"..."
Chen Li stared intently at Haruhi Suzumiya.
"Um... can you not look at me like that? If you have something to say, just say it," Haruhi said, feeling a chill from his gaze.
"To be honest, you might have the constitution of a natural-born wishing machine," Chen Li said grimly.
"What do you mean?"
"Because both these Dragon Balls and the Holy Grail in your hand are, in a sense, wishing machines."
"Really?" Haruhi asked, pleasantly surprised.
"You've heard the good news. Want to hear the bad news?"
"What bad news?"
"The bad news is that neither of these wishing items can grant your wishes."
"Why not? Is it because they're not acclimated to this world?" Haruhi asked, unconvinced. She had just thought she was about to gain the ability to make her wishes come true, and now he was telling her she couldn't?
"The Dragon Balls need all seven to work, but you only have six. The Holy Grail does have the power to grant wishes, but this one is corrupted. It contains a strange thing called 'All the World's Evil.' It will only twist your wish and steer things toward the destruction of the world," Chen Li explained. The corruption of the Holy Grail caused wishes to be interpreted in a malevolent way, always fulfilling them through disaster and destruction.
"Huh?" Haruhi was startled, but her shock was immediately followed by curiosity.
"Is this what they call 'a gilded exterior hiding a rotten core'?" Haruhi used a very fitting idiom.
"Something like that. So, are you selling these?" Chen Li asked.
"Since you said they can't be used for wishes, of course I'm selling. Name your price," Haruhi said, propping her legs up on the Brigade Chief's desk with an air of "I have the upper hand."
Chen Li said nothing, simply holding up five fingers.
"Eh, only 50?"
"No, 500," Chen Li corrected.
"Deal." Haruhi accepted Chen Li's trade offer without a moment's hesitation.
"Alright then, these things are mine now." Chen Li collected the six Dragon Balls and picked up the golden Holy Grail.
"So where are my 500 Star Stones?" Haruhi asked expectantly.
"Theoretically, these 500 Star Stones already belong to you. But because you're not yet an adult, I'll need to hold onto them for you," Chen Li said.
"What?"
"And considering your luck is a bit strange, I'll need to supervise you when you use the Star Stones. After all, you wouldn't want to draw something that destroys the world, right, Haruhi?" Chen Li added.
It was hard for Chen Li to say whether Haruhi's luck was good or bad. It was good in the sense that she drew incredibly rare items, but they lacked any practical value and only came with extreme side effects. It was also bad, for the exact same reason, yet the items themselves were undeniably precious.
"Well... okay."
"Huh, you're being surprisingly reasonable?" Chen Li was actually a little shocked.
"But as collateral, this Stance-Swapping Gun is temporarily mine," Haruhi said matter-of-factly.
"No problem," Chen Li agreed just as readily. It was just a model gun, after all.
As for constantly swapping out the fake Curios he gave Haruhi to advance the extraction progress of the [Wishing Machine] and [Strengthening Machine] Entries... there was no rush. Because Haruhi had just handed him a perfect substitute.
Unlike certain parents who claim to be "saving" their kids' lucky money only to later explain it was all spent on tuition fees, Chen Li genuinely intended to give her the Star Stones.
"Can the stuff inside there really destroy the world?" Kyon asked, keeping his distance from Chen Li while curiously peering into the Holy Grail in his hands.
"Theoretically, yes. But unfortunately for it, it ran into me." As he spoke, Chen Li raised the Holy Grail.
The Grail that Haruhi had drawn was filled to the brim with a black, mud-like substance. However, because it had just been pulled from the Starry Sea Treasure, the item was temporarily in a sealed state. Thus, this manifestation of All the World's Evil was quite calm, merely maintaining a state of being about to overflow without actually spilling.
Unfortunately, since there were countless Holy Grails in the Type-Moon world, and possibly more than one containing All the World's Evil, Chen Li couldn't be sure if the Starry Sea Treasure had duplicated it or simply taken the original.
But in any case, the most pressing issue was dealing with All the World's Evil.
"So what do we do with it now?"
"I have an ability that can turn sinners into slimes capable of cleaning any filth. Theoretically, having the slimes enter All the World's Evil to purify it would be a good solution. But that was the plan from three days ago. Now... I'll just drink it."
As he spoke, Chen Li brought the Grail to his lips and tilted it slightly.
His action broke the equilibrium between All the World's Evil and the Holy Grail, and the black substance began to flow steadily into his mouth. Chen Li didn't know if the consciousness of Angra Mainyu was within this sludge, because even if it was, it would be digested by his Gourmet Cells without him even noticing.
"Power is surging..." After stopping his sipping, Chen Li clenched his fist. He felt incredibly strong and powerful right now! Incredibly powerful!
As a gourmet delicacy, All the World's Evil was absolutely top-tier. Because no normal person would ever eat it, and its quality was superb, the number of attribute points it provided was immense. It was several times more potent than gnawing on the amber containing a divine body! Although All the World's Evil was certainly no match for an Aeon of Preservation, that's just how it was.
"But... why is there no Miracle Card?" Chen Li had expected to receive a Miracle Card for swallowing All the World's Evil, but seeing no reaction around him, he was somewhat disappointed.
