POV Roum
I had lost track of how long I had been locked up.
At first, I tried to measure the days by meals. It was the only thing that changed in that room, even though I never understood how they got to me.
I could fall asleep after finishing my plate and wake up several hours later with a new portion placed on the table, and each time I ate I could no longer stop myself from falling asleep.
I never heard the door open, I didn't perceive any movement in the hallway, and when I woke up, I always had the unpleasant feeling that the food had simply existed there while I slept.
I had tried to stay awake in order to understand.
The first time, I sat on the bed, staring at the door for hours. I resisted sleep until my eyes burned and my muscles began to stiffen. I didn't hear anyone come. Yet, at some point I couldn't pinpoint, I found myself asleep against the wall.
When I opened my eyes, a steaming plate was waiting for me.
I had stopped eating, but that was another kind of torture.
The room rendered time pointless. There were no windows, no clock, and no variation in lighting. The light remained soft enough not to be unpleasant, but it never changed, as if day and night had lost all meaning here.
Even the silence seemed to have been constructed.
Over time, I began to hear myself breathing, the rustling of my clothes when I moved, sometimes even the regular beating of my heart when I remained still long enough.
There was nothing else to do.
No voices behind the walls.
No movement in a corridor.
No machines whose operation could have given me an indication of life.
Nothing that could remind me that an outside world still existed.
I stood up and took a few steps before stopping in front of the door. I placed my hand against its cold surface, without really hoping that it would open.
– You could at least tell me how long I've been here.
My voice echoed off the walls before disappearing.
I knew there would be no response, but talking had become a way of checking that I could still hear something other than my own thoughts.
My eyes began to close.
I already knew what was going to happen.
Sleep always brought me back to the same place.
An eternal fall.
The sensation had become so familiar that I no longer even needed a cold sweat.
My body already knew the fall before my mind could accept it. The wind hit my face as darkness spread around me, and far above my head, a light appeared at the edge of the Pit.
A woman stood before this light.
My heart was still racing.
I could make out her silhouette, her hair, and even the position of her arms outstretched towards me. Yet, her face remained impossible to see.
Every time I tried to watch it, the image became blurry.
No matter how hard I tried to focus all my attention on that part of the memory, my mind refused to give me what I was looking for.
I reached out my hand towards her, despairing over this fall.
Who are you?
Why did you throw me out?
I wanted to hold on, but before I could say another word, the light disappeared and I woke up.
– HHA !
I sat up abruptly on the bed.
For a few seconds, I clutched my chest and couldn't move.
The room was exactly as it had been.
It was becoming difficult to bear.
I no longer knew if I was actually waking up or if I was still dreaming of being locked in this room.
I just started rocking back and forth.
A plate had just appeared there.
Again.
The food tasted perfectly normal, but it had become bland and tasteless to me.
I pushed aside the cutlery and ran towards the bathroom.
– BLEUGG BLEEEEEEE
(vomit)
Silence remained the only available interlocutor.
I leaned against the back of the toilet and took two deep breaths.
I thought back to the Pit; it was a bad idea, such a bad idea.
Since I'd been locked up here, the memories came back more often.
I could hear voices in my head.
Ela… Ela… I want to go home… Ela… I can't even protect you… I'm lost…
– sniff…..
Her lips were trembling.