"Wangsheng Funeral Parlor is speaking????"
High above Liyue Harbor.
Inside the Jade Chamber.
Ningguang stared at the message crane that had just fluttered onto her desk, her expression a mix of confusion and disbelief.
She had just received the urgent missive, but the contents were so absurd she thought she was hallucinating.
What did it mean, Wangsheng Funeral Parlor is speaking?
"What's wrong?"
Beside her, Keqing noticed Ningguang's strange expression and leaned in, equally puzzled.
What did she mean by "speaking"?
Keqing glanced at the unfolded message crane in Ningguang's hand.
Her pupils constricted as she read the text.
How is that possible?
The message clearly stated: Wangsheng Funeral Parlor has come alive and is speaking to people, causing a massive commotion in Liyue.
"Come alive? Speaking?"
Keqing frowned deeply. "Isn't Wangsheng Funeral Parlor... a building?"
How could a house talk?
"We need to see this for ourselves," Ningguang said, her brow furrowed. "My subordinates wouldn't send false reports. As bizarre as it sounds, if the parlor is causing a panic, we must investigate."
She stood up briskly and headed for the exit.
Even the Tianquan was baffled. She needed to see it to believe it.
Honestly, she felt a headache coming on.
Why is it always Hu Tao's place?
First, there was a fire dragon, then the parlor nearly burned down.
And now? The building itself had apparently gained sentience.
If it were a monster or a spirit, Ningguang wouldn't be surprised. But a building that had stood in Liyue for generations suddenly striking up a conversation? That was beyond comprehension.
"Lady Ningguang, it's raining! Please take an umbrella!"
Baiwen rushed after them, grabbing three umbrellas.
Soon, the three women flew down from the Jade Chamber, gliding through the rain until they landed near the funeral parlor.
A large crowd had gathered at a safe distance, their faces pale with fear and awe.
"Lady Ningguang is here!"
"Thank the Archons!"
Seeing the Tianquan and Yuheng arrive, the crowd felt a wave of relief. They looked at Ningguang as if she were their savior.
"Lady Ningguang, you have to see this! It's terrifying!"
"The parlor is talking! It's become a spirit!"
"It's true! I heard it myself!"
...
The citizens clamored to report the incident.
"What exactly happened?"
Ningguang stared at the silent building. "Tell me the details."
Right now, the parlor stood quietly in the rain. It didn't look like it could speak.
But the Millelith wouldn't lie.
"It spoke just a moment ago," a Millelith guard reported anxiously. "When it spoke, the entire structure twisted and warped like rubber. It was unnatural."
"Director Hu acts like she's still inside, but we didn't dare enter. One of her employees ran off earlier."
"It's quiet now, but we all saw it. We all heard it. The house is alive."
"Lady Ningguang, I've seen monsters talk, but a house? That's too weird. Will it eat people? Walking past here every day is going to be a nightmare!"
...
Hearing the testimonies, Ningguang and Keqing exchanged a glance. Then, they walked straight toward the entrance.
"Lady Ningguang!" The guard cried out. "It's dangerous! We can go in first!"
"No need. I am no ordinary civilian," Ningguang waved them off and stepped inside with Keqing.
Inside, they found Hu Tao sitting in a chair, looking utterly distressed as she stared at the Soul Staff in her hands.
She remembered now.
Back when she got it, the Shopkeeper had mentioned that anything hit by the Soul Staff would gain a soul. If it was a living being, the soul would be knocked out.
She had completely ignored the first part.
She had been so focused on using it to knock souls out of people for her "business."
But today, after parting ways with Xiangling and Yanfei, she had returned to the parlor feeling bored. Idly, she had tapped the wall with the staff.
And then the parlor started talking.
And then she panicked.
Nearby, Mona looked equally distressed.
She had been writing her column peacefully when a deep, ancient voice suddenly boomed from the walls.
It got louder and louder, confusing her.
When she saw the walls warping without breaking, she realized the building was alive.
Even as an Astrologist and Alchemist who had seen plenty of strange things, a talking house was a first.
"Director Hu."
Ningguang's voice cut through the tension. She scanned the room with her sharp, golden eyes. "Care to explain why your establishment is holding conversations?"
Beside her, Keqing kept her hand near her sword, eyes darting around warily.
"The parlor... has gained a soul," Hu Tao said, looking miserable. "But it's stopped talking now."
"Gained a soul?"
Ningguang frowned, looking around again.
The building remained silent.
Meanwhile.
At the Jar Shop.
Felix stared at Undertaker Meng, who was frantically explaining the situation.
Wangsheng Funeral Parlor is talking?
Felix rubbed his temples. "You mean to tell me the building you live in suddenly started speaking? The actual architecture?"
"Yes!" Meng nodded vigorously. "Director Hu tapped the wall with that Soul Staff, and boom! It started talking like it had a soul. It came alive! The Director doesn't know what to do!"
"Sigh."
Felix facepalmed. "That staff... I told her it could grant souls to inanimate objects. Has she never tried it on anything but people before?"
It had been over a week. Had she really not listened to a word he said?
"Well, the problem is it has a soul now, and we don't know how to fix it," Meng pleaded. "We need your help, Shopkeeper. A talking house isn't exactly normal."
"Let's go take a look."
Recalling the item's properties (likely based on Big Mom's Soru Soru no Mi power), Felix sighed and headed for the door.
"Shopkeeper! Umbrella! Umbrella!"
Meng rushed to open an umbrella for him.
Felix took it and walked into the rain, heading for the parlor.
Back at the parlor.
Keqing stared at the silent walls. Lightning crackled in her hand, condensing into a sharp, electric blade.
"If this building can speak and has a soul, then surely it can feel pain."
Raising the lightning sword, Keqing addressed the wall calmly. "Speak, or I'll test how conductive your timber is."
She prepared to strike.
"Don't! Little girl!"
A panicked, elderly voice suddenly echoed from the walls. "My old bones can't handle your electro power!"
"Holy crap! It spoke again!"
"I knew it! It's real!"
"Lady Keqing scared the house into talking!"
"It sounds so ancient... like an old grandmother."
"Wait, you can tell the gender?"
"It sounds like my grandma's accent."
...
Outside, the crowd gasped and retreated further.
Inside, Keqing tensed. Even though she expected it, hearing a house beg for mercy was surreal.
"Why can you speak?"
Ningguang frowned at the wall. "Is it because of the staff in Director Hu's hand?"
"Yes," the parlor replied, its voice warm and nostalgic. "The child tapped me with that thing, and suddenly I had consciousness. I could speak."
"Speaking of which," the house continued, addressing Ningguang directly. "I watched you grow up too, you know. Especially when you were little... you were so cute back then. Quite different from the person you are now."
The voice held a teasing, grandmotherly tone.
Ningguang's face flushed slightly.
Even as the Tianquan, being told "I watched you grow up" by a building felt... surprisingly embarrassing.
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