Chapter 280: The Oppressive Aura of the Intellectual Disabled Goddess's WrathHaru thought for a moment and realized he likely couldn't persuade the three who had entered a state of madness. Thus, he abruptly halted his movement just as he was about to rush out, staring dumbfoundedly at the suffocating scene in the center of the plaza.Chris was flanked by Kazuma and Dust, and even Aqua was excitedly leaning in, preparing to proselytize. After three full seconds of intense mental struggle, the terror on Chris's face suddenly vanished.In its place was a fawning smile that carried a hint of desolation, a touch of determination, and an overwhelming sense of 'anything goes as long as I survive'."Ah! Wait, wait a minute! Everyone, listen to me!"Chris raised her hands exaggeratedly, her voice even carrying a trembling sob."Actually... actually, I've long grown tired of the hypocritical style of the Eris Sect! Look, not only are Goddess Eris's breasts padded, but her personality is also so rigid. How can she compare to a goddess like Lady Aqua, who is so straightforward, beautiful, and full of... full of vitality!"The air was deathly silent for a second.Aqua's eyes instantly widened like copper bells. She lunged in front of Chris, her nose almost touching the other's."You... what did you just say? You said that little brat eris's breasts are padded? And you think this Goddess is superior?!""Y-Yes!"Chris shouted with her eyes squeezed shut. Harucould even see tears glistening in the corners of her eyes—tears representing the collapse of the final dignity of a Goddess (even if only an avatar)."The people of the Eris Sect spend all day knowing nothing but prayer and frugality; it's boring to death! It's nothing like the Axis Order, where you can do as you please and even have such... such useful soap! I-I want to join too! Please, you must let me become Lady Aqua's loyal lapdog... no, believer!""Hahahaha! Did you hear that! Kazuma! Dust! Did you hear that!"Aqua roared toward the sky, her laughter filled with the pleasure of finally vindicating herself."Even this clever-looking little thief saw through eris's true colors! Quick, Kazuma, take out the highest-grade membership application! I will personally perform the baptism for this lost lamb who has returned to the fold!"Kazuma pulled a crumpled piece of paper from his coat with a wicked grin."Heh heh, since you're so sensible, we welcome you to join this useless... ahem, great order. Come, sign it, and then follow us in chanting: 'eris pads her chest' a hundred times!"Chris stiffly took the pen, her hand shaking as if she were signing a contract of indenture.She stole a glance at Haru hiding in the distance, her eyes screaming:[(Help! Haru! If I don't say this, they'll really stuff soap in my mouth! Once this is over, I'm definitely going to kill these two guys... Ugh, I'm sorry, my dear believers, I have betrayed you...)]Haru stood where he was, watching Chris, who had already begun dancing the dance of praising the Goddess of Water along with Aqua. Only one thought remained in his mind:This world is truly beyond saving.Haru had originally been hiding behind a stone pillar, marveling at the spectacle of a goddess's fall while skillfully operating a Recording Stone, preparing to record this precious material that would be enough to cause Chris's social death.However, he had clearly forgotten that Chris was not only the Goddess of Luck but also a Chivalrous Thief who wouldn't hesitate to drag someone down with her in a desperate situation.When Chris's eyes, originally filled with despair and tears, swept across Haru's face—which wore a hint of a playful smile—a blazing fire known as 'mutual destruction' instantly ignited within them.She suddenly extended a slender finger, pointing straight at Haru's hiding spot, and screamed loud enough to be heard across half the plaza:"Ah! Everyone, wait! Actually... actually, compared to a persecuted poor soul like me, there's an even more dangerous heretic over there! Mr. Lin Jin privately told me before that he's actually a staunch, fanatical eris cultist! He even said Lady Aqua's alcohol tolerance is actually terrible and she relies entirely on magic to cheat!"The air in the plaza instantly froze.Aqua's previously ecstatic expression froze on her face. She slowly turned her neck with a mechanical clicking sound like rusty gears. Her water-blue long hair moved without wind, emitting an extremely dangerous, oppressive aura belonging to the wrath of the Intellectual Disabled Goddess.Kazuma and Dust also stopped their proselytizing actions at the same time.The two guys exchanged a look, their faces twisting into the kind of sinister grin unique to Axis Cultistswhen they encounter a heretic."Oh? Haru... you bastard."Kazuma grinned and cracked his knuckles, still clutching several application forms soaked in soapy water."And here I thought you were a good brother leading the way. I didn't expect you to secretly worship that chest-padding goddess? You even dared to question Lady Aqua's alcohol tolerance? This is an unforgivable sacrilege!""Big Brother Haru, although you're very rich, money is not worth mentioning in the face of faith!"Dust also approached with a righteous face, pulling a large block of super-strength stain-removing soap that emitted a weird blue light from his pocket."Come, let us use the Order's most sacred soap-pouring ritual to wash your filthy soul that believes in eris!""Haru—!!!"Aqua let out an earth-shattering roar. She used a teleportation-like dash to rush in front of Haru and grabbed his collar while bawling with tears and snot."How dare you betray me! How dare you believe in that chest-padding little brat! Explain yourself right now! Otherwise, I'll turn your mansion into an Axis Order public toilet and sprinkle Holy Water(physical) all over your bed, ahhhh!"Haru looked at the three cultists in front of him whose eyes were glowing green as if they wanted to swallow him alive, then looked at Chris in the distance, who was taking advantage of the chaos to Dust off her rear, flash a 'mission accomplished' playful smile, and prepare to slip away. He finally understood what it meant to shoot oneself in the foot.Facing three Axis Cultists lost in holy light fanaticism, Haru knew well that using force at this time would only make Aqua cry louder in the street, attracting the gaze of the entire city.He took a deep breath, pushed away Aqua's weeping face that was about to stick to his own, exercised his composure as a captain, and began a sophistry worthy of being recorded in the annals of Axel."Everyone calm down! Aqua, and you two guys whose IQs have dropped off!"Haru's voice was steady and powerful, carrying an inexplicable persuasiveness."Chris says I'm an eris cultist? That's the biggest joke of the century. Listen carefully, what is the core of the Axis Doctrine? It's that as long as you work hard you can do it, and even if you can't, it's not your fault, right?"Aqua sobbed and nodded: "Y-Yes, that's right, but you..."
