Night had fallen across the shinobi continent, and with the sun's disappearance, the skirmishes along the border had accordingly dwindled in frequency. Yet in the Anti-Leaf Alliance HQ on the Land of Frost's peninsula that faced the Land of Iron, the lights still burned in a large tent as the Tsuchikage and the Raikage argued over the terms of their mutual defence agreement.
"I'm prepared to make reasonable concessions, but don't you dare push your luck, whelp!" Ōnoki grumbled. "Madara's appearance on the battlefield changes things, but the Hidden Stone won't be bullied!"
The Fourth Raikage absentmindedly scratched his bulging pectoral muscles. Ever since the Fifth Hokage had caved in his manly chest with her last-ditch headbutt, his bones had never quite stopped throbbing, aching and creaking, almost as though she were still haunting him, taunting him from the Land of Bliss.
"That damnable Orochimaru, to think he still had such a formidable trick up his sleeve," A growled, shooing away an ebony-skinned kunoichi as she approached him to lather scented oil over his rippling muscles. "Summoning Uchiha Madara, of all people… if it hadn't been for that, we'd have been done for…"
Even though A's ribcage had yet to fully heal, he had forced both himself and his village to attain battle-readiness in record time, all to counter the mounting threat posed by the Sixth Hokage. By declaring war on the Hidden Leaf, he had handed that Sakura girl the perfect opportunity to grow exponentially, so he had to put her down before vengeance drove her to avenge her mistress, because that was exactly what he would have done in her position.
"Well, you know what that say about corneredsnakes, Big Bro," Killer B rapped. "Poke them too much, and they'll summonfakes~♪"
"Bee, you damned fool!" A roared in frustration. "The expression goes, Even a Cornered Rat will Bite a Cat! The line already rhymes to begin with, so there's no need to go fishing through the dictionary!"
(Kyuso Neko wo Kamu: the expression sadly does not rhyme in Japanese, but since Kumogakure is analogous to America and the furigana for many of the Raikage's jutsu names are in English, I'll make an exception this time only.)
In any case, it did not appear that Madara was on the Hidden Leaf's side, thankfully. Almost as soon as Orochimaru had summoned him, he had cast off the reins of the jutsu binding him to the snake's will, and after bullying the poor A-B duo for a while, he had seemingly sensed something and departed without finishing them off.
Naturally, Orochimaru had slithered away during the chaos.
"Well, what'll it be, brats?" Ōnoki said. "I've got the Box of Ultimate Bliss in a secure location on neutral ground in the Land of Iron near the border, so all we're missing is the key to the lock…"
"Fine!" A snapped. "We'll do it your way, you old fart! Mifune's already been prepped on how to properly activate the Box, so we can fire it up straight away!"
After arguing back and forth for two days straight, they had finally come to an agreement: Mui the Lorekeeper obviously could not be trusted to serve as the Box's master, but Mifune the Samurai General was neutral and agreed that the Land of Fire could not be allowed to grow any further. The Land of Iron ill needed a giant on its border, and after the Fifth Hokage had died on what was supposed to be neutral territory, Mifune had an inkling that the Hidden Leaf would not look too kindly upon the homeland of the samurai.
"Gwahaha!" Ōnoki laughed. "Took you long enough, ya whippersnapper!"
Ironic, he thought to himself, that this old Tsuchikage was faster to come to a decision than the impulsive Raikage, the fastest man alive… but then again, Madara's revival had certainly helped to give him a kick in the behind.
"Ready the Heavenly Transfer Jutsu platform for transport!" A roared to his right-hand man, Darui. "I want the Box of Ultimate Bliss teleported directly on top of the Hokage's head!"
"How dull," Darui sighed. "Oh well."
"If you do this, it's gonna come back and bite you hard," said Killer B. "Eight-Tails says this Box is bad vibes, so Brother A, I'm asking ya, don't play that card!"
"I'm the Raikage, I'll do whatever I damn well please!" A roared, slamming his fist down on the meeting table. "If you've got a problem with how I do things, B, then let's throw down! Speak with your fists, right here and now!"
B was torn.
On one hand, he felt responsible for botching the operation to retrieve the Box from Hōzuki Prison, which had allowed his rival Jinchūriki, Rōshi of Iwa, to intervene and seize it instead, causing no end of trouble for his Big Brother, A.
On the other, he had deliberately let the Box slip through his suction cups, for the moment he had got his tentacles on it, he had felt just how eerie and evil it was. On Gyūki's recommendation, he had allowed it to be swallowed by the currents, hoping it would sink to the bottom of the rapids and disappear into the abyss, where it would never be found again…
Due to his half-arsing it, and partly because he had been distracted by Sakura's chest at the time and coming up with the perfect rap to sexually harass her, he had both failed to keep the Box out of human hands and disappointed his Big Brother A, so he felt as though it were up to him to do something about the Box of Paradise… but what?
He needed to think.
"That's right, walk away!" A shouted as B turned on his heel and left the commanders' tent. "And get some sleep while you still can, you damned fool, because once we've started our push, we're not stopping until we've reached Konohagakure!"
Killer B trudged back to his tent.
'Your brother and that old man have been bewitched by the Box's allure,' Gyūki's voice echoed in B's head. 'Once that Box is activated, it won't stop until all life on this continent has been extinguished. We have to stop it.'
"But the order's already been given, we'll never make it to the Land of Iron faster than radio," Killer B sighed. "Even with eight legs, we're just too damn slow!"
There had to be something he could do… and then it hit him.