critters.
I, a man of common sense, had no idea what "Mo Gwang-seo style love" was, but apparently it carried profound meaning for them.
Sim Ah-ryeon beamed.
"Yes. It is just that Sir Undertaker's boundless compassion has taken root in many people besides me, like the Guild Leader of Samcheon World or the Commander of the National Road Management Corps."
"…"
"I sincerely support and bless this man's love."
She hopped off the stage, trotted over to me, looped her arm through mine and flashed the brightest grin imaginable.
"So please, brothers and sisters, bless him as well, amen."
"…"
From that day on the Eastern Holy State had a single archenemy, not heretics, atheists, anomalies or even the Road Corps, but one man called Undertaker.
Every dawn when I made my patrol through Inunaki Tunnel, I found the entrance on the Holy State side piled high with anonymous letters.
[Die.]
[Miss Saintess is so innocent that she was momentarily deceived by your devilish tongue, but my eyes will not be mocked…]
[Die.]
[I have relatives in Busan. Just last month they sent me a photo of you having lunch with the Great Witch of Samcheon World. If you still possess the conscience God grants to all men—]
[Die.]
"…"
Paper was not a resource one could squander freely in this era, so the sheer waste made it clear how sky-high their hatred rose.
"Ah-ryeon."
"Y-yes?"
"I can endure no longer."
"…?"
At last I made my decision.
–ZERO_SUGAR: ☆★ Great shock! The true identity of OldManGoryeo the vile troll! She is actually the Northern Saintess! Exposé! ★☆
It was, without exaggeration, a nuclear move.
If anyone thought this Guild Leader would stay passive forever, they were sadly mistaken.
I curled a bitter smile.
The post was perfect.
The fact that OldManGoryeo and the Northern Saintess had never been active at the same time, that assuming they were the same person solved every mystery, the copious evidence attached—everything immaculate.
Even the title was crafted to bait clicks no matter how you tried to resist.
'How long did you think you could rule the forum as a tyrant? Die for once, Ah-ryeon!'
Comments began to pour in.
The greatest scandal in SG Net history. The fanfare of doom, its overture blaring.
–Anonymous: Ignore the troll.
?
–Anonymous: What is this now…
–[Baekhwa] PressClub2: Do not feed.
–[EasternHoly] KindSoul: lol, this jerk used to spin fake homeland stories, now he smears the Saintess for attention, what a life.
└Anonymous: What bait is it this time?
└[Samcheon] MeteorIsIceMagic: I said ignore the troll, 400m.
└[EasternHoly]KindSoul: sry sry
–Anonymous: You fools realise giving him attention is exactly what he wants.
–dolLHOuse: Not easy, 1 200m.
That was all the reaction to my magnum opus.
"Uh…"
One-hundred-and-twenty-one downvotes.
Only two upvotes, one of which was mine.
–OldManGoryeo: Hooeheehee! Turns out I was the Supreme Being of the Eastern Holy State all along? While I was not looking I became the Northern Saintess and was out there saving lives >_<)!!
–OldManGoryeo: As expected the only one who cares about me here is ZeroCola-chan, people are so cold! Big like. Let my love reach you, ZeroCola-chan, take my hearttttt ♡
–OldManGoryeo: Starting today, I am dating ZeroCola-chan! Day 1 ♡♡♡ (D-1)
The other upvote was from Sim Ah-ryeon.
"…"
Why? How?
Enraged, I posted again.
–ZERO_SUGAR: Come on, guys. Set emotion aside and look at the evidence. OldManGoryeo equals NorthernSaintess, I am telling you.
└Anonymous: Ignore the troll.
This time there was exactly one reply.
"What? Why?"
Unbelievable.
Had the public finally lost all ability to distinguish fake news from real?
Very well. I hated to stoop to this, but I had no choice except to post side-by-side photos of Ah-ryeon cosplaying in the Holy State and slacking off in our guild base, showing how different she looked—
[Mr. Undertaker.]
[Forwarding Mr. Sim Ah-ryeon's exact message. I left out the stuttering.]
['Guild Leader! I just wrote a post claiming ZeroSugar equals Undertaker and I am playing press-submit-or-not-submit, do you want to join the fun?']
[That is what she says.]
"…"
[What should I tell her?]
With a long press I quietly tapped Delete Post on my screen.
This was not just my defeat.
It was the defeat of the last truthful voice of journalism in this age.
In other words, the thousandth cycle was so peaceful that I had the spare nerves for SG Net drama.
It was not only me who felt this way.
"Wow, the thousandth really is different, incredibly calm," Oh Dok-seo agreed.
"You call it record-breaking calm? How would you know what other cycles were like?" I asked.
"Ah, actually I set Infinite Metagame in mirror mode and whenever I am bored I use my Side Story Creation ability and enter V-Tuber mode."
"Oh?"
"I mainly possess 'past-cycle me'. I ask what I was thinking back then, what situation I faced, how I acted, what results came, what I regret. It is fun research."
I nearly quipped that spending all her free time like that must be why she never sits still to write.
"The other cycles were absolute chaos. Stuff you never saw behind your back. For the honour of my comrades I will stop there."
"…You went through a lot."
"Eh, the others take things too seriously. I, on the other hand, see them as 'characters' in the Undertaker saga, so there is fan affection mixed in, not that stressful."
She scratched her cheek.
"Anyway, ever since the last meeting the back-room friction has practically vanished."
"Hmm."
"Look at Samcheon World and Baekhwa Girls' High, they hardly bicker any more, right?"
Now that she said it, it's true.
It had been too trivial to detail in the main text, but in reality and on SG Net Samcheon and Baekhwa fought every other day.
Guild Leaders for the title of strongest magic Awakener on the peninsula, guild members for the honor of strongest guild.
"Indeed, I have not watched Seo-rin and Yo-hwa jab at each other on the forums for quite some time."
"See?"
Dok-seo chuckled.
"If I had known things would improve this much when I spoke up, I would have done it sooner, not waited till the thousandth cycle. Ah, I feel like I lost a thousand years of my possessor life."
"Mm. Dok-seo, you occupy a position similar to a 'book possessor' but strictly speaking you are not one."
"Hey, you get it by feel, right? By feel!"
She laughed, nudging my ribs, looking truly happy. Apparently she had suffered more quietly than I realised.
"Tra-la-la, tra-la-la, tra-la-la, tra—"
In high spirits she hummed The Song of the Birds while clacking away on her typewriter, promising to write a story for the first time in ages, and left.
As I savoured the cocktail of pride and self-reproach that came from recognising that tune—
[Mr. Undertaker.]
The Saintess contacted me the moment Dok-seo was gone.
[I have something to tell you.]
"If Ah-ryeon is pestering you to relay another message, please, I beg you, just tell her to spare my life."
[No, that is not it.]
Her voice was low.
[Ms. Dok-seo is truly enjoying herself for once, so I chose this timing to avoid interfering.]
"Yes?"
[I am sorry to say, but the reason relations inside the Regressor Alliance have improved is… not Ms. Dok-seo.]