Chapter 281: The Rogue Saint"Exactly!"Haru clapped his hands together suddenly and spoke with an air of righteous indignation."The reason I don't join the Axis Order is precisely because I identify with the doctrine too much! Think about it: if I join the cult, I become an insider. I'd have to work hard for the honor of the cult... but that violates the supreme decree that 'it's okay not to work hard'! I choose to exist outside the system as a spiritual Axis Cultist; this is the deepest practice of the doctrine! I've even given up the effort of joining the cult—doesn't that make me the purest believer of all?!"Kazuma and Dust were stunned, their CPUs seemingly falling into an infinite loop at that moment."Wait, Haru, your logic..."Kazuma scratched his head. The fanaticism in his eyes actually faded a bit, replaced by a bewildered look that said, 'Holy crap, that actually makes sense.'"Giving up the effort to join the cult is itself a high-level form of not working hard? This... this is practically a sublimation of the doctrine!""Exactly!"Haru struck while the iron was hot and turned to look at Aqua."As for the Eris Sect? A sect that demands believers be thrifty, diligent, and self-disciplined is absolute hell for someone like me who just wants to lie in a mansion drinking premium booze! How could I possibly worship a Goddess who makes life so difficult? Chris is just jealous; she's jealous that I've mastered the true essence of the Axis doctrine—extreme egocentrism!"Actually, as he spoke these words, a thick sense of guilt welled up deep within Haru's heart.He had to admit that the 'it's all the world's fault' scapegoating spirit of the Axis doctrine did feel incredibly familiar on a certain dark level. But that didn't mean he wanted to become the kind of pervert who hands out soap on the streets."Waaaah! Haru! So that's what you were thinking!"Aqua lunged at him again, but this time it wasn't to choke him; she was moved to tears."You really do understand me! A rogue saint like you is just too cool! In that case, let's go catch that silver-haired thief who slandered you and make her wash in the fountain a hundred times!"Haru wiped away a cold sweat. Watching the three of them, their enthusiasm reignited as they charged in the direction Chris had fled, he silently vowed to himself:Once this storm passed, he would definitely donate a sum of money to the Eris Church, if only to wash away the psychological shadow of the words he had just uttered.If Aqua was the soul of the Axis Order, then in the days following the plaza riot, Satou Kazuma and Dust became the sect's sharpest fangs.Haru sat on the sofa in the mansion's living room, watching as the once spacious and bright room was transformed into some kind of cult-like missionary headquarters. The vein in his temple throbbed uncontrollably.The walls were covered with blue banners reading 'Debt is the Stairway to Freedom' and'Since Effort is Useless, Might as Well Just Lie Flat'."Hey, Haru, what's with that look? This is called religious industrial innovation!"Kazuma was wearing a blue priest's robe he'd gotten from who-knows-where, with a giant water droplet pattern on the back. Holding a thick proposal in his hand, his eyes gleamed with a scumlight that would make even a devil tremble."I've modernized the doctrine. The current slogan is: 'As long as you join the Axis Order, all your causal debts will be physically borne by the Goddess herself (referring to Aqua)!' Do you have any idea how much killing power that sentence has on gamblers and Adventurers?""Exactly! Big brother Haru, you have no idea how much we've made these past few days!"Dust was also wearing the same priest's robe, counting a stack of crumpled eris in his hand, grinning like a thug who had just stolen snacks from a kindergarten."I'm in charge of preaching in the slums and the red-light district. As long as I tell them that Axis Cultistshave the right of priority forgiveness when committing crimes, those guys practically cry and scream to sign the application! Oh right, I also happened to turn my debt collector into a believer. Now he has to call me 'Lord Deacon' every day. This feeling is absolutely amazing!"As the cult leader, Aqua was currently sitting between the two with a dazed expression, clutching a large bucket of expensive sparkling wine—which Kazuma had bought using the cult's operating funds."Um... while it's good that the believers are increasing, Kazuma, is it really okay to dilute the Holy Water a hundred times and sell it to Adventurers with colds?"Aqua shook the wine bottle a bit guiltily."And you also claim that as long as they drink this water, they won't get caught even if they grope a waitress's butt at the guild tavern... I don't recall that being part of the doctrine...""Shut up, you Intellectual Disabled Goddess who's only good for being a figurehead!"Kazuma interrupted her ruthlessly."You just focus on performing Natures Beauty and crying loudly during the preaching! Leave the rest of these missionary methods with Axel characteristics to us two geniuses!"Haru looked at these three completely hopeless individuals and let out a deep sigh.He realized that when a modern-day piece of human trash uses religion as a fig leaf, the resulting destructive power is far more terrifying than the Demon Kings Army.The current Kazuma and Dust were no longer simply fanatical; they had taken the egocentric logic of the Axis Order to its absolute limit, to the point where even Aqua felt these people might be a bit too extreme."So."Haru rubbed his temples, pointing at the boxes of specially made Axis Order Holy Water soap by the door that emitted a suspicious odor."This is your reason for turning my mansion into a warehouse? If you don't get this stuff out of here by sunset today, I'll show you what a Mage's exorcism ritual looks like."Kazuma and Dust looked at each other and flashed a perfectly synchronized, rogue-like smile in the Axis style.Meanwhile, Aqua seemed quite excited, thinking she had gained two of the most devout believers.She had originally thought the surge in believers was the dawn of the cult's revival, but Aqua soon discovered that what Satou Kazuma and Dustbrought wasn't light at all, but bottomless, pitch-black malice.On the streets of Axel, the Axis Order—which used to just make people think they were brain-damaged—had now become a synonym for terror that made people clutch their wallets and call the police the moment they saw a blue outfit.Utilizing the part of the doctrine about pursuing pleasure by any means necessary, Kazumadeveloped a series of insane businesses such as Holy Water Lotteries (0.0001% win rate), Atonement Soap (forced upon passersby for a high cleaning fee), and Goddess Blessing Loans (with interest rates so high they'd make the Demon King weep).
Chapter 282: The Most Despicable Personality Parasitism!"Waaaaah! Stop it! Stop it right now, you two demons!"Aqua finally had a complete breakdown after seeing a notice posted on the guild bulletin board titled "Joint Notice Regarding Strict Prevention of Financial Fraud and Forced Sales Conducted in the Name of the Axis Order."She sat slumped in the center of the mansion's hall, her hands frantically pounding the floor. Tears gushed like a broken faucet, even forming a small puddle of purified water on the ground."My reputation! My reputation as a goddess is completely ruined! Now when I walk down the street, even those cute little dogs look at me with eyes of contempt! Just now when I went to buy fried croquettes, the owner actually charged me triple and said it was an Axis Order special surcharge! Wuwuwu, Kazuma, you scum, take off those sacred priest robes right now! You're not proselytizing at all, you're turning all my followers into wanted criminals!"Kazuma was currently sitting on the sofa with his legs crossed, playing with a heavy bag of eris in his hand. His face wore an extremely punchable smile that had completely discarded any sense of human dignity."Shut up, you Intellectual Disabled Goddess who does nothing but eat free meals."Kazuma gave a cold snort and patted the money bag."Look closely, this is a hundred thousand eris! Just the doctrine consultation fees from one morning! Can reputation be traded for wine? Can it be traded for high-grade meat? The doctrine says: 'Thou shalt not fear crime.' I am merely practicing the divine will. Besides, the public opinion turned sour because your usual performance is too pathetic. What does that have to do with a commercial genius like me?""Exactly, Lady Aqua."Dust was picking his teeth nearby, echoing nonchalantly."Just now, an old lady wanted to join the order. I told her to hand over her funeral savings first, and the Goddess would guarantee her a good reincarnation in the next life. She was so moved she gave me all her hidden savings. Isn't this a win-win?""That's a scam! That's an out-and-out scam, aaaaaah!"Aqua was crying so hard she was about to lose her breath. She suddenly lunged at Haru, who was sitting nearby drinking tea, and death-gripped his pant leg."Haru! Save me! Quickly use your despicable... no, your wise mind to think of something! At this rate, I'll be arrested as a cult leader by the city guard and thrown into a dungeon! I don't want to eat prison food; the bread there is so hard, and even the water isn't pure, wuwuwu..."Haru looked down at Aqua, who had cried so much she was practically soaking the floorboards, then looked at the two on the sofa—Kazuma and Dust—who had completely lost their humanity and were even discussing whether to launch a limited edition 'Goddess Bathwater'. He finally let out a long sigh.If this absurd farce didn't end soon, Axel might actually face a literal apocalypse because of these two scum priests."Alright, Aqua, stop howling."Haru leaned down and grabbed Aqua by the back of her collar like picking up a soaking wet cat, dragging her up from the floor."Since you've sensed the crisis as a goddess, I'll reluctantly help you out. But listen up, for this operation, you must follow my lead completely, even if the process might be a bit... intense."Aqua sobbed and wiped her tears, a glimmer of hope appearing in her eyes."R-Really? Haru! You're finally willing to step in! As long as you can kick out those two demons who dragged the order's reputation through the mud, I'll do anything! I'd even be willing to go and perform Purification on all of Axel's sewers!"Haru gave a cold laugh, his gaze sweeping toward Kazuma, who was currently beside himself with joy while counting money."Kazuma, Dust."Haru's voice suddenly became exceptionally gentle. This gentleness caused a sudden chill to race up the spines of the two counting money."You both