(1)
"Are you used to the weather in Shanghai yet?" Chenhui asks me.
"Not bad. It's not as cold as I expected," I reply.
Yun had clearly told me it would be a small wedding, so I thought I could sleep in, take my time getting ready, and just head over for the banquet. But what I didn't expect was that even though there weren't many guests, they still arranged a door games session. When I found out about it on the night I arrived in Shanghai, I honestly had the urge to book a flight home right away. As part of the bride's side, it was obvious that I had to join the team tasked with blocking the groom at the door.
Before 7 a.m., my alarm jolted me awake. I didn't even have time to grab the hotel's free breakfast before Yun sent a car to pick me up and bring me to her house.
Compared to me, who barely managed to roll out of bed without even washing my face, Yun was already sitting gracefully in the middle of her big bed, wearing a beautiful red dress.
"What time did you get up?" I asked casually while the rest of Yun's family members were animatedly discussing how to make things difficult for the groom and his groomsmen. I was sitting at the edge of her bed, yawning groggily.
"Get up? I didn't sleep at all," Yun glanced at me.
The whole games session went fairly smoothly. When it came to blocking the door, I think I used up all the acting skills I had accumulated over almost 30 years of life. I was even more enthusiastic and dramatic than when I had to fake excitement filming English-learning videos for kids when I first started working.
But it wasn't entirely my fault. If I had actually tried my hardest to block the door, it wouldn't have been the bride getting carried off first; instead, it would've been me, passing out from low blood sugar.
During the process, we asked a few harmless but tricky questions, organized some small games that the groom and groomsmen had to complete, and took plenty of hilarious and embarrassing photos – enough for these guys to mock each other for the rest of their lives.
Eventually, after the groom handed over enough red envelopes and found the bride's red shoes, the whole thing wrapped up successfully. I could finally follow Yun to the wedding hotel.
"Did everything go smoothly?" When I arrived at the lobby, Lee was already lounging on a sofa, casually cracking sunflower seeds.
"Thank God I'm not the one getting married," I said, plopping down beside him and grabbing a handful of seeds myself.
Thankfully, the food during the wedding was good. Once I had refueled, my mood was clearly much better than before. Watching Yun up on stage, shyly exchanging sweet words with the groom, I found myself tearing up a little too. Those cliché phrases – If I heard them on TV, I would've pressed the remote to change the channel without a second thought. But when it's someone you actually know, standing on their wedding stage, you can feel that every single word is heartfelt. After all, the little tag-along who used to stick to Lili's side all the time was now about to start a brand-new chapter of her life.
Thinking about it, it really made me feel emotional.
If I had known back then that one day I'd be attending Yun's wedding, I definitely would have threatened her into recording all those weird, silly questions she used to ask me – just to play them on the big screen today.
After the ceremony ended, Yun finally had some time to come over to our table and chat with us.
"Did I look beautiful up there?" Yun asked the moment she sat down.
"Very beautiful," I told her, "But those tears you shed on stage – were they just to make yourself look even prettier?"
"Those were genuine emotions!" Yun said as she casually unwrapped one of her own wedding candies on the table and popped it into her mouth. "But hey, a beautiful woman crying is supposed to be even more charming, right?"
I laughed. "I knew you weren't that pure-hearted."
"Oh, by the way, one of the groomsmen actually recognized me from the high school photo on the invitation," Yun said proudly.
"Are you sure it wasn't because you were wearing heavy makeup back then?" Lili teased her from the side.
"Can't you say something nice? Today's my big day, you know," Yun pretended to glare at Lili. "I was looking at our high school photo yesterday and got kind of mad. I mean, look at Chenhui. He didn't even take the graduation picture with us, and now he's not here for my wedding either. And to think I used to believe the four of us had built such a strong little group."
Lili darted a look at me, then answered vaguely, "Well, you know, triangles are the most stable shape."
knew it. There was no way we could avoid talking about Chenhui those couple of days. It was just like when he transferred schools. No matter how much I tried to steer clear, his name popped up in every conversation.
Ever since I found out he was getting married, I felt unsettled. Even when I shopped along Nanjing Road or took photos in Yuyuan Garden, part of me stayed on edge, braced for him to appear out of the crowd.
It felt as if someone who had slowly faded from my life over the past decade had suddenly reentered my world. Rationally, I knew he was in Beijing, which was a two-and-a-half-hour flight away, and busy with his own wedding preparations.
The human heart is strange like that. For years, I had hoped no one would tell me when Chenhui got married. But now that it happened, I felt a strange loss, as if I had finally walked out of his life.
"Hey, maybe we should give him a call," Yun suddenly suggested. "It's such an important day for me, and he has to be part of it somehow."
Lili shot a surprised glance at me and Lee, as if she wanted to say something but didn't know how to dissuade Yun. Lee smiled faintly, raised his eyebrows a little, looking both awkward and a bit curious about what might happen.
