[You Won't Die From Courting Death] (Miracle Card): For repeatedly stopping Haruhi Suzumiya's potentially world-ending death-courting antics, you have earned the world's recognition... even though you were the one who caused the trouble in the first place.
Effect 1: When you attempt to court death, if the action could genuinely lead to your own demise or cause a disaster, a random, well-meaning bystander will appear to dissuade you. You can, of course, ignore them.
Effect 2: Can be used to forge a Curio.
"I can't shake the feeling that someone is taking a jab at me..."
Looking at the contents of this Miracle Card, Chen Li felt his suspicion was well-founded. The card's appearance was too bizarre. He hadn't held high hopes for its effect, but a closer look revealed a hidden depth.
[Protagonist Halo].
The little spirit's words were a wake-up call.
"Oh, it really is like a protagonist's halo. If I take this Miracle Card and jump off a cliff, is it possible I'll be saved at the bottom by a peerless master who has been living in seclusion for years, who will then teach me a legendary technique?" Chen Li's eyes lit up. "But what if I show up somewhere completely deserted?"
[Street Loiterer].
The little spirit's two words were another wake-up call.
In every story, there are always one or two loiterers who can appear anywhere without it seeming strange.
The thought made Chen Li's hands itch. This Miracle Card shouldn't be called "You Won't Die From Courting Death"; it should be renamed "An Invitation to Court Death." It was just like when he repeatedly warned the members of the Genius Society not to waste food when he gave them [Mom's Tablecloth], and they all chose to waste food without exception...
The more you tell me not to, the more I want to do it! I can't take it anymore, I'm gonna go court death!
Dammit! I can't hold it back! I'm gonna blow with this Miracle Card.jpg...
---o---
"So this is why the Diyan Commission called me to pick someone up?" Fu Xuan asked, looking expressionlessly at Chen Li, who was locked behind iron bars.
"Let me see the charge... performing dangerous stunts on the Central Starskiff Haven's starskiff lanes? Specifically... attempting to jump off the Xianzhou?" The Diyan Commission employee standing next to Fu Xuan glanced at the reason for Chen Li's arrest and stared at him in astonishment.
"I wasn't trying to jump off the Xianzhou! I'm an ambitious youth on the streets of Central Starskiff Haven, about to let my ideals take flight!" Chen Li retorted.
He hadn't expected the first effect—or rather, the first repercussion—of [You Won't Die From Courting Death] to arrive so swiftly. He had been on a bridge in Central Starskiff Haven, watching the starskiffs speeding along their routes, and a thought had struck him: what would happen if he just jumped? Would he fall off the Xianzhou entirely, or...?
Since he thought it, he did it. He couldn't die anyway, after all. He could fly.
So he jumped.
And was promptly arrested by the Diyan Commission, who then notified the Divination Commission to come and get their man, a notice that landed squarely on Fu Xuan's desk.
"I have a premonition that you might be the single most headache-inducing employee in the entire Divination Commission," Fu Xuan sighed, pressing a hand to her forehead.
In her view, Chen Li's biggest problem was that he was not only prone to slacking off like Qingque but also capable of the most unpredictable actions. On top of that, because he was blessed by Nous, her own divinatory sight, which also stemmed from the Aeon of Erudition, was completely unable to observe him.
Qingque liked to slack off, but she could use her divination to catch her in the act. But that wouldn't work on Chen Li.
"In any case, this Chen Li deliberately chose a time with the least traffic to stand on the bridge and peer down. He didn't cause any major disruption to the lanes, and his jump was unsuccessful, so it's not a serious matter... Master Diviner, you can take him away now."
"Understood. Thank you for your trouble." Fu Xuan nodded politely to the Diyan Commission member and then led Chen Li away.
"Can you tell me what on earth you were thinking?" Fu Xuan asked, utterly bewildered, once they had left the Diyan Commission's office.
"Master Diviner, you might not believe me, but my own divination told me that no matter how I tried to court death today, someone would show up to stop me. I didn't quite believe it, so I wanted to test it."
"How far have you even progressed in your divination studies that you dare to predict your own future?"
"But Master Diviner, would you say it was accurate or not?"
"...I suppose it was. But that could have been a coincidence. Don't try to court death again," Fu Xuan warned.
"Understood, Master Diviner. Speaking of which, Master Diviner, it's quite dangerous for you to walk without looking where you're going while staring at your phone," Chen Li reminded her.
Ever since leading him out of the Diyan Commission, Fu Xuan's eyes had been glued to her phone, watching a constantly rotating series of advertisements. Chen Li had never seen these specific ads, but he knew they were the ones you had to watch to obtain the resurrection card fragments.
"Don't let me find out who invented the mechanism that immediately jumps to the app download page if you look away from the ad, or I swear I'll kill them with one punch." The topic was a sore spot. The moment Chen Li brought it up, Fu Xuan gritted her teeth in anger. Clearly, she had fallen victim to this trick countless times for her resentment to be this strong.
