Asmodeus yelled at me in a panic, telling me that the dark lord is extremely pissed that we haven't found the transformation stone yet.
I yelled back at him, asking him where he is as he's been talking to his boss for too long that I went on ahead.
He told me that he can easily teleport to my location as soon as I wake up from my dream.
Oh yeah. I'm still dreaming after all.
This is actually quite efficient, their way of communicating.
But I'm still annoyed at Asmodeus for interrupting my blissful dream.
Asmodeus grinned at me, saying that he doesn't mind what Alpha and I were doing though it would've been better if we...
WAS HE WATCHING US?!!
I yelled all sorts of expletives towards Asmodeus, making him laugh at me as I accused him of being a pervert.
Wait. He IS the king of perverts.
Asmodeus is the demon lord of lust and temptation so he gets a lot of his energy from...
He interrupted me that he's not with me physically but can still "see" us doing...
I shouted at him that I don't want to know how he saw me and Alpha doing...
I didn't even finished my sentence when Asmodeus suddenly screamed in pain.
His screams of pain hurt my mind!
Wait. If he's screaming in my dream, then that means...
.....
I felt myself thrashing around as my consciousness slowly returned when I felt soul crushing pain on my neck.
It slowly intensified that I started screaming in pain too.
It hurts! It hurts!
I can feel Alpha trying to soothe me though I didn't hear his words of comfort as I kept on screaming then sobbed with frustration when he held me tightly, preventing me from further hurting myself.
I cried, telling him that it hurts too much that I wanted to die.
This is the worst pain I ever felt. That kind of pain that nearly separates your soul from your body. It's as if you are almost dead.
There is no longer awareness of my surroundings.
All I think of is that I want to escape from this hell, this nightmare, whatever you call it.
I might be trying to detach myself from my current situation.
Yes... Let's do that.
....
It seems like I'm watching a TV show.
I'm currently safe here inside this warm place. I'm alone, yes, but at least I'm not in pain.
No pain, no hunger, nothing...
Just.. watching a TV screen in front of me.
Hmm.. but I can't hear anything at all.. strange.. I must've muted the tv.. I wonder where the remote is?
Oh, look! It's Alpha! He's in the show!
What's he saying?
Where's the freaking remote?!!
I can't HEAR anything!
Aw.. he looks like he's in agony, as if his heart was being torn apart into tiny pieces.
While slouching, he's carrying something in his arms as he nuzzled all over..
Hey! Don't block the screen! I can't see anything!
The screen kept moving all over as Alpha's face nuzzled all over it in which I can finally see him properly as he stared directly towards it, as if he is looking at the audience.
Is he sobbing? Yes.. though he also seemed like he's howling too..
Wait.. is that blood all over his face? But he doesn't have any wounds at all!
Strange.
Oh, wait! He's shifting? But it doesn't seem like he's doing it voluntarily.. it's as if he is in too much stress and panic to control it.
Please stop moving the screen! For goodness sake, Alpha kept nudging towards the screen!
And.. er.. what's he doing? Is that his tongue?
What is he licking?!
It's as if he's licking all over the screen.
He's like a dog.. heh..
I'm a bit exhausted right now. Maybe I should sleep for awhile.
.....
It seems that I've been asleep for too long.
When I woke up, I'm still inside the warm place. It's dark around me but it's cosy.
There's nothing here so maybe I'll just sit down on the floor.
Hmmm.. the TV screen isn't on yet.
How boring.
There's nothing to do here.
Wait.. there's something flashing in front of me..
Is the show starting?
Suddenly, a mini version of dad materialized in front of me.
Dad?!! What is he doing here?!
I ran towards him and hugged him tightly. His face has indescribable emotion all over it as he attempted to pat me on the head.
He asked me what happened that I'm this kind of situation.
It took me a long time on trying to remember what happened.
After hearing what happened, dad simply nodded and told me to wait for a little longer as he and his unpaid laborers are doing their best to find a way to free me.
I gave a little laugh before telling dad that it's okay and I'm happy being here as I don't feel anymore pain.
Dad continued to listen then told me sadly that he can't stay much longer and that he was just checking on me.
He can't talk too much as he's afraid that someone might be listening.
I smiled at him then blurted out to send my regards to Ten and the others.
Ah, wait! There's something I need to ask!
Dad looked at me patiently as he waited for me to speak.
I told him that I changed my mind about that and reported to him everything what I discussed between Asmodeus and me. Oh, and especially the situation in the Netherworld.
His face looks unreadable though I know that he is thinking about the catastrophic chaos it might bring to this world.
Seeing that he is not yet leaving, I told him everything what I'm thinking about, all my suspicions, everything, not leaving any details at all.
I apologized for unloading everything on him as I'm too exhausted to go on much longer. I just want everything to be over.
After I finished talking, he told me to sit down beside him.
Ah. I was so engrossed upon telling him about everything that I forgot that we are standing all along.
Dad is so cute in his mini form!
We sat down beside each other and stayed silent for a long time.
Then I asked dad how is the pack and has Lion been found yet.
Dad mysteriously smiled at me and told me that I need to leave this place.
No! I don't want to!
I sobbed then told dad between sobs that I'm too exhausted, weary and that I just wanted everything to be over. It's too much for me.
I'm done.
Can't I just stay here?
