After that one time Anna talked to me, things went quiet again. She didn't come near me anymore. At first, I thought maybe she was shy, or maybe she was busy with other friends, but deep down I knew it was because she didn't really want to stay close. That one time must have been for something she wanted, not because she missed me. I tried not to think about it too much, but it hurt.
School kept dragging on, day after day. Every morning I woke up with the same heavy feeling in my chest, the thought of walking into that building again, facing the same lonely hours. Grade 7 wasn't what I thought it would be. I thought maybe middle school would feel exciting, maybe even like a fresh start after moving here. But instead, it felt like a trap I couldn't escape.
The classroom was always noisy. Laughter, loud voices, the sound of chairs moving on the floor. But in all that noise, I felt invisible. Nobody looked my way, nobody cared if I was there or not. Sometimes I wished I could just disappear and no one would notice. I sat at my desk, staring at the board, pretending to take notes even when my mind was far away.
I hated how the days seemed to repeat themselves. Wake up, go to school, come home, stay in my room. It was like living the same boring story again and again. I wanted to fast forward, to skip all of this, to reach the future where maybe things would be better. But at the same time, I was scared—what if the future wasn't any different? What if the pain and loneliness never went away?
At lunch, I always saw groups of girls sitting together, sharing snacks, talking about boys, laughing about jokes I didn't understand. I sat alone, eating quickly so nobody would stare at me. Sometimes I even skipped eating because it felt easier than sitting there pretending not to care.
The hallways were worse. Everyone seemed to know where they were going, who they were walking with. I walked with my head down, clutching my books close to my chest, hoping nobody would bump into me or laugh at me. My shape, my body, my face—it all felt like reasons for people to reject me. Even when nobody said anything, my thoughts were loud enough to make me believe I didn't belong.
At home, it wasn't much better. My siblings had their own lives, their own laughter. My parents were busy, and though I knew they loved me, I felt far away from them. I stayed in my room most of the time, lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling. Music became my only friend, sometimes books too. I escaped into other people's stories because mine felt too empty.
But no matter how much I tried to escape, my mind always came back to school. The fear of facing the next day, the pain of being ignored, the weight of pretending I was okay. Even when Anna passed by me in class, she didn't look at me anymore. That small hope I had of us being friends again faded away slowly.
Sometimes I wanted to cry in the middle of class, but I held it in. I didn't want to give anyone another reason to laugh at me. Other times I wanted to scream, to ask why nobody could see me, why I felt so invisible. But I couldn't. I didn't know how to stand up for myself, how to say no, how to make my voice heard. I just stayed quiet, swallowing all my feelings like they were pieces of me nobody would ever understand.
I wished I could be someone else. A girl who was taller, prettier, more confident. A girl who walked into a room and everyone wanted to talk to her. A girl who wasn't scared of everything. But instead, I was me, and being me felt like being stuck in a body that didn't belong anywhere.
The days went on, each one blending into the next. Classes, homework, silence. The teachers talked, the students laughed, and I just sat there, fading into the background. I wondered if anyone would even remember me if I left. Would anyone care?
Even though I kept wishing I could skip to the future, a small voice inside me whispered that maybe things could change. Maybe one day, I would find someone who truly saw me. But for now, in grade 7, all I could do was survive each day, hoping tomorrow wouldn't hurt as much as today.