Seeing the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor casually chatting, Hu Tao stared at the Soul Staff in her hand, her expression a mix of distress and awe.
How on earth did she manage to knock the soul out of a building?
"How long has your consciousness existed, Senior?"
Ningguang asked softly, her tone respectful. "Since you have gained awareness, I assume your age must be considerable."
The Parlor had mentioned watching Ningguang grow up, which implied its soul had existed for a very, very long time.
"Indeed," the Parlor replied, its voice thick with the weight of ages. "Once I gained a soul and awareness, my memories flooded back. I remember everything from the moment the first stone of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor was laid."
"Roughly three thousand years. Everything I witnessed feels like it happened just yesterday. From the first Director to the current seventy-seventh generation... I have seen it all."
Hiss.
Ningguang sucked in a cold breath.
She wasn't the only one. Keqing's eyes widened in shock. Mona looked incredulous, and Hu Tao was simply dumbstruck.
Three thousand years?!
"How is that possible? Three thousand years?!"
Keqing's voice was sharp with disbelief. "Hasn't the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor been rebuilt over the centuries?!"
The current structure wasn't the original one. It had been renovated, expanded, and reconstructed. How could it claim a continuous consciousness of three thousand years?
That number was staggering.
Three thousand seven hundred years ago, the land of Liyue was plagued by tsunamis and floods. Morax descended, moving mountains and filling seas to block the tides, creating Mt. Tianheng.
Later, Morax slew the sea beast Baqiu with stone whales and jade birds. The many divine beasts that signed contracts with Morax became known as the Adepti, with Rex Lapis as the Prime of the Adepti.
Then came the Archon War. Liyue became a battlefield of gods.
The chaos rendered the Guili Assembly uninhabitable. With a heavy heart, the Geo Lord abandoned the settlement he and the Adepti had built, leading his people south of Mt. Tianheng to establish Liyue Harbor.
From that day forth, the nation of Liyue was born, and contracts became its indelible spirit.
The Wangsheng Funeral Parlor was established around that time, giving it a history of roughly three thousand years.
But the original building couldn't have been this grand.
The current parlor was the result of generations of expansion. It was worlds apart from the original. How could the soul span both eras?
Three thousand years... that was a concept reserved for gods and adepti. No human could live that long!
"Because from the moment the concept of 'Wangsheng Funeral Parlor' was born, I had a latent consciousness. Just as a child grows into an adult, they are different yet the same," the Parlor chuckled warmly.
"The rebuilding was merely growth, an expansion of my form. I have experienced it all. I just never expected to gain subjective consciousness one day. For that, I must thank the child, Hu Tao. She allowed me to see the prosperity of Liyue with my own eyes."
"The Liyue of today... this is true prosperity. Back in my early days, life in Liyue was bitter. Truly bitter. Sigh."
The Parlor finished with a heavy, nostalgic sigh.
Ningguang and Keqing exchanged helpless glances.
Even as the Liyue Qixing, they were at a loss.
The only entity they usually dealt with who had lived that long was Rex Lapis himself during the Rite of Descension.
And now, a three-thousand-year-old building soul had popped up.
What were they supposed to do?
How do you handle a sentient piece of real estate that has witnessed three millennia of history? Even with all the storms the Qixing had weathered, a talking house was a first. They were stunned.
"Holy crap! Three thousand years? That's older than my great-grandma!"
"Great-grandma? Try older than your entire family tree combined! It's seen seventy-seven generations of Directors!"
"My goodness, a three-thousand-year-old house came to life? Isn't this practically an antique on par with Rex Lapis himself?"
"Seems so. And if I heard right, Director Hu caused this?"
"She literally watched the Qixing and Hu Tao grow up? How did Director Hu do it? Giving a soul to a house... that's terrifying."
"What's terrifying about it? That's a senior of Liyue! Show some respect!"
...
Outside, the crowd was buzzing with shock.
They had heard the Parlor's declaration. Three thousand years.
It was incredible. Aside from Rex Lapis and the Adepti, nothing in Liyue was older than this building's soul.
Amidst the commotion, Felix arrived, with Undertaker Meng trailing behind him.
He stepped straight into the parlor.
"Eh? Old Meng is back."
"Who's that with him? So young."
"Idiot, that's the Shopkeeper of the Jar Shop!"
"Oh, him! He's younger than I thought. I've heard of the shop but never tried my luck."
"Lady Ningguang's cinema came from his shop, you know."
"And Young Master Xingqiu's dungeon too."
...
Recognizing Felix, the crowd whispered excitedly.
Inside the parlor.
"Shopkeeper!"
Seeing Felix enter, Hu Tao's eyes lit up as if she'd seen a savior. She immediately grabbed his sleeve. "Shopkeeper! What do I do now?"
Felix: "..."
Seeing Hu Tao clinging to him with that expectant look, lines of black despair appeared on Felix's forehead.
"To think that after so many years, Liyue would house such a miraculous shop," the Parlor mused. "I suppose I must thank you as well, Shopkeeper. Without your item, I would never have gained consciousness to witness this golden age."
Having gained a soul, it instinctively knew the origin of the staff. It marveled that Teyvat could contain such power.
"It's nothing," Felix smiled faintly. "By the way, have you considered how to go back?"
A talking, three-thousand-year-old house was highly irregular.
"I do not know how to revert," the Parlor admitted, its voice weary. "I know my speaking has caused trouble for Liyue. It is best if I return to silence. I feel... the solution lies with the child, Hu Tao."
Hu Tao: "??????"
Hu Tao looked bewildered. If I knew how to fix it, I wouldn't have called the Shopkeeper!
"Director Hu, when you got the Soul Staff, did you not study it?"
Felix looked at her speechlessly. "Check the bottom of the staff. Is there a button?"
If there was a button, the solution was simple.
"I studied it carefully!" Hu Tao protested, feeling a bit embarrassed. She turned the staff over to inspect the base.
"Eh?"
There, tiny and unobtrusive, was a red button.
"There really is one!"
It was so small that unless you looked closely, you'd miss it.
"There you go," Felix shook his head. "Anything hit by the Soul Staff gains a soul. But similarly, pressing that button at the bottom will revert the object to its original state, revoking the soul."
"It works like that?!"
Hu Tao's plum-blossom eyes went wide. "Shopkeeper, you didn't tell me that back then!"
"You didn't ask," Felix replied deadpan. "And who would have thought you wouldn't examine your own tool properly?"
"Wait, Shopkeeper... is the Soul Staff reusable?"
A sudden, chaotic idea struck Hu Tao. "I mean, if I knock a wall to give it a soul, talk to it, and then press the button to revert it... I can do that over and over again, right? Every few days?"
Felix: "??????"
What kind of devilish thought process is that?
Ningguang and Keqing stared at Hu Tao with strange expressions. Why would you even ask that?
"No... I mean, yes," Felix sighed, shaking his head. "If you're that bored, you can knock souls into things and then press the button to reset them. It won't break."
"That's fantastic!"
Hu Tao's eyes sparkled. She looked at the Parlor. "Senior, I'll let you out again next time!"
A being that had witnessed seventy-seven generations of Wangsheng Directors? The knowledge it held was priceless. She had so many questions.
"No problem," the Parlor chuckled. "To have witnessed Liyue's prosperity with my own eyes is enough for now. I apologize for the excitement; I could have spoken internally to you alone, avoiding this scene. Since the impact isn't too severe yet, it is best I disappear for a while."
"Mhm."
Hu Tao nodded.
She pressed the small red button on the bottom of the staff.
Click.
An invisible wave passed through the room.
The presence—the soul of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor—vanished instantly. The warping of the walls ceased. The building was just a building again.
"Phew."
Seeing the soul disappear, Ningguang and Keqing let out a collective breath of relief.
It was gone.
If it hadn't disappeared, they really wouldn't have known how to handle the administrative nightmare of a sentient landmark.
A talking funeral parlor was just too absurd.
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