Kiyokazu Lazar — POV
[Wuuuoooh]
I stood on a mountain.
A gentle breeze blew past, lightly carrying my clothes in the direction it came from, while the sun illuminated everything around me with a soft, golden warmth. Dense green trees stretched in every direction, and directly ahead lay the edge of the mountain, opening into an endless horizon.
Nothing passed through my mind. I felt incredibly relaxed, at peace. As if I had always belonged here.
"See, Lazar?" a voice called out to me. "This is the peak I was telling you about."
It was a voice I could never confuse with any other. A voice I could never forget. The voice of my father, Keigo Kiyokazu.
"I told you it would be worth coming up here."
"Yeah..." I replied, without a second thought.
"You would've regretted it if you hadn't come, wouldn't you?"
I looked back out into the distance, gazing at the lush greenery below.
"Yeah..."
"What's wrong?" he asked, stepping closer.
"What do you mean, what's wrong? Nothing's wrong."
"You're crying, son."
"Crying? Me? Impossible!" I answered quickly, raising both hands to my face.
But I felt nothing. Even as I rubbed my face with my hands, I felt nothing.
When I looked at my palms, I saw it. Water.
"Here, look for yourself."
I raised my eyes to the right. My father was standing there, holding up a mirror aimed at me. In the mirror, I saw my expression clearly. Tears were streaming down my cheeks and falling to the ground, but I couldn't feel them.
"Huh?"
"Tell me, son, what's troubling you?"
"What?"
"Feel free to tell me. I'm your father, you can tell me anything," he said, moving closer to the mountain's edge.
"I feel sick... My eyes hurt... My stomach hurts... My head hurts... I feel like throwing up..."
"Hahaha, I know that look," he suddenly laughed.
"Huh?"
"I used to hide like that too, just so I wouldn't look weak, son. But crying doesn't mean you're weak. It just means you're a living being with emotions."
CRACK.
"Dad, watch out!" I started running toward him.
"Son!"
"The edge is collapsing! Run!"
He shoved me with both hands. I crashed onto the ground.
"NO! What are you doing, Dad?!"
By the time I scrambled back up, the peak had already collapsed. Before I could even reach the edge, he was gone. He had fallen into black darkness along with the mountain, and the green landscape had vanished completely.
"Dad..."
CRACK.
"Don't tell me!"
DOOM.
"AAAAAH!"
"I'M FALLING! I'M FALLING! I'M GOING TO DIE!"
"Everything is black."
"I can't see anything."
"#-## ## ###"
"What is that sound? Is that someone talking?"
Touch. Touch.
"Someone is touching me."
"Elias, is it this one lying here?"
"Is someone asking about me?"
"Yes. That's him."
The voices gradually returned to normal.
"He doesn't look so good."
"Looks like it..."
"He's crying in his sleep... I wonder if it's because of... Where is he from, what do you know about him?"
"Nivalis, Liva Village. Mother Maya Kiyokazu, father Keigo Kiyokazu. No other data."
"Anything else?"
"Nothing. He's hard to read."
"Even after the procedure, you found out nothing?"
"We didn't run the procedure on them."
"Excuse me?"
"Yes, we didn't carry out the procedure with them."
"Why?"
"Because those were our orders. I asked the same thing, but I didn't get the answer I was looking for."
Slowly, I opened my eyes.
"Huh? Where am I?" The words came out faint and barely audible.
I looked left, then right. I was inside a small room. The walls were brown in color, the temperature warm and pleasant. Yet beneath the cozy atmosphere, a heavy seriousness radiated from somewhere in the room.
To my right, a woman sat in a chair not too far from the bed.
"Looks like I'm in a bed."
She wore the same uniform as Elias, who stood near the door, leaning against the wall with crossed arms, staring at me. Over her uniform, however, she wore an extra white layer, almost like a lab coat, with a red cross stitched into the left side of her chest. She had long brown hair falling to her chest, large round glasses, and a warm, caring smile.
"Are you alright?" she asked. "Does anything hurt?"
"I feel sick..."
I looked over at Elias, and our eyes met. At first his face was completely blank, but the longer we held each other's gaze, the more it seemed like something was igniting behind his eyes.
"You can speak freely. You don't have to look at me like that," he replied slowly, closing his eyes and exhaling. "And wipe those tears off your face already, kid."
I raised my hands to my face and felt the moisture clearly. I wiped the tears away, but no matter how much I rubbed, they kept coming.
"Elias, would you mind giving us a little privacy?" the woman asked.
He glanced at her, then at me. "Sure. Just let me know when you're done with him."
"Alright." She nodded, and Elias stepped out of the room, leaving just the two of us.
"So!" She clapped her hands together once. "I see you were crying in your sleep. Had a bad dream, didn't you? Would you like to share it with me?"
