"Yes, you said that already," I said, talking to Dominic on the phone.
Ever since our at-home date, he has been weird, like more weird than normal.
He was still being all cute, but he was also acting really jittery, and he kept repeating himself every time we had a conversation.
He and Leo had gone out, and I was sitting on the couch, knitting, calling him, as Matteo went through a bunch of earrings on the floor.
"Oh, did I? I am sorry," he said. Again with the repeating and the acting all jittery.
He didn't tell me where they were going, just insisted that it was "mafia stuff," and then he just left.
I feel like he is planning another date, because he only gets like this when he is planning something. I smiled; I like that he remembered that I like surprises; that means a lot.
"Okay, be safe and let me know when you are headed back," I said.
"Okay…I love you!"
"Bye, Dominic," and just like that, the line went dead.
"He's hiding something from you," Matteo mumbled as he continued to organize his massive earring collection.
"I know, I'm not stupid."
"Why didn't you ask him about it?"
"Because he's only like this when he is planning a surprise date for me, and I will let him have his fun."
Matteo gave me a look. "What if he's cheating on you?"
"He's not."
"How do you know that?"
Not a single doubt filled my mind like it always would: "Because I trust him."
I know he's out doing something stupid for us, not cheating on me, not doing any of that shit, because I trust him and I know him.
Matteo was looking for more stuff to say. "It's okay to just live in the moment, Matteo; you don't need to think ahead so much," I said.
"When did you get so sure of everything?"
"It kind of felt like it happened overnight, even though I know it didn't. I just…when you communicate stuff, your worries go away, you know? Like, I guess at the start of our relationship, I was worried if he actually liked me or not, and that really continued up until I guess the last couple of days, and then something flipped, and the way he talked about his emotions is more puppy-like now. And it just makes me more sure of everything, you know?"
Matteo nodded, "I guess I can understand that."
"Why do you guess?"
"I am not very good with my emotions," he said, staring at me with an empty look on his face.
"I feel like Dominic wasn't too. But you can't just say that and then not try. Like I know you like Leo, but you lost him the first time because of you running away from those feelings. So my bullshit answer is that you have changed, but I don't really think you have. And to not make the same mistakes again, but of course that takes time. And it's not going to come with you bottling up all of your emotions, so probably start with that. I believe in you," I said and went back to knitting as he looked at me.
"I'm glad someone does."
"What are you doing?" I asked him, changing the subject.
"Leo mentioned something about me still wearing my earrings despite being a grown man, and that just reminded me how many I have."
"Interesting," I said, nodding, "by the way, when did you fucking move in?"
"I still have a house."
"And do you go there or do you just live here now?"
"I try to go every day. Usually go back at night when everyone is asleep, and I just make sure everything is okay, and then I come back after like an hour. I don't know. I used to really love my peace and quiet and my house, but now it just makes me feel very lonely in there. Like I can hear the silence, and I would rather be here, you know? With my uh family."
I smiled at him, "That was sweet."
He gave me a weak smile.
"Back to the earrings. Does Leo like them?" I asked as he took the ones he was wearing off and traded them for one of the new pairs he had on the floor.
I watched as a faint blush appeared on his face, "he did back then."
I smiled, "Are you thinking about him right now?"
He nodded sheepishly, "How can you tell?" The blush on his face grew darker.
"You're blushing."
He touched his face, "I am?"
"Yes. See, now if Leo asked you that, a good way to get him to trust you again would be communicating that."
"So like, hey, thinking about you complimenting me makes me nervous?"
I nodded, "That works really well actually, good job."
"Okay, I will note that in the pack of my mind. But back to your other comment, Leo used to love the earrings and stuff when we were in college and he made a comment about it the other day, and I think he still likes them."
"You're how old now?"
"41."
"God damn," I said, and his face dropped. "Sorry," I said, laughing.
"It's fine. But I'm definitely older now. You can see it in my face, and I might be too old for earrings, but it's okay," he said, smiling.
"I think you are still handsome."
"Thank you," Matteo said, "that's where Dominic and I are the same. I mean, we are both half asian, and Leo jokes that's why we both look so young."
I laughed, "That's funny."
"Thank you," he said.
After a while of us sitting, Matteo broke the silence, muttering, "You're really handsome."
"Me?"
"Who else is in here? I mean, I can see why Dominic actually wants to try for you, you know?"
"Thank you, I'm flattered."
"I truly wish you guys the best. Enjoy your love and don't take it for granted. Don't let him slip right under your hand," Matteo said.
"Thank you. I hope you and Leo do well as well." I laughed.
And then I slowly started to blink as my mind became overrun with different thoughts.
I'm ready for the many years to come. I really am. I will make sure that I show Dom the love he shows me. Because he deserves it too.
He deserves it so much, so fucking much.