Ethan Knox - March 2121
It's been four days since the attack.
Four days since everything fell apart.
Four days since the school was reduced to rubble, since the grounds that had once felt like the safest place any of us had ever known became a battlefield. Four days since Daniel died.
Four days since Noah died.
I still can't bring myself to say those words without feeling something inside me twist.
I failed them.
I failed to keep either of them safe, and no matter how many times I try to tell myself that there was nothing I could have done, my mind keeps finding ways I could have made different choices. If I'd stayed with Noah, maybe I could have protected him. Maybe I could have seen something coming. Maybe I could have stopped him from going back into the fight.
Instead, I chose Daniel.
I chose to follow the vision I'd seen on the road because I thought I could change what I'd witnessed, and in doing so I left Noah to face the battle without me. I told myself we both had things we needed to do, that Noah could handle himself, but now he's dead and I can't stop thinking about the fact that I was somewhere else when he needed me.
I keep wondering whether I would have been able to save him if I'd stayed.
The worst part is that I'll never know.
The last four days have passed in a blur of exhaustion, grief and fear. We barely had time to process what happened before Edmund ordered everyone to gather whatever supplies they could carry and leave the school. We couldn't stay there. GeneX knew where we were, the defences were damaged and there was no way of knowing when they might return.
The cabins were supposed to be temporary. A safe place to regroup, but nothing feels safe anymore.
I don't remember much of the journey there. I remember walking across the ruined field, stepping over pieces of broken equipment and trying to find familiar faces among the smoke and debris. I remember calling out for Kai, searching desperately through the chaos because I needed to know he was alive.
Then I found him.
He was sitting on the ground with Noah in his arms, crying.
I've seen Kai injured. I've seen him exhausted, terrified and furious. I've watched him fight through pain that would have brought most people to their knees, but I'd never seen him look like that.
He looked completely destroyed.
His arms were wrapped tightly around Noah's body, as though refusing to accept that his brother was gone and could somehow bring him back. There was blood on his clothes and tears running down his face, but he barely seemed aware of either.
We didn't have time to bury them there.
We couldn't risk staying.
So we carried Noah and Daniel's bodies back to the van, and the journey to the cabins was almost completely silent.
Finn sat on the floor beside Noah's body the entire way, holding his hand.
He didn't say a word. He didn't cry either.
He simply stared down at their hands, his thumb occasionally moving across Noah's knuckles as though he was trying to convince himself that there was still warmth there.
I'd never seen Finn look so empty.
Tessa sat beside Daniel, crying quietly into her hands. At one point, I reached over and rubbed her back, trying to offer some kind of comfort, but the gesture felt useless. What could I possibly say to her when I couldn't even find the words to make sense of my own grief?
Everyone was hurting.
Everyone had lost someone.
But I couldn't stop worrying about Kai. He barely speaks anymore and he hardly eats.
He doesn't sleep unless exhaustion finally drags him under, and even then it never seems to last long. More than once, I've woken during the night to find the bed empty next me.
The first time, I found him outside by the lake.
He was sitting beside the graves we'd dug for Noah and Daniel, completely alone in the freezing darkness. He wasn't wearing enough clothes for the weather, but when I approached him, he didn't seem to notice the cold.
He just sat there staring at Noah grave. I didn't know what to say, so I sat beside him.
He didn't speak and eventually, I went back inside.
The next night, I found him there again. It's like he's punishing himself by refusing to leave him.
Then, on the third night, I wake up and immediately knew something was wrong.
I checked every room, then the hallway, but there's was no sign of him. I already knew where he had probably gone, but when I looked outside and don't see him near the lake, panic starts crawling up my spine.
Kai's was gone...
______________________
"I have to find him."
I barely make it towards the door before Edmund steps in front of me.
"Ethan."
Thomas moves beside him, blocking the exit as well.
"It's too dangerous to leave right now," Thomas says.
I stare at him in disbelief.
"He's out there."
"We know."
"Then move."
Thomas shakes his head. "Ethan, GeneX could still be nearby. We don't know if the area is clear."
