I've already walked this path he's on now.
That moment... when you start doubting your own feelings.
That moment... when you question and judge your own decisions.
It breaks you silently.
And now, I could see him slowly falling into that same storm.
It's not easy to come out of that situation.
Honestly... I'm still there.
And once you step into that storm, you don't just walk out. You keep roaming-round and round-searching for a way out, but there isn't one.
No one can pull you out of it... not even yourself.
You just keep drifting... lost inside your own mind.
He wanted to choose, to do something, to take a step forward-but the fear held him back. The fear of losing something. The fear of everything going wrong. The fear of not being enough. What if I can't handle it? What if things fall apart? What if she leaves me? What if I break her heart? I could almost hear those questions screaming inside him. His eyes held that silent chaos-the kind of conflict that tears you apart from the inside. He was caught in a battle between his emotions and his fears, and I could only stand there, watching him struggle with the weight of everything he couldn't say.
That was a clear sign of trauma.
He needed to win this battle.
Because the inner battle... is tougher than any fight with a sword.
In this battle, you don't fight enemies-you fight yourself.
Your thoughts. Your fears. Your doubts.
It's Fear vs. Wishes-
Wishes, the things your heart truly wants...
But fear grabs your hand, pulls you back, and whispers, "Don't."
No matter how much you want something, fear can paralyze you... stop you from chasing even the things you love most.
The train stopped. I grabbed my luggage and my bag. He was still sitting there.
I walked off... but then I paused. I turned my head.
He was still there-sitting quietly, staring out the window.
I knew it.
He didn't want to get off. He wasn't going to follow me.
He was going back.
Without a word, I turned and walked ahead.
I wished he had come with me, that we could've spent some time together. But he chose to go back. And I kept asking myself-what was the point of coming at all, if he was just going to leave? Tears began to roll down my cheeks, silently at first. I was walking, but the tears wouldn't stop. People were watching me, but I didn't care. These weren't ordinary tears-they were the kind that come from begging for love from someone who's already broken, someone who doesn't want to live anymore but keeps breathing because dying feels heavier. He was trying to force a connection, and I could feel every bit of that struggle. I slipped and fell. The rain was falling hard, drenching me completely. Still, I didn't care. I sat there, crying like I had lost everything-because, in that moment, it truly felt like I had.
For the first time in my entire life, I cried this hard.
All the feelings I had been holding in from childhood to adulthood years of suppressed emotions came out all at once, in a single moment.
The emotions were overwhelming and uncontrollable, whether it was love, sadness, or anger.
And the worst part?It all hit me at the same time.
Yes, every emotion came crashing down together, and when that happens, it becomes nearly impossible to control.
Especially for someone who has been hiding and suppressing their emotions for so long.
I didn't blame him for his actions-what he did was completely normal. Or maybe not... but he didn't have to do that with me.
He came here, but not with me.
I kept wondering, what are we, really?
We're not lovers, and we're not friends.
Then what are we?
Strangers?
Neither of us wants to hold on to this.
Neither of us wants a relationship between us.
Then... what were we?
Was I the only one begging for something?
I was lying on my bed, thinking about him, about the whole day... why he did this. The city lights were entering my tiny apartment. I hadn't eaten anything yet. Mom had called to ask if I'd reached safely, but I didn't pick up. They kept calling...
Tomorrow, I have to go to the office again. The same schedule will start once more. It sucks.
The peace that came into my life lasted only for a few days... and now, again, it's all ended-badly.
The man ignored me. He's avoiding me.
Every man I fall for never feels the same for me. I know I'm very unlucky in love.
Maybe I'll have to live alone for the rest of my life-just being busy in the kitchen, making food for myself, doing some gardening.
Maybe that's the kind of life meant for me.
I'm not made for marriage or relationships.
Maybe God didn't make anyone for me.
The phone rang again, continuously.
"What happened?" I answered, my tone a bit rude.
"You reached?" a soft voice asked from the other end-it was my mother. She was concerned.
"Yeah... I reached, Mom. I'm tired. I'll talk to you tomorrow," I said and hung up.
I know she's worried, but I'm not in the mood to talk or listen to anyone right now.
I walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge. It was empty.
I turned on the tap, bent down, and drank water straight from it.
My eyes were tired and swollen from crying.
My hair was messy.
Then there was a knock at the door.
I opened it-
It was a delivery boy. He handed me a box.
Inside was a vase-
A gift I'd ordered for Rajveer's wedding.
I was giving him a flower vase-not something expensive or fancy, but enough for an employee to gift her boss.
The girl he's marrying is from our office. She's beautiful, no doubt.
I'm not jealous anymore...
But I do wonder how lucky she must be-to have love in her life.
And here I am... lying on this dry bed, begging for love from anyone.
People would probably think I'm crazy if they knew how I feel.
But they don't understand what it means to be unloved.
To just want someone to praise you every morning... for no reason at all.
Just a few sweet words. That's all I ever wanted.
But it's getting harder to achieve.
It's hard to receive love-from strangers.
With time, I stopped changing myself for others.
I gave up on love.
Gave up on everything.
Now, I don't want anything from anyone.
All I want is to survive-
To breathe.
That's what matters most to me now.
As the days slowly passed, the thought of Tej also faded away.
I focused on my work, on my lonely life, and stopped feeling anything for anyone