[Of course I believe she provided the first push, at least I believe so. However…]
[People, that is, relationships, rarely change with a single declaration.]
I blinked.
"What are you saying?"
[Someone else has been moving quietly behind your back, adjusting opinions, allocating time, patching rifts between the alliance members as much as possible.]
"Who would that be?"
[Ms. Noh Do-hwa.]
My heart lurched.
Independent of my will, the Saintess's voice flowed in.
[It is Ms. Noh Do-hwa.]
-x-X-x-
The Suicidal X
Noh Do-hwa.
There was once such a woman.
Do, the wave.
In the character for wave, it is the part that holds the meaning of a ceaseless swell.
It is not calm water at all but the heaving that never rests, like surf.
Since ancient times water like that has been a hell one could hardly cross, a demon's lair that stole lives again and again, so perhaps the forebears called it water on which a person's span of years was laid.
Do-hwa, a river where those waves run.
Noh Do-hwa, the road that crosses such a river.
"Eh?"
The fork that had just touched a chocolate cake stopped in mid-air and Noh Do-hwa looked my way.
Then she smiled brightly.
"What are you staring at so hard, Mr. Undertaker?"
"…"
"If you want a taste you can just say so. Here, aah—♪"
With practiced ease Noh Do-hwa cut off a neat bite and held it out to me on the fork.
In countless bits of subculture this would be the scene with the sign that says, "Dear customer, please feel your heart skip here," yet my heart was surprisingly still.
When I took a mouthful of that extravagantly precious chocolate cake, Noh Do-hwa propped her chin on her hand and gazed at me as if I were something lovely.
"Is it good?"
"Yes, it is delicious."
"Hehe, thank goodness. Work has kept you so busy we could hardly have any private time. Going on a date with just the two of us on such a fine day, I like it."
"…"
For a moment the hesitation in my mouth mingled with the sweet-bitter scent of chocolate.
"…Is it good for you too, Ms. Do-hwa?"
"Mm?"
Do-hwa blinked.
"Of course. The cake is wonderful, and it has been ages since I enjoyed dessert with you, Doctor-ssi. How could I dislike it?"
"…"
That could not be.
Noh Do-hwa disliked sweets. She allowed only the faint hint that drifted out of certain drinks, and from the first she had rejected desserts ferociously.
Unless her palate had flipped overnight in the thousandth run, she could not be eating chocolate cake with that happy face.
Therefore.
"Mmm. The bakery here really is excellent no matter when I come."
The Noh Do-hwa smiling in front of me was lying.
From the cheerful lift of her brows to the angle of the hand holding the fork, from the outfit chosen for a date to the tone she used,
even this moment that looked as though someone had cut out the piece of daily life labelled 'happiness' and pasted it on with care,
all of it was false.
"Ah."
Perhaps spending time in the bakery had been a mistake. At the entrance Dang Seo-rin walked in, saw us, and came to a halt.
It was no coincidence. This place was one of her regular haunts.
"What the—"
A short while ago, if she had seen us sharing cake like lovers, she would have screamed.
"—Noh Do-hwa and the Undertaker!"
But not now.
Smack.
Seo-rin walked over without hesitation and slapped palms with Noh Do-hwa, no anger, sorrow or caution on her face.
Her heart had clear fences.
To anyone once acknowledged as family, her side, an ally, Dang Seo-rin gave endless generosity and friendship.
"See? I told you last time this place is really good, that delivery doesn't compare at all!"
That friendship was now in the look she gave Noh Do-hwa.
This, too, had happened only in the thousandth run out of all the cycles I crossed.
"Yes, it is definitely different. I used to have a bias against cakes, but eating it here I finally get the appeal. Hehe, thank you, Ms. Seo-rin."
"Haha. Ah— I shouldn't block your date! Undertaker, don't forget lunch tomorrow! Bye!"
"Uh, yeah, okay…"
"Do-hwa, have fun!"
Seo-rin waved and trotted off to the owner. Until she left with her reserved cake she never spared us a glance.
"…"
Not long ago I remembered a talk with the Saintess.
[Ms. Do-hwa has been adjusting the others' schedules behind your back, Mr. Undertaker.]
– Adjusting schedules?
[She told them this.]
[I have no intention of monopolising the Undertaker. We are dating but I will not take it to the physical level.]
[It is fine for all of you to spend time with him.]
"…"
[I understand your possessiveness, but if you let me coordinate I will manage the calendar so none of you feel left out. Please trust me.]
[Except.]
– Except?
[Do not show the Undertaker any hint of it, ever. That was her order.]
"…"
[I am sorry. Even telling you this breaks the promise I made, but I thought you had to know.]
[After this I will keep silent.]
If the Saintess was right, Noh Do-hwa was still backstage managing the relationships inside the Regressor Alliance.
So that Dang Seo-rin would not feel left out. So that Cheon Yo-hwa would not explode. So that Lee Ha-yul would not be shunned. So that Sim Ah-ryeon or Oh Dok-seo would not grow lonely.
Oh Dok-seo once said that the nerves and clashes inside the Alliance were as nasty as a hardcore soap opera.
Yet Do-hwa was doing it, as if a difficulty of that level could not hinder her once she made up her mind.
Compared with leading the National Road Management Corps and ruling a ruined peninsula, it was child's play.
Effortlessly.
"Huh. You keep staring at me, Mr. Undertaker."
Noh Do-hwa leaned over the table, wiped my mouth with her thumb.
"You had chocolate on your lips."
"Ah."
"You said you would patrol the Void this afternoon, right? Please be careful."
She playfully licked her finger and smiled.
"While you are gone, I will guard the city and the towns."
Time passed.
Everything was perfect.
Dang Seo-rin had joined the Regressor Alliance at last, and I no longer had to tiptoe around using her as an asset.
Impossible.
The constant friction between Seo-rin and Yo-hwa, for some reason, vanished. They were not friends but they recognised and understood each other. Noh Do-hwa always smiled between them.
Impossible.
Sim Ah-ryeon, who had once viewed other people like dust, learned bit by bit how to draw near. Oh Dok-seo later told me Noh Do-hwa had worked to exhibit Ah-ryeon's paintings.
Impossible.
Lee Ha-yul opened her guarded heart not only to me but to Noh Do-hwa. It was natural. Do-hwa had fitted her with a prosthetic leg, and if that same woman spoke with warmth, how could a girl who had always wanted family refuse.
Impossible.
"Wow, mister, I feel really happy these days."
"…"
"People don't fight, the Alliance unnies get along great. Even ones who used to clash fatally are fine now. This has to be a miracle, right?"
Everything was perfect.
Time flowed.
The day the Monster Wave smothered the last human stronghold, Dang Seo-rin was there, Cheon Yo-hwa was there, everyone was there.
They met death, yet it was hard to find unhappiness on their faces.
Humans may not live forever, but if they die with those they love they accept the end with humility.
The lines broke and broke again, and at last we fell back to the roof of the Tower of Babel, the last barricade.
"Ah."
"…"
"They have all gone ahead, Mr. Undertaker."