"Hello? Chenhui? Guess where we are?" Once the call connected, Yun's voice turned playful and mysterious. "Huh? You guessed it? But I didn't even tell you the exact date!" Yun said, her expression growing a little strange as she looked over at us.
"Oh? I said 'we'? Well, okay, high achievers do think fast."
Listening to Yun casually chatting with Chenhui, I suddenly realized I couldn't even remember the last time I had spoken to him on the phone. Just when I was still wondering what I should say if I had to talk to him, Yun, as if reading my mind, decided not to give me any time to prepare.
"Yang's here in Shanghai too! Wanna talk to him?" Then she turned to me.
I shot a helpless look at Lee, who gave me a little smirk and shrugged.
"Alright, he's right next to me. I'll hand him the phone," Yun said, and then passed the phone to me.
"Go outside to talk, it's too noisy here," Lee leaned in and said softly to me.
(2)
When we got to the hotel, maybe because it was still early, the sky was gray and misty. But now, it's already fully bright outside.
Good thing Chenhui brings up the weather first; otherwise, I honestly wouldn't even know what to say.
"How's life treating you lately?"
Lately? How lately? Since the last time we spoke?
"Same old, same old. What about you? How's everything with you?" The polite small talk between us feels a little bit heartbreaking. After all, we used to be able to talk about anything and everything.
I let out a sigh and silently laugh at myself. Life has been gentle enough with me. Step by step, it lets me get used to losing him, from the time I found out he had a girlfriend, to the day he transferred to another school, to him moving to a different city for college, and now, to hearing about his upcoming marriage.
"I'm doing okay too, though work's been pretty busy lately. How's your Shanghai trip going?" he asks.
"Not bad. Plenty of good food and fun places to check out. It's not even a holiday right now, but there are still loads of tourists, including your ex-girlfriend."
"Kena? You ran into her? We separated a long time ago. I didn't even know she's in Shanghai." Hearing that, Chenhui lets out a breathy laugh. "Anyways, did you take pictures at the Bund?"
"Of course. Total tourist move." I spot a bench near the parking lot and wander over to sit down. "You know what? When I was little, I used to imagine coming here with you."
"Really?" He sounds unmistakably surprised. He pauses for a moment, then says, "We'll still have chances… We can go somewhere else."
Will we?
I listen to that almost impossible promise and smile quietly to myself.
"Oh, by the way, Yun told me you're getting married."
"Yeah…" Chenhui sounds a bit hesitant. "It's happening in a couple of days."
So why didn't you tell me?
The question rises all the way to the tip of my tongue. But in the end, I don't ask.
"So are there just a bunch of good dates for weddings right now? Did you and Yun use the same calendar or something?"
Chenhui giggles and says, "I have no idea. It's the date our families picked."
I don't know if it's just my illusion, but his laugh sounds exactly the same as it did ten years ago. It's like I'm talking to the 18-year-old Chenhui again.
"So… anyone special these days?" he asks, almost under his breath.
"Ah… oh…" I'm caught off guard. I never expected him to ask me that. For a second, I'm totally tongue-tied. "You remember Lee? My boyfriend back in college? I recently got back together with him…"
The words slip out before I can even process them. I even glance around quickly to make sure nobody overhears.
"Oh, I do remember him," Chenhui says. "You did tell me about him then. So, you two are back together, huh… Good for you guys." He adds the last part in a light tone.
"Yeah. He's really good to me." I don't remember if I've ever lied to him before. I just hope he can't hear it in my voice.
"Are you happy with him?"
Happy? Sure. But he's not you.
"I'm happy," I simply say.
"Good. As long as you're happy, that's all that matters."
"That's all that matters?" I feel it's time to steer the conversation somewhere else, so I raise my voice a little and say, "Well, just so you know, I still can't win a single argument with Yun. She's way too sharp now. It's actually terrifying."
Chenhui laughs. "Can't help you there."
There are a lot of things you can't help me with anymore, aren't there?
"Alright, I should get going," I say, spotting Lili already coming out looking for me. "Keep in touch, okay? And at least post more photos on your Moments! Don't act like you're some kind of ghost."
"Yes, sir!"
I can almost picture him standing there, giving me a salute.
(3)
I hang up the phone and wave at Lili. She sees me and starts walking over.
"I think Yun might be a little drunk. She's been clinging to Lee and chatting non-stop," Lili says as she sits down next to me.
"On her big day, openly flirting with a handsome guy right in front of her own husband? Is that really okay?" I laugh and ask Lili.
"Don't worry about it. Knowing Yun's big mouth, she's probably already briefed her husband about you two ages ago."
I chuckle, then lower my eyes and realize I'm still holding Yun's phone in my hand.
There's a brief pause before Lili asks, "How did the conversation go?"
"Not much. We barely said anything important." I look out at the parking lot in front of me, where cars are constantly coming and going. Seems like a pretty popular hotel. "Just some meaningless small talk. And I confirmed the news about him getting married."
Then I turn to her and give her a helpless smile.
"I'm sorry," Lili says, placing a light hand on my shoulder.
