Act I: Kingdom of Nobodies
Chapter VI: The Significance of a Home
Brianna's legs shook and folded beneath her, tears embedding themselves in her eyes as she looked up at Sarah from the floor.
"Please..." she whispered, her voice trembling. "Please don't do this. Not like this. Not without taking this into proper consideration. We're your parents, Sarah. We can fix whatever happened. We can help you if you'd just let us."
But all Sarah did in response was hug her bag closer to her chest.
She wished she could let her mother hold her. She wished she could fall into her father's arms and tell him everything - tell him the truth that had been clawing at her heart for years. But if she did, she would never be able to leave. And if she didn't leave... she wasn't sure that she could survive staying - or that she would survive the guilt that would try to kill her.
Evan stepped forward, placing a steadying hand on Brianna's shoulder before gently helping her back to her feet. His voice remained calm, but behind his eyes was a deep layer of fear. It was a fear that his daughter could no longer be reached.
"Sarah," he said quietly, "are you sure this is what you want?"
Want? No. Nothing about this is what she wanted.
And yet she nodded anyway.
Evan sighed, looking older than he had only moments ago. "Then we'll support you, honey. Even if we don't agree and it hurts us... We'll always support you."
Brianna shook her head, turning away as though she couldn't bear to watch. It felt like watching something break, shattering apart right down the center. It wasn't anger in her mother's face... instead it was grief.
Sarah swallowed deeply, forcing herself to walk forward. "Mom..."
"Don't," Brianna whispered, cutting her off. "If you talk to me in that sad voice," she paused for breath, her throat chocked with worry. "I'm sorry... I just won't... I won't be able to stop myself from begging you more."
Sarah's chest tightened painfully as Evan's hands trembled against the suitcase she had packed that morning. "I'll drive you to the bus station. Jane's waiting."
Brianna made a small, wounded sound that must have come from repressed descent, but she didn't argue as they exited the house. The door shut with a crash and she was left there, sobbing alone.
And for those outside of the house, the silence was almost as heart breaking. The car doors opened roughly, seatbelts were clicked poorly, and the entire ride was nothing short of unbearable.
Evan drove as if afraid the car might explode if he went too fast. Each press on the brake was rougher than the last, scaring them both at every use that they'd end upturned. Sarah's staring off didn't do much to bring up their broken moods. The view out the window was nothing other than watching familiar places full of memories flash by. Each one reminded her of how much she wished she could scrub it all off and go back to being a blank slate.
First to fly by was her elementary school.
On her first day there, she had sat alone on the swings, trying not to cry while she waited for class to end. It was just then that she noticed Jane separate from her friends and run towards her with a smile on her face. Without so much as saying hello, she had darted behind Sarah and started pushing her.
"Why are you all alone?" Jane had asked, laughing as she tried to make sure Sarah wouldn't kick her on her way back down after every push.
Then, darting through the air, Sarah hadn't been able to stop herself from laughing as the tears began to disappear from her eyes. "I don't have any friends." She had said, trying to make her voice as upset as possible through each giggle.
"I'm your friend though!" Jane laughed in response, now having to jump to be able to reach Sarah for each push. "We can play every day!"
Then and now, that had always been Sarah's favorite memory from that silly little school. It was so sunny that day, the warmth leaving them both in such a joyous mood that they couldn't wait to go back the next day. Recess had been their little escape at school with ice cream parties, cartoons, and toys to greet them when they got home.
Next came that old, rugged, beat-up movie theater downtown. The place Jacob had taken her on their first date.
Sarah could still remember how nervous she was to be spending time alone with him for the first time. That had been back when she thought he was the coolest person ever, before the change. It wasn't until she had tried to make a move on him and reach for his hand that she realized he had been trembling just as much as she had; if not more.
He had made such stupid jokes during the movie, and each time it made her laugh. Whether it was him or the moment that had brought those beautiful tears of happiness to her eyes hadn't mattered to her. And his laugh. Oh, his laugh had been the best part as he would try to keep himself from bursting out loud inside the theater and still fail each time.
On the walk home, she had passed through orange-tinted streetlights, or at least that was how she remembered that night. Halloween had been rolling around the corner, and she could now picture it as nothing other than the perfect ending to their horror-movie filled day.
How the memory made her stomach churn now.
And the park they'd see grandma and grandpa every weekend.
And the grocery story they'd only shop at for special occasions.
And the little diner her dad would take them whenever her mom was working late.
Every little memory burnt like another nail being driven deep into her chest.