Only Noh Do-hwa remained beside me.
Naturally. She had no fighting strength, yet she was too valuable to lose, so she had stayed in the safest rear.
With clothes torn here and there she smiled faintly.
"Still, I did not see how the other runs ended, but… these days felt very happy."
"Is that so?"
My voice rasped out thin. I could not help it.
To seal Leviathan we had to suppress aura as much as possible.
Even without that handicap the Wave had been close to impossible. With aura sealed, clearing that nightmare was beyond hard.
"Were you happy, Ms. Do-hwa?"
"Yes."
The answer came at once.
"I met precious people."
Still smiling, she pressed her right hand to her chest, as if to prove it with the beat of her heart.
"In a world this broken there are still those who fight for themselves and for someone else, and… I met the man I love, and I can die with him."
"…"
"Mr. Undertaker."
She opened her eyes wide.
"Were you happy too?"
Silence.
Boom, boom, behind the steel door the flesh of monsters pounded without end.
"…"
This was the last moment.
We were holding thanks to the puppet strings Ha-yul had set at the cost of her life, but soon they would break through.
"I have thought about it constantly."
I spoke.
"Yes?"
"The turning point. When you accepted that strange message from the elder twin."
"…"
"What words did Cheon Yo-hwa use, and why did you decide on a fake relationship with me. I could never understand, so for decades I kept wondering."
"Hmm."
She tilted her head.
"Is it that hard? I like you. I love you. I kept pretending not to, then her message provoked me, became the trigger, and we started dating."
"…"
"The fake part is only the label. We pretend but our feelings are real, we grow closer, truly fall in love… It happens a lot, does it not?"
Perhaps.
The past decades, the thousandth cycle, had been sweet enough to tempt me to that mistake.
"No."
But a good chocolate cake always hides bitterness at its core, and at the centre of every photo titled Happiness Noh Do-hwa was smiling.
"Director Noh Do-hwa. All you care about is wounding me."
"…"
"Your reason is noble, but your emotions are trash. Calling you scum is not enough."
Boom. The door quivered.
"Why, why say such things now? Even I, if the one I love says that, i-it hurts—"
"You admit I am a fine person. I thank you. But you did not join me to see the world grow bright."
"Sorry? I don't—"
"You want to witness the moment I break."
"…"
Screech. Something scraped the door. A claw, or teeth.
"When you read the word Yo-hwa sent, you asked yourself."
Q. How do you leave the deepest scar on the Undertaker?
"A simple bad ending? Too weak. I have seen too many stupid deaths."
A. Think the opposite.
"So, give the regressor who chants happy endings the greatest happy ending imaginable."
"…"
A happy ending.
Seo-rin and Cheon Yo-hwa no longer fight.
Ha-yul is not lonely.
Ah-ryeon, Ji-won, Dok-seo, all of them share time with me thanks to a perfect schedule.
"You showed me I can always reach the path closest to everyone's happiness."
"…"
"As long as one person, Director Noh Do-hwa, bears all the unhappiness."
Noh Do-hwa had been indifferent to people. She broke that and forced herself to mediate.
She had cared nothing for clothes. She studied fashion, dressed up for me.
She never shared emotions. She cast aside her monopoly so everyone could share my time.
By carving away her own nature she produced one result, the Alliance's happiness.
"And you…"
"I?"
"You led me to become trash who feels joy in that artificial ending."
"Oh dear, you think I have such vile aims?"
"Yes."
"Then all the more, answer my question."
She looked at me.
"Mr. Undertaker, are you happy now?"
Creak, the door bent. Tentacles of flesh oozed through.
"No."
"Oh my."
"I dislike the you before me. Director Noh Do-hwa does not say 'oh my', she does not smile like that."
"Goodness."
"The person I trusted to guard the towns while I was away does not have such a clean smile. I did not admire her because she was perfect, but because although she was trash who always grumbled, she never dodged her duty."
"My."
"I dislike you."
"Ummm."
She smiled.
"Was I dumped just now?"
"Yes."
"Ah, how sad. I really liked you. I worked so, so hard to make you happy."
"…"
"I ran the organisation. I managed the relationships. I handled two missions nobody else could do. And yet you prefer—"
She stepped closer.
"Someone trashier than someone this perfect?"
"Yes."
"I see."
She covered my eyes with a hand and darkness fell.
"Close your eyes, Mr. Undertaker."
"…"
"And turn on Mind Reading."
Mind Reading. An ability I rarely used, especially on comrades. She had once begged me never to use it on her. Why ask now?
"Is it on?"
"…Yes."
"Then listen to my last confession."
Blackness behind my eyelids, her hand blocking sight.
"Mr. Undertaker."
Amid the noise of monsters squeezing through the crack, her whisper.
[Awakener Undertaker.]
And the white letters Mind Reading drew.
"I was happy."
[I was miserable.]
"…"
"There were hard times, but watching you and your friends grow closer was a great reward."
[It was revolting.]
Whispered sounds, silent monologue, two lines tightening around my heart.
"Even though you rejected my love, I have no regrets."
[In all these decades there was not a single moment for my own wish. You dragged my life into yours.]
"You must be confused. Your comrades are all gone."
[I knew this ending from the start.]
"So, please remember."
[Do not forget this moment.]
"I will always exist as your answer."
[Do not forget that happiness for all is impossible.]
"If you wish, I will stay and help everyone get along."
[Did you hope you could choose everyone and me at once?]
"I love you."
[I hate only you.]
At that instant my lips were sealed. A kiss stuffed with lies.
[Do not breathe.]
Her voice faded, only thoughts burned white.
[No, breathe only the air I exhale.]
"…"
Strangely, I thought I heard her soft laughter.
[Remember with that clever head.]
[This is your thousandth ending.]
After that I recall little. Until my breath stopped I stayed in darkness. Perhaps I suffocated though her hands were not on my throat. Perhaps the door burst and the monsters devoured us in an instant.
Yet with extraordinary memory I could never forget the first cause that led here.
– If you date me, from that moment every word and act of mine will be a lie.
The fact that I nodded, that I accepted it with my own body, must be blamed.
Therefore, my thousandth cause of death was suicide.
-x-X-x-
The Bereaved I
Now, the time to speak about Go Yuri is finally drawing near.
Yet before we can reach that point there are still a few unavoidable steps we have to tread.
For example,
an older sister and a younger sister,
twin shrine maidens,
the self-proclaimed Yo-hwa Yo-hwa☆Sisters.
"…"
Someone who, although it was a lie, once tried out a "happy ending" in the previous episode.
Someone who watched that manufactured happy ending with faint dissatisfaction until the very end.
The elder sister who was trapped inside stopped time.
The younger sister who was set adrift in the flow of hours.
Let us tell their story.
Imagine for a second what sort of news would leave an ordinary person most bewildered if it landed out of nowhere.
"Aliens have invaded." After the apocalypse modern humanity has suffered, aliens are hardly fresh news.
People at the market would simply nod "Well, that can happen," then turn back to arguing over fruit prices.