I didn't answer. I lowered my gaze to the white blanket covering the lower half of my body.
"Eeeeh?! I didn't mean to remind you of it, I'm sorry!"
"You're with them, aren't you? Are you testing me again? Am I going to be kicked out now?" I asked, still staring at the blanket.
"No, no, no... You've got it all wrong."
"Have I?" I turned toward her.
"First, let's start from the beginning and introduce ourselves. I'm Amira Dravenn, and I'm a doctor, as you can see." She gestured toward her white coat and the red cross on it.
"..."
"But you're wearing the same clothes as Elias."
"That's because I have to. Orders are orders, right? Haha." She laughed softly. "And you, what's your name?"
"I'm Lazar. Lazar Kiyokazu," I answered after a brief pause.
She offered her hand. "Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, Lazar." I took it and we shook.
"So, does anything hurt?" she asked again.
"My stomach... and my head is killing me for the second time today."
"I see." She adjusted her glasses. "A headache then. What kind of pain is it? Sharp, constant, temporary, sudden, or something else?"
"It just starts all of a sudden, and once it begins, it doesn't stop. It keeps growing until it becomes unbearable. The first time was easier because Kieran massaged my head when it happened, but the second time even that didn't help."
"And when does your head start hurting? When you're doing something, remembering something, or something else?"
"When does it start?" I gripped the blanket. "It doesn't matter when it starts."
"Oh no, no." She wagged her finger. "That's the most important part. That's the cause of your headaches. If I don't know the cause, I won't be able to help you, Lazar."
"Well..."
Thump. Thump. Thump.
"Whenever I think about the past... my mother, my father, the village, who brought me here... my head automatically starts aching."
"What do you mean, it automatically starts aching?"
"I don't know! It just suddenly hurts... I don't know how to describe it!"
"Alright, alright. Take it easy, just breathe and tell me everything. I'm right here, don't be afraid."
"But... it's going to hurt again!"
"You say it hurts when you recall your past, right? Can you tell me something about yourself then? Let's take it step by step. Where are you from?"
"From Liva Village. It's a small village, not too far from Kinuki Bridge."
"Good. And what were the people in your village like?"
I paused for a moment, thinking about the people from home.
"Kind. Hardworking. Positive. Always smiling."
"It must have been nice living there?"
"It was," I answered softly.
She went quiet.
"It was nice living there... until that day came."
"What came?"
"Trolls. They attacked the village while I was away from home." Tears began streaming down my face again, dripping onto the blanket. I didn't try to hold them back.
"They destroyed everything. They killed everyone. Men. Women. Children. Animals. My father. My mother... Everything."
"..."
"And right in front of my eyes. They pulled out her entrails and ate them. I was helpless. And I—"
"AAARGH!"
I slammed my hands against my forehead.
"Hey, Lazar, what's wrong! Talk to me!"
"M-MY HEAD! IT H-HURTS!"
"Just calm down, breathe, I'm right here!"
"AAAAH! IT'S GOING TO BURST! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!"
I writhed back and forth on the bed, screaming as the pain kept stabbing through my skull.
"MOTHER, HELP ME!"
She wrapped her arms around me, her hands pressed gently against my back while I kept squirming.
"Easy, easy... everything is alright. I'm right here."
"I CAN'T! IT HURTS!"
She pulled back from the hug and placed her right hand on the right side of my chest.
The moment her hand touched me, a strange force coursed through my entire body. I felt it clearly. It originated right where her hand rested and spread outward through everything. Through my arms, my legs, my fingers. A soothing, tranquil sensation moving through every part of my body.
As it spread upward through my neck and into my head, the headache began to fade at a speed unlike anything Kieran's massage had managed. Incomparably faster.
"What... what was that?" I asked, heavily breathing.
"Well, you see? I cured you, just like doctors do!" She spread her arms wide, as if waiting for me to lean in. The smile on her face said more than any words could.
Without a second thought, I sank into her embrace and held on.
"There, there... it's nothing dangerous," she said, stroking my head just like my mother used to. "Nothing that can't be cured."
I stayed like that for the next few minutes. I cried against her shoulder without a single coherent thought, while she gently petted my hair. Eventually, I stopped crying altogether.
My eyes were exhausted from weeping, and my body felt as though today's brutal training had never happened.
"Do you feel a little better now?"
"I do... thank you."
"Don't mention it, that's my job!"
"Will... will my head keep hurting me like that, Miss Amira?" I asked.
Her expression turned serious immediately.
"Unfortunately, yes."
"So—"
"Though, there is nothing that cannot be cured!" she cut in before I could finish. "Your mind suffered a severe shock on that tragic day, Lazar. That's why, whenever you try to dig through those terrible memories, your body reacts automatically to protect you."
"To protect me? How?"