said just now that there's a tenet in the Axis doctrine that says as long as you try hard, you can do it, and if you can't, it's not your fault, right?"Kazuma looked up suspiciously."Yeah, so what? Did you finally see the light and want to join our Holy Water Investment Plan?"Haru set down his teacup. The crisp clink of porcelain echoed clearly in the living room after the holy light had dissipated.He ignored Kazuma's money-grubbing provocation, instead staring coldly at the two still wearing priest robes with a gaze that saw through everything."Kazuma, Dust, stop acting."Haru's voice was terrifyingly calm."Do you really think I can't see through you? You keep talking about practicing the doctrine, but deep down, you don't even believe in a single strand of Aqua's hair, do you? The only reason you're acting more like Axis Cultists than anyone else is simple—this order's bottomless inclusivity happened to become the perfect shield for social failures like you to escape reality."The smile on Kazuma's face froze. The hand tightly clutching the money bag trembled slightly."You two use 'as long as you try hard you can do it' to mask your greed for easy gains, and use 'if you can't it's not your fault' to evade your due responsibilities and debts as Adventurers."Haru stood up, every step he took exerting immense psychological pressure on the two."To you two, Aqua isn't a god. She's just a pretty legal representative who can be pushed out to take the blame at any time. You rake in wealth outside, and if the reputation rots, it's Aqua's problem; if money is made, it's yours. This isn't faith at all. This is the most despicable personality parasitism!"The air fell into a deathly silence.Aqua's hand, which was still wiping tears, stopped. She looked up blankly, glancing at the grim-faced Haru, then at the sweating Kazuma and Dust who were avoiding her gaze."...You're joking, right?"Aqua's voice became low and trembling—the calm before the storm."Kazuma... Dust... Is what Haru said true? You don't believe in me at all? You just think the identity of an Axis Cultist... makes it easier to scam people and avoid paying debts?""Ah, well... Lady Aqua, let me explain, this is actually a form of flexible faith..."Dust was breaking out in a cold sweat, instinctively shrinking back."Explain my foot!"Aqua let out a scream loud enough to shatter window glass. She bounced up like a lit powder keg, the fire of divine wrath burning in her normally clear eyes."You two pieces of trash! How dare you exploit the feelings of my followers, who might not be the brightest but are absolutely pure! How dare you use this Goddess as a money-laundering tool! I actually thought you had finally discovered the beauty of the Axis Order, but it turns out you just wanted to send me to jail so you could keep all the dirty money for yourselves?!"An unprecedentedly powerful water pressure erupted around Aqua, instantly turning the living room into a churning undersea world."God Blow!!!"Aqua swung her fist, which glowed with a sacred blue light. With the momentum of venting all the grievances and anger of the past few days, she charged directly at Kazuma, who hadn't had time to run and was still death-gripping the money bag.
Chapter 283: Public Enemy of the TownWith Aqua's roar echoing through the sky, the heavy door of the mansion burst open under powerful water pressure.Satou Kazuma, who was still desperately clutching the money bag, and Dust, who was trying to curl into a ball to minimize his presence, were blasted out the door like two blue cannonballs by the violent torrent, dragging two long streaks of water across the clean streets of Axel."Get out! You two parasites who defile the sacred teachings! Don't let me see you wearing these clothes in Axel again, or I'll purify you into pure water until not even your ashes remain, ahhh!"Aqua stood on the steps, soaking wet yet possessing an imposing aura; she pointed at the two who were sprawled dizzily on the street and issued the final eviction order.The money bag filled with ill-gotten gains flew into Haru's hands during the chaos, while the two priest robes printed with water droplet patterns were directly decomposed into blue cloth scraps dancing in the air by Aqua's precise [Purification] magic."Ow, ow, ow... Aqua, you idiot, you're actually serious!"Kazuma scrambled up from the ground in a sorry state, wearing only thin underwear, shivering from the cold under the watchful eyes of the crowd."And Haru! You're too devious! To use such despicable means to sabotage our religious startup! You'd better remember this; I'll settle this score on your Adventurer card sooner or later!""Exactly! Big Brother Haru, cutting off someone's livelihood is like killing their parents!"Dust was also shouting nearby, covered in dirt, but as soon as he saw the azure radiance gathering in Aqua's hand again, he immediately shrank his neck and pulled Kazuma along, running toward the guild without looking back."Run! This crazy woman is really going to cast holy magic!"Citizens on both sides of the street stopped to watch; their eyes, originally full of hostility toward the Axis Order, miraculously softened quite a bit after seeing these two culprits kicked out.Some even began to whisper:"Oh my, it seems that blue-haired priest (Aqua) may not be very bright, but she still has a sense of justice."Hearing the praises of the passersby, Aqua's originally ferocious expression instantly collapsed, turning back into that aggrieved look that practically begged for praise.She turned her head, looking at Haru with teary eyes, her lips twitching:"Wuu... Haru... my reputation... has my reputation been restored a little? But I was so fierce just now, will it damage my image as an elegant goddess? Also, that bag of money in your hand, that's my mental distress compensation, you can't keep it all for yourself!"Haru weighed the heavy money bag, looked at this useless goddess who was carrying out justice one second and eyeing the stolen goods the next, and shook his head helplessly.However, this farce, which was enough to cause public outrage in Axel, finally came to a close in a style full of Axis flair.Because Aqua's impactful divine punishment was carried out in public, and Haru thoughtfully broadcasted the scum-like remarks from the Recording Stone three times through the Adventurers Guild's speakers, Satou Kazuma and Dust's reputations completely plummeted, fast-forwarding straight to the stage of being public enemies of the town.Now, the streets of Axel presented an extremely harmonious scene:As soon as these two showed their faces, roadside vendors would quickly pack up their goods and hang signs saying 'No Scumbags or Dogs Allowed';The Receptionist would elegantly roll her eyes when they approached and prepare security in advance;Even the beggars at the foot of the city walls would subconsciously clutch their broken bowls when they saw them passing by, fearing that these two religious scammers would swindle them out of their last pair of underwear."Hey, look over there! It's the Scammer Priest and the Freeloading Thief! Everyone, hide your wallets!"With a passerby's exclamation, Kazuma and Dust, who were rummaging through a trash can for expired bread, froze in perfect unison."Dammit... why did it turn out like this..."Kazuma was wearing a tattered vest he had picked up from somewhere unknown, with bruises from Aqua's beating still on his face, his whole being radiating a gloomy aura known as 'loser'."Didn't I just want to achieve some financial freedom? Didn't I just want to take advantage of those brain-dead Axis Cultists? That guy Haruactually went this far; he must be jealous of my business talent! Definitely jealous!""Stop it, Kazuma... my nickname has already become 'Coffin Fund Reaper'..."Dust sat slumped in the shadow of a utility pole, staring blankly at the sky."Yesterday I went to the Succubus Shop, and even those kind and gentle Succubus refused to construct an erotic dream for me, saying they were afraid I'd trick them out of their essence in the dream and they'd end up losing money. I have completely lost my dignity as a man..."Meanwhile, on the spacious terrace of the mansion, Haru was leisurely cutting into a high-grade marbled steak served by Aqua herself (though it was only to please him)."Ah, Haru, look, look! Those two guys are being attacked by the guild's stray cats!"Aqua pointed excitedly at the distant alley entrance, her face beaming with the satisfaction of revenge."To dare to use this Goddess, this is retribution! By the way, Haru, since those two black sheep are gone, should we take advantage of our improved reputation and hold a 'Goddess Thanksgiving Festival' or something? As long as you provide the money, I guarantee I can bring all the believers in town back!"Haru watched the two unlucky souls being chased through the streets by a clowder of cats and even having rotten tomatoes thrown at them by passersby, and took a light sip of black tea."Forget the Thanksgiving Festival, Aqua. I think Axelis very peaceful right now."Haru said calmly."However, since they've become public enemies of the town, it means they can no longer earn money through legitimate means. In that case, they'll eventually come begging me just to get a bite to eat, right? At that time, I'll just happen to be short of a few baits for exploring dangerous ruins..."He originally thought these two could last a few more days in the trash, but clearly, Haru still underestimated the flexibility of Satou Kazuma and Dust's moral bottom lines when faced with hunger and town-wide loathing.On a Wednesday morning, when Haru pushed open the mansion door, preparing to go to the guild to see if there were any interesting requests, two people suddenly lunged at his feet."Boss Haru! Big Brother Haru! Please, forgive us!"Kazuma was crying with snot and tears streaming down his face, clinging tightly to Haru's left leg."I promise! I, Satou Kazuma, swear to the heavens that I will never do anything immoral again! I won't scam old ladies, I won't sell fake lottery tickets, and even Steal... no, even the Steal skill will only be used on monsters! As long as you let me back into the mansion to sleep on that soft sofa, I'll do anything!""Me too, Big Brother Haru!"Dust hugged Haru's right leg, crying even harder than Kazuma."I'll never do any religious financial management with this kid Kazuma again! I'll honestly go move bricks, be a Meat shield, and help the guild clean the sewers! Please say some kind words to Lady Aquaand ask her to revoke that divine punishment of being soaked in Holy Water for seven days and nights; my skin is breaking out in rashes from being washed with Holy Water!"