That very spirit of "Well, that can happen" is the slogan that defines our era.
Humankind wiped out, could happen. A staircase you never built appears in your house, could happen.
You step into an elevator and every button reads 4F—what, you rode an elevator without thinking in this day and age? Then just die.
Exactly.
The Babylonian proverb "Kids these days have no sense" has, after four thousand years, finally taken its first loss.
By now it is almost impossible for any ordinary incident to punch through a modern mind's armour or topple that "could happen" attitude.
"Yo-hwa, there's something I need to confess."
"Ah, is this finally the moment you confess your love for me? I… I am ready, teacher!"
"The truth is, you have an older sister you cannot remember. A twin, in fact.
Your name is the same, Cheon Yo-hwa, the Chinese characters differ a bit.
Your sister was caught in a Time Seal, so from your end the memories became things that never existed.
Sejong City is stable now and the northern front is quiet, so I thought this would be a good time for us to go and meet her."
"…"
One second. Two. Three. Four.
"Huh?"
The sound effect that plays whenever Cheon Yo-hwa's mental defence wall is breached is a faint "Huh."
And thus the regressor gained yet another fragment of knowledge about the world.
Experience Points up—Level up.
"Teacher, what kind of nonsense is that?"
"…"
Experience Points revoked.
Cheon Yo-hwa written 天寥化 and Cheon Yo-hwa written 千謠話—hang on.
Because the two names sound identical, it is terribly confusing to anyone listening.
Putting Chinese characters every time is tiresome, so from now on I will call the elder sister "Cheon-hwa" and the younger one simply "Yo-hwa."
Cheon-hwa and Yo-hwa.
A spur-of-the-moment idea, but it works rather well.
Anyway, about my Separated Family Reunion project, here is what the elder twin—
the strategist caught in a Time Seal, the girl who mangles polite and casual speech at will, a heavy dopamine addict—Cheon-hwa had to say.
"Er, I would drop it if I were you, Sunbae."
Rather unexpectedly, she shot the idea down without hesitation.
"Why?"
"Hmm-mm." Cheon-hwa smiled vaguely.
"From my angle the real mystery is why sunbae thinks reuniting us is a good idea."
"Because you are family." My brows knit.
"To the younger sister, her twin vanished without warning. Seeing each other again would help."
"Hmm-mm, I am not so sure."
"Well, of course I would love it if my kid sister got over her trauma and came all the way here to greet me. I do love her to bits, I am her big sister after all."
"Oh, I knew it."
"But Sunbae, is the Yo-hwa we have now mature enough to accept me?"
I tilted my head.
"Mature? Does a reunion between sisters require maturity?"
"I have been trapped in this classroom by the Time Seal, so I have no idea what is happening outside."
She looked toward the window.
"All I can do is inhale the information you bring me like oxygen and deduce the situation beyond."
"I know."
"So I can only imagine with my head how frightened my cute little sister must be."
She pulled her legs up onto the desk and hugged her knees.
"You know, Sunbae, the Yo-hwa I remember was always as fresh as a spring breeze."
"She still is."
"She never burned with jealousy, never fought to prove herself, never wore a perfect smile while something inside her died."
"…"
"Yo-hwa with a sister and Yo-hwa without a sister are very different people."
Family, however close or distant, shapes a person deeply, and for twins that influence is beyond dispute.
"My sister and I were born twisted, so if anybody had mental shadows, it was me."
"…"
"Meanwhile she is the textbook picture of mental health—jealousy, grudges, gloom, she fixes those with a game of basketball and a nap."
Sometimes I wondered how such an angel was born into a family as crooked as ours.
"That," I said carefully, "does not match the student-council president I know."
Her bright smile faded into bitterness.
"Sunbae, I have no regrets about the Time Seal. It is the correct answer, the only clear route."
"Is that so."
"Yes. Waking up to find you here like today even makes me happy. But when it comes to my sister… I am not confident."
The wind through the window ruffled her hair, and for the first time I saw her unsure of herself.
The regressor's advantage is that, no matter the failure, we can keep pressing the retry button.
"Yeah, I am not confident, but like you said, Sunbae, it is worth a shot."
The amnesiac's advantage is that the scars of failure never last more than twenty-four hours.
"Even if it fails my day always resets, so I can just keep at it until it works."
"The outside might stabilise more later, but if I sit on my hands I doubt my sister's mind will heal by itself."
"Then this too is a strategy."
Right, retry and scar immunity meshed and set the gears of time turning.
"I am sorry, Sunbae. You already saved her once, but please, help my sister one more time."
"Do not worry. The fee was already paid in advance as your tutoring bill."
"Ahaha, right, my tuition was steep."
Clap—a high five.
"Yay, Yo-hwa Yo-hwa☆Sisters reboot, Separated Family Reunion Project, begin!"
"Alright, for my precious students who give me headaches just by existing, I will give it a go."
And then it went to ruin magnificently.
The start was not bad.
Even though the cliché "You have hidden blood relations" briefly possessed Yo-hwa with the soul of SG Man, her trust in Teacher had long since passed one hundred percent.
With calm explanation her horror began to thaw.
"…Well, Teacher, you do have the Time Seal ability, and you would never feed me nonsense. Hmm."
"Then will you meet her?"
"Hmm. Yes. But to be honest, it feels completely unreal."
She tilted her head at an awkward rhythm.
"The world has gotten so weird I let most things slide with a 'could happen,' but this is unbelievable. A twin sister? Me? Then she was supposed to inherit our order?"
"We will unravel all that when you meet."
"Hmm, alright."
I led her to the rooftop of the Tower of Babel. At the centre, as always, sat the crystal stele.
"Cheon-hwa!"
I stuck only my right foot through the invisible boundary, poking my head inside. Yo-hwa's hand was still in mine, so she could not yet enter the Time Seal.
"Eh, Sunbae?"
"Why are you coming in like that?"
"I brought your sister."
"Huh?"
"I struck a deal with yesterday's you. Let's meet her."
"What? Ah, ah, wait, I am not ready!"
Crash, thump.
She nearly fell over a desk, frantically checking her clothes and hair.
"Is my hair sticking up?"
"No sister on Earth fusses over hair to meet her sister. Just meet her."
"Aah… I always kept the brand of a dignified, unreadable, therefore admirable big sister!"
"…"
"Um, Teacher," came a voice from behind me, beyond the translucent door only I could see.
"Huh?"
"Forgive me, but you keep shouting by yourself. Are you alright?"
"Cheon Yo-hwa, because of your namesake I am about to look insane in front of my student!"
"Ye-yes?"
"No, not you, Yo-hwa. Cheon-hwa, big sister, I am coming in!"
"Aaah, the dignity I tended all my life…"
Since the very idea of a twin who worries about such dignity is anomalous, I pulled Yo-hwa in without hesitation.
A short "Ah—" and tap—
Just like that, the heel of the younger sister's shoe touched the elder's classroom floor.
"…"
"…"
Their eyes met.
Two people utterly identical except that one uniform was white and the other black, both wearing the same orange ponytail and the same crimson eyes.
