The Guild Master had shoved Sai Ji out of his office with the urgency of a man disposing of a live firework, thrusting the Unranked black card into his hand.
"Go. Pick a quest. Something harmless. Something that won't trigger regional deity alarms or force me to file another catastrophic incident report."
Sai Ji muttered under his breath,
"Level one. How much trouble could I possibly get into?"
Fen and Lura exchanged a look of deep, veteran concern.
Statistically speaking? Sal Vera's soft, choked laugh echoed in his mind. Given your history? All of it.
He ignored her. Mostly.
The guild's quest board was chaos incarnate.
"Herb-gathering left?"
"Sewer rats! Who took them?"
"Move over, slime hunt for novice certification!"
Sai Ji pushed forward, eyes scanning for pure boredom.
Moonbuds — Easy
Escort Elderly Merchant Tobo — Trivial
Cull Young Wolves in Gloomy Forest — Easy
Clean Slime Accumulation in Guild Back Alley — Pathetic; Reward: 5 Silver
He reached for the slime-cleaning notice.
Another hand slammed down beside his. The scar-faced elite party leader glared.
"We said we wouldn't fight you. We didn't say we wouldn't outbid you."
Her fury faltered as she took in his moonlit-handsome disguise. Slowly, defeat replaced rage.
"…Fine. The slimes are yours," she muttered.
Sai Ji plucked the quest. It glowed as it registered to his black card.
[QUEST ACCEPTED: GUILD BACK ALLEY SLIME CLEANUP]
Objective: Remove excess gelatinous organisms.
Reward: 5 Silver.
Note: Do not agitate the slimes.
Relief washed over him. Finally, something simple.
"Master," Fen whispered gravely, "we should make a battle plan."
"It's slimes," Sai Ji said.
"Exactly," Lura nodded. "We must account for… unpredictable jiggle physics."
The alley they traveled to was narrow, trash-strewn, and shadowed.
Slimes of every pastel hue wobbled aimlessly.
Sai Ji cracked his knuckles.
"Okay. Let's get this over with. I'll just… gently shoo them toward the grate—"
Every slime froze. Their ocular organs swiveled toward him. Then:
PLOP. PLOP-PLOP-PLOP.
Dozens flattened in terror.
Some rolled in dizzy circles; one blue slime tried to become two-dimensional in a crack.
Oh my~ Sal Vera's delighted laughter chimed. Even simple life remembers the chain of being. They know their Sovereign.
"No! DO NOT PROSTRATE YOURSELVES!" Sai Ji shouted. Pink slime squeaked and tried to burrow under a cabbage.
Fen observed solemnly. "They acknowledge your supremacy, my liege."
Sai Ji roared. "I AM TRYING TO COMPLETE A MUNDANE QUEST!"
He stepped forward. Instantly, the alley cleared. Rainbow-hued chaos scattered across the streets.
Chime. Notification.
[QUEST UPDATED: SLIME CLEANUP]
Slimes Removed: 47/5
STATUS: OVERWHELMING SUCCESS
Reward: 5 Silver
Bonus: +1 Guild Reputation (Slimes Fear You)
New Title: Slime Sovereign
Effect: Non-hostile slimes flee from you; hostile slimes have 5% chance to surrender.
"…Why?" Sai Ji deadpanned.
"Historic, Master," Fen said.
"I. HATE. THIS. TITLE," Sai Ji groaned.
As he left, a young noblewoman blocked his path.
Pale blue silks, ornate armor, intense gaze.
"Are you… a hidden prince of the Northern Moon Dynasty?" she asked.
Sai Ji froze. "…The what?"
Her eyes lit up. "It's you! Concealed majesty!"
"I… am NOT!" he said.
Undeterred, she grabbed his wrist. "I am Lady Aeliana Nightblossom. I pledge to form a provisional party with Lord… Moonborn?"
"I'M SAI!"
"You shattered the Guild Classification Crystal."
"System error!"
"You carry an Unranked black card."
"Clerical mistake!"
"You cleared fifty slimes in ten seconds!"
"THEY RAN AWAY!"
One knight dropped to a knee. "Our blades are yours!"
Sai Ji groaned. "CAN ONE PERSON BE LEFT ALONE?!"
Fen: "Your version of normal, Master."
Lura: "Quite subdued."
Sal Vera: Your fate, my King. A lodestone for chaos.
Sai Ji: "Nope. Dungeon, here I come."
Aeliana intercepted him at the Combat Proficiency corridor.
"Your true abilities are masked. I vow to uncover them!"
"I want to be left alone!"
"Nonsense! Talent must be evaluated!"
From across the hall, training dummies awaited. Sai Ji shook his head.
"No. Nothing good happens when I hit something."
Aeliana insisted, "Just a light tap."
He tapped.
BOOM.
The dummy exploded into ultra-fine oak dust, coating ten feet of hall.
Aeliana froze. Her knights too. Fen and Lura whispered dry warnings.
"I told you," Sai Ji muttered.
Aeliana's eyes gleamed. "You're a hidden weapon. A sleeper asset!"
"I'm cleaning slimes for silver!"
"You're cursed!"
"You're a mortal vessel for a wrathful god!"
Fen and Lura: "Warmer."
"I WANT TO BE NORMAL!"
The Guild Master cleared his throat, gravitas of a man who had personally witnessed sanity unravel.
"Alright. No explosions. No forced recruitment. And for the love of all that is bureaucratic, no one touches guild property."
The knights nodded, armor clinking in solemn accord.
Aeliana stepped forward, still holding Sai Ji's sleeve.