Chapter 284: Truly UselessAqua was just walking out carrying a basin of face-washing water. Seeing the scene at the door, she jumped back a large step in disgust."Wow! So dirty! Haru, hurry up and kick these two mobile trash heaps away! They're going to ruin our expensive carpets!"Haru looked down at these two former cult leaders who had completely broken down. He could clearly feel that although their minds were still full of useless thoughts, at least for a short time, that thing called a conscience had indeed returned slightly due to fear."Since you have deeply realized your mistakes... Aqua, let's leave it at that. If I really let them starve to death on the streets, my conscience would indeed be troubled. Besides, the house is indeed short of two volunteers to clean the garden and the sewers.""Eh? Are you really going to forgive them?"Aqua tilted her head, looked at Haru's unquestioning gaze, and curled her lip."Tsk, since Haru said so... fine! But listen up! You two scumbags, from now on you must repent three times before my statue every morning and evening! Also, half of the money you earn must be handed over as a cult revival fund! If you don't agree, I'll go prepare a Holy Water Bathtub right now!""We agree! We agree to everything!"Kazuma and Dust acted as if they had received a grand pardon, kowtowing frantically to Haru and Aqua at a frequency so fast it almost created afterimages.Haru looked at the mansion, which had regained its liveliness, and a faint, imperceptible curve appeared at the corner of his mouth.The punishment was enough. In the days to come, how to exploit... no, how to correctly guide these two laborers, was what he, as the captain, should consider.Haru led the dejected Satou Kazuma and Dust, like leading two drowning dogs just fished out of a mud pit, and strode into the Adventurers Guild during the peak lunch hour.The originally noisy tavern fell into a deathly silence the moment the three stepped in, due to some kind of biological sensing targeted at scum.Dozens of pairs of eyes filled with contempt, anger, and the desire to throw the ale in their hands were all pinned onto Kazuma and Dust.Kazuma subconsciously shrunk his neck, trying to hide behind Haru's tall back, while Dust stared awkwardly at his toes, wishing he could dig out a new Axel City with them on the spot.Haru walked to the center of the Guild hall, glanced around at the restless Adventurers, and then spoke in a low, penetrating voice:"Everyone, please hear me out."Haru's slender fingers lightly tapped the bar counter, drawing everyone's attention."Regarding the various chaos caused by the Axis Order recently, these two fellows have deeply realized their sins. Although according to the Axis teachings, not being able to do something is not one's fault, here with me, paying the price for doing wrong is the only ironclad rule."He reached out and pulled Kazuma out from behind him, displaying him to the crowd like some kind of rare pest."From today for the next month, Satou Kazuma and Dust will be in a period of mandatory atonement. They will provide any form of voluntary labor for the entire city for free. Whether it's cleaning mountain-high stables, dredging foul-smelling sewers, or going outside the city to help the old ladies they scammed pick herbs... as long as it's a reasonable request, they have no right to refuse. I will act as the supervisor, ensuring they are sweating every minute and every second to reclaim their reputation."Haru paused, a playful curve hooking the corner of his mouth, and added:"Please supervise them to your heart's content, no need to be polite. If they dare to have the slightest complaint, I will personally send them to Aqua to receive a Holy Water Baptism."The Guild was silent for a few seconds, then erupted into thunderous cheers."Oh oh oh! Well done, young Haru!"A warrior with a face full of stubble slapped the table excitedly."Hey! You fraud over there! My sow is about to give birth and needs an assistant, you're the one!""The back kitchen of my tavern has accumulated three years of grease, and I was just worrying about having no one to wipe it! That one named Dust, come with me!"Hearing the rising and falling sounds of job offers around him, Kazuma's face turned from blue to white, and from white to black.He desperately grabbed Haru's hem and pleaded in a low voice:"Hey, Haru... this isn't what we agreed on, is it? I thought it was just sweeping floors or something, assisting a sow's birth is too much! That's mental pollution!"Haru brushed off his hand and revealed a gentle smile that possessed the true charm of a scum."Kazuma, this is for your own good. After all, compared to being stoned to death by angry citizens, isn't assisting a sow's birth a kind of redemption filled with mercy?"Just as the Guild hall was bustling with the scumauction, the door was pushed open again, and two familiar figures entered this Shura field filled with happy air.Walking in front was the serious Darkness, a Crusader in bright armor, followed closely by the chuunibyou Crimson Demon Clan girl Megumin, who was covering her eyepatch with one hand while her cloak fluttered without wind."Oh? What is this chaotic aura of intertwined depravity and redemption permeating the air?"Megumin stopped, her staff thudding heavily on the floor, her sharp gaze sweeping over Kazuma, who was being surrounded by a group of large men."Haru, I heard that two cultists attempting to subvert faith appeared in Axel. I intended to use my Explosion Magic to completely purify this evil, but I didn't expect you to have captured them first?"Meanwhile, Darkness, after hearing the details of the voluntary labor Haru announced, suddenly trembled strangely.A sickly blush quickly stained her fair cheeks, and her breathing became rapid."F-Free voluntary labor? And being supervised and ordered around by the Adventurers of the whole city to their heart's content?"Darkness crossed her hands over her chest, a dangerous light flashing in her eyes."Not only cleaning filthy stables, but also being pelted with rotten tomatoes by angry citizens, and even facing the extreme mental devastation of assisting a sow's birth... this, this kind of treatment is just like a slave..."She suddenly turned her head and looked at Haruwith a nearly pleading gaze, her voice trembling uncontrollably:"Haru! Although I didn't participate in the fraud, as their companion, I failed to stop such evil in time, and I bear an inescapable responsibility! Please... please also let me join this atonement list! No matter how excessive the request, no matter how crude the treatment, I, I can... no, please feel free to ravage me!"Kazuma, who was still wailing, instantly stopped his crying. He looked at Darkness as if looking at a monster, then desperately covered his face."Enough, Haru, take this woman away. Even though I know she's a pervert, jumping out to snatch work at a time like this really makes me feel like I'm not even as good as a pervert!""Hmph, truly useless."Megumin gave Kazuma a look of contempt, then leaned in next to Haru with great interest."Hey, Haru, since Darkness wants to work, let her go. However, I just heard someone say they wanted to clean the sewers? Those dark and damp places are most suitable for accidental explosions. Why not let Kazuma take me along? After he finishes cleaning, I can use Explosion Magic to help perform a physical disinfection of all the city's sewers!"Haru looked at this group of problem children with twisted personalities and sighed deeply.