"…Welcome, my sister."
A breeze blew in through the window.
This Divine Realm is entirely under Cheon-hwa's control, so the open window, the perfect timing of the breeze, the gust that tousled her hair, and the way she swept it aside were all handmade touches.
"Congratulations," she said, smiling like a mastermind.
"To transcend the fetters of fate, to cross the boundary of time, and to arrive at this promised spot at last. I, Cheon Yo-hwa written as the lonely empty sky, greet you, my one and only sister."
"…"
Ah, that sort of roleplay.
-x-X-x-
The Bereaved II
For a moment, let's add a single, cruel thought to the mix.
I want you to think of someone very precious to you.
It could be your mother. It could be your father. It could be a lover. It could even be a pet.
It doesn't matter if you don't have such a precious person.
No. In fact, for the simulation we're about to try, it might be more fitting if you don't have a precious person.
– Ah, seriously! Unni!
It is enough to simply posit the hypothetical existence of 'someone incredibly precious to me'.
– I told you not to steal my clothes! I haven't even had a chance to wear that yet!
– They say wearing new clothes right away is bad for you because of all the chemicals on them, little sis. Your amazing older sister, in her infinite concern for your health, has graciously tested it for you first, just like a royal food taster.
– Die!
Your life story is so intertwined with that precious someone that you couldn't possibly write your biography without them.
Laughing. Fighting. Glaring. Apologizing.
Cursing. Blaming yourself. Trusting. Waiting for them.
Through that someone, you learned how to be 'human'. You learned emotions. You practiced how to interact with people.
Thanks to them, you became human.
– I'm so glad you're my unni. To think… that I have someone in my family I can talk to like this, even about our parents. I think it's a blessing.
– Yeah. Me too.
– If, by any chance, I get dragged away by that god… help me, unni. I'll help you too, no matter what happens.
– Okay.
Then one morning, you wake up, and that 'someone' is no longer by your side.
– ...?
A strange feeling.
It feels like you've left something behind somewhere.
– Huh?
They are no longer there.
If it was your mother, it's as if you never had a mother to begin with. If it was a lover, you've never experienced such a love. If it was a pet, that child had never once climbed onto your back.
– …
It is empty.
A void.
This world, this universe, has lost something precious called the laws of physics. And you have just lost something a little more precious than that.
Even so, the world keeps moving, and you are still left there.
– …Ugh? What is it? I feel like I forgot something.
– Pre-President!
– Hm?
– Thank goodness! President, the school has gotten really, um, strange! We can't even get past the school gate. And all the teachers have disappeared!
– Whoa, whoa, hold on! Calm down! Everyone, take a deep breath in! And out. Yes, yes, in and out. Good. Calm down and speak one at a time.
– Sob. Well, you see….
As the world's time flows on and your own life remains, you have no choice but to keep living.
But then, it suddenly hits you.
While walking down a long, straight hallway, for no reason at all, a reason you yourself could never figure out, you turn around.
– …
Me.
What did I leave behind there?
– President?
– Oh, uh, yeah! Sorry. I just had a strange feeling for a second. Let's go! Let's find the other kids!
– Yes! Waaah. Really, I'm so glad you're here, President!
– Ahaha…
Why is it?
– …
This.
It feels like this isn't my life.
The reunion with the twin sisters… nearly ended in disaster.
"Ahahaha! Really—?"
"Hey, I'm serious. Ahaha."
Unlike the older sister, who was a hikikomori of legendary proportions (having been trapped by Time Seal and left all alone in the classroom for eternity, she was effectively the world's greatest loner), the younger sister was, thankfully, a complete social butterfly. The very epitome of an ENFP.
She had mastered that special magic exclusive to social butterflies, turning the momentarily frigid air into a soft spring breeze as if by a lie.
Oh, for the record, the older sister who made a mess of her first impression was classified as an INFJ. Since her personality type will never be mentioned again before the story ends, I'll just get it out of the way here.
Even though a catastrophe had occurred, much like an otaku trying to make a deep impression on a blind date and instead leaving a very deep impression in a different sense, the younger of the twin sisters, Yo-hwa, skillfully performed a stunt called 'getting close to someone you just met'.
"For some reason, from the moment I saw you, Teacher, I felt this incredible sense of familiarity. And, wow. So you were our tutor even before we met at Baekhwa Girls' High!"
"Yep, yep."
"But why does unni call you Sunbae?"
"Ah. I was planning on getting into Seoul National University too. Since we were going to be senior and junior in a few years anyway, I just decided to start calling him Sunbae. That's how we settled on the title."
"Wow. You must have been really good at studying."
"Well, well. Studying is a piece of cake! Ahem."
Hmm.
I had been watching the reunion of the separated sisters with a nervous heart, but….
'This is surprisingly okay, isn't it?'
Just then, my eyes met Cheon-hwa's.
From an angle her sister couldn't see, she clenched her fist and mouthed 'Nice!'. I found myself responding in kind.
"So, so. Yo-hwa, you won't remember this, but when I was teaching you two, we used to wander through a secret passage in your house and stuff―"
"Heeeh."
"And then! Sunbae―"
Cheon-hwa chattered on, unusually excited like a child. Yo-hwa played along, chiming in enthusiastically.
A contented smile naturally formed on my lips.
'Well, they were such close twin sisters, so even if she lost her memories because of the [Time Seal], their basic human compatibility wouldn't just disappear…'
A mold grew in the cracks of my thoughts.
It was a sense of unease.
'…Hm? Wait. How would I know how close the two of them were?'
This was the first time in my entire long life as a regressor that I had seen Cheon-hwa and Yo-hwa laughing and chatting together like this.
In other words, I had no clues or evidence to know anything about the two sisters' relationship.
It was only natural.
So why did I?
"Our family is the absolute worst, isn't it?"
"Ah, for real! You really can't understand it unless you're born as the successor to a pseudo-religious cult!"
"Right, right. I mean, what kind of parents mess with their daughters' names, planning to offer them as sacrifices? Did you know? We actually have different names officially registered at the government office. It was just within the family and the cult that we were both called Cheon Yo-hwa…"
"Wow. No way."
"We would've known sooner if we'd gotten our ID cards. They probably hid those from us too. Ah."
Poke, poke.
Cheon-hwa, with a mischievous, playful smile, nudged my ribs with her elbow.
"Sunbae, you probably know our other names, don't you? You know. When you were working with Grandpa Schopenhauer, you dug through all the government records."
"Who knows. I wasn't paying special attention to you two back then."
"Aww. But you could find out if you tried. Sunbae, please look it up for me! I don't particularly dislike my name, but I'm just curious to hear what it is. You never know. It might be something like Bok-ja or Gil-ja."
"That does sound interesting."
"Right? I'm Cheon Bok-ja. Ahahaha."
It was then that I suddenly realized.
The classroom had gotten a little quiet.
Specifically, Yo-hwa. The younger sister had suddenly stopped talking.
"Ahaha…?"
"Hm?"
We both turned our heads at the same time.