The date was now August twenty-third, the day after Sarah's eighteenth birthday. Yesterday had been one of much pain for all of the Taylor home residents, the silence in the house bleeding into their hearts as it always does on days such as that.
Along with that, Sarah had also ended her long overdue relationship with Jacob.
Every tear that had been shed during that conversation was necessary, for the truth was unavoidable. This was always meant to have happened. It had to happen. Or else nobody would face the repercussion they deserved and cocoon into who they were meant to be. They could no longer run from the karma they had long since deserved.
When they reached the bus stop, Evan rested a hand over Sarah's trembling fingers. "You are so strong baby," he said quietly. "So, so much stronger than you think. And whatever happened - whatever you're so afraid of telling us - it doesn't make you our daughter any less."
Sarah's breath hitched violently.
For one horrible, disgusting moment, she had felt as though she would tell him the truth.
That truth clawed at her throat like acid on her tongue.
But before there was any hope that the words would escape, another voice cut it down.
"Sarah!" Jane called from the station bench; one arm waved far above her head as her oversized hoodie hung loosely from her shoulders - she still looked stunning. The second Sarah saw that face, all her previous feelings dissipated.
It was as easy as the sight of a Jane for the moment to shatter like glass.
Evan squeezed Sarah's hand one final time before letting go. "Call us," he said, his voice cracking under the weight of the words he needed to get out. "Please."
Sarah nodded, though she wasn't sure she would.
She stepped out of the car uneasily, lifting her suitcase from the trunk while the cold morning air cut against her skin. Evan remained motionless as he sat behind the wheel, gripping it so tightly his knuckles were painted white in pain.
It was clear there was something he wanted to say.
However, all he could muster was a weak smile as he drove away.
Sarah watched for the car until even the headlights had vanished completely. It was only then she realized the intensity to which she had been shaking.
Jane ran across the crosswalk and pulled Sarah into a tight hug before anything could be said.
"There, there..." Jane whispered kindly, rubbing circles along Sarah's back. "It's okay. You're okay. How about we go sit down and you can tell me all about it? Does that sound good?"
Sarah nodded weakly into her shoulder.
Jane guided her toward the bench beneath the torn station awning, keeping one arm firmly around her the entire time. The warmth of her embrace nearly brought Sarah to tears once again.
For a while, neither of them spoke.
People moved around them in sleepy blurs - tired workers with coffee cups, students dragging around heavy backpacks for the start of the year, old men reading the newspaper at the curb.
Everyone else's lives continued on as though Sarah wasn't dying to be in their positions right now.
Jane squeezed her hand carefully. "You look exhausted..."
"I am."
"Have you eaten today...?"
As Sarah shook her head in response, Jane let out a dramatic sigh. "Okay. So basically, the first rule of moving in with me is you have to eat at least three meals every day. You also have to sleep at least eight hours every night. And finally, you have to shower. Got that?"
"I already do the last one though..." Sarah laughed weakly before she could keep it from escaping.
"There you go," Jane said softly, a small smile appearing on her face at Sarah's grin. "We're going to make it through this."
Then the laughter faded. And in its place came silence. A long silence.
The turning of the wheels on a bus screeched to a stop before them, its door creaking open in an unsettling manner.
Jane stood first, grabbing the suitcase with one hand and Sarah with the other. "Come on."
The ride began as Sarah sat beside the window. Jane had moved across from her, trying to hold conversation on anything of interest. She spoke about all the college professors she hated, the drama in her dormitory, and her last roommate's boyfriend who had been coming over regularly for the last month they lived together and how he had been microwaving the worst smelling tuna ever.
It was cruel how obvious it was Jane just wanted to distract her.
And that only made Sarah love her more for trying.
After a few more hours of chatting, the new city slowly began to shift through the windows like a painting in process. Each minute they were farther and farther from home, leaving them in a world with taller buildings, louder people, and more problems to deal with.
It made Sarah wonder how much freer this new life of anonymity would truly be.
By the time they had arrived at the dorm, night had already begun to fall as the sky was colored gray without the evening light.
The hallway smelled of detergent, perfume, and burnt instant noodles. The stairs were little better as they climbed, the walkways narrow and dim. 'Top college my ass" was what Sarah thought as Jane led her to the room.
As Sarah entered, she couldn't help but notice how small it was compared to their house, being closer in size to a small corner store than even a diner. The room being cluttered didn't help much in increasing its size, though it did leave it warm and familiar. Textbooks were scattered across the desk. LED lights hung weirdly from the ceiling. A pile of unfolded laundry was on the couch. It was nice here. It was safe.