Chapter 285: You Are Simply the Most Considerate Man in the WorldThe mansion at midnight was eerily quiet, with only the moonlight slanting across the floor from outside the window.Just as Haru was falling into a deep sleep on his comfortable large bed, a faint creaking sound, like nails scratching at the door, came from the entrance.Haru opened his eyes almost instantly. His sharpened intuition, a result of his increased intelligence, allowed him to immediately sense a familiar yet wretched presence in the room.He sat up abruptly, his hand already resting on the Bind rope beneath his pillow, his gaze shooting toward the dark figure by the bed like a sharp blade."Who's there? Kazuma, if you're planning something crooked regarding my savings, I guarantee you'll be hanging from the guild's flagpole by tomorrow morning.""Shh! Shh! Keep it down! Haru, it's me, it's me!"Satou Kazuma nearly jumped out of his skin. He waved his hands frantically and explained in a low voice,"I have no designs on your body or your wallet! Really! I just... I just can't sleep, I've got things on my mind, and I wanted to discuss something serious with you."Haru sized up this good-for-nothing who had broken in at midnight with suspicion. He let go of the rope, his tone remaining cold:"Something serious? Since when did the words'serious' and 'Satou Kazuma' belong in the same dictionary? Speak then, what is it that's worth the risk of being Purified by me?"Kazuma sat dejectedly on the floor by the bed. The moonlight illuminated his face, which was full of regret, making him look somewhat sincere for once."Well... even though I've been a real scumbag lately, being treated like trash by the whole town has made me reflect a little."Kazuma scratched his messy hair and sighed,"Especially Aqua. Even though she's an idiot, seeing her cry as she kicked me out that day made me feel pretty bad. I want to do something to make it up to her so she'll truly forgive me. But a guy like me... well, you know, my ideas usually end in disaster. So I thought, since you're the smart one, could you show me the way?"Haru looked at Kazuma's rare serious expression and fell into thought.His fingertips tapped lightly on the edge of the bed as images of Aqua's face—which would light up as long as there was wine to drink or believers to praise her—flashed through his mind."That idiot Aqua values two things above all else: high-grade Bubbly Wine and her vanity as a goddess."Haru spoke slowly, a strange light flickering in his eyes,"Since you want her sincere forgiveness, giving her wine is too cheap. How about this: you provide the funds, I'll provide the plan, and we'll organize a grand Axis Festival in Axel.""A... a festival?" Kazuma was stunned."Exactly. A festival specifically designed to promote the Axis Order and praise the Goddess of Water. We'll rent the best venue, hire the most professional musicians, and package Aqua's bizarre party tricks as divine miracles. As long as we can make the citizens of Axel feel good about the Axis Orderagain—or even just think those lunatics are entertaining—Aqua will definitely be moved to tears and declare you her most loyal Holy Knight on the spot."Haru paused, revealing a meaningful smile:"Of course, all expenses must be paid using the money you saved during your labor reform and your personal savings. Well? Can you afford this price for redemption?"Kazuma grit his teeth as if making a monumental decision and slapped his thigh:"Fine! Let's do it! It's just money! If it can wash away this scumbag reputation and let me be a respected Adventurer again, I'll pay!"The morning sun shone through the dining room window onto a breakfast prepared by Kazuma (who had surprisingly woken up early), though it was just simple fried eggs and bread.When Kazuma solemnly announced that he would spend his life savings to hold an Axis Thanksgiving Festival for Aqua, Aqua—who had been fighting with Dounosuke for the last piece of bacon—froze completely."Eh? Kazuma, are you serious? You're not tricking me into drinking fake wine diluted with Holy Wateragain, are you?"The fork in Aqua's hand clattered onto the plate. Large tears quickly welled up in her eyes, and she lunged across the table to grab Kazuma's collar,"Have you finally realized? Do you finally understand the greatness of this Goddess! Waaaah! Kazuma, if you pull off this festival, I'll acknowledge you as the greatest believer under this Goddess! No, the one and only Number One General of the Holy Order! I'll put your name at the very top of the Order's registry. No matter how much of a scum you are in the future, I'll never kick you out!"Under Haru's planning, the festival proposal took shape in less than half an hour.Haru used confiscated illicit funds (as seed money) and Kazuma's private savings to quickly secure the usage rights for the central plaza next to the guild.In just two days, the streets of Axel were plastered with posters for the Goddess of Water's Miracle Exhibition and the Axis Order Charity Banquet.Because Haru, a 'respectable person,' was endorsing it, the citizens who usually avoided the cult like the plague actually began to look forward to it.While Haru stood at the edge of the plaza directing Kazuma to move a massive stone statue of Aqua, a lithe figure appeared silently behind him and tapped him on the shoulder."Yo, Mr. Lin Jin. Looks like you've been busy and having fun lately."Chris stood with one hand on her hip, her short silver hair shimmering in the sun. Her lively eyes looked toward the center of the plaza where Aquawas shouting orders while drenched in sweat, a hint of... envy flickering in her gaze?Haru turned around to look at this always-energetic Thief girl.He keenly caught the small movement of Chris's fingers unconsciously fiddling with the hem of her clothes as she looked at the Axis Order decorations."Chris, are you here to sign up for the Natures Beauty Talent Competition too?" Haru teased."No way! A Thief like me wouldn't perform those weird magic tricks."Chris shifted her gaze guiltily, then couldn't help but mutter in a low voice,"But seeing everyone celebrating for a goddess so lively... it feels really nice. The Axis Order is usually noisy, but at a time like this, it looks... really warm. In comparison, the followers of the Eris Sect are always so restrained and polite. While that's fine, I occasionally think that if there was a festival where everyone could laugh together like this, that Goddess would surely be very happy too..."Though she hid it well, Haru's all-seeing eyes caught that small bit of loneliness belonging to erisdeep within her.As the Goddess of Luck, watching her junior being so pampered while she could only watch from the sidelines in the guise of a Thief was indeed a bit pitiful."Don't worry, Chris."Haru spoke suddenly, his tone flat but carrying a convincing power,"The theme of this festival is gratitude and water, and as the protector of this world, Goddess Erisnaturally deserves to be among those thanked. I will adjust the plan to include a Dual Goddess Blessingsegment. Since it's a festival, let's make everyone happy. I guarantee the followers of the Eris Sect will find their place in this event too."Chris was stunned. She stared at Haru with wide eyes, her cheeks flushing slightly, then she broke into an incredibly radiant smile and even grabbed Haru's hand somewhat awkwardly:"Really?! Mr. Lin Jin, you're such a... such a good person! No, you are simply the most considerate man in the world! Then I—I'll help too! Whether it's moving things or decorating the venue, just leave it to me!"