[If you went to the Type-Moon world and swallowed All the World's Evil, you would definitely get a Miracle Card, but not here. The evil here came from the Starry Sea Treasure, and it's just a pool of stagnant water.]
The little spirit provided a timely explanation. Before Chen Li had broken the balance, the evil had shown no signs of stirring. If Chen Li wanted to get a Miracle Card from the evil he currently possessed, he would have to pour it out, wait for it to nearly destroy the world, and then gather it back up and drink it.
This was the same reason why, despite having forged two 1-Star Curios in the Honkai: Star Rail world (the Elation Die and The Revival Games), he hadn't received a single Miracle Crystal. You have the Curio, so use it! If you don't use it, how will people know how amazing the Curios you forge are?
"Is that it? Is it resolved?" Kyon asked in a low voice.
"Obviously not, I haven't finished drinking it. There's a lot of this stuff in the Grail; it's the condensed malice of an entire world, after all. But if I drink it slowly, I'll finish it eventually," Chen Li said.
"How does it taste?" Haruhi asked curiously.
"Exactly like orange juice," Chen Li replied.
"Doesn't that mean you've gained the right to unlimited, all-you-can-drink orange juice? I'm so jealous," Haruhi said, feeling a bit envious.
"Be jealous. You can't have any, because ordinary people can't drink it." As he spoke, Chen Li took another gulp of All the World's Evil.
It really did turn into orange juice flavor. Haruhi is so useful.
Curious to see if Haruhi's influence could extend to other worlds, and also to maintain his reputation in front of her, Chen Li didn't expose his own lie.
"Alright, that's all for today's activities. If you ever want to draw from the lottery, just call me. I should be heading home," Chen Li said to Haruhi and the others after checking the time.
"I want to draw right now."
"I can give you 100 to start." Chen Li was also curious to see what other strange things Haruhi could pull, so he gave her 100 Star Stones and sat down beside her.
He then asked Kyon for a straw. You have to drink milk tea with a straw, of course.
However, watching the straw melt the instant it touched All the World's Evil, Chen Li accepted reality and ate the straw as well.
This scene left Kyon dumbfounded. Dude, you must be really easy to feed, huh?
Perhaps pulling six Dragon Balls had used up all of Haruhi's luck, because this time, all she got were some strange little parts. After spending the 100 Star Stones, she looked at the parts, and a flash of inspiration struck her as she began to assemble them.
"Emm... it looks a bit like a sparkler," Haruhi said.
"..." After finishing another mouthful of All the World's Evil, Chen Li looked at the object, at a loss for words.
Perhaps Haruhi's luck truly was bizarre. It was as if she was cursed to always draw divine-tier items, but they would always be incomplete and unusable.
Because the thing in Haruhi's hands... wasn't that the fucking Sparklence? It was just missing a few small components, leaving it incomplete.
However, considering this was another world, even a complete Sparklence might not be able to summon Ultraman. In the end, Chen Li bought the incomplete Sparklence for 100 Star Stones.
[Light], [Giant], [God], [Bond]... The Entries on the Sparklence were all universally bright. It was absolutely worth the price. Chen Li was starting to think that the [God] Entry wasn't so hard to obtain after all.
"Light is a bond..."
"I feel like I've forgotten something."
Looking at the Holy Grail in his hands, the Stance-Swapping Gun in Haruhi's, and the [Mom's Tablecloth] covered in snacks, Chen Li felt a sense of unease.
"There's too much food on this tablecloth, we can't finish it. Maybe we should just throw it away," Haruhi said, looking troubled at the still-full spread.
"Ah, right. Let me ask you something... what would happen if Haruhi's stress levels went through the roof?" Chen Li asked, sidling up to Itsuki Koizumi.
"Probably... she would destroy the world. Why do you ask?" Itsuki replied. The job of the organization he belonged to was to ensure Haruhi lived a normal life without ever discovering her abilities, preventing her from becoming so bored that she would abandon the entire world. Thus, Itsuki was particularly concerned about Haruhi's mental state.
"What if I told you that the side effect of this tablecloth is that anyone who wastes food is hit with a punishment that causes a complete mental breakdown?" Chen Li asked.
"!!!"
While Itsuki was still in a state of shock, Chen Li executed a sliding tackle over to Haruhi, snatching the food she was about to put in a takeaway bag.
"I told you not to waste food, or you'll be punished!"
Then, Chen Li gave Haruhi a sharp flick on the forehead.
"Oh, I almost forgot... But now that you mention it, I'm kind of curious what the punishment is."
"If you don't court death, you won't die! Why don't you understand? You're banned from using this Curio from now on." Chen Li snatched the tablecloth away.
Phew, another day, another world saved!
Countless motes of light began to converge...
"???"
Chen Li stared in disbelief at the card that appeared before him.
Just like that, in a way he had never imagined, Chen Li had obtained a new Miracle Card.
By all rational standards, he had indeed almost destroyed the world and then saved it. It perfectly fit the little spirit's suggestion of causing a massive problem and then solving it.
---o---