Jane couldn't help but feel embarrassed at showing her sister her current living conditions. "I am so sorry. I promise it doesn't normally look like this. Just with studying and-"
"It's okay."
"No, like seriously, I have got to clean this place up. And like, also, I heard someone saw roaches in their room recently so if you see anything, please just kill it."
Sarah couldn't help but smile despite herself at Jane's fears.
Jane had disappeared into the small "kitchen" segment before returning with two cups of ramen, already a clear favorite dish for the students here. She handed it over slowly, making sure not to spill.
Sarah stared down at the cup, her appetite never existing to begin with.
But Jane sat beside her, nudging her slightly. "Just try to eat. Please."
And Sarah couldn't say no. So she ate. The warmth hurt as it passed down her throat. Minutes passed quietly, the traffic running behind them.
Finally, Jane asked the question they both had been waiting for all day. It had been two years since she left, and Sarah had yet to tell anyone about what had happened on that night. Her voice was left lost as she watched her reflection in the remaining broth.
Jane immediately softened her tone. "You don't have to tell me everything now... It's just... I want you to tell me something... So please just start from somewhere..."
As Sarah lowered her ramen onto the coffee table in front of them, her throat tightened with fear.
"There's something... Something I've needed to tell you for a long time..."
Jane shifted closer on the couch, eyes filled with concern. "Okay," she responded, preparing Sarah as well as herself. "I'm listening."
"Jane..." she choked. "The truth is..."
The words trembled on her tongue once more, that acidic feeling finding its way back into her mouth. It was raw, painful, and capable of ruining everything. But this time, she would make it come out.
"I..."
***
It had already been two long months since Ambrose had departed, and both I as well as the rest of my family had begun to quietly dread what was to become of him. Even within the parameters of this medieval world, where it was obvious how quickly children were meant to mature, it was far from normal to send a child only reaching twelve to resolve his father's political conflicts.
And as such, when my father returned alone, it shocked mother more than anyone else.
He assured her there was no reason to worry. After all, Ambrose was a strong child. However, father's view on my brother did little to calm us. If anything, it worsened the fear ingrained into us as my father's opinion on raising children was far from the most trusted among the estate. Worst of all was when he told mother she should be prioritizing herself with the progress of her own children rather than that of another woman's son.
I prayed he had not intended for his words to come out as cruelly as they did. Although, the look it left on mother's face made that begrudgingly hard to do so.
It had always been hard to tell the nature of my father, though that seemed even more so the case as of late. Ambrose had always seemed so disapproving of him, subtly disagreeing with most of what father believed. It was something I wondered about often as he had known father the longest. Longer than even mother herself.
And perhaps that was what freighted me the most - it remined me entirely of what had happened with Jane.
When Jane had left for college shortly after her eighteenth birthday, she had all but cut herself from our lives. Even calls had been sparse with visits being something we could only hope for. And now, with Ambrose gone, I found myself trapped with that same horrible feeling once again.
That period of my life had become strangely indistinct now. I knew it was filled with horrible memories for us all, yet it was blurred around the edges and foggy like a window after rain. That had seemed to have become a common occurrence since my reincarnation into this world. However, I still held onto those emotions that had etched their way deep into my soul.
I still remembered standing in the doorway of our old home as Jane loaded boxes full of her things into the car.
I still remembered mother trying her hardest to smile when it was obvious all she wanted was to run back to her room and cry.
I still remembered father watching in an awkward and stiff silence, pretending everything was normal as he was never taught how to deal with the sadness in front of him.
And above all else, I still remembered the emptiness I was left with afterwards.
It was an absence that haunted my dreams - the kind that turned familiar rooms into rotting puzzle pieces. Even now, after dying and being reborn, it was still one of the most distinct feelings to ever embrace me.
At that time, I had thought it was caused by my sister. Because she had always been around me, it made sense the house would feel empty without her voice echoing laughter into my ears.
Now I could tell the difference. This time Ambrose hadn't done something as simple as move away. He had been forced off to fight against his better judgement. And now he would be conditioned by a life of nothing but politics and war and expectations meant for our father rather a child.
Every time that thought returned to the mind, it left me more sick than the last.
I sat near the tall nursery windows while rain tapped slowly against the panels. The estate grounds reached far beyond them, trimmed gardens and servants with umbrellas farther than I cared to look. They were like ants, peaceful as the world around us.
