The sun dipped below the jagged horizon of the Blighted Moors, casting long, bruised shadows across the courtyard of Fort Blackstone.
Mordecai stood on the battlements, his black robes snapping in the wind like every villain or tormented hero must have. Behind him, his "Senior Management" waited.
Pyroas stood with her obsidian notebook, her expression a mask of professional lethality. Cassandra Lex hovered nearby, her spectral eyes darting between her legal scrolls and Mordecai's broad shoulders with a look that suggested she was mentally drafting a "Right to Cohabitation" clause.
And then there was Niel.
The High Elf intern sat on a stone bench, looking down at her new name tag. She was still shivering, her mind reeling from the realization that her "Hero" had left her to rot in a dungeon. She looked up at Mordecai as he turned to face her. The violet glow in his right eye had dimmed, replaced by a cold, calculating intelligence.
"Niel," Mordecai said. His voice was no longer the raspy, tired tone of a Japanese electrician. It was deep, resonant, and carried a weight of authority that felt like a physical touch.
Niel's long ears twitched. A flush of pink crept up her neck. 'Wait... why is his voice so... deep?' she thought, her heart hammering against her ribs. 'That idiot Nick always sounded like his voice was cracking mid-puberty. But this guy... he sounds like the end of the world, and I kind of want to hear him say my name again.'
[SYSTEM ALERT: COMPANION 'NIEL' STATUS UPDATE!]
[STATUS: CHARMED (INVOLUNTARY EDGELORD RIZZ).]
[THOUGHT LOG: "That moron Nick didn't have nearly this much charm... B-Baka!"]
Mordecai completely ignored the screen and spoke.
The elf was still half naked, and that was inefficient. The word fanservice was still around her.
Pyroas didn't find any good dress other than a big, dirty nun tunic, that's why Mordecai had to intervene.
"The first order of business," Mordecai continued, oblivious to the elven internal monologue, "is a dress code. This isn't a beach resort, and your current attire is a safety hazard for someone holding a broom."
"Hey! This is the legendary Sylvan Silk of—"
"[Skill Activated: Strategic Fanservice Redaction]," Mordecai interrupted.
A flash of dull, grey light engulfed Niel. When it cleared, the bikini-armor was gone. In its place, she wore a high-collared, charcoal-grey turtleneck sweater made of thick, itchy wool, and a charcoal pencil skirt that reached well below her knees. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a tight, severe bun.
'Uhm? Where are the cargo pants?' Mordecai thought.
[SYSTEM REPLY: THE HIGHER REALMS WOULDN'T WATCH A BEAUTIFUL ELF WEARING CARGO PANTS. THE ONLY THING WE CAN OFFER IS A PENCIL SKIRT]
'Inefficient.' He sighed.
Niel looked down at herself. She looked like a 1950s librarian about to tell someone to shut up in a high-security archive.
"Better," Mordecai nodded. "Maximum protection, zero distractions. Now, pick up the mop."
[TRANSMISSION: HIGHER REALMS CHAT - LIVE FEED]
HORNY_MAIN: "ARE YOU SERIOUS?! A TURTLENECK?! SHE LOOKS LIKE A NUN! 0/10! DISLIKE! UNSUBSCRIBE!"
PURE_SOUL_PROTECTOR: "I love it. The contrast makes the future NTR even sweeter. Let the descent into corporate boredom begin!"
LUKAS_THE_GREAT: "Mordecai is the only MC brave enough to fight the anime budget itself. Legend."
After Niel started to work, Mordecai went back to sit on his 'throne', while his workers started to clean and organize the entire fort.
Pyroas was giving orders, Cassandra was making sure that nobody was breaking the rules, Larry kept scratching his head and cleaning every single dirty spoon again in an angle, and Luketto was helping the other 'heroes' to clean.
In that moment, Mordecai also realized a very important fact.
A lot of adventurers 'died' while assaulting his fort, and that would've meant only a single thing: other people wanting to explore his new "Home", causing him loss of time and attracting unwanted attention, maybe by Nick and Lucy. He couldn't allow something like that.