And we saw.
"…"
From Yo-hwa's face.
All expression had vanished.
She was just silently staring this way… in the direction where Cheon-hwa and I were sitting, with a blank look.
"Uh."
Flinch.
Both Cheon-hwa and I were at a loss for words.
In the red eyes watching us, there was a vinyl-like film that seemed impossible for any wings to penetrate.
They resembled the eyes of a reptile.
"..."
"..."
Silence.
The thread of conversation was unnaturally torn, and a stillness continued.
Both Cheon-hwa and I had good instincts. While we pretended to be logical at a glance, in reality, we often relied on our gut feelings.
That was why we kept our mouths shut.
Like an insect. Because it knows that if it moves now, the lizard over there will react.
"Hey."
After about 90 seconds of silence, Yo-hwa's lips parted.
"Are you two close?"
"Yes! No!"
Cheon-hwa answered instantly.
"I-I'm not close with Sunbae! We're mortal enemies! I really hate him! We're always just looking for a chance to stab each other in the back! Right, Sunbae?!"
"Ah, ah. Besides, I'm not even 100% sure if this thing is a human or an anomaly. From my perspective, she's not trustworthy at all. A self-proclaimed strategist? A schemer? She seems eager to brand her own character, but it just comes off as sinister."
"See! He hurts people's feelings just like that, without a second thought! Would close friends do this to each other? Huh? Aah- this is the worst. My youth was wasted because a person like this was my tutor. Yep, yep. It would have been better if I never knew!"
"I probably only taught her for the money. In my heart, my only true disciple was always you, Yo-hwa."
"Die! Sunbae! Please just die!"
"You die. No, you're already dead, so please just delete your very existence."
"See!"
"We're―"
"Not close at all!"
"..."
Silence. Ninety seconds again.
"Hmph."
More silence. Thirty seconds added.
"Your hair. Dye it."
This time, it was our turn to be silent.
Only, the meaning of our silence was quite different. It was because we couldn't easily decipher the meaning of her demand, the words that had popped out of her lips.
"Huh? What are you talking about, Yo-hwa? Dyeing?"
"..."
Yo-hwa didn't answer. She didn't even shift her gaze. She was looking at her 'unni' from the same unmoving angle as before.
"Ah."
Cheon-hwa sighed in resignation.
"Yeah, I see. I get it."
What could she possibly have gotten?
Cheon-hwa got up from her desk and walked to the blackboard. Then she picked up the blackboard eraser and, out of nowhere, started rubbing it on her own hair.
Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.
In the desolate classroom, only the sound of the blackboard eraser striking not the blackboard, but Cheon-hwa's hair, drifted down.
It was such a sudden, bizarre act.
I tried to approach her, but, squeeze.
Yo-hwa's fingers, which had been interlocked with mine since we entered the [Time Seal] classroom, stopped me.
"..."
It was a grip of negligible strength, but for that very reason, it was a pull I couldn't break free from.
While I was frozen, Cheon-hwa's hair had become caked in white chalk powder.
As the powder scattered in all directions, Cheon-hwa turned to look this way.
"Is this okay? Or… more?"
"Yes."
"Okay. I get it."
Rustle. Cheon-hwa undid her hair tie.
And with that, the ponytail that was as good as the sisters' trademark, vanished.
I couldn't understand.
"Sorry."
What was even harder to understand was that the older sister, Cheon-hwa, who had covered her own hair in chalk powder, dirtied her neat black school uniform, and let her hair down, bowed her head deeply.
"I am an anomaly."
"..."
"The truth is, I'm the god your family, the Cheon Yo-hwa family, used to worship. An Outer God. The mastermind. But to entice the Undertaker, I'm mimicking your appearance, pretending to be human. A kind of doppelgänger."
"..."
"I'm sorry for invading your space without permission."
Cheon-hwa kept her head, now powdered white, bowed low.
"I won't ask you to forgive me. But there are two points I'd like you to consider from my perspective. Will you hear me out?"
"Say them."
"First. I am an anomaly that has been afflicted by [Time Seal]. So, when a day passes, I forget everything that happened today. You can assume it's nearly impossible for the Undertaker and me to build memories together."
"And?"
"Second. The Undertaker will never, ever confuse a creepy anomaly like me with you. I'm sorry, but the one who is confused is you."
"..."
"The one who's anxious is also you. It's brazen of me to say this when I'm the one who caused the confusion, but no matter how much an anomaly like me imitates you, you will never be replaced by 'me' in the Undertaker's heart. Please believe me."
"Change it, then."
Flinch. Cheon-hwa's shoulders, her head still bowed, tensed slightly.
"…Sorry. I can't change my appearance."
"Why not?"
"I just…. Can't."
"You said you were a doppelgänger?"
"I'm sorry. I really can't. It's beyond my ability. It's because I'm an incompetent person, no. An incompetent anomaly."
"You said you were an Outer God?"
"I was sealed. The me right now is just a trace left by the Outer God, nothing more than a shadow. I'm sorry."
"Hmph."
Yo-hwa tilted her head.
"Then you can change your name, can't you?"
"..."
"Mastermind, that's good. Your clothes are black, too. From now on, I'd like you to use the name Mastermind, not Cheon Yo-hwa."
TL/N: The word for Mastermind can also be "Black Veil", hence the black clothes.
"Okay. I will."
Creeeak.
Outside the classroom. The trees and flowers of the four seasons that had adorned the windows all withered at once.
The bark on the birch trees split, and from the cracks, black blood gushed out.
"But like I said, I'm a mayfly. Even the thought that I changed my name will be reset when midnight passes."
"..."
"So you don't need to worry about someone like me. Cheon Yo-hwa. A mayfly that doesn't exist in the world anyway, that won't exist in the future, and that won't be able to leave anything behind. That's what I am."
"I see."
"Yes."
"Okay."
Scrape, Yo-hwa pushed back her chair and stood up.
"Let's go then! Teacher!"
Yo-hwa, who said that while looking at me, had a wide smile on her face, a smile without a single trace of shadow.
"Ahyoo. Really! I don't know why I get so tangled up with doppelgänger-type anomalies."
"..."
"You remember, Teacher, at Baekhwa Girls' High? When we were isolated in the student council room all winter. Back then, too, a doppelgänger was the one who remained until the very end, wasn't it."
"…That's right."
Or perhaps.
――To subjugate the Outer God sleeping at Baekhwa Girls' High, it wasn't just Yo-hwa and me, but there was actually one more mischievous 'someone' by our side.
――So in the student council room, where the electric stove let off wisps of steam, there wasn't the warmth of two people, but actually three.
――And by that someone being deleted, they might have been forcibly replaced by the anomaly called a doppelgänger.
It's just that I had resolved myself to the latter.
And the Yo-hwa before me had simply decided on the former.
'Ah.'
Only then could I truly feel how cruel my authority, the ability called [Time Seal], was.
As a regressor, 'I' could accept it.
Because I had been given enough time, over many regressions, to choose whether the being before me was an anomaly or a human.
But it wasn't the same for other people.
To even her own family, who must have been the closest and dearest to her, the being before her could only be seen as an 'anomaly'.
There was no choice in the first place.
Because they weren't even given a chance to understand what time and what path led to this situation.
'I see. Is this the epilogue I have to face?'
It was quite a harsh story.
"It was a bit bizarre, but it was a pretty interesting experience. Ehehe. Teacher! I've completely cleared my schedule for today, so let's hurry and go get something to eat!"
Even as I was led out of the classroom by Yo-hwa's hand, all the while.
Cheon-hwa just kept her head bowed.
"..."
Yes. To reveal it now.
This was a story about a person who lost someone precious due to [Time Seal].
-x-X-x-
The Bereaved III
Everything in the world has its pros and cons.
The pros.
The advantage of the regressor, me, the Undertaker, was being able to roll the dice again and 'retry' at any time.
The advantage of the amnesiac, Cheon-hwa, was her 'trauma immunity,' where she could simply forget, even if she failed.
However.
"Oh? Yo-hwa. What are you doing here..."
"Ah, Teacher! I've, uh, decided to open a Baekhwa Girls' High branch school in Busan, starting today!"
"A branch school?"
"Yes! Ahaha, it's nothing too grand. I just talked to the leader of the National Road Management Corps and I'm planning to put up a temporary building, just a student council room, on a corner of the Tower of Babel rooftop!"
"..."
Every advantage, when turned upside down, was bound to become a disadvantage.
"But… Yo-hwa."
"Yes!"
"This is difficult for me to bring up, but..."
"Aww, come on, you know the relationship between us. You can say anything to me, Teacher!"
"About the temporary building that's under construction. The spot where the container box is supposed to go is, from my perspective, exactly where the crystal gravestone of the [Time Seal] is."
"Oh? Oooh, was it?"
"Yes. I'm sorry, but would it be okay if you built the temporary building a little to the side, not right here?"
"Hmmmm."
"..."
"Why? Teacher?"
The cons.
Until he rolled the dice again, until he reset the regression, the regressor was bound to be followed by the traces of his failures.
The amnesiac was given the compulsion of having to accept only the results of failure, without even the awareness that she had failed.
"I can't see it. And I don't particularly want to see it, but if you must visit, Teacher, you can just come into the student council room, right? I'm always welcome to have you!"
"..."
"Ah. For the time being, I plan to stay here at the Busan branch rather than the Sejong main campus because of various work. Hehe. Please visit often, Teacher!"
Yo-hwa's red eyes were smiling.
――Access has been denied.
I was Yo-hwa's teacher. We had even spent several years alone together inside the barrier of Infinite Void.
Naturally, I could read the hidden undertones in my lovely disciple's smiling eyes as if they were in the palm of my hand.
Just now, I had been forbidden from meeting with 'Cheon-hwa' at all.
That night.
[The prevailing reaction inside Baekhwa Girls' High is also confusion.]
I immediately tried to contact the Saintess. To grasp the situation.
"You don't mean to say this was the student council president's… Yo-hwa's, unilateral decision?"
[Yes. The vice president and the secretary, the other executives of Baekhwa Girls' High, didn't know.]
[Yesterday, Ms. Yo-hwa suddenly met with Ms. Noh Do-hwa alone and struck a deal.]
[Ms. Noh Do-hwa was also puzzled, but she gave her the container since it would be irrational to antagonize Baekhwa Girls' High over just giving up a corner of the Tower of Babel rooftop.]
It was fast. Excessively so.
The member of the Regression Alliance who had always been the fastest in judgment and action was Yo-hwa.
She was different from her older sister, who constantly calculated variables from behind the scenes to weave an epic saga of grand strategy.
The younger of the twin sisters created her plans the moment a strategy was established, or in real-time after diving into the battlefield.
To put it one way, she was the action leader.
My failure to consider that characteristic of Yo-hwa's was my fatal mistake.
In less than 24 hours, the rooftop of the Tower was under the surveillance of the Baekhwa Girls' High student council president.
When Yo-hwa was an ally, it was an incredibly reassuring advantage, like when she came as reinforcements during the Leviathan subjugation.
But in a situation like this, it felt as if my own breathing room was slowly being choked off.
"What is Yo-hwa doing now?"
[She's on the rooftop. She's been there the whole time.]
"..."
[She's continuously exchanging messages with the Baekhwa Girls' High guild members in Sejong through me.]
[This is just my personal judgment, but.]
[I think Ms. Yo-hwa really intends to stay at the Tower of Babel alone for the time being.]
[Um, Mr. Undertaker.]
[What on earth happened inside the Time Seal?]
"..."
A reversed scale.
A person's heart is covered in invisible scales, and among them exists one that grows in the opposite direction.
"…I'm sorry. If Yo-hwa happens to leave her post, please let me know right away."
[Yes. I will.]
What exactly one's own reversed scale is.
It was common for not only others but even the person themself to not know. Some people lived their entire lives without ever realizing it.
For Yo-hwa, that reversed scale was the existence of the twin sister she had already lost.
[I'm sorry, Mr. Undertaker.]
[I tried summoning her to the meeting room through Ms. Noh Do-hwa, and I've tried various other means, but Ms. Yo-hwa isn't budging at all.]
[Rather, she… doesn't seem to trust my words.]
[I think she was convinced from the very beginning that I was scheming to lure her somewhere else.]
"..."
[The only time Ms. Yo-hwa moves from the rooftop is when she goes out somewhere with you, Mr. Undertaker.]
Warning.
The sound of a low-quality siren flickered in my head.
"Hehe. It's so nice to be walking around the city with you like this, Teacher! Hwaa, I really wish I had settled down in Busan instead of Sejong..."
"But the Inunaki Tunnel is there, isn't it."
"Mm, yes. Still! Please understand the heart of a disciple who wants to be as close to her Teacher as possible!"
"Then how about moving into my guild hideout and living there?"
"Ah."
"Ah-ryeon does that all the time anyway. Except when she's working in Pyongyang, she's cooped up in a corner of the hideout all day. There's always a guest room ready for you."
"Ugh! Wh, what a sweet offer…! My, my heart is pounding like crazy... What should I do, Teacher?"
"What do you mean, what should you do. Just come in with the feeling of having another vacation home――"
"Do you want to meet her that badly?"
"..."
"Why? Teacher. I'm right here, aren't I?"
"..."
"That's cheap."
"..."
"I keep regretting that I was too far away recently. Sim Ah-ryeon is much farther, working in Pyongyang. I also went to help as reinforcements whenever the northern front was in danger. It's a little, cheap."
Warning.
Yo-hwa wasn't the only case of someone losing a family member to [Time Seal].
A long time ago, in an episode dealing with the football player Kim Joo-chul, his son Kim Si-eun had been mentioned.
As a result of his father's existence being erased and distorted from the very beginning, Kim Si-eun ended up living a life of traveling all over the country.
This was that kind of era. Traveling was synonymous with suicide, and Kim Si-eun, not content with just the country, even crossed over to the Japanese archipelago.