But nothing was the same.
Not with the way mother smiled less.
Not with the amount of gossip the nobles brought with them.
And certainly not with the amount Aurelia asked father regarding Ambrose every day.
Something was wrong and it was scratching at everyone's minds.
I slid from the cushioned chair I had been resting with. As my tiny feet patted against the cold, polished floors, small huffs of excitement escaped me. Being physically only two years old made sneaking around far easier than it should have been. Naturally, most adults disregarded me as they knew nothing of the actual consciousness residing within Amarinda's mind.
And that was most entirely not something I would complain about as I hated being left without the know.
If no one wanted to inform me on what was happening with Ambrose, I would simply find out myself.
The halls surrounding the nursery were far quieter than they had ought to be. Most tutors were occupied with other families' lessons and many of the other servants were off preparing the lodge for our latest guests.
I moved as quickly as I could, attempting to remember where exactly it was father was currently holding his meeting.
Unfortunately, I barely made halfway down the long east corridor before hearing hurried footsteps behind me.
"Amy!"
I froze in my tracks.
Aurelia rounded the corner ahead of me moments later, silver-blonde hair utterly disheveled and dress crooked as though she had just made a grand escape.
"What are you doing?" she demanded.
"What are you doing?" I asked in response.
"You left without me!"
"I was sneaking away."
Aurelia crossed her arms and pouted. "I want to know about Rosey too."
"But you're too loud."
She huffed, disappointed. "No, I'm not..."
"Yes, you are."
"You're being mean." Her frown was clearly dramatized for effect, though it did nothing but make her cuter. Her cheeks were puffed out in frustration. "You always do this. You think you're smarter than me because you like to read books."
"I didn't say that."
"You thought it."
I rubbed my forehead tiredly with my stubby hand. It is miserably hard to deal with a four-year-old who won't listen to you although you're mentally as old as half the people in the building around you. I do not recommend it.
Still... it also hurt me how she looked upset.
"...Fine," I mumbled under my breath. "You can come with me."
Her expression brightened instantaneously. "Really?!"
"Yes, but don't yell."
"I don't do that."
"You absolutely do."
"Only sometimes."
"That's 'sometimes' too many."
Aurelia ignored me completely and grabbed my hand to drag me along instead. "Come on, let's go."
We crept farther around the estate together, trying to look as innocent as possible whenever a servant would pass us by. The Anderfell palace was massive and older than you could guess. The massive marble halls connecting each segment were built of stone corridors centuries earlier, remnant of the lost kings who had expanded our wealth over generations.
Portraits watched us from every wall.
They were former rulers, saints, and generals - dead people obsessed more with their legacy than their lives. Oddly, their eyes glimmered with a gold light when touched by the Sun's reach.
Eventually, we made it to a room booming with voices blocked by heavy doors.
Aurelia perked up immediately. "There's people in there."
"Yes, Lia, I noticed."
At that I felt a light kick against my ankle. I ignored it and carefully leaned against the door instead.
"...the situation overseas is worsening."
I didn't recognize the voice as it sounded deeper, stronger, and scarier than that I had heard as of late. It sounded almost like a general.
Another new voice answered. "And yet His Majesty still refuses to recall the boy."
The boy...?
Ambrose.
Aurelia immediately leaned closer at that.
"He shouldn't have sent him there to begin with," the first man continued. "He is gifted, yes, but he is still a child."
"Gifted is putting it lightly," the second man replied quietly. "The reports from the western countries are concerning."
My stomach tightened with fear.
Reports?
"What kind of reports?" the military man asked.
A pause.
Then:
"They're saying Prince Ambrose possess a blessing."
Silence followed shortly after.
Even Aurelia seemed to freeze at the strength of the words.
Blessings.
I had heard the term, of course. They had mostly come through stories or spiritual teachings. They were "gifts" granted by one of the astronomical figures such as the Sun or the Moon - rare abilities tied to raw concepts.
Most people considered them nothing more than myths. At least, that was until they had gotten the ability to see them in person.
Apparently, we had been in the presence of one without knowing of it.
The general exhaled sharply. "You truly believe that?"
"I believe general Kaito does."
"Ahh... And that concerns me far more."
The room shifted with the scrape of chairs shifting along the floors.
"What exactly has the prince done?"
"Nothing overt. And that's the problem." Papers rustled. "He reportedly hasn't done much to help, yet the tides of battle were shifted completely. Witness accounts show nothing other than complete obedience. Men acting as though their minds had been tampered with."