And so, after two minutes of logistical thinking, Mordecai came to a simple conclusion: he needed a branch office.
During his travel to Fort Blackstone, he had passed several farming villages scattered along the road. Every single one displayed devotional icons of the Hero or statues of the Saint they so fervently idolized.
Which meant only one thing: unregistered assets.
There was only one task left to perform.
Foreclosure.
After all, faith did not qualify as tax exemption.
Just as Mordecai was about to explain the filing system, his vision blurred. The world around him turned into a flickering static of gold and white.
"Not again," he groaned. "System, I have a village to pignorate. Skip."
[SYSTEM NOTICE: UNSKIPPABLE NARRATIVE EVENT INITIATED.] [TITLE: THE HERO'S ADDRESS TO THE NATION.]
The scene shifted. Mordecai was no longer at the fort. He was viewing a magical projection being broadcast across the entire continent.
It looked like a Presidential address. Nick the Hero and Saint Lucy stood at a podium made of white marble, backed by a dozen fluttering flags of the Holy Alliance. Magical cameras hovered in the air, broadcasting their faces to every town square in the world.
Nick looked "devastated." He had a black armband on, and his eyes were red as if he'd been crying (or using eye drops). Lucy stood beside him, clutching a rosary, her face a mask of saintly grief.
"People of the Light," Nick began, his voice amplified to reach millions. "It is with a heavy heart that I announce the return of the Great Malice. The shadow of Aldmax has risen once again in the Blighted Moors."
He paused for dramatic effect, leaning into the (fantasy) microphone. "Today, we lost the Azure Blades of Destiny. My brothers and sisters... my friends. They fought bravely to contain the darkness, but they were overwhelmed. Their sacrifice was necessary so that I could finally have the confirmation to lead the final crusade. They are martyrs of the Faith."
Niel, watching the projection from the fort, let out a choked sob. "Sacrifice? Martyrs? A scout literally pushed Larry into them and ran!"
The camera panned to show a new figure standing just behind Nick. It was a woman with ebony skin, silver hair, and a bow made of dark starlight. "To honor their memory," Nick continued, reaching back and pulling the woman forward by the waist, "I have recruited a new specialist. Luna, the Dark Elf Shadow-Walker. She will help me bring justice to the monster who stole our friends."
Luna smiled—a sharp, predatory grin—and leaned her head onto Nick's shoulder.
"I'll destroy every monster who dare to put this world in danger." She said, licking her lips.*[HIGHER REALMS CHAT: EXPLODING]
NTR_Lover69: "HE ALREADY REPLACED HER?! HE DIDN'T EVEN WAIT FOR THE BODIES TO GET COLD! NICK MUST BE CUCKED! MORDECAI, STEAL HIS LIFE, STEAL HIS GIRLS, STEAL HIS HOUSE!"
STORY_CRITIC: "If Mordecai doesn't NTR this guy, the ratings will tank. We demand justice for the Intern!"
Vanilla_Reader: "Oh. Unexpected."
Larry_Simp: "It's time for Larry to humiliate this guy."
The flashback ended. Mordecai stood in the silence of the courtyard. Niel was staring at the space where the projection had been, her hands trembling. She realized she wasn't just "support staff." She was a discarded asset, replaced by a "Newer Model" before she was even officially dead.
Mordecai walked over and placed a hand on her itchy, woolen shoulder. "Don't waste your tears," he said, his voice surprisingly soft. "In his world, you were a trope. In mine... at least you'll have dignity. And a paycheck. Eventually."
Niel looked up at him, her amber eyes watering. "Thank you... Boss."
Pyroas and Cassandra watched from a distance, their auras flaring with indignation. "The hypocrisy," Pyroas hissed, her flames turning a deep, angry purple. "He uses the 'Martyr' status to boost his public approval rating. It's... it's inefficiently evil."