"Watching this ad jumps you to a download page? What kind of ads are you watching, Master Diviner?" Hearing this, Chen Li curiously leaned his head over for a look. He genuinely didn't know his 1-Star Curio had such a harassing mechanism. More importantly, he was curious about the source of these ads. The Curio played random ads, but if it played an ad from another world, could it still jump to a download page? Or if it showed an ad for a product from another world, could you place an order and receive it?
"It does, it's disgusting. This link usually plays ads from the Interastral Peace Corporation... I don't know how much they've spent on advertising. Now don't bother me, watch the road for me," Fu Xuan said, clenching her small fists.
Though she didn't watch where she was going, her divinatory sight could warn her of obstacles. One might say she had the perfect constitution for watching pop-up ads.
"Uh, okay." Chen Li, not expecting to take on the part-time job of being someone's eyes, began to survey the scenery of Central Starskiff Haven. He did have to say, though, that the IPC hadn't paid him a single credit in advertising fees! It seemed the resurrection card fragments automatically selected and played random ads from the current world.
"Chen Li, is there anyone you want to resurrect?" Fu Xuan asked, her eyes still locked on the ad.
"If I had to say, yes, there is."
Who didn't have someone they wanted to bring back? Chen Li wanted to resurrect Lao Da, take him to the Queen's Hotel in the Longgong Creek Valley of the Delta, put him together with Leisi, and see which of the two was the true king of the elbow strike.
"Then behave yourself for the next few days. Don't try to court death, and study divination properly. I'll try to apply for this link for you," Fu Xuan said, starting to dangle a carrot in front of him, much like Jing Yuan would.
It wasn't entirely an empty promise; Fu Xuan always followed through on what she said. She also wasn't worried about Chen Li wanting to resurrect some nefarious person. After all the fragments were collected, the request still needed to be reviewed and approved by the organizer to take effect.
According to Jing Yuan's deductions, the creator of this miraculous item was likely the currently "infamous" new member of the Genius Society, the Curio Forger.
Ah, and at this point, one can't help but ask... Master Diviner, Master Diviner, why is he called an "infamous" member of the Genius Society? Because it was currently speculated that this Curio Forger might have gotten his start in telecommunications fraud, so anything he released couldn't be viewed, lest one suffer from bad luck.
"Thank you for your immense kindness, Master Diviner."
"Don't mention it. I can't guarantee I can get the application approved. And if you really want to thank me, just study divination diligently," Fu Xuan said offhandedly.
Although the true form of [The Revival Games] Curio was a link, it couldn't be forwarded at will. The number of times one could click the link to watch ads was infinite, but the text itself couldn't be sent to others.
However, maybe it was just her imagination, but Fu Xuan felt Chen Li's voice growing more and more distant. She had just started watching the ad and didn't want to look away, but her divinatory sight couldn't perceive him either, so she truly had no idea where he had gone.
While the resurrection card's ad held Fu Xuan in its grip for a mandatory 30 seconds, Chen Li was already back on the streets of Central Starskiff Haven.
Before this round of courting death, Chen Li had specifically scouted the area. There were no Diyan Commission members in sight, and even passersby were few and far between.
So he was very curious which lucky bystander would show up to stop him this time.
Ha! Who can stop me?! Who dares stop me?! I am fate, I am the law! All things in heaven and earth tremble beneath my feet! I! Chen Li! Am the ambitious youth on the streets of Central Starskiff Haven, about to unleash myself!
Chen Li's Guide to Forging Curios popped up, notifying him that someone was experiencing [Ad Brainwashing]. He ignored it, planning to check it after he jumped.
But just as he was about to leap into the skiff lane, a soft, small hand grasped his own.
Chen Li turned his head and saw Fu Xuan staring at him, her face completely devoid of expression.
"Ahem, Master Diviner, you have to let me explain..." Chen Li's mind raced, searching for a reasonable excuse.
"Accompany me to buy white stockings," Fu Xuan said flatly.
"Huh?" Accompany you to buy white stockings? Is that appropriate?
"Passionately crafted with a 5 billion credit investment from the IPC, a brand of white stockings you can absolutely trust," Fu Xuan suddenly said, giving Chen Li a thumbs-up.
"???"
After a moment of stunned silence, Chen Li opened the Guide and looked at the [Ad Brainwashing] notification.
Excellent, it really is Fu Xuan!
"Couples who buy together get 3 free pairs with every purchase! Plus a mysterious grand prize! It's a super bargain, let's go buy them now!"
"Please, come with me, I really want the mysterious grand prize!"
Ten minutes later...
Chen Li stared at the couple's photo of himself and Fu Xuan in one hand, and the bag of white stockings in the other, lost in thought.
As for Fu Xuan? After coming to her senses, a mortified Fu Xuan—her face flushed as red as a teapot—promptly fled the shop, not even taking the white stockings she'd just changed out of with her.
Yep, those were the ones in the bag Chen Li was holding.
Looking at the bag containing Fu Xuan's white stockings, Chen Li had a bold idea!
---o---