Chapter 286: A Sales Strategy Full of WisdomThe originally warm (meaning no one was fighting) dinner time cooled down instantly as Haruannounced the expansion of the Axis Thanksgivinginto a Joint Dual-Goddess Festival."Absolutely not! Haru, what kind of nonsense are you talking about?!"Aqua slammed the table and stood up, still clutching a half-eaten chicken leg, shouting with reddened eyes,"How can that woman with the padded chest share a festival with me! This is a sacred, unique celebration of praise held specifically for this Goddess! If the followers of that goody-two-shoes Goddess join in, the air will start smelling like poverty! Absolutely not, I protest! I protest!""No, I think Mr. Lin Jin's proposal is perfect!"Darkness stood up next, her hands restlessly clasped over her chest, breathing heavily, her eyes filled with a certain light that intertwined holiness and desire,"In that fanatical, chaotic, and unreasonable atmosphere of the Axis Order, adding the elegant, restrained, and merciful elements of the Eris Sect... That intense contrast, the scene of being pointed at by heretics, and even the possibility of a sectarian conflict leading to me being surrounded and humiliated by followers from both sides... Ah, just imagining it, I'm going to...""Hey, sit down already, you perverted knight. Your drool is falling into the soup."Megumin continued stuffing mashed potatoes into her mouth without looking up, commenting indistinctly,"As long as I can cast Explosion Magic at the end, I wouldn't care even if you were worshiping cabbages."Kazuma stared at Haru suspiciously, his fork rhythmically tapping against his plate:"Wait, Haru. Although I don't object to expanding the scale, you know my current financial situation... Adding another sect's activities—venue decorations, priest petitions, and the hospitality costs for those followers—that's not a small sum. You aren't planning on selling me out too, are you?""I will personally cover the entirety of this extra budget."Haru calmly picked up a napkin to wipe his mouth, his tone brook no argument,"I just feel that if we want to restore our reputation, it's not enough to just please those lunatics of the Axis Order. The Eris Sect has a broader foundation in the city. Only by winning them over can you and Dust truly return to mainstream society."Upon hearing that he wouldn't have to pay, Kazuma's attitude did a complete 180. He grabbed Haru's hand with a sincere expression:"Haru, you should have said so earlier! Since you're paying, forget just adding the Eris Sect—I'd support you even if you brought the Demon Kings Army for a joint celebration! You're the boss, you call the shots!"However, Aqua continued to throw a tantrum, rolling around on the floor:"I don't care! I'm the senior! I'm the guardian deity of Axel! I won't be on equal footing with that padded Goddess! Waaaaah, Haru is a big traitor!"Haru narrowed his eyes slightly, watching the crying Aqua, a malicious curve appearing at the corner of his mouth.He lowered his voice, speaking in a provocative tone just loud enough for Aqua to hear:"Oh? So that's how it is. Aqua, the reason you're opposing this so desperately is because... subconsciously, you've already admitted that once the two sects compete on the same stage, your group of followers who only know how to throw tantrums will be completely outshone by the elegant and proper eris followers? Are you afraid that the padded Goddess will trample you in terms of popularity?"The crying stopped abruptly.Aqua jumped up like a cat whose tail had been stepped on, her face covered in snot and tears, but wearing an extremely ferocious (and moronic) smile of confidence:"Ha?! You say I'd be afraid of that shorty junior?! Haru, you underestimate this Goddess too much! Fine! Add it then! I'll show everyone in Axel how boring those wooden Eris Sect people who only know how to pray are compared to my 'Natures Beauty'! When you lose, don't come crying to me for comfort! Kazuma! Go prepare a bigger stage! I'm going to perform the most magnificent dance!"Haru nodded with satisfaction as he watched Aqua, who had been instantly conquered by the reverse psychology.The next morning, Axel's central square was neatly divided in two by a striking red line.Haru stood on a temporary high platform, holding a magical amplification tool, and announced the rules of this unprecedented Goddess showdown to the large crowd of Adventurers and citizens gathered below."Everyone! The rules are very simple!"Haru's voice echoed through the square,"In the left area, Goddess of Water Lady Aqua and her top general Satou Kazuma will be personally presiding! That is the carnival ground of the Axis Order! Meanwhile, the right area is the Goddess Erisblessing zone, coordinated by me! During these three days, you are free to choose which side to support. In the end, the winner will be determined by which side has more visitors and a higher total of donations collected!"Below the platform, Aqua had already donned her blindingly flashy High Priestess robes and was waving frantically while standing on a wooden crate Kazuma had brought over:"Did you hear that! You lost sheep! Come to the left! As long as you join the Axis Order, not only can you drink Holy Water purified by my own hands, but you can also watch the miraculous Natures Beauty up close! That padded Goddess's side only has boring prayers!"Kazuma was on the side, wiping sweat while handing out flyers, muttering incessantly:"Come on over! Axis Order grand sale! Join and get a exquisite gift! Although the Goddess's brain doesn't work well, her talent is truly top-notch!"Just as Haru was about to step down from the platform to set up the right area, a beautiful lich wearing purple robes, looking like she was about to cry, wobbled over and blocked his path.Wiz was clutching a pile of magic items that emitted an eerie purple light and were even twitching slightly. Her pitiful appearance made passersby stop and stare."Um... Mr. Lin Jin..."Wiz's voice was as faint as a mosquito's buzz, tears shimmering in the corners of her eyes,"I heard that the city's largest festival is being held here... Could you... could you also give me a small stall? Even if it's in the furthest corner, that's fine! The inventory in my shop is piled up to the ceiling. If I don't sell some now, I might have to go beg at the guild entrance because I can't afford the rent... Wuwu..."As she spoke, she pulled out an alarm clock with eyes from her arms:"Look! This is an alarm clock that can definitely wake the dead. Although it screams for no reason at three in the morning and tries to gnaw on its owner's hair, it really works hard!"Haru looked at the junk in Wiz's hands that was enough to cause a city-level disaster, then looked at the slightly deserted Eris Order District on the right. A wicked... no, a value-filled thought quickly flashed through his mind."Wiz, a stall is certainly no problem."Haru gave a smile as warm as a spring breeze and pointed to the most prominent spot in the right area,"Go to the Eris Order District. However, you can't sell these things directly. We're going to package them as Goddess's Miracle Mystery Boxes. As long as someone donates a certain amount to the Eris Order, they'll get a chance to draw a mysterious treasure. In this atmosphere, your strange items will instead become sacred relics that everyone scrambles to collect.""Eh?! My... Mystery Boxes?"Wiz was stunned, then showed an admiring expression,"As expected of Mr. Lin Jin! This kind of scamming... ah no, this kind of sales strategy full of wisdom, I will definitely cooperate fully!"
Chapter 287: Excellent, the Fish Has Taken the BaitThe festival had reached its climax, but the atmosphere on either side of the red line in the plaza showed a bizarre contrast.In the Axis Order area on the left, the scene could no longer be described as lively; it was a complete madhouse.Aqua was standing atop a massive water tank, spinning wildly while unleashing Natures Beauty. The erupting Holy Water refracted the sunlight into rainbows, drawing waves of gasps from the onlookers.Kazuma, meanwhile, was putting his bottomless modern business sense to use, launching a "Goddess Blessing Handshake Event (with a free Axis Order Doctrine Brainwashing Pack)" and a "Holy Water Baptism Trial Pack." He even hired a group of followers to shout at the intersection:"If you don't come support Lady Aqua, your souls will wither away like a shriveled Slime!"This kind of unscrupulous marketing, filled with both threats and temptations, actually caused long lines to form in front of their stalls. Eris Coins rained down into Kazuma's money box.In contrast, the Eris Sect area on the right appeared... far too serious.Although it was elegantly and tastefully decorated, and the believers were polite and gentle, in this Axelfilled with losers and weirdos, such seriousness acted like poison to their traffic.Aside from Wiz's Miracle Mystery Box stall—which was surrounded by curious Adventurers due to the strange screams of "Wow! I got a pair of dancing dentures from my mystery box!"