It was 11:21 p.m. by the time I reached the front door. It wasn't the latest that I'd ever stayed out, but it was late enough that I came home expecting a lecture from my parents—or at least from Mom.
...And then there was Lily.
Just thinking about her put a sour taste in my mouth, but it didn't sit as heavy as it had before seeing Mei.
I didn't even know where to begin with Lily. Given the state she'd been in the last time I saw her, it was probably safest to wait it out. Nothing good would come if I forced anything—and I didn't know if she even wanted to reconcile. It was a future problem for future me.
I stood completely still at the front door, letting the cool summer breeze settle over my face.
Once I was ready, I grabbed the doorknob and quietly pushed the door open until I had a clear view of the living room. The only one there was Mom—which I saw coming. Dad was probably asleep already, since it was late. What I didn't see coming, however, was what Mom was doing.
I expected her to be waiting for me at the steps, but she just sat on the couch and scrolled through her phone as if nothing had happened. Even as I stepped inside and slipped off my shoes, she didn't say anything or look my way.
I knew for a fact that she knew I was there. Mom was always hyper-aware of her surroundings—which meant she chose not to.
But... why?
Maybe she'd gotten over it. I'd been out for a while, after all. Or maybe Dad talked her down a bit while I was gone. Both were possible, but I couldn't bring myself to believe either.
The floorboards creaked under me as I stepped into the living room, announcing my presence. But Mom kept her eyes on her phone. It didn't even feel like she was keeping track of me out of the corner of her eye. It was almost as if… she didn't care.
It should have been something to celebrate. Yet, I couldn't shake the eerie feeling creeping at the corners of my mind, keeping me on high alert.
Suddenly, my phone vibrated in my pocket. It was most likely Mei, so I should hurry to my room. I didn't want to keep her waiting.
Even if I wanted to, there was nothing more to do about the Mom situation. Another future problem for future me.
As I climbed the stairs, I pulled out my phone and read the text. The warmth I'd suppressed since the alley flared in my chest at the sight of her name on my screen. Before I even realized it, I was gripping my phone tightly enough that my fingers began to cramp.
Ah. I want to see you again…
But those thoughts were pushed down by the looming threat of Mom behind me.
I loosened my grip and typed my response.
Mei and I exchanged a few texts until I was a few steps from my room.
My door was shut—which was strange, because I didn't remember closing it when I ran out of the house.
I glanced at Lily's room, which was right next to mine. Her door stood wide open, with the yellow lamplight spilling out into the hallway.
I let out a small sigh as I realized that Lily was probably... in my room.
What struck me as strange, though, was the darkness leaking from under my door. Lily was afraid of the dark—if she were in there, she'd have the lights on. Yet… she didn't.
…Looks like it's a problem for me right now.
I sent Mei a quick text letting her know that I was going to bed and slid my phone back into my pocket.
I curled my fingers around the doorknob, the cold metal biting into my skin. Strength gathered in my arms, but the doorknob didn't budge.
What if… Lily is still mad at me?
Logically, I knew that something had to have changed on her end for her to be in my room at all. But that didn't make the fear go away. Her words from earlier… still echoed in my head. They had been all night.
My phone buzzed—Mei had just replied. And with it, those fears drained away, leaving a cold, hollow calm over my mind.
It's fine. I don't care anymore anyway.
I opened the door, closed it gently behind me, and turned on the light, driving the darkness out of my room. That was when I saw it—saw her.
Lily was curled into a little ball on my bed, wrapped tight in my blanket. Her cheeks were marked with white, crusted streaks where her tears had dried.
Lily's eyes screwed shut as the light hit them. She slowly opened them, only to shut them again. She blinked a few times, allowing herself to adjust to the brightness, then sat up.
She turned her head side to side, mindlessly staring around the room, until her eyes locked onto me.
Her gaze was blank at first, as if she didn't understand what she was looking at. Then, her eyes widened, and a faint flicker of recognition lit them.
She slowly opened her mouth, her words coming out in a weak, barely audible whisper.
"Big Brother…"
I'd told myself that I wouldn't care, but just her looking at me—just her calling me that—painted over the cold in my chest with a deep, aching pain.
I bit the inside of my mouth, struggling to remain as calm and cold as I could.
Stop… you already said you wouldn't.
The very next moment, Lily jumped out of bed and slammed into my chest. She wasn't holding back—I lost my footing and stumbled back until I hit the door. She wrapped her trembling arms around me and began to sob—louder than she ever had, even as a kid.
"I'm sorry, Big Brother! I'm so, so sorry!" she choked out between gasps. "I didn't mean anything I said! Please forgive me!"
Her tears soaked into my clothes as she clung to me for dear life, as if she'd come apart if she let go.
I didn't need to think—my body moved on its own.
I carefully lowered us both to the floor and stroked her head.
I really can't win against her at all…
I didn't say anything. I just let her get it all out.
"I'm sorry! Please don't be mad at me! Please don't leave me!" The words tumbled out as she dug her nails into my back, holding me tighter. "I didn't mean it! I don't want you to leave! Please don't leave me!"
By the time she finished, she was out of breath. I waited for her to calm down a little, then let out a quiet breath. She lifted her head at me, her eyes wet and shaky.
I carefully wiped the tears from her face before speaking in a low and even tone.
"I'm not mad at you, so you don't have to worry about it."
"Th-then why did you leave the house?" she asked, her voice small.
"Oh. That?" I pulled out my phone and opened my messages with Mei. I showed her the text asking if I wanted to meet up—but I kept her name hidden under my finger.
"My friend asked if I wanted to talk a little bit, so I went. I figured you'd want the space too, so it was a win-win."
Lily let out a relieved breath, then tapped her head against my chest.
"You dummy… I thought you were mad at me."
I scoffed. "Who wouldn't be at you?"
It was supposed to be a joke, but Lily didn't find it funny. She pouted and hit me on the thigh.
"Don't say that! It's not funny!"
I let out a little laugh before pulling her into a hug. I didn't—and couldn't—use both arms, so she'd have to make do with one.
"You don't have to worry about that," I said. "Yeah, you can annoy me sometimes… actually, a lot of the time."
Lily hit me again, but I went on.
"But I won't actually ever get mad at you."
"Really...?" Lily asked in a small voice.
I sighed with the weary patience of someone who just wanted to settle it. "Yes, yes, really."
She let out a soft giggle. "Good…"
Her voice trailed off, and her body gradually grew limp. It wasn't a surprise. She'd probably been crying for hours, worrying and overthinking the whole time.
I stayed frozen as her breath evened out until she drifted off to sleep.
Once she did, I picked her up, opened the door with my foot, and laid her down in her bed. I made sure that she was tucked in properly and brushed her bangs away from her face.
Once I was done, I stayed there, looking at her sleeping face for a little longer. She looked so calm, so peaceful… nothing like how she had an hour ago.
It was like… she was just my stupid little sister again.
Seeing that, I finally let out the breath I'd been holding all night. And with it, a wave of relief washed over me.
Thank goodness…
I spared her one last glance before I turned around, walked out of her room, and returned to mine. I turned off the lights, climbed into bed, and closed my eyes. It had been a long day, and I was quite exhausted.
The moment I hit the bed, I felt my consciousness gradually begin to pull away.
Thank goodness… Lily still needs me.
Everything went silent. And in that silence, one last voice surfaced before my consciousness cut off.
As long as she does… that's all that matters.