My heartbeat quickened rapidly.
Mind control?
Ambrose would often joke with me and Aurelia, telling us he had the ability to convince someone of anything as long as they spoke long enough. At the time it had seemed like silly exaggeration to please his little sister. But now...
"The western forces are already unstable," the second man continued. "If words spread that the Anderfell possess a blessing that is untraceable..."
"...then the nobles will either revere or fear him." The first man finished grimly.
"Exactly."
Aurelia tugged at my sleeve. "What blessing does that?"
I shushed her instantly, but it was already too late.
The room fell silent.
"...Did you hear something?" One of them asked.
Panic shot through my blood. I grabbed Aurelia's wrist and bolted away as fast as I could.
"HEY-" Aurelia protested.
We sprinted down the corridor as fast as any two royalty born children possibly could, which admittedly was not fast in the slightest.
Aurelia giggled as if this was the funniest moment in her life. Meanwhile, I was fighting for our lives.
"THIS ISN'T FUNNY!" I hissed at her.
"It is funny!"
"You are going to get us beat!"
"They can't, I'm too cute"
I starred at her in disbelief while finally dragging her around the corner. Honestly, I prayed she was right as we ducked behind a large decorative pillar before two servants ran past in search of us. My mouth could only gape as Aurelia covered her face to keep from laughing.
"You are impossible," I whispered, my tongue fumbling over the last syllable.
"No, I'm not."
I leaned against the wall, trying to steady my breath after running far faster than any two-year-old should have.
How was that possible? A blessing? Ambrose had a blessing? But I had heard the Moon ceremonies had never gone over for him.
It didn't make any sense. Back on Earth, everything had a clear-cut explanation. And I had hoped it would be the same here as well. I had hoped I could make sense of everything, even the worst of the worst, with logic and science.
That wasn't the case. If he had received a blessing after no previous signs, how could I trust anything? It brought my mind back to that man from when I first awoke, the priest in black. Was he someone who could give out blessings? If so, had I been blessed as well?
But for now, I had to focus on how apparently my socially exhausted older brother had the power to control people's minds. How absolutely wonderful.
Aurelia tilted her head to look me in the eyes. "I thought blessings were good."
"Huh?"
"Rosey's blessing. Why is it bad?"
"It's not bad."
"Then why are you scared?"
My face contorted slightly at her words. Why was I scared? It was because Ambrose was a little kid who was all alone with a power that seemed to be strong enough to kill. How was I not supposed to be scared?
What if the nobles tried to influence him? What if he started hurting people for fun? What if people stopped thinking of him as a child and instead as a weapon?
I sighed softly before answering her. "Do you know the stories of the people the Sun touched? " I asked.
Aurelia nodded enthusiastically. "They were heroes and they made Velgrin strong." As she said it, she flexed her tiny arms.
"Yeah, sometimes," I interrupted gently, "But what about the stories of Alexander Anderfell? And how he hurt people..."
Her expression faltered at that. "Oh..."
"I think blessings can be dangerous." I searched for the words to make Aurelia understand as well as the ones I could speak well enough to make my point clear. "I think they're like gifts that go into your soul. Like water. Or fire. Or control. What if they change Rosey's soul?"
Aurelia frowned, her eyes watering slightly. "That's not fair... And Rosey wouldn't let that happen!"
"I hope not..."
She thought for a moment before asking me another question. "Is he scared?"
The question felt like a cold knife. I didn't want to think about that. I could theorize on blessings effects as much as I wanted, but how could I wonder about Ambrose being scared? Was he scared of what the power would do to him? He was still a young boy just trying to live with the heavy expectations placed onto him, and he had to fear that as well?
He didn't deserve that; he deserved to be a kid.
"I think," I whispered carefully, trying to keep myself from crying as well. "He might be scared people are trying to make him bad."
"Like an evil king...?"
"No... Like a killer..."
The words lingered between us as Aurelia looked down at her feet. "I don't want him to hurt people..."
"I don't want that either..."
Just a few halls away, we heard the echoing of bells. It was time for our evening lessons.
Aurelia groaned dramatically. "Ms. Aveline is going to be so mad. She's going to say we're little poop children."
I couldn't help laughing slightly at that. Although, it didn't do enough in the slightest to clear my thoughts.
We stepped back into the open hallway, looking innocent as we could.
For the first time since I came to this world, I was more scared of what would happen to someone else than myself. Ambrose would come home the same as ever. He had to.