—the other stalls were virtually deserted."Mr. Lin Jin! Mr. Lin Jin! Look at that!"Chris was as anxious as an ant on a hot pan. She paced around Haru incessantly, her small hands tightly clutching her cloak as she pointed at the bustling scene across the way."Kazuma's side is about to drain the whole city of its money! Lady Aqua has even started performing 'Purification of Adventurers' Sins (Physical)' with Holy Water! If we don't think of something, the Eris Sect's reputation will be completely trampled underfoot by those lunatics! Wuwu, if we lose too badly, that person will definitely hide in the Celestial Realm and cry her eyes out..."Haru remained composed, sitting in a rocking chair under a parasol, holding a glass of chilled fruit juice with unknown magical ingredients that Wiz had just delivered.He watched Kazuma, who was wearing a scumsmile as his hands cramped from counting money, and Aqua, who was triumphantly making faces at them. A confident smirk curled on his lips."Chris, you're being too impatient."Haru took a slow sip of his juice, his eyes as deep as a hunter setting a trap."The Axis Order's methods may be eye-catching, but they're overdrawing their credibility. Look at those Adventurers getting the Holy Water baptism; they're excited now, but once they cool down and realize they've been scammed out of their money and soaked to the bone, their resentment will explode."He set down his glass, stood up, and gently patted Chris's head, his voice carrying the confidence of someone in total control."Next is when our true trump card makes its debut. Don't worry, everything is going according to plan. I guarantee that before the festival ends, Goddess Eris's holy light will shine over all of Axel, making those lunatics across the way come crying to us for shelter."Chris stared blankly at Haru, her anxiety gradually turning into a sort of blind trust.Although she still didn't understand what Haruintended to do, as long as she saw that expression on this man's face, she felt like there was nothing to fear, even if the Demon King himself were to attack.The heat of the festival continued to rise under the afternoon sun.The line in front of Wiz's Miracle Mystery Box stall had already wrapped around the fountain three times, even beginning to encroach upon the red line.The Adventurers who pulled singing toilet brushes or automatic fans that slapped them in the face from their mystery boxes cursed under their breaths, yet their bodies honestly pulled out their wallets again—after all, the thrill of the unknown the moment a box is opened was top-tier entertainment in impoverished Axel.Haru stretched lazily and let out a loud yawn under the jealous and inquisitive gazes of Aqua and Kazuma."Ah, I've been busy all morning; I'm exhausted. Chris, I'll leave you in charge here for a bit. I'm going to the back lounge for a nap. Remember, no matter what happens, do not disturb my precious sleep."Having said that, Haru gave Kazuma a provocative look before turning and walking into the tent without looking back.Seeing their main pillar depart, Kazuma, his mind full of mischief, immediately exchanged a scum look with Aqua."Hey, Aqua, here's our chance!"Kazuma lowered his voice, pointing at Wiz, who was busy, sweating, and looking timid."Haru is too arrogant, going to sleep at a time like this. As long as we snatch Wiz, that money-making machine, the Eris Sect area will be completely finished!""Ohohoho! As expected of my Holy Order's top general, you finally said something worthwhile!"Aqua stood with her hands on her hips and arrogantly crossed the red line, heading straight for Wiz's stall."Hey! You, the Lich who runs the shady shop! Look over here!"Wiz was so startled by the sudden outburst that she dropped the mystery box in her hand."A-Lady Aqua? Is there something I can help you with?""Cut the chatter! You evil Undead, staying in the sect of such a Flat-chested Goddess is a stain on your soul!"A brilliant light of Purification gathered in Aqua's hand as she wore a sinister smile."I'll give you two choices: either move your stall to our Axis Order area right now, and I'll consider adding a goddess's blessing (actually just adding water) to your products; or, I'll give you a full-power Sacred Purification right now and send you to the afterlife on the spot!""W-wait! Lady Aqua, that's too barbaric!" Wizturned pale with fright and tried desperately to shrink back.At that moment, Kazuma also approached, jingling a heavy bag of Eris Coins with a textbook scumbag smile."Miss Wiz, don't be so stubborn. How much commission is Haru giving you? I'll give you triple! No, five times! As long as you come over, I guarantee this junk... er, I mean, these miracle items will sell out! And look, Haru doesn't care about you at all; he's gone to sleep. Only we truly want to help you clear your inventory!"Under the dual pressure of the death threat from the Purification and the temptation of heavy gold, the naturally weak-willed and business-illiterate Wizfinally broke down.She wiped her tears and pleaded:"I understand... I understand! Please put away that magic! I'll move... I'll move over! Mr. Lin Jin... I'm sorry, I really did my best!"And so, under the gaze of all the Adventurers, Wiz's booming mystery box stall was joyfully and physically relocated to the Axis Order area by Aquaand Kazuma.Meanwhile, through a gap in the tent not far away, Haru, who was supposed to be fast asleep, was quietly watching everything.He looked at Kazuma's smug face and Aqua's grin that almost reached her ears, his lips curling into an extremely scum and dangerous arc."Excellent, the fish has taken the bait."Haru whispered to himself, his eyes gleaming with calculating light."Kazuma, do you think you've snatched a cash cow? No, you've snatched a massive, time-bomb of a reputation destroyer. The side effects of Wiz's items... it's about time they started kicking in, isn't it?"
Chapter 288: Who is the Number One Dancer of the Heavens!Wiz's stall, which had been forcibly relocated to the Axis Order District as a money-making tool, had now turned into a source of disaster, emitting ominous purple light and eerie screams."Hey! What's going on here! The fishing rod I bought that was 'guaranteed to catch big fish'—why did it suddenly turn into tentacles, tie me up, and try to drag me into the moat just now!"A soaking wet Adventurer with suction cup marks on his face slammed the stall and roared in anger."That's nothing! The automatic foot bath I bought suddenly grew teeth and said my feet smelled too bad! Not only did it refuse to work, it bit my toe! Is this also a blessing from the Goddess?!"Facing the tide of complaints, the unique scumpersonality of the Axis Cultists instantly erupted.Instead of apologizing, they put their hands on their hips and shouted back at the victims with righteous indignation:"Hah?! What nonsense are you talking about! The fishing rod wanted to take you into the water—that shows its passion for its work has surpassed the limits of its species! You should be thanking it!""The foot bath bit you because your feet really do smell too bad; it was helping you with physical exfoliation! You dare complain about such high-end service? Apologize to Lady Aqua immediately, then sign this membership application as an atonement!"This response, which relied on near-bandit logic, completely ignited the crowd's fury.For a moment, the Axis Order District fell into unprecedented chaos, with arguments, curses, and explosions caused by malfunctioning magic items rising and falling one after another."Enough! There's no communicating with these lunatics!"A merchant whose face was swollen from an automatic fan pushed through the crowd and crossed the red line without looking back."I'm going to the Eris Order District! It might be a bit boring over there, but at least the people are normal! At least their Goddess won't sell me dish soap as Holy Water!"With the migration of the first refugee, a spectacular reverse flow phenomenon appeared on the square.The long queue that had been in the Axis Order District quickly shortened, while the previously quiet stalls in the Eris Order District were instantly crowded with citizens seeking psychological comfort."Welcome to the embrace of Goddess Eris."Haru had stepped out of the tent at some point. He had changed into a clean set of tactical robes and wore a gentle, spring-breeze-like smile as he personally handed a cup of warm black tea—free of any magical additives—to every victim who crossed the red line."You've all worked hard. Here, we don't promise miracles, only respect and peace. If you were frightened on the other side, you can take a short rest in the prayer seats here. All consultations are free."The Adventurers, who had been shouted at by the Axis Cultists until they questioned their own existence, saw how elegant and easygoing Haruwas; some even shed tears of emotion on the spot."Wuuu, this is so healing... This is what a true Goddess's sect should be like! Mr. Lin Jin, please let me make a donation. I never want to see those blue-haired lunatics again!"Chris watched from the side, dumbfounded. She leaned into Haru's ear and whispered in amazement:"Mr. Lin Jin, you're practically a devil... no, you're a genius! You already expected those Axis Cultists to drive the customers away, didn't you? Although it's a bit pitiful to see Lady Aqua in such a mess over there, but... but this feeling is actually so satisfying!"The afterglow of the setting sun dyed the Axelsquare a magnificent golden-red, but this beautiful scenery clearly couldn't heal Aqua's broken Goddess heart.She was sitting ungracefully amidst a pile of returned magic items, her long blue hair a tangled mess, her legs kicking the ground incessantly as she wailed loudly enough to shake the heavens."Waaaaah! Kazuma! You useless hikikomori! Didn't you say we'd make a fortune if we moved here! Now look, all my followers have run