"Without getting into technical medical analysis and cluttering your head with information, I'll keep it brief and simple. It's a normal, natural reaction of the brain." She adjusted her glasses with a warm smile. "When you experience overwhelming stress, the brain creates something what is known as a defensive wall, or a defense mechanism."
"A defense mechanism?"
"Exactly. When your brain decides you can't process too much information at once, which it has already signaled to you several times, recalling those traumatic events triggers your nerves to react with severe headaches. Your body is telling you that you aren't ready for all that yet. It's actually quite common. And I'm not just saying this to cheer you up. I even had it myself when I was younger, due to some things I can't speak about."
"You had it too?"
"It happens to people who have gone through painful experiences. It can develop at any age, but it's far more common in younger people, especially teenagers. Over time, with proper rest and solid training, it will pass on its own. So everything is fine, trust me. You have nothing to worry about!"
I remained silent, looking down at my hands, then at the floor.
"So all of this is... a defense mechanism?" I muttered, staring at my palms.
"That's right!" she answered brightly. "Just like your muscles ache after training to stop you from tearing something, your brain causes intense headaches to protect you from harming yourself."
"It's just that your case..." She tapped her index fingers together. "Let's say it's a bit more sensitive because it's mental rather than physical. If you force it too hard, you could go insane."
"I could go insane from this?!"
"Yes... But on the bright side, your body will automatically stop you if you keep pushing, so you should be completely fine." She gave a thumbs-up. "Just think about it: despite going through so many stressful and dangerous things, you're still rational, you don't scream at nothing, you haven't lost your mind or become reckless. That's a sign that your body loves you and is protecting you. So return the favor, and in time, everything will fall into place."
"I understand."
"And to prove I'm not lying to you, it was that exact defense mechanism that kept you from dwelling on your village and the past until now. Elias told me you started acting strangely after some of your peers forcibly brought it up to you. That forced trigger is precisely how and why you ended up here."
"When I think about it... she's right. The first time my head hurt was in that white room when I tried to remember, and the second time was when Kieran and Luiz forced me to talk about it."
"She's also right that I haven't really thought about the past since waking up in that white room. Is that really because of this defense mechanism?"
"Thank you so much, Doctor Amira."
"Don't mention it—"
"AAAUUUGH!"
A massive yawn cut her off.
"Hahaha!" She laughed out for a bit while I stared at the floor, feeling some heat flush across my cheeks.
"Sleepy already? Well, no wonder." She stretched in her chair. "I haven't shut my mouth since we started, and I'm getting a bit drowsy myself. Just lie back and get a good rest. I'll tell Elias you need a slight break." She gave a playful wink, then stood up from her chair.
"Thank you."
She returned it with a brief, gentle nod.
I rested my head on the pillow and pulled the thin blanket over myself. Sleep took me instantly, and I drifted into another dream.
Amira Dravenn — POV
I stood up from the chair.
The boy had fallen asleep faster than I could have imagined.
The warm, caring smile I had maintained while sitting next to his bed vanished the split second I was on my feet.
"Guess all that crying wore him out completely."
I moved softly toward the door, careful not to make noise and wake him.
"I can't believe this is happening to me twice in a single day. What a drag. Since when did I become a magnet for crying kids? First that crybaby girl earlier today, and now this kid... I wonder who's next in that line."
"Ehhh..."
I exhaled quietly, turned back, and cast a brief glance at Lazar, who was already deep in sleep.
"Huh?"
The blanket had slipped off his lower half.
I walked back over, pulled it up, and covered him neatly.
"Don't go catching a cold on me now, I just finished healing you..." I whispered to myself quietly.
"Then again, it's not like I mind doing it," I thought, my mind briefly drifting years into the past.
"Oh?"
"Have I really gone soft on this job?"
I walked toward the wooden door, opened it quietly to avoid any creaking, and stepped into the narrow hallway.
"Heh, no chance."
With my eyes closed, I walked down the corridor to my left, until I sensed a faint trace of Essence ahead.
I opened my eyes. At the far end of the hallway, leaning against the right wall with crossed arms, stood Elias.
Waiting.
His cold, piercing eyes locked directly onto me.
"Done with your little performance?" he asked, his voice flat and dry. "What's the deal with the kid? Did you find out anything?"
I approached him. "Yes, but nobody else can hear this. Just the two of us."
"Huh?" He looked at me, mildly surprised.
"Is there an empty room around here?"
"Yeah," he answered.
"Great. We'll continue in there."
He brushed past me, walking back down the hallway I had just come from. He stopped at a door on the right side and stepped through. I followed.
The room was identical to the previous one. A bed, a table, a few chairs. Nothing more.
He walked over to the bed and sat down.
"I'm listening."
