"You are being weird," Ryder said.
"I'm not," I said with a smile.
It had been a couple of days, and I had convinced him to just sit at my desktop and look at all of the acting schools in the area and their applications, and was it all a ploy to set up a cute outside dinner? Yes, yes, it was. Would he find that out very shortly? Yes, yes, he would.
I had also been using the Incognito, private mode on my computer, and my phone, and putting the pictures of the different rings I found that I liked in my locked-down thing in my camera app, just in case.
"Now you are zoning out while looking at me. What's up?"
"Nothing, I just wanna…know how the applying is going."
He shrugged, "Fine, the applications are all pretty long."
"I feel like most college stuff is like that," I walked over and stood behind him, "I also need my high diploma, and an associate's."
"We could get that!"
He shot me a weird look, "You are so jumpy, oh my god." He turned his attention back to the screen, "Yeah, forgot I fucking dropped out, so I just need to fulfill my credits, and I should be good."
"Do you want to do that online?"
"I feel like if I went into a school, it would be weird, so yes, online is great."
"Oh yeah," I said, laughing, "what else do they need?" I asked.
"I have to submit my high school… transcript, what the fuck. Okay, and then I need to submit audition videos showcasing my acting."
"We can get you that." I feel like a broken record right now.
He gave me an unsure look, "I don't know. I don't think I can still do…acting. I feel like it's been so long."
"No, you can. You got this. You can practice with me, and we can look back at your old high school videos."
He turned around to face me once more, "You would do that?" he asked with a smile, and then it dropped, "Wait, how are you gonna even get those?"
"I already have them," I said with a smile, and he turned back to the computer, "I am not even going to ask, you are so fucking weird."
I laughed and put my chin on his head, "only for you," I said.
And he continued to look at the different college websites.
"I don't want to go anywhere far, and all of these schools are so far," he said as he leaned in closer to the screen.
"We can always move?" I suggested, and he swatted at me, "What, I'm being serious?"
"That's why I'm swatting you, dummy. We are not moving for me to go to college. There are plenty in the area. I'll just look if their acting program is under a different name or something like that."
I nodded, "You are very resourceful," I said with a smile.
"Of course," he said, continuing to type on the keyboard.
I took my chin off his shoulder.
These schools were pretty far. And part of me is nervous about that, and I know that's selfish, but I really don't want him to go far.
And he's right about moving if he chooses a school far away. That's not very practical, not at all, especially because Isabella is in school right now, but I also don't want him to go alone, that makes me nervous.
I opened my phone, went to the hidden tabs I had, and started to look at the different rings. I am not having doubts about proposing to him, not one bit, but I don't want that to stop him from achieving his dreams.
"Bro, there's a fantastic…" his voice stopped when he turned around to look at me. "What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing. I was just…" I couldn't think of a lie. My eyes started to wander all over his body, looking for something, "Okay, weirdo. My eyes are up here."
"Sorry!" I said, "Continue what you were saying."
"There is a fantastic program at that school 15 minutes away."
"Really? That's good."
"The acceptance rate is pretty low, but I still will apply," he said.
I nodded, rubbing his shoulders, "Okay, we will worry about that later, let's go take a break and get some fresh air."
He nodded.
The two of us made our way out of my office and then outside into the backyard. "What's this?" he asked, turning around.
I stood there awkwardly, blinking at him, "a little at-home date, so you don't have to worry about making anything for dinner."
"Did you make it or did you use DoorDash?"
"I doordashed the flowers, and I tried to make food and failed, and ended up doordashing the food as well," I said sheepishly, and he grabbed my collar and pulled me in for a kiss.
He pulled back with a smile, "You're so stupid," he said, hugging me.
That smile made me feel all warm inside and made all this hard work worth it.
He pushed me slightly and went to sit in one of the chairs I had set up.
I pulled one of the table and chair sets that hardly got used and made it so we were having an ocean-side date kind of vibe, except the ocean was the pool…it sounded better in my head.
He smiled as he started eating.
"Stop looking at me and eat," he barked, and all I could do was smile as I shoved the food in my mouth.
I'm for sure going to propose. Even if he won't like it, I want to get him the biggest, most expensive fucking ring in the store, and of course, I'll get a band to go with it, but I just want to show him that I love him.
I love him so fucking much.
"You wanna get in the pool?"
I shook my head slowly, "You're no fun," he said, kicking me under the table lightly.
"I don't think I have gotten used to swimming yet," I said nervously. And I am also not in the mood to drown on our first at home date.
"Okay, we will try again another day," he said, and he got up. "Have you finished your food?" I asked him, confused.
He walked over to me and kissed my face all over, "whose fiancé are you?" he asked as he kept kissing me, as I smiled.
"Yours."
"When did you get so cute?" he said and gave me one more kiss. I shrugged, and he pulled my shirt and gave me one more kiss.
He pushed me back down and went back to his seat. "Why do you keep doing that?" I asked, laughing at him.
"I'm asserting my dominance."
"Okay!" I said.
Hey, I wasn't complaining. I don't know if my brain is all fucking scrambled or what, but I loved when he did that.
God, I don't even know what is wrong with me.
But God, I loved him. So fucking much that whatever he does, I feel myself liking.
I'm so happy. I'm beyond happy with everything that we are doing and everything that is to come.
He makes me forget about it all and makes me just happy. Happy like someone should.
He doesn't quite make me feel normal, but…he makes me feel like me. And that's some kind of normal, I guess. I don't even know.
I can be myself around him and not hide stuff, and he still likes me.
And as he sits there, eating and smiling at the stuff I had come up with, I know it's real. I know it's real, and I never wanna wake up from this dream called life. I never do. Because now I can't even fathom a life…without him.