My future doesn't seem wonderful to me.
I don't have any more goals after learning about everything. It's like I lost my purpose in life.
I'm not happy anymore.
Everything is pain, pain and more pain!
Dad continued to listen to my rants without saying anything.
He's quite patient, maybe because he's a lich and he's used to living for a long, long time that it doesn't matter anymore to him.
I paused for a moment when I saw dad about to say something.
He asked me if I want to rest as he can help me with that. But the rest I'm taking is permanent.
Before I'm about to say yes, he cautioned me that I can't go back anymore and that I will not see those that are dear to me for the rest of eternity as they can't follow me where I'm going, even if they do everything, including offering their own souls.
Not even the demon king himself can bring me back.
Should I? There's nothing left for me here.. I no longer have any purpose.. my story has no more direction.. it's aimless.. just a nonsense journey..
But.. what about Lion? I don't want him to kill himself just to follow me to a place where he can't be with me.
Sly? He'll be with Lion, in hopes of trying to join me though he'll be devastated upon learning that he can't join me either.
Alpha? I don't know what will he do as he told me that he'll follow me everywhere, even if I go to the Netherworld.
Orm? He'll go mad trying to find a way to go with me and he already made it known to me before that he'll use all means to bring me back to his side, even if that means using dark or forbidden magic.
Ghost? He'll lose his regular form and might embrace his lich side as he'll be like dad and will find ways to bring me back too.
Even though Khamsin is not my mate and not one of the pack, he's dear to me. And I'm dear to him too as he made it clear to me. I don't know how he will hold up after losing me for the rest of eternity.
And even Puma. How is she? I haven't seen her for too long. I need to catch up with the latest gossip. She's the only friend I have left.
But dad... I don't have anymore purpose here..
Maybe attachments with those dear to me but other than that, I have no purpose left.
All the pain, weariness and exhaustion I felt are not worth holding on a life with no purpose.
Dad turned to me and stared at me in that wise eyes... er.. he doesn't have any eyes but glowing orbs under his eye sockets..
Ahem.
He stared at me in that wise "eyes" of his and told me in a voice that he attempted to soften, that all throughout his endless time of existence, he found out that moments without purpose are the most valuable. Being without purpose is a gift, as I can do anything today, even if I have to change it tomorrow. All the endless possibilities that I can do.
That I'm not alone and never will be as the souls of those dear to me are intertwined with mine and to find joy in all things, no matter how small, just like him and his underlings.
He gleefully updated me on his knitting and proudly declared that he is the undefeated champion in all the games that I introduced to them.
Also, he made sure that his room is always clean.
He hid his phylactery in a much safer place and is confident that no one else would touch it.
After telling me that, he reminded me that eternity can be boring if you just focus on a single goal. It's the little things that made it colorful. He can attest to that.
Also, I should treasure the relationships I have as eternity can be lonely.
He's right.
Long time ago, I was suppose to be the one saying all of that to others.
What happened to me?
It's as if I was drained too much that I became an empty husk.
Dad was about to stand up as he told me that he's been staying too long when I pulled his hand.
I told him to stay with me a little longer as I'm not ready to leave yet in which he smiled sadly at me.
Immediately, I exclaimed that I've been experiencing headaches from time to time and kept on having strange dreams so vivid, as if I experienced it before.
He pondered for a bit before telling me that he'll have to make sure that he's right with his assumption before telling me what it is.
One last thing...
Dad said that he is going to give me time to think about his offer as...
Suddenly, I remembered Ahuizotl. And Lavender.
As soon as I spoke their names, I remembered what they said to me, that I should have no regrets and to live my life to the fullest.
I do need sometime to think about it.
I can't say no but also, I can't say yes to dad's offer.
I'm conflicted.
Will I still think like this in the future?
Seeing my face, dad sighed and told me that life is always full of pain, suffering and sadness though mine is abnormally too much because of a certain someone.
He really have to go and reminded me to not make any haste decisions that I might regret.
He'll contact me soon as he will be very busy, especially with everything I told him.
I should not worry about anything for now and leave everything to him as he will find a way to solve it and to let the pack know about it.
His final words to me before he disappeared is that I should not think about anything else but just to live my life to the fullest with no regrets until he'll contact me again about my final decision.
Then I'm alone once again.
...
I continued to huddle while sitting down, thinking about everything that happened to me.
It's clear that I'm losing my sanity more often.
My thoughts are all over the place as time goes by.
I'm a far cry from who I used to be.
It's clear that I've changed due to all my unpleasant experiences I had in this world..
But..
I'm loved. I've lived. I have survived.
I'll hold on for now.
Until I can't anymore.
...
I don't know how much time passed by but it must be quite a long time.
When I opened my eyes, I saw the pack lying around me in a protective circle, with Lion embracing me tightly.
Lion?
My neck is wrapped with several layers of bandages, cloth and who knows what else as it feels a bit hot.
Despite being asleep, Lion looked exhausted.
As if he fell asleep while sobbing his heart out.
He had positioned me facing towards him, as if he wanted to be the first one to see me open my eyes.
Or it could be the other way around, as seeing him gave me a gentle reminder that he's waiting for me.
I'm sorry, Lion.
I just couldn't understand myself.
I.. have limits on how much I could take.
But for your sake and the rest of the pack, I'll hold on..
For now.