"And the breach of contract!" Cassandra wailed, her quill scratching so hard it tore the parchment. "He didn't even file a 'Notice of Termination'! He just replaced her! I will sue him! I will sue the sun! I will sue the light itself!"
"scrik-skrik" Larry said.
After that, Mordecai explained his new plan to his 'servants'.
He would've gone to every village he saw during his travel to Fort Blackstone to perform a Malicious Audit, to find a branch.
"That's a perfect plan, My Liege." Cassandra said. "I'll prepare everything."
"I'll come with you, My Lord." She said, formally.
Larry stopped his spoon-polishing to give him a thumbs up. 👍
"Yes. We have two hours to prepare." He said.
In that moment, a System notification appeared in front of him.
[SYSTEM NOTIFICATION: LITRPG GRINDING SESSION INITIATED.]
[OBJECTIVE: RETURN TO THE CITY. STATUS: PENDING.]
[NOTE: YOU STILL HAVE 25 DAYS LEFT ON YOUR ROOM RENTAL AT THE SILVER DRAGON/SLEEPING BASILISK. WASTE NOT, WANT NOT.]
'The System is right,' Mordecai sighed.
"We need to keep up the Kaitoyama persona. If we stay here too long, the King will send an army, and I'm not ready for a full-scale war. I need more stats. More land. More revenue."
He looked at the map. "But first, we need to collect some back taxes."
After finishing the preparations, Mordecai, Pyroas, and Larry headed to the nearest village—Handal, a settlement of fanatical worshippers of Nick and Lucy. While the villagers were busy praying at a shrine dedicated to "The Martyrdom of the Azure Blades," Mordecai walked into the center of the square.
"Attention," Mordecai's voice boomed.
The villagers looked up, confused. They saw a man in a dusty cap, a woman with twintails (Pyroas had reverted to her 'disguise'), and a skeleton holding a very dirty mop.
"I am the legal representative of Ravenloft Holdings," Mordecai said, pulling out a massive stack of ancient, yellowed scrolls. "According to the Imperial Land Act of the Dark Era, this village sits on land leased from the Ravenloft estate. You haven't paid rent in three hundred and twelve years."
The village elder stepped forward, laughing. "You're mad! This land belongs to the Church of Light!"
"The Church of Light's deed is a sub-lease," Cassandra appeared, hovering invisibly behind Mordecai, her voice echoing in his mind as he spoke. "And the primary lease has defaulted. With interest and late fees, you owe approximately four million gold pieces."
"We don't have that!" the elder screamed.
"I know," Mordecai smiled. "Which is why I am initiating a [Hostile Takeover]. As of now, your homes, your livestock, and your very souls are collateral. Larry, begin the sanitisation process."
Larry didn't need to be told twice. He charged into the nearest house. He didn't kill anyone. He simply started scrubbing the floor with such violent, [Custodial Rage] that the family fled in terror. He threw their muddy boots out the window. He polished their cooking pots until they could see their terrified reflections.
"THE SKELETON IS CLEANING!" the villagers screamed. "THE HORROR! THE HYGIENE!"
By the time they left, Handal was the cleanest village in the world, and every door had a "PROPERTY OF RAVENLOFT" sticker on it.
"This village is under Ravenloft's protection." Mordecai said.
Nobody could say otherwise.
Mordecai did the same thing for three other villages, and asked Ugo to summon a hero from the [Sword of Eternal Damnation] as new chief of the villages he took.
After a few hours, the situation was this:
Chief of the Village of Handal: Maratea, The Beautiful Goth Frost Witch of the continent of Abyssia, died in a fight against Ugo. After seeing Mordecai, she immediately fell in love with him. [SYSTEM REPLY: IT WAS NEEDED FOR THE PLOT]
Chief of the Village of Renea: Sir Galadron the Pure, the second strongest hero the world has ever known. Died by heart attack during the fight with Ugo. [Plot Armor]. He is now the new leader, he will constantly sing epic Hymns and train a lot of new soldiers. Long , blonde hair, blue eyes, golden armor. He's in love with himself. [SYSTEM NOTICE: HE'S NOISY AND ANNOYING]
Chief of the Village of Latyr: Sabina, the Queen of the desert of Jatar. Stunning—dark skin like ancient empires of Egypt, sharp green eyes, marble-carved perfection.