"Sai Ji," she declared, "I, Lady Aeliana of House Nightblossom, formally request the honor of forming a temporary adventuring party with you."
Sai Ji yanked his sleeve free.
"Why? I am the least special person to ever walk through these doors! A statistical anomaly of incompetence!"
"You atomized a reinforced training dummy."
"That was a freak atmospheric event!"
"You pacified fifty hostile slimes without touching them."
Fen and Lura added commentary.
"We were acquired under dubious circumstances," Fen said.
"Please send help," Lura added.
"WILL YOU TWO STOP SABOTAGING MY COVER STORY?!"
Aeliana ignored the chaos. She placed a hand over her heart.
"My request is sincere.
You are a rare blossom, Sai Ji. One that blooms once a century, petals touched by destiny."
Sai Ji whispered to Fen, "Is she… using floral metaphors to describe me? Am I a potted plant?"
"Yes, Master."
"I feel objectified. Botanically."
The Guild Master coughed, crying for help.
"Order! QUIET in the hall!"
All eyes turned to him.
"This… is the new recruit everyone is apparently incapable of ignoring—"
Voices shouted from the crowd:
"THE PRETTY ONE?!"
"THE DUMMY-DUSTER!"
"IS HE THE SECRET FINAL BOSS OF THE GUILD SYSTEM?!"
Sai Ji spun. "WHO SAID THAT LAST ONE?!"
The Guild Master slammed a hand down. "His name is Sai Ji. You will not harass him. He is… fragile."
"Fragile? I just atomized solid oak!"
"Emotionally fragile. Systemically fragile. Requires warning labels and a safety perimeter."
Fen nodded sagely.
"A delicate constitution," she said.
"Prone to fits of catastrophic self-expression," Lura added.
"I AM A PILLAR OF RESILIENCE AND NORMALCY!"
Sai Ji stared at the quest parchment.
Aeliana smiled confidently. "A straightforward field assignment. Excellent for team-building."
He jabbed at the header. "CRISIS-LEVEL BIOLOGICAL CONTAGION BREACH. This is not straightforward—it's a biohazard!"
Aeliana nodded. "Precisely! Clear goal, thrilling adventure."
Fen and Lura produced supplies.
"Neutralizing solvents," Fen said, holding a sprayer.
"Sustenance," Lura added, with a picnic basket.
Sai Ji groaned. "I expected 'lost chickens' or 'count weird mushrooms.' Why is our first quest HAZMAT-level?"
"Because you possess unique aptitudes!" Aeliana said.
"I'm good at making fauna prostrate themselves! Not containment!"
Sal Vera teased. The dramatic irony is perfect seasoning for a protagonist's journey.
He opened the mana-dampening charm. Inside: a small, fuzzy novelty mustache.
"This is a child's toy," Aeliana insisted.
He slapped it on. It instantly burst into flame and ash.
Aeliana gasped. "Even mundane disguise magic is destroyed by your aura!"
Fen and Lura presented more disguises: sunhat, owl-sized glasses, moon-patterned cloak.
Sai Ji looked less like a sovereign and more like a grandmother escaping an asylum to birdwatch.
My King… you must wear this into battle, Sal Vera laughed.
Dead inside, Sai Ji trudged forward. The Moonborn Vanguard moved toward… chaos.
The outskirts looked like apocalypse in muted green and gray.
Smoke rose from collapsed barricades.
Panic filled the air.
A guard ran up.
"Reinforcements! The containment's failed! Mutated specimens are breaching the perimeter!"
Sai Ji blinked. "So… our 'simple quest' is a collapsing biosecurity zone with magically-mutated wildlife?"
Aeliana beamed. "An exhilarating challenge!"
"IT'S A CATASTROPHE!"
A hulking mutant boar slammed a wall. Wolves with glowing eyes snarled. A stag with crackling antlers stomped the earth.
Sai Ji stepped forward. Every corrupted creature in a two-hundred-meter radius froze. Heads turned, glowing eyes locked on him.
The boar dropped its head. Wolves rolled onto their backs. The stag curtsied.
Sai Ji screamed, "WHY?! I AM A NON-THREAT! I AM WEARING A TABLECLOTH AS A CAPE! ATTACK PEOPLE WITH ACTUAL WEAPONS!"
A passing adventurer whispered, "The Sovereign… he's come… prophecy—"
"NO PROPHECIES!" Sai Ji yelled.
From the shadows, a robed figure knelt. Silver hair, piercing eyes.
"Your Majesty," he breathed. "At last. You are—"
"No. Stop. I am a local weirdo," Sai Ji cut in.
Nyx continued: "—the lost Sovereign, heir to the Astral Throne—"
"NOPE."
"—foretold in the Codex of Shattered Moons—"
"FICTION!"
"—and the only one who can mend the rifts tearing reality—"
Sai Ji spun on his heel. "I'm joining a monastery. Potatoes don't bow."
Fen and Lura guided him back toward Nyx and the field of submissive monsters.
"Destiny has no refunds," Fen said.
"And we packed for a long journey," Lura added.
Aeliana stared. "Sai Ji… you're… royalty?"
Exhaustion deeper than physical fatigue settled in.
Sai Ji faced the kneeling spymaster, bowing monsters, and absurd bodyguards.
"I am a man who wanted to sign up for a quest to exterminate basement rats. That is the zenith of my ambition. Anything else is a collective hallucination."
Sal Vera whispered, soft and loving: The throne has been cold for a hundred years. Welcome home.
Sai Ji looked at the smoke-stained sky, owl-glasses slipping down his nose, and cried to the universe:
"I JUST WANTED TO KILL SOME RATS!"