Hoshino POV:
Mei closed her eyes and leaned in closer, her lips centimetres away from mine. But just before they touched—she stopped. Her hand slid from my cheek to my lap, bracing there to hold herself up as she waited.
I couldn't pull back, and I couldn't move forward. I just sat there, frozen, staring at Mei's unreadable face. Her soft, warm breaths brushing against my lips, as if urging me on.
It was a strange feeling. I didn't have the slightest clue what she was thinking, and yet... it still felt like I understood.
…But just because I understand—doesn't mean I'm willing to do it.
It felt like that if I crossed this line, there would be no going back. For her and for me.
But still…
Why do I even care?
Should I even be thinking about the consequences or what happens next? It wasn't like there was anything left for me anymore. I should just stop thinking and do.
…But that's not who I am.
Even if I had no reason to do this, even if I continued drifting aimlessly—
I would never lower myself to that level.
I walked into this seeking a reason—seeking a purpose. And when I was right there, I couldn't—no, would not allow myself to take the next step. Of course I wouldn't. To need something from someone else...
Was nothing more than a lack of self respect.
I don't need people.
I don't need connections.
I can live alone.
It's better this way.
That was what I thought. That was what I believed. And yet, I couldn't pull away. And that was why—
I bit the inside of my mouth.
…I never learn.
It's always like this.
And that's why—
Before I could finish that thought, Mei's hand pressed against my lap, reminding me that she was still there—and was still waiting.
My body tensed.
"You know you shouldn't do it."
"You know this is a mistake."
I closed my eyes, the voices screaming in my head.
"You know what will happen if you do this."
"You know that this is your last chance to stop."
"You know–"
But my body went loose just as quickly, as if the chains weighing me down vanished.
Yeah... I know.
I know all of it.
But—
I leaned in closer to Mei, our breaths mixing.
...I don't care anymore.
Not about the consequences.
Not about my pride.
Not what happens in the future.
Not what changes.
I don't care.
If this is what it takes, then I'll do it.
My lips pressed against hers, and in that moment, everything stopped.
Mei's hand went warm, almost burning against my leg. That warmth travelled from her hand and into me, flooding my senses.
This warmth—her warmth—was on me now.
Ah. So this is how you've been feeling.
Mei's hand left my lap and pressed against my chest. I pulled back and opened my eyes.
In that brief moment before our eyes met again, she looked like a new person.
Her eyes trembled, her breath coming quick and shallow, like she couldn't quite catch it.
Mei lowered her head slightly, but continued looking up at me from under her bangs, as if expecting something.
My body moved on its own, as if succumbing to the warmth burning in my chest, pushing me forward.
Fine. You win, Mei.
There was no resistance at all. We both closed our eyes and leaned in for a second time. Then a third. And a fourth.
…I was right.
Now that I've experienced this—
Everything went blank.
I can't go back.
***
"Soooo, you never told me what your favourite food was," I said.
I don't know how much time had passed, but we were currently sitting next to each other, her head leaning against my shoulder, while mine was against the wall behind us. Our hands had stayed intertwined the whole time.
I was slightly worried that my hand might be too sweaty, which was a normal worry to have. But Mei didn't say anything, so I assumed that everything was fine.
"Oh yeah," Mei said. "I forgot about that."
She placed a hand on her chin, thinking for a moment.
"To be honest, there isn't really a food I hate. If I had to pick a favourite, I'd probably say anything dim sum or sushi related."
I couldn't help but be a little surprised. Not that either was bad—I liked both. They were both just incredibly basic answers.
The surprise must have shown on my face, because Mei's brows furrowed slightly.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked, a little defensive.
I let out a light chuckle. "You don't have to get so defensive. I just thought dim sum and sushi were things people liked but wouldn't call their favourite."
Mei shrugged. "Well, everyone likes them for a reason. They're just good."
We could've gone on, but there was no point. I already said my piece, and so had she. So I moved on to the next thing.
"How are your studies going?"
Mei closed her eyes, her body loosening as it sank into mine, settling in.
"It's going fine. It's just studying."
I sighed. "Read between the lines a little bit. You know I'm not actually asking you how your studies are going, I'm asking about the bet."
"Oh, that?" she asked, as if it had slipped her mind. "I think right now, my chances of beating you are a little higher."
I would be lying if I said that didn't provoke me a little, and judging from the way she looked at me, she was expecting a reaction. I didn't give it to her.
"What if I studied?" I probed in a somewhat serious tone.
But she didn't believe it at all.
"Well—you won't. But if you do, I don't know how it'd turn out."
"Guess so."
A small silence stretched between us before I added, "Well, here's what I think."
My voice was as unserious as ever, but Mei's eyes opened and fixed on me as I spoke. I didn't hesitate.
"I think if you keep helping people every day, and if I actually study—it won't even be close."
The two of us didn't say anything at first. That is, until Mei's soft breath broke it.
"Then I'll just need to study harder, won't I?" she answered innocently, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
The muscles around my eyes strained as I held back a twitch, keeping my unserious grin.
The most obvious thing would be to help people less or stop altogether. But that didn't even cross her mind.
A lump formed at the base of my throat, but I didn't give it a chance to rise.
"If you say so," I said with a sigh.
It didn't matter what I said. Mei wouldn't change her mind, and I didn't expect her to. This was just who she was.
And this is why I hate nice people.
After that, we didn't say anything else. We just sat there, closer than ever as we enjoyed each other's company.
Eventually, a subtle chill bit against my skin through my clothes. It might have been summer, but that didn't make it smart to stay out this late in the open.
I glanced at Mei. She was still wearing her school uniform—just a shirt, cardigan, and skirt. The cold should have been getting to her too, but she continued to lean against me like it was nothing.
I pulled out my phone. It was 11:07 p.m. Mom was probably going to give me an earful when I got home, but I'd deal with that when I got there.
I tried to push myself up, but my legs wouldn't budge. My mouth, however, did.
"It's getting late. We should probably get back soon."
A pang of regret caught at my heart, but it was too late to take it back.
Mei gave me one last look, her eyes lingering on mine for a bit before she broke away and pushed herself up off the ground. I did the same, our hands still intertwined.
She let out a small sigh. "I guess you're right."
After brushing the dust off her clothes, we walked to the end of the alley. The closer we got to the end, the more that nip of regret spread.
By the time I realized it, we were already at the end. To get home, I had to go left, and she had to go right to the parking lot. Maybe I could've asked her to drive me, but I had too much pride to get her to drop me off. I felt like I should be the one doing the dropping off. And if I couldn't, then I'd rather go home on my own.
Yet, I didn't pull my hand away. Neither did she.
Seconds passed, but neither of us budged.
...Stop being selfish. You can just text her when you get home.
I took a deep breath, steeling myself, then pulled my hand away.
"Well, I'll head off now," I said flatly, keeping the regret away from my voice.
Before I could turn to go, Mei grabbed my hand and pulled me back.
"Wait."
Without warning, she stepped in close, stood on her tiptoes, and kissed me on the cheek. Even after she let go, the warmth of her lips lingered there.
She slowly pulled herself back and let go of my hand.
"Sorry for holding you back," she said, her voice cheery. "I just didn't want you to leave without leaving you one last thing."
But the cheeriness didn't reach her eyes. Nothing did—or at least, nothing except one thing.
"Well then. Goodbye, Hoshino."
She gave me a small wave before turning around and disappearing into the darkness. I continued to stare in the direction she had disappeared for a few moments before I turned around and did the same.
I normally hated walking. It just felt like a waste of time when I could be doing something else.
But tonight—the walk was even worse. The further I got from the alley, the more something in me pulled me back toward it, and the more the warmth inside me swelled until it was almost unbearable.
No matter how hard I tried, my thoughts kept circling back to one person—Mei.
I can't wait to see you again…