"You don't have to feel sorry for me. We all have known from the very beginning that this day would come, right? I just…"
Lili quietly looks at me, waiting for me to continue.
"I just feel really sorry for Lee."
Lili seems a little surprised by the shift, probably thinking I was still going to say something about Chenhui. She raises her eyebrows. "Why do you say that?"
"Sometimes I really think I'm a terrible person. Lee is so good to me, and I really like him too. Being with him feels so natural and easy, and because of that, I never really thought it was a bad thing when you guys secretly planned to get me to that party where I met him. But…"
I take a deep breath, like I'm about to tell Lili that but I'm off to save the galaxy or something.
"But every time it comes to Chenhui, I can't help getting caught in this strange emotional whirlwind. It's like some part of my subconscious refuses to let go until it gets a definitive conclusion about me and him, even though I already know exactly what that conclusion is."
Lili gently rests her head against my shoulder.
"So, in the end, even when I truly want to be in a good place with Lee, it feels like there's this invisible wall between us. Just now, when Chenhui asked if I was seeing someone, I even dragged Lee into the conversation like a human shield. I don't even know why I did that. Was I trying to prove something to Chenhui? Then what was that?"
Thinking about it now, Lee has always been like a doctor. While I know he's tried so hard to heal me, there are some chronic illnesses that just have no cure. I'm honestly amazed at how long Lee has held on. If it were me, I probably would've given up a long time ago.
"Someone as good as Lee doesn't deserve an ending like this."
"Maybe it's just karma for what a player he used to be," Lili mutters under her breath.
"So, was I sent here to teach him a lesson?" I ask her, mildly amused.
"Obviously," Lili says, stretching her arms overhead. Then she suddenly asks me, "Hey, remember that novel of mine that's about to be published overseas?"
"Of course," I think for a moment and then continue speaking. "You showed me the draft before it got published domestically last year, right? The one about a married woman who cheats and ends up killing her husband?"
"Yeah… that one. But wow, that's a wild way to sum it up," she says, shooting me a look. Then she asks, "Guess who the inspiration for the main character was?"
I blink. "There was an inspiration?"
Lili doesn't answer.
My eyes widen. "Wait… it's not you, is it? Damn, should I be calling the cops?"
Lili bursts into laughter.
"The inspiration was me, yes. But relax, the murder part is pure fiction! Nothing to worry about. The emotional journey the woman goes through, though – that part's real. That's all me. Didn't you notice that since last year, I stopped mentioning my boyfriend?"
I think for a second. "Yeah, I did notice. A few times I even suggested you invite him to dinner with us, and you said he was too busy with work."
Lili snorts. "Yeah, right. He was just that busy. Actually, we broke up. Honestly, I saw the signs long before that – friends telling me they saw him being way too cozy with other girls in public. But for a while, I didn't want to face it. I was in full ostrich mode, thinking if I just ignored it, maybe it would all go away."
"I can't believe even someone as chill as you would hold on like that," I sigh.
"That's exactly it. Back then, I thought I really loved him. But looking back now, I think it was more about not wanting to let go. Or maybe it was just the unwillingness to admit that all the time and effort I put in was wasted. And what's more, we started dating back in college, and our lives were so intertwined, especially after graduation when even our careers crossed paths. So breaking up cleanly felt impossible. Right up until the moment I finally told him I wanted to break up, I was still hesitating. But now I'm so glad I made that decision."
Lili says and then tosses me a soft, peaceful smile. And I can only wonder how much pain it took for her to get to that place.
"Grow apart, life begins," she continues. "I don't know if it's a little late to say life begins now that we're pushing thirty, but honestly, it's only after everything that I really understood how complicated human emotions can be. You can't sum them up with a few neat adjectives. And you'll probably feel differently about the same memories at different stages of your life. So… don't beat yourself up over this. Whether it's Chenhui or Lee, you haven't wronged either of them. And honestly, I don't even care if you have or haven't. I only care if you're happy. That's what matters most."
Hearing that, my nose stings. Ten years since high school graduation and it feels like such a strange length of time, neither too long nor too short. I never would've guessed that Lili, who once had no clear plans for the future, would now carry such a calm, wise air. I'm just grateful that even as time swept away so many things and people, it left her by my side.
I pinch my nose and clear my throat, then look at her very seriously. "Alright. Once we get home, I'll write a novel too. And I'll kill off both Lee and Chenhui in the story."
Lili lets out a peal of laughter and says, "Perfect. Looks like I've got some serious competition in the book market."
"If… I'm just saying if… If I didn't get back together with Lee, would you be disappointed?" I ask her.
"Like I just said, you should care more about whether you're happy. I only paid your entrance fee to that party, that's all."
"Got it. I'll transfer the ticket fee to you later on Alipay."
"You're nuts," Lili says, giving me another playful glare.
At this moment, I feel my phone vibrate in my pants pocket, so I take it out.
It's a WeChat message from Chenhui:
Take care of yourself.
Okay. I'll try.