As if he were desperately searching for something.
Kim Si-eun never loved his father, the football player Kim Joo-chul.
Kim Joo-chul was a casino addict. Unable to forget his past glory, he wielded violence and abuse against his family.
That kind of human.
Even though he only lost that kind of family member, his son Kim Si-eun's life was decisively changed.
It happened even when losing a family member you didn't love.
…In the case of losing a family member you loved more than anyone, to what extent would the remaining person's life be twisted?
"Teacher?"
"Teacher."
Warning.
Nevertheless, I trusted my disciple and believed that the problem could be solved through conversation.
Giving up was always the easiest solution. It was also a stopgap measure. Therefore, I attempted to talk.
"Ahaha."
"So.... what is it?"
"That I have a twin sister."
"And that unni liked you so, so much. That she was willing to offer her very soul to save the world with you."
"And on top of that, if everything happened according to unni's plan. That means she's an incredibly-incredibly, incredibly smart person, doesn't it?"
"What is that! Ahaha."
I attempted to talk.
"I can't do something like that. Ugh, I could throw away my life for you a hundred, a thousand times, any number of times, but―"
"To calculate hundreds of regressions as variables and weave a plan with your own life. I don't have that kind of brain, you know?"
"She looks just like me."
"Her voice is the same too."
"Her scent, it's the same too."
"That means she's so much smarter than me, right?"
I attempted to talk,
"So that's why you're drawn to 'that thing', Teacher."
"What do you call this? Hmm, there was a specific term for it. Ah. That's right! A superior version! That's what you call this, right? Ahaha."
"Hmm. I don't dislike being challenged like this. In fact, I like it. Because I can prove myself by fighting. But.... she's not here, is she?"
"She doesn't exist in this reality."
"She's dead more certainly than death itself."
"So, what do I fight with? How do I fight?"
"Don't you think that's cheap?"
The attempt.
"So what am I supposed to feel?"
"A sense of apology for not even realizing my family sacrificed themselves for you and the world? Sadness for losing my unni?"
"Am I in a situation where I have to feel sorry and sad for a family I've never even had?"
"Isn't it the opposite?"
"I'd like it if you apologized. To me."
Warning.
"It doesn't end just because you got her consent, Teacher. It means I was there too. But unlike you, I'm not a regressor, and I don't have Complete Memory, so there's no way for me to get my memories back."
"She disappears on her own terms, and now she expects me to just accept it on her own terms?"
"If I acknowledge her on top of you, that thing, she'll really become my 'unni'."
"I don't want that."
"You're the worst kind of person."
"Cheon Yo-hwa is me. Teacher.... Yes, that's right, isn't it?"
Warning.
"Look. Teacher. This is Busan. The city you protected. The town."
"I'm the only one who can walk here, holding your hand like this. The real Cheon Yo-hwa, you know? Not some illusion that only exists in that creepy classroom."
"Your hand.... it's warm."
"Yes, Teacher. A little more...."
Warning.
"Teacher, look at this. I got a wound in the last battle."
"Here― On the nape of my neck. You can see it, right?"
"What? No. I didn't ask Sim Ah-ryeon to heal it. I wanted to leave it."
"Why, you ask.... Ahaha. Because, well, my wound doesn't disappear even after 24 hours pass, you see?"
"It'll heal, sure."
"But it won't be 'reset' without a trace. Never."
"It's okay to come closer. Actually, I wanted to show it to you. Yes, up close."
"Teacher."
"My Teacher――"
Reset.
The conversation failed. A great failure. A fumble.
Until that regression ended, Yo-hwa never left my side. Her position as student council president, her power as the head of one of the two major guilds on the Korean peninsula, none of it mattered anymore.
Baekhwa Girls' High collapsed.
It was an organization that had been established on the charisma of a single student council president in the first place. The bees that lost their queen scattered, and their members were absorbed by the National Road Management Corps and Samcheon separately.
Once, the former vice president of Baekhwa Girls' High came and cried out in protest. But there was no change in Yo-hwa's expression.
The only thing I could do was take responsibility for Yo-hwa and accept her until the regression ended.
Reset. And.
"..."
The next regression.
I was at a classroom desk. Across from me sat Cheon-hwa. As soon as the new regression began and the situation was somewhat sorted out, I came to visit the sanctuary.
"Aah―"
Cheon-hwa, after hearing the whole story from me, the older of the twin sisters, sighed a long sigh.
"I see... So that's what happened. Yes. I'm sorry, Sunbae. I've really given you a painful role."
"It's fine. This kind of thing wasn't unique to Yo-hwa."
"Hm? Ah, I see. It was always common for mentally unstable colleagues to rely on you. Mm, still, I'm sorry."
Cheon-hwa muttered.
"My sister is right. This is the price for me using [Time Seal] as I pleased. At the time, I was so busy subjugating the Mastermind that I thought this was the best way."
"..."
"Actually, I don't mind it being this way! Wow. Just the fact that you remember me as a human, Sunbae, is a gamble that succeeded against astronomical odds, you know? To win the heart of my lovely little sister on top of this? That's like trying to pull a 5-star with a single roll in a double gacha. Ahaha."
"..."
"You don't have to tell Yo-hwa about me. Sunbae. I have some shame, you see. I don't want to be a nuisance to the point of harming my sister's mental health! Nope!"
Leave it like this.
Neglect it.
Just as I had until now.
No one would know anyway.
Yo-hwa would never know that she had an older sister. And Cheon-hwa would never be able to remember the fact that she had inflicted an indelible wound on her younger sister.
It was a story that no one in this world, aside from the two of them, knew.
Except for me.
"..."
If I were to just close my eyes to this, it could be left as something that 'never happened'. As a blank. As a void.
"Cheon-hwa."
"Hm?"
"This classroom you're sealed in. It's a sanctuary modeled after a classroom at Baekhwa Girls' High, right?"
"Uh... yes. But, why all of a sudden?"
And wouldn't that be in line with the entirety of a regressor's life?
"I have a strategy."
The fact that Yo-hwa wasn't a necromancer of zombies, but just a girl who wanted to save a few more of her friends.
The fact that Yu Ji-won wasn't a psychopath mad with power, but was searching for someone she met one summer.
The fact that the Constellations didn't exist, but were just an act put on by someone who wanted to save people.
Like with Old Man Scho, they were all facts that no one would know if I just closed my eyes.
Originally, the void was a world only to those who sought to know it, and the other was a human only to those who sought to see them.
I had believed that a regressor was a human who sings of loss.
"In this regression, I haven't saved Yo-hwa yet. Right about now, Yo-hwa is probably trapped in Baekhwa Girls' High, fighting a desperate battle."
"Yes. So I'd like you to go quickly."
"And as you know, to subjugate the trace of Infinite Void sleeping there, I have to endure until the world shrinks to the size of Baekhwa Girls' High and enter the void within the void."
"..."
"Into the Baekhwa Girls' High of the void, I will summon you."
"...!"
Cheon-hwa's eyes widened.
I continued, declaring.
"I will reunite you two sisters there."