She died fighting Ugo after getting distracted mid-battle while overexplaining something pointless to her healer. Of course, she's in love with Mordecai too. [UGO'S NOTICE: SHE'S GOING TO SPEAK A LOT, I SUGGEST AN EXECUTIVE ORDER.]
Then, he sent Larry and Cassandra back to the Fort and walked with Pyroetta towards the capital.
The transition back to the city of Oakhaven was jarring. Mordecai donned his "Kaitoyama" electrician gear—the worn overalls and the tool belt. Pyroas reverted to her "Pyroetta" form: the red armor that didn't protect anything, the bouncy twintails, and the practiced, annoying pout and tsundere mood.
"Remember," Mordecai whispered as they approached the city gates. "You're a bratty princess. I'm a tired electrician. Don't vaporize anyone unless they touch my tools."
"Baka," Pyroetta muttered, though her heart wasn't in it. She was still thinking about the paperwork they had to file for the Oakhaven annexation.
They walked into the guild hall of [THE SILVER DRAGON'S GOLDEN DAWN]. The atmosphere was chaotic. Adventurers were scrambling to sign up for the "Great Crusade" Nick had announced.
But as soon as they stepped inside, a blur of brown hair slammed into Mordecai.
"KAITOYAMA-SAAAAN!"
It was Elara, the guild receptionist. She was clinging to Mordecai's arm, her face flushed, her breath coming in ragged gasps. "I heard the news! Everyone said the dungeon was a deathtrap! I thought I'd never see your rugged, middle-aged hands again! Please, tell me you're safe! Let me check your pulse... and your muscle tension!"
Mordecai felt his soul leaving his body. The cringe was physical. It was like being bathed in warm, sticky syrup. "Miss Elara... please. I was just... fixing the lights. In a very safe, non-evil part of the forest."
"Oh, you're so modest!" she moaned, rubbing her cheek against his shoulder. "The way you hold that screwdriver... it's so... grounded."
CRACK.
A small, fist-sized fireball scorched the desk between them. Pyroetta stepped in, her twintails practically vibrating with "calculated" rage. "GET OFF HIM, YOU BITCH HAG!" Pyroetta shrieked, playing her role to perfection. "He's my servant! If anyone is going to harass him for his manual labor, it's ME! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA!"
She grabbed Elara by the collar and physically hauled her away from Mordecai, tossing her back behind the reception desk.
Mordecai wiped his brow. "Thank you, Pyroetta. Your commitment to the role is... appreciated."
"Shut up," she hissed. "I just didn't want her getting her 'aroused' germs on your corporate uniform."
Mordecai turned to the quest board, trying to ignore the stares of the other adventurers. He needed a high-level kill to satisfy the System's grinding requirement.
"There," he pointed to a crimson-bordered scroll.
[QUEST: SLAY THE EMERALD WYVERN OF THE PEAKS.]
[REWARD: 50,000 GOLD, +10,000 EXP, TITLE: 'LICENSED EXTERMINATOR'.]
"A Wyvern," Mordecai murmured. "High mana density. Useful bones for Larry. And most importantly... its nest is on prime real estate overlooking the valley."
He ripped the scroll off the board. "System," he thought. "Let's go. I have an empire to build, and this lizard is squatting on my next luxury apartment complex."
[QUEST ACCEPTED: WYVERN EXTERMINATION.]
[NEW SKILL UNLOCKED: 'RESTRAINING ORDER OF THE SKIES'.]
[HIGHER REALMS RATING: STABILIZING. FANS ARE EXCITED FOR THE NEXT MASSACRE.]
Mordecai walked out of the guild, his steps heavy and purposeful. The world thought he was a victim of a Hero's tragedy. They had no idea he was just getting started with the audit.