I was speaking into the void. Into the hollow space of my own words. Into the gasping breaths of my own existence. I had begun to lose track of why I was even here. Everything appeared as if through a fogged-in pane of glass, much like a scene from the movie The Death of Birds. This time, my tears didn't seem to want to flow; they only wanted to remain there, simply to exist.
To be a tiny fragment among others in the corner where I sat, to find a strange pleasure in that—even to cross the boundaries of that liminal state where one hovers between life and death. I couldn't just brush it off by saying, "It's a terrible experience." I rubbed my hand against the cover of the grate. Would I be forced to go back down there again? After all, hunger was beginning to claw at me once more. Was there a food supply down there that I had somehow missed?
Before long, the blonde woman asked, "Aren't you bored?"
"What is your name?" I asked, unable to hold it in any longer.
"That question is so insignificant..." she said, though her voice lacked any hint of condescension.
"Then the answer should be simple," I countered.
"Undoubtedly," she said, then added, "Are you curious? I think you should be curious about more important things. Look at this crowd. It's time for many of them to eat."
"Are we going to eat from the tunnel?" I asked, my voice trailing off at the end.
"Someone has to go down there, but the holo-screen hasn't refreshed. The Mechanism will send us a warning."
Mert chimed in then, his voice flat and rhythmic. "This warning is far from innocent," he said. "Through a group game, they might ask us to... choose a leader again." He swallowed hard, glancing at the blonde woman.
In the distance, one of the men sat with his legs stretched out, listening intently to our conversation. A woman held a small photograph in her hand. These scenes felt like frames from a film. Everyone clung to their last shred of hope as if to prove they hadn't died yet, as if to erect a monument to the existence of emotions. When they realized I was watching them, a more vulnerable expression crossed both their faces. Soon after, I saw those sitting further away stand up. Their gazes were fixed on a point behind me.
"Here it comes," Mert said, just as I noticed the mass of bright light. The holo-screen had flickered to life. It was about to rain down its cold, harsh commands upon us once again.
"We apologize for the power outage. We didn't mean to cause you such concern. But it had to be this way. Shall we see the survivors? We are glad you stayed alive. We have decided to change the mission updates. Instead of individual tasks, we are now sending you toward collective missions. We can hear you wondering how that will work. But do not doubt. Just stay tuned to the holo-screen. Just. Stay. Tuned. To. The. Holo-screen."
I felt a shiver on the back of my neck, as if something were touching my back. Realizing it was just my own hair, I quickly glanced diagonally toward Sis. His body was still slumped there in the same position. Looking at the traces of blood on his face allowed me to guess what had happened to him, even though I hadn't witnessed it. While the thought of a fist breaking that nose increased the suffocating feeling inside me, I tried to follow the words on the holo-screen.
"Pay attention here," the blonde woman said. "Some missions are complex."
I had to hope this was a well-intentioned warning. After all, I couldn't trust anyone anymore.
"Okay," I said in a nearly inaudible whisper.
The pale voice representing the holo-screen, as faint as the images themselves, continued. "The first mission consists of cognitive skills that will solidify your hunting prowess. We know you dislike this term, but we would like to explain anyway. Being the hunter or the prey has been hidden in your factory settings since the moment you were created. While for some, being the prey is a terrible defeat, others wear the status of prey around their necks like a medal. But what about the truth? How many are there?"
As my breathing quickened, I turned my head toward the point where the ramparts were dimly lit, nearly touching one another. I missed the sun. I missed the birds. I missed my heart lying peacefully on a sofa. Where was I?
The blonde woman crossed her arms over her chest, looking at Mert with a serious expression. Mert had the same conflicted look on his face. But they didn't seem to understand much either.
"How many truths there are is a key question. But as you all know, this question cannot unlock many doors. Often, you must break the door. Now, we want you to break the locks. We want you to reach what is behind the door. No matter what you lose, find yourselves. Your mission: Find yourselves. Of course, that last sentence was a joke. Mission descriptions are being updated for you..."
I felt as though I couldn't swallow.
Text began to flow down from the holo-screen. The words were buried among galaxy-shaped stars, shining like silver pearls. My mind was scattered among these writings, as if lost within dozens of trees.
"Place the weapon on the square whose floor is illuminated by blue light!"
A weapon?
The one in Sis's hand?
Where was it last?
I looked directly at the blonde woman, but she seemed not to know. It was as if time had frozen.
I looked at Mert with a glimmer of hope; he glanced at the square reflecting the holo-screen's light. Indeed, that area was glowing before our eyes. The weapon... What would happen if you rebelled against the Mechanism? He seemed to consider it for a moment, but then... Mert reached toward his waist and pulled the gun out from inside his trousers. My blood ran cold. In that moment, I saw absolute condemnation. I couldn't believe it. I saw the terrifying side of obeying someone.
Mert hadn't even evaluated the option of not giving the gun to the Mechanism. He hadn't thought about it at all.
The voice inside me asked: What happens if you don't put that gun on that square?
When Mert leaned down slightly, intending to leave the weapon, I was once again shocked by his sudden obedience. But I couldn't open my mouth to say a single word. All the shadows on the faces of the others seemed to have hidden in Mert's face as a collective consciousness.
The voice inside me spoke again. I wonder, if I were to pick up that gun from there, would I die because I didn't fulfill my mission?
"Stay away from the square for 60 seconds!" the loud robotic voice boomed from the Mechanism's speakers.
But I was hearing that voice echoing within myself.
The back of my neck and under my chin were damp with sweat.
The moment I looked at the muzzle of that gun, I remembered the man who died before my eyes.
As long as this system continued, deaths would continue to happen.
People whose fire of life had been extinguished would die by merciless weapons containing the last sparks in their eyes.
I remembered the demonic look I had seen in Sis's eyes at that moment.
Remembering these things made the task harder. But my feet... they didn't want to stay put. There was an energy ache throughout my body that surpassed me. Something needed to burst out. The seconds were dwindling. There was no time to think. And 55, 50, 45... It still wasn't too late to move.
While everyone was entirely locked onto the target, I felt a touch on my back pocket.
Wait a second... Was this another one of those hallucinations I was seeing? No.
I grew heavy. Something had been placed in my back pocket. That thing... it terrified me beyond belief. But I couldn't turn around to look. My muscular system was locked.
I tried to understand what that thing was, but I couldn't find a single answer. The 45th second was read aloud. I didn't understand; the images were overlapping. A shadow closed over me, occupying my body. Then that shadow began to pull away, to distance itself. The weight in my pocket... what was it? I reached toward my pocket. My fingers were trembling. I reached my back pocket with difficulty, my fingers slipped inside the fabric, and there... I was met by something ice-cold. I brought it before my eyes... It was a bullet.
But?
A bullet that no one was aware of yet.
I squeezed the trembling thing in the palm of my hand.
I imagined myself lunging for that gun, taking it, and loading the bullet. And then what? Why should I do it? Who had put the bullet there? I looked back at the diagonal corner. It was empty. A shiver ran through my whole body. Was it him who had risen from the ground? Sis. As blurry as his name, as uncertain as his name, and as selfish as his name. The last 30 seconds winked at me. To rebel against the Mechanism. The only name for this would be rebelling against the Mechanism.
And what would they do in response?
Something inside me began to wake up. Darkness covered my light and took my breath away.
Rebellion... perhaps, sometimes, was just a single bullet.