I stretched my arms, unbuttoned my white coat, and tossed it onto the table. Then I took off my round glasses, pulled a rectangle-shaped pair from my pocket, and put them on.
"So, where should I start," I said, taking a seat.
"The kid is fine physically. Zero issues. However, his mental condition is another story entirely."
"?"
"I sold him a story about a brain defense mechanism and muscle inflammation, and he swallowed the whole thing without asking any questions."
"And the real diagnosis?" He crossed his fingers.
"It's worse than either of you assumed, Elias. It's not just a basic traumatic block. The kid has PTESD. Post-Traumatic Essence Stress Disorder."
"Are you sure?"
"Absolutely." I nodded. "The day his village was destroyed and his family was slaughtered by Trolls, he was under extreme mental distress. I can't confirm it one hundred percent, but I believe his Source awakened right at that moment. Driven by pure adrenaline, panic, and stress."
"Furthermore, I suspect that right as his Source awakened, he used his element instinctively or out of sheer panic, while his Source wasn't fully developed yet. I believe that while his mana and energy channels were still forming and connecting to his body, some information leaked out of his brain, entered those channels, and washed back into his Source."
"The trauma he experienced became intertwined with his Source's awakening process. The Essence mixed with that information, splitting the trauma right down the middle. Half in his brain, half inside his Source."
"Meaning, every time he tries to recall it..."
"His own Essence reacts and starts frying his channels from the inside. I realized this immediately because when his headache spiked, his Source activated alongside it. I had to intervene and force a heavy surge of my own Essence into his body to stop him from suffering severe internal damage. If I hadn't countered it, the consequences could have been catastrophic."
"His body triggers a violent headache as a forced shutdown to prevent his own Essence channels from burning out."
"Damn it." Elias cursed, staring at the floor.
"If that's the case, the kid is going to struggle a lot through our training," he said, looking back up. "What do we do with him?"
"I wouldn't worry about the physical drills."
"What?"
"His core issue isn't physical, it's psychological. Don't go easy on him. The best thing you can do regarding his trauma is nothing."
"What do you mean, do nothing? I can't give him special treatment. What are the other candidates going to think?"
"You misunderstood me, Elias. Don't do anything about his psychological condition. Push him physically just as you normally would, strengthening his body will help him develop his Source to handle the load later. For now, do not mention Essence or his real diagnosis to him under any circumstances. Let him believe it's just fatigue and a natural defense mechanism. That way, he stands a chance at overcoming the trauma on his own. Though that depends entirely on him, and my analysis is purely theoretical. Reality might differ."
Elias rubbed his chin, absorbing what I said.
"Besides, many scientists across the continent believe that those who manage to break through and overcome PTESD show far greater growth than average Essencers. If he manages to harden his resolve and shatter that trauma without losing his mind or destroying his channels, you can expect great potential and explosive growth in his abilities."
"I see."
"However, until his body becomes strong enough to endure it, you must keep him under control, Elias. Both you and Darius."
Elias moved his hand from his mouth, looked up at the ceiling, and stayed there in thought for a few seconds. Then he placed his hand back over his mouth, staring at the floor.
"Aaaaaah!"
He suddenly threw both hands up and dragged them violently through his hair.
"What's wrong?"
"It's impossible for us to pull that off with him, Amira! It's completely impossible!" he snapped directly at me.
"What's impossible, Elias?"
"Even if he somehow survives First and second phase, there is zero chance he passes third phase if he still has this issue."
"Third phase? What are you talking about?"
He explained what Phase Three entailed.
"Ugh... well, that could really be a problem, Elias."
"I know," he replied. "What the hell are we supposed to do with him?"
"Nothing. Just keep doing what you've been doing. If he passes, he passes. If he fails, he fails. It's out of our hands. It depends entirely on him."
He stood up from the bed. "Thanks, Amira."
"Don't mention it. No need to thank me."
He turned toward the door. "Well, it's time for me to grab him and head back."
"Wait."
"Yeah?"
"Don't go in there just yet. Wait about five to ten minutes, then wake him up and take him back. I had to forcibly inject Essence into his body, so his system shifted into a forced recovery state. He needs a few minutes of rest before he continue."
"Understood." He nodded, and I stood from my chair.
"Well, I suppose this marks the end of our little collaboration, Elias." I stepped out into the hallway. "I hope I was of help."
"You certainly were, Amira. Thanks again."
"Don't worry about it. I told you, I was just doing my job. Same as you."
He chuckled softly.
"You said to keep pushing him physically like I normally would, right?" he asked, with a slight smirk.
"Yes?"
"Excellent. So on the training grounds, we stand on business as usual."
"You really are an heartless man, Elias."
"Can't help it, it's my job," he replied, giving a light shrug.
With that, I turned and walked down the hallway, leaving him standing there in the building, waiting for Lazar to wake up.