My hands curl into fists.
"I don't care."
"Ethan," Edmund says more firmly.
I look at him.
"We can't risk having something happen to you as well."
Something inside me snaps.
"But it's fine if something happens to Kai?"
Edmund's expression immediately softens. "That's not what I'm saying."
"Then what are you saying?"
My voice rises as the anger I've been holding inside for four days finally starts spilling out.
"Because every time someone tells me to stay put, someone dies."
Nobody answers and I can feel my chest tightening.
"I should have stayed with Noah."
"Ethan..."
"I should have been there."
I turn away from them, trying to swallow the lump in my throat, but the anger is already too far gone. Instead of directing it at Edmund or Thomas, I kick the nearest chair.
It flies across the room and crashes into the wall.
"This is bullshit!"
The sound echoes through the cabin, but nobody moves. I look around the room, breathing heavily, until my eyes land on Finn. He's sitting on the floor near the fireplace, staring down at his hands.
He hasn't moved much since we arrived.
"Are you just going to sit there?"
He doesn't react.
"Finn."
Still Nothing. I feel my frustration rising again.
"Finn!"
His head finally lifts. His eyes meet mine, and the anger inside me falters.
He looks exhausted, not physically but something deeper than that. He looks like someone who has had everything taken from him and has no idea what he's supposed to do now that the person who gave his life meaning is gone.
"If Kai doesn't want to be found," Finn says quietly, "we won't find him."
I stare at him.
"That doesn't mean we can't at least try."
My voice comes out softer this time, almost pleading.
Finn looks towards the door.
"He'll come back when he's ready."
"But what if he doesn't?"
Finn looks back at me. For a moment, neither of us speaks but then he slowly gets to his feet and walks away.
I watch him disappear down the hallway.
Edmund steps beside me.
"Ethan, right now we need to focus on rebuilding."
I don't respond.
"We need somewhere secure. We need food, shelter and somewhere for the children to stay. GeneX could come here time, and if they do, we need to be ready."
I know he's right and that's what makes it worse.
There are things that need to be done, people who need protecting. Everyone is trying to keep moving because stopping means having to think about what we've lost.
But I can't stop thinking about Kai.
I failed him once already. I left Noah behind because I thought I could save Daniel and now both of them are dead.
I don't know what Kai is thinking right now. I don't know where he is, whether he's sitting beside their graves or wandering somewhere alone, but I know he's hurting.
Noah wasn't just his brother.
He was his anchor.
His protector.
The person Kai spent years fighting for.
Everything Kai did, every risk he took, every time he pushed himself beyond what his body could handle, he did it because he wanted to keep Noah safe.
And now Noah is gone.
My stomach twists.
I've spent my entire life believing that seeing the future meant I could prevent the worst things from happening. That if I looked hard enough, searched through enough possibilities and pushed myself far enough, I could always find another path.
Daniel proved that's not true and Noah proved it again. And now I'm terrified that Kai is going to be the next thing I fail to save.
I look towards the dark window.
Outside, I catch a glimpse of Finn standing near the lake, staring out across the dark water. He looks completely lost, his hands hanging loosely by his sides as the wind moves through his hair. For a moment, I wonder what he's going to do but then a figure steps into view beside him.
I narrow my eyes, trying to make out who it is.
The figure stands with their back towards me, partially hidden by the trees, but something about the way they carry themselves feels familiar. I take another step closer, and then I recognise him.
Kai.
My heart practically stops.
I push past Thomas before he can say anything and sprint outside, my boots pounding against the frozen ground as I race towards the lake.
"Kai!"
He flinches at the sound of his name and turns towards me. His eyes meet mine for a brief moment before he looks back at Finn, saying something quietly that I can't hear from this distance. Finn gives him a slow nod, and Kai passes him a bag before beginning to walk towards me.
I slow down as he gets closer, suddenly unsure of what to say. He looks completely different from the Kai I know. His face is pale, his eyes are dark and sunken from exhaustion, and there is a hollowness to his expression that makes my chest ache.
When he finally stops in front of me, I reach out and take his hand. His fingers are freezing cold, but he doesn't seem to notice or care.
"Where have you been?" I ask, struggling to keep my voice steady. "I was so worried."
"Sorry."
It's barely more than a whisper.
I stare up at him, waiting for something else, but he doesn't say anything. His eyes simply drop towards the ground, and the sight of him almost breaks me.
I step closer and rest my forehead against his chest as the tears I've been holding back finally spill over. For a few seconds, he doesn't move. His arms remain at his sides, and I wonder if I've pushed him too far.
Then, slowly, his arms come around me.
He pulls me tightly against him, and I grip the back of his jacket as though I'm afraid that if I let go, he'll disappear again.
"Please don't leave me like that," I whisper. "Please."
"Sorry," he says again.
It's the same word, repeated quietly against the top of my head, almost as though he doesn't know what else to say.
I eventually pull back enough to look at him. "Where did you go?"
He hesitates. For just a second, something flickers across his expression before he looks away.
"I went back to Trinity."
My stomach drops.
"You went back there?"
"I needed to get something of Noah's," he says quietly.
I stare at him, trying to process that. Trinity is dangerous. It's barely even standing anymore, and GeneX could return at any moment. The thought of Kai going back there alone makes my heart pound.
I want to ask what he went looking for. I want to ask why he didn't tell anyone, why he didn't take someone with him and how long he's actually been gone.
But before I can, I notice the way he's leaning into me.
He's exhausted.
His body seems to have run out of strength entirely, and when he sways slightly, I instinctively reach out to steady him.
"Come on," I say softly, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. "You need to rest."
He doesn't argue and that alone worries me.
Kai usually fights me on everything when he doesn't want to do something, but now he simply lets me guide him towards the cabins. His steps are slow and unsteady, and I keep one arm around his waist to make sure he doesn't fall.
We eventually reach the bedroom we'd taken when we first arrived at the cabins, although calling it our bedroom feels strange.
I help Kai sit on the edge of the bed before crouching down in front of him. He doesn't look at me. His eyes remain fixed on the floor, his shoulders slumped forward as though the weight of everything that has happened is pressing down on him.
I take both of his hands in mine and gently turn them over, pressing a kiss against his knuckles.
"I'm here for you, Kai," I whisper.
His eyes slowly lift to meet mine. For the first time since I found him, I see something in them other than exhaustion. It's fear.
He raises one hand and gently strokes the side of my face, his fingers lingering against my cheek.
"Promise me nothing will happen to you."
The question catches me completely off guard. I search his face, trying to understand why he's asking me that now. His eyes are fixed on mine, and there is something desperate behind them, almost pleading.
"I promise," I say.
It's the only answer I can give him.
Kai pulls me towards him, wrapping his arms around me and pressing a kiss against the top of my head. I relax into his embrace, closing my eyes as I listen to his breathing.
"I'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe," he whispers. "Even if it means you hate me for it."
Something about the way he says it sends a cold feeling through me.
I try pull back slightly, trying to see his face, but his arms tighten around me.
"Kai, what do you mean?"
He doesn't answer.
I try to lean back further, but he holds me firmly against him. Confusion quickly turns into unease, and I push against his chest.
"Kai, let me go."
He still doesn't.
Then I feel something sharp press against the side of my neck and my entire body freezes.
"Kai?"
A sudden sting pierces my skin, followed by a cold sensation spreading beneath it. Panic surges through me as I realise something has been injected into my neck.
"Let me go."
My voice sounds strange, already beginning to slur. I try to push myself away from him, but my arms feel heavier by the second.
"What... what did you do to me?"
Kai doesn't answer immediately. Instead, he reaches up and gently strokes my hair, his touch almost painfully tender.
"Shh," he whispers. "It's okay. Just sleep."
"No..."
I try to fight him, but my body is no longer listening to me. My vision begins to blur, the room tilting around me as darkness creeps in from the edges.
"Kai..."
His arms tighten around me as my strength disappears completely.
"I'm sorry," he whispers.
Those are the last words I hear before everything goes black.