off to drink that big villain Haru's black tea! My Holy Water has all turned into foot-washing water! Haru! You scumwho plays with people's hearts! Give me back my followers!"Kazuma crouched nearby with a decadent expression, clutching several membership applications torn up by the angry crowd, his eyes hollow.Hearing Aqua's wailing, he looked up weakly at Haru across the red line. His gaze was filled with pleas for mercy and humility, as if saying:"Big brother, stop your divine tricks. If this goes on any longer, this Intellectual Disabled Goddess is going to sacrifice me to the Demon Kings Army."Haru set down his teacup and slowly crossed the red line, walking up to this miserable pair.He looked down at Aqua, who was crying with snot bubbles, and his tone became a bit calmer:"Alright, Aqua, stop howling. I didn't intend to make you go completely bankrupt. As long as you can make those fanatical followers of yours quiet down and stop with the physical Purification or forced selling, we can completely cooperate for a win-win. After all, the excitement of the festival belongs to everyone, doesn't it?"Aqua's crying stopped abruptly. She sniffed, staring at Haru suspiciously with her large, tear-filled eyes:"Co-cooperate? You're really willing to share some money... no, share some followers with me? You aren't brewing some other bad scheme, are you?""How could I?"Haru revealed an extremely sincere smile (which looked extremely dangerous to Kazuma)."To celebrate the successful conclusion of the festival, I propose holding a 'Dance of the Descending Twin Goddesses' on the Central Stagetonight. It will be performed jointly by you, the great Goddess of Water Aqua, and Goddess Eris.""Hah?!"Aqua jumped up suddenly, pointing at the sky in disbelief."eris? That padded junior has descended too? Where is she? Is she hiding behind the clouds secretly laughing at me for crying just now? Dammit! That goody-two-shoes actually dares to make fun of me!"Sitting nearby, Chris's body stiffened suddenly. She guiltily lowered the brim of her hat and tried her best to hide behind Haru."Of course not."Haru waved his hand calmly and pulled forward Chris, who was trying to vanish into the ground."How could a Goddess descend so easily? I'm just finding someone to impersonate eris. Look, Chris's figure and hair color are quite similar to that Goddess, right? As long as we dress her up a bit, add some padding... ahem, I mean, refine her look a bit, she can definitely pass for the real thing.""Eh?! Me... I'm supposed to play Lady Eris?!"Chris let out a terrified scream. She waved her hands frantically, her face turning red to the roots of her ears."No way, no way! I'm just a lowly Thief; how could I possibly act out the temperament of a Goddess! And... and why pick me!"Aqua circled Chris twice, rubbing her chin with a malicious smile:"Hehe, Haru, your idea is pretty good! Having this flat-chested little Thief play that padded junior is practically a natural fit... no, it's the perfect humiliation! Fine! I agree! I'll use my magnificent dancing on stage to completely outshine this fake eris! I'll let everyone know who the number one dancer of the heavens really is!"Haru looked at the revitalized Aqua and the despairing Chris, who was looking at him with eyes pleading for help, and once again revealed that scum smile of one who controls the entire situation
Chapter 289: A Sacred Dance Worthy of Being Recorded in Axel's HistoryThe backstage lights were dim and soft. Wiz was walking away, holding that sacred gown embedded with countless tiny magic crystals that emitted a faint silver glow in the Darkness.Haru pulled Chris to a corner, avoiding Aqua's noisy practice sounds.Haru looked down at the Thief girl, who was uneasily fiddling with the hem of her clothes.He put away his previous scum smile, his gaze becoming warm and deep as he spoke softly:"Chris, do you think I'm just here to watch the show? You usually run around the city as a Thief. Although you're free, seeing Aqua receive the cheers and love of her followers without any restraint... you must feel a little bit of... envy in your heart, right?"Chris's petite body trembled suddenly. She looked up, a hint of panic flashing in her clear purple eyes after being seen through:"M-Mr. Lin Jin... what are you talking about? I wouldn't be envious of Senior Aqua...""No need to hide it."Haru gently patted her shoulder, interrupting her stubbornness."You've worked hard as Chris for a long time, dealing with those dangerous divine artifacts and silently protecting this town. So, at least for tonight, under the guise of this imposter, you can stand on stage openly as eris. No need to hide your gentleness, no need to conceal your radiance. Tonight, you are Axel's true and only Goddess of Luck."Chris was stunned. She never thought that this man, who was always calculating and even dared to tease goddesses, would actually notice her deepest, most secret longing.As eris, she had to maintain her dignity in the celestial realm;As Chris, she had to remain anonymous.That loneliness of longing to meet her followers face-to-face and experience the mortal world's warmth was gently soothed by Haru at this moment.Tears welled up in Chris's eyes. She sniffled and gave a smile brighter than the sunset, her voice carrying a faint, almost imperceptible sob:"I really can't do anything about Mr. Lin Jin... Mr. Lin Jin, you're always like this. Clearly a bad-taste Adventurer, why are you occasionally so gentle? I understand... since it's your request, then tonight... I will definitely show you the most perfect eris!"She vigorously wiped away the tears from the corners of her eyes, her gaze becoming firmer than ever, and then she turned and ran toward Wiz:"Miss Wiz! Please help me change! Breast Pads... even though Breast Pads are embarrassing, I'll go all out for a perfect recreation!"Haru watched Chris's energetic back, his originally gentle gaze once again tinged with a scum color.He turned to look at Wiz, who was lost in thought while holding several Breast Pads, and Kazuma, who was trying to install a fire-breathing device on the stage, showing a satisfied expression.The backstage curtain was slowly pulled open, and the noisy preparation area instantly fell into a deathly silence.Wiz, with trembling hands, pushed Chris out.At this moment, Chris had completely disappeared, replaced by a holy young girl who looked as if she had stepped out of a mythological scroll.She wore a silver-white silk robe with extremely intricate gold patterns embroidered on the edges, and every strand of her hair shimmered with a moon-like luster.Most strikingly, her originally flat chest, under Wiz's exquisite Physical Padding Technique, actually displayed an extremely natural and proud curve."U-Um... why is everyone looking at me like that?"Chris (eris version) blushed, her hands uneasily folded in front of her. That temperament, a mix of divinity and maidenly shyness, was simply devastatingly charming."Wait! You imposter!"Aqua was the first to rush up. She circled Chris like an alert cat, her nose constantly sniffing, her eyes filled with extreme suspicion."This pleasant smell of salted fish that makes me want to order you around... No, it's this calming sense of holy light! You're eris, aren't you? You're definitely that Padded Junior herself! Did you descend to the mortal world to steal my business?!""Lady Eris..."Darkness had already knelt on the spot, her heroic face filled with fanaticism and devotion, her breathing becoming extremely heavy."This warm, all-encompassing gaze... there's no mistake! You are the goddess I pray to day and night! Please, after the performance, use your holy toes to fiercely...""Stop! Darkness, that's enough of your perverted remarks!"Kazuma wiped the drool from the corner of his mouth with a dazed expression; he was completely stunned."Hey, Haru, did you really just find someone to impersonate her? Chris is actually... actually so well-endowed when she's dressed up? Dammit, how did I not notice before? This is a total SSR-rankgoddess!"Only Megumin didn't spare Chris a single glance; she was frantically shaking Haru's arm:"Haru! Forget about some goddess! I just calculated it—if I detonate it a thousand meters directly above the stage, the spreading sparks will cover all of Axel! That would be the most perfect finale! Let me fire one! Just one!"Just as the scene descended into chaos, with Aquaeven starting to question her life and reaching out her demonic claws to try and peek into Chris's neckline to check for the legendary Breast Pads, Haru decisively stepped in, grabbing Aqua by the back of her collar with one hand and pressing down on Megumin's staff with the other."Alright, the farce ends here."Haru revealed an extremely scum smile, a gaze originating from the evil culture of another world."Aqua, if you dare break my props, your commission for tonight will be completely docked. Now, both goddesses, please stand behind that huge transparent glass curtain wall. I have prepared a sacred dance for you both that is worthy of being recorded in Axel's history.""Sacred dance?"Chris and Aqua asked in unison, their faces filled with innocent curiosity."That's right. The dance is called Cleaning the Glass. It was once very popular in a certain world and is my favorite to watch. The key movements are simple: you two need to press against the glass and, in sync with the rhythm, make downward wiping motions while keeping your bodies in motion."Haru took out an Amplifying Magