Kai Langford - March 2121
The room is silent except for Ethan's breathing. I sit in the chair beside the bed and watch his chest rise and fall beneath the blankets, counting every breath without even realising I'm doing it. Every time his breathing changes, my stomach tightens, and every time his chest rises again, I feel a tiny amount of relief.
I haven't slept properly since Noah died. Every time I close my eyes, I see him in my arms, hear his voice telling me he's glad I'm okay, and then remember the awful weight of him becoming still against my chest.
I can't lose Ethan too. I won't.
The anxiety that has been building inside me over the last few days has finally pushed me towards a decision. I'm going to end GeneX. I'm going to end my father. And I'm going to make sure Ethan is nowhere near me when I do it, because if I lose him too, I don't know what will be left of me.
Ethan stirs beneath the blankets, and I immediately straighten in the chair. His eyes flutter open, confusion crossing his face as he slowly tries to sit up. He groans and reaches towards his head, but the moment he lifts his hand, the chain attached to his wrist pulls tight against the bed frame.
His expression changes instantly.
"What...?"
He looks down at the restraint, then towards his other hand, where another chain keeps him in place. Panic begins spreading across his face as he pulls against them again, making the metal rattle through the quiet room.
"Kai?"
I can't answer him immediately. His eyes finally find mine, and I see the confusion turn into fear.
"What is going on?"
I watch his face twist as he tries to understand what I've done, and for one horrible second I nearly get up and unlock him. I nearly forget everything. I nearly crawl onto the bed beside him and hold him until the world stops hurting.
But I can't.
"I'm sorry," I whisper.
His expression hardens. "Stop saying sorry. Let me go, Kai. What is this?"
"The sleeping drug should wear off soon."
His eyes widen. "You drugged me?"
"I needed you to sleep."
"You drugged me and chained me to a bed!"
"Yes."
"why are you doing this?"
His anger is beginning to crack, and underneath it I can see the fear. The realisation that something is seriously wrong is starting to settle into him.
"I couldn't put the chains on you while you were awake," I say quietly. "You would've seen it coming me."
Even as I say it, I know how insane I sound.
Ethan stares at me as though he's desperately trying to find some version of the Kai he knows hiding somewhere behind my eyes. "What are you planning?"
I lower my gaze because I can't bear to watch his reaction.
"I'm going to end GeneX."
His breathing catches.
"And my father."
"No."
The word comes out immediately, and Ethan begins pulling against the restraints again.
"No, Kai. Whatever you're thinking, don't do this."
"I'm going."
"Not on your own."
"I won't be."
I finally look at him. "Finn is coming with me."
His expression changes.
"Is that what you two were discussing by the lake?"
I say nothing.
"What was in the bag you gave him?"
My silence answers him.
"Kai, what was in the bag?"
I close my eyes for a moment before forcing myself to tell him the truth.
"The seed Noah created."
Ethan goes completely still.
The seed will overwrite GeneX's entire system and destroy it from within. Everything my father built, everything he spent years controlling, all of it can disappear. And when it does, I intend to make sure the people responsible disappear with it.
"It's going to destroy GeneX," I explain quietly. "Everything they've built. Everything they've done to us."
"Kai, please."
I look at him.
"I understand why you're angry. I understand that you think you failed Noah, but this isn't going to bring him back."
"Ethan..."
"You don't have to do this."
"I have to."
"No, you don't." His voice cracks. "You don't have to risk your life for this."
I don't answer, and Ethan notices.
"Kai..."
I look down at my hands. "Every time I look at you, I think about everything I could lose."
His voice softens. "Then don't leave me."
"I have to."
"No."
He reaches towards me again, but the chain pulls him short, and the sound of the metal makes something inside my chest twist. I want to reach for him. God, I want to. But if I touch him, I know I'll fall apart.
"I can't risk losing you," I whisper. "So I have to do whatever I can to keep you safe."
"By leaving me?"
"By making sure you're nowhere near GeneX when this happens."
"Kai, I don't care about being safe if you're not there."
I close my eyes because that's exactly what I was afraid he would say.
"If it wasn't for me, Noah would still be alive."
Ethan immediately shakes his head. "No."
"He should be here."
"Please..."
"He deserved to be here more than I do." My voice is barely above a whisper now. "I should have been the one who died."
"Kai!"
Ethan pulls against the restraints again, hard enough that I see the skin around his wrists beginning to redden.
"Stop."
"Then let me go!"
"I can't."
"Why?"
"Because if I let you go, you'll follow me."
"Yes!"
His answer comes without hesitation, and despite everything, it almost makes me smile. Almost. But instead, my chest tightens.
"I love you." The words escape before I can stop them and Ethan goes quiet.
I look at him, trying to memorise every part of his face. "I wish I'd said it more."
"Then say it now," he whispers. "And keep saying it."
I swallow hard.
"Until we're both old. Until we're sitting somewhere together complaining about our backs. Until we're so old we can't remember why we ever thought any of this mattered."
He laughs through his tears, but it quickly breaks apart.
"Please stay."
I can't.
"I don't deserve you." I whisper.
His expression falls. "Don't say that."
"I don't."
"You do."
"I'm a monster, Ethan."
"No, you're not."
"I destroy everything I touch."
"You saved me, you save everyone here."
"I couldn't save Noah."
"That wasn't your fault."
"It was."
"No."
"It was." I finally look at him. "I was supposed to protect him."
"You didn't kill him."
"Your right... my father did."
The words hang between us. For the first time, Ethan doesn't have an answer.
I look down again.
"My father took everything from us. He destroyed our family, he destoryed our lives and now he has taken Noah from me."
I can still remember being a child and believing that one day I'd be strong enough to escape him. I thought strength meant being able to fight him. I thought power meant being able to hurt him back.
Now I understand that none of that matters. Because even after everything, he still managed to take my brother and I'm not going to let him take anyone else.
"Ethan, you are the only good thing I have left."
His eyes fill with tears.
"Then stay."
I shake my head.
"You will find someone else."
His expression turns to disbelief. "Don't."
"Someone who can love you properly."
"I don't want someone else."
"Someone who isn't broken."
"I don't care."
"Someone who isn't a monster."
"I said I don't care!"
His voice cracks.
"I want you."
He looks at me as though the thought of a future without me is something he physically cannot understand.
"I waited for you for years, Kai. Years. How could you possibly think I could just find someone else?"
I don't know what to say, so I give him the only answer my mind can find.
"I'm sorry."
His face twists with pain.
"Don't say that."
"I don't know what else to say."
"Then don't say anything."
I look at him, and he is crying openly now.
"Noah wouldn't want this," he whispers.
The words hit harder than anything else could have and it forces me to look away.
"You're right. He wouldn't."
I think of my brother's face, his laugh, his stupid experiments and the way he always believed there had to be a better way.
"He was too kind for this world," I say quietly. "He wanted to change it. He wanted to make things better."
I wipe my eyes before Ethan can see the tears gathering there.
"I was happy to stand in his shadow. He was always better at seeing the good in people than I was."
Ethan shakes his head.
"You are not just his shadow."
I look at him.
"You're Kai," he continues. "You're the person who protects everyone else even when you're falling apart. You're the person who puts everyone else's happiness before your own. You're kind. You're loving. You're the person I fell in love with."
I can't look at him anymore because every word makes leaving harder.
"You're all I have left," I whisper.
"Then stay."
"I can't."
His voice becomes louder. "You can, Kai!"
I stand, and the chair scrapes against the floor. Ethan watches me with tears running down his face.
"There is nowhere safe for you anymore," I say. "Trinity is gone. GeneX will find out about this place. They'll find you eventually if I don't stop them."
I turn towards the door.
"I have to go."
"No." Ethan's voice breaks. "No, Kai, please."
I stop, but I don't turn around. If I look at him I know I wouldn't be able to leave.
His words are barely audible now. "I can't live without you."
My eyes close. For one second, I let myself imagine turning around. I imagine walking back to him, unlocking the chains and telling him that everything will be okay.
But I know I would be lying.
So I force myself towards the door.
"You'll forget me eventually."
I can barely get the words out.
"I'll become nothing more than a shadow in your memories, Ethan. And one day, you'll wake up and it won't hurt anymore."
"No."
He is sobbing now.
"Please don't say that."
"You'll move on."
"I don't want to."
"You'll be happy."
"I only want to be happy with you."
I finally turn around.
His face is wet with tears, his wrists red from fighting against the restraints, and he looks at me like I'm tearing his heart out in front of him.
I nearly break.
"I love you, Ethan." My voice catches. "I love you more than I know how to explain."
I take one final look at him.
"Thank you for showing me what love is supposed to feel like. Thank you for showing me what freedom feels like. Thank you for giving me a family when I thought I would never have one."
He shakes his head.
"Kai..."
I turn away before he can say anything else and walk out of the room.
"Kai!" His voice follows me down the corridor. "Kai, please!"
I keep walking.
Every step feels heavier than the last, but I don't stop. If I turn around now, I know I'll run back to him, and if I run back to him, I don't think I'll ever be able to leave.
At the end of the corridor, I find Finn leaning against the wall, his gun resting loosely in his hand. He looks exhausted, his face carrying the same hollow expression I can feel inside myself.
He glances towards the room behind me.
"I can do this on my own," he says quietly. "Do you really want to leave?"
I stare at the floor for a moment before looking at him.
"I should be asking you that."
Finn gives a quiet scoff and slides his gun into his pocket.
"You and I both know why I have to go."
I nod.
Neither of us needs to say Noah's name. He's between us anyway, living in the silence, in the blood still staining our clothes and in the memories neither of us can escape.
I lean back against the wall beside him and let my head fall against the cold wall.
Noah should be standing here. He should be complaining that we're both being idiots. Instead, there are only two of us.
"Thanks, Finn," I say eventually.
He looks sideways at me.
"For what?" His voice is bitter. "For getting Noah killed?"
I don't answer because I know exactly what he means. We both feel it, that horrible and impossible belief that if we'd been faster, stronger or smarter, somehow Noah would still be here.
I shake my head and I look towards the door behind us.
"For being here now."
Finn's expression softens slightly, but he doesn't say anything. Neither do I. We simply stand there together, listening to the faint sound of Ethan crying somewhere behind the door.
I close my eyes.
For the first time, I understand that this is what losing everything feels like. Not screaming or fighting, but standing beside the only person who understands your grief while knowing that, in a few minutes, you're both walking willingly into the darkness.