El's long silky white hair fluttered with each step; her pink eyes locked on Luna's room. She walked past Theia and into her room.
With a happy smile spread across her face, she hummed as she walked.
It took her only one glance at Luna to understand something was wrong. Luna was hunched, sitting by the pillow, sweat pouring down her face, her hair greasy and reflective. Beneath her, the sheets were stained with sweat.
El rushed to her and fell to her knees.
"Luna…? Luna, look at me. What happened to you?"
She cupped Luna's face with trembling hands.
"Why didn't you tell me? I would've come right away."
Luna's cheeks flushed with red as she smiled. "Thank you… I didn't want to worry you."
"Worry? Of course I would. You know I'd always make time for you… you're my best friend."
El hugged Luna tightly, pulling her close to her heart.
"My studies can wait for a moment. You can't. I'm the one who's supposed to be here when you need someone."
El's arms jerked as she stared past Luna at the wall, her mouth opening and closing as if she wanted to speak.
"El?" Luna asked.
"Ah… it's nothing. You don't need to worry. I just remembered something. Nothing important."
"I see…" Luna hugged El back, keeping her face pressed against her chest.
Theia, slowly walking into Luna's room, saw them tightly embracing in a hug. She watched them without saying a word; her mouth slowly drooped.
Theia's stomach twisted with the same bitterness she had once felt watching Aisha stand where she now stood. Her intense stare drilled a hole in El's head. But she did not notice and kept on hugging Luna.
Theia bit down on her lip while staring intensely at Luna; with a long stride, she walked up to Luna and pulled her into her arms. Pulling her away from El's hug.
"That's all? You can go now," Theia said in a sharp, harsh voice.
"Ah…" El fell backward onto the floor. She looked up at Luna, seeing her in Theia's arms; her eyes lingered on her. "No, I wanted to stay here with Luna." Her voice sharpened, eyes flicking to Theia with an edge of irritation.
Luna, trapped in Theia's hug, didn't react; she didn't even have the strength to lift her arms. "You're really warm, Theia…" Luna said.
Theia flushed red and released Luna, and she crawled back, away from her. "T-thank you…"
"Theia, can you prepare black tea for yourself, me, and El?" Luna asked; her warm smile seemed to glow, nudging Theia to respond.
Theia's face burned red. She gave a small nod before slowly standing. Her gaze never left the floor as she made her way out of the room.
"You see? She does get it sometimes… Lovely, isn't she?" Luna murmured, slowly crawling back onto her bed.
"I see…" El replied, her eyes lingering on Theia's retreating figure as she left the room.
"I knew you'd come… I know you well enough to understand that much. You somehow know exactly when I need you. Not that Theia isn't enough. Just on her own, she makes me feel more than happy. But it's always more fun to have more friends, right?" Luna grinned from ear to ear.
El glanced at her. Her eyes widened instantly, pupils dilating as a spark of wonder flickered through her. She quickly looked away, her voice barely above a whisper. "You're… right."
"I really love Theia. She's my sister after all," Luna chuckled, "but sometimes I think, Am I enough for her? Do my actions hurt her far deeper than I realize? I really don't know. Even if I wanted to, I can't really."
"I'll try, sure. But right now I am so weak it takes everything within me to just stay awake; I need to think a lot, but I am not that good at that. You are good at thinking, right? El? You've been studying a lot lately, so you don't mind listening to me?"
El crawled up to Luna and placed her arms on Luna's lap. "I will always listen to you."
"I'm usually the one who listens, so… talking like this feels strange." Luna said
El reached for Luna's hands and gently held them; she looked up at Luna and smiled.
Luna chuckled at her action, and a warm smile grew across her face. "You see, I did something bad to Theia, which made her even more jealous of other people. Please don't hate her for that. I made her that way…" Luna looked at El's hands and furrowed her brows, "I really regret that…"
"She is a lonely girl, like me, but in other ways. I never experienced the things she did, so I don't really understand her, which made me hurt her even more. Unknowingly."
Luna burrowed her face into her hands and hunched her back forward. "I should've listened to her more, understood her. But I was a horrible sister to her, making her think that I felt more than for her. I do love her; she is my sister, after all. I feel disgusted at what I did. That I actually liked it."
El watched Luna, how she spoke, and listened to her words; her eyes grew ever wider. She finds Luna eerily similar to herself.
"Now, I can see easily how Theia is jealous, how she wants to be with me only and have me only to herself. It's not hard to see that when I see her every minute of my day."
"I want her to be happy, to be close to me. I feel like I will do something really bad in the future that I won't be able to ever fix"
Tears dripped through Luna's fingers onto El's lap, and the more El listened, the harder it became to ignore. Of what she compared.
"I can't say it to her face; I can't. She… She is too kind… To love… A perfect little sister that I have. It's obvious how much she loves me, how much she looks up to me."
"And at first I had to lie to her, just to keep seeing that smile, to feel her love. But now it outgrew me. How can I ever say that to her? Let alone face her."
Luna sobbed silently through her fingers; her voice began to crack, "I lied to her about how sick I am. How horrible my illness is. I can't tell her. It will hurt her, I know it will. When I told Mytri, he blamed himself and cried. I can't make Theia feel the same sadness. I can't!"
"I lied to her. I lied to her. I lied to her. I can't tell her this. She will hate me! She will never want to be sisters with me! I can't do this to her, to me!"
El's mouth drooped; her eerie feeling turned inside out as it turned into a dreadful hug, like she did understand her words, and the more Luna spoke, the more El realized what she was talking about.
"I am a horrible sister; I am disgusting. I tell you this, instead of her. If she ever hears this. I can't… I should've just told her plainly. Get hit a few times and be hated. For deceiving her."
"But I can't! I am selfish; I just want to feel her love for a second more! for a day more! I can't lose it! I am dying, for goddess' sake! I can't tell her that! If I ever do, see that betrayal in her eyes. I won't be able to look at myself anymore! I'd rather die than hurt her!"
El watched Luna in horror. "W-what?" she muttered under her nose as Luna broke down, crying and wiping her tears with her sleeves. Constant flow like a river running down a mountainside. Relentlessly flowing.
Her eyes turned red, snot flowing out of her nose, saliva drooping to the floor.
El did not understand why she was crying; she understood why but did not understand the reason. To her, the obvious answer was to confess, but a tight pull diddled her inside. She knew if she said that, Luna would hate her.
El rushed to Luna and hugged her, her voice desperate. "That's okay… I am here; don't cry. Cry as much as you want. I am always here. I will never go away. Don't stop. Cry yourself out."
Outside the room, just beside the door, Theia's hands trembled slightly as she clutched the tray of wooden cups filled with black tea.
Her chest rose and fell in uneven breaths, straining to catch the faintest whimper of Luna's voice seeping through the crack. The sound twisted her stomach into knots.
She let her gaze fall to the floor, her eyes empty, hollow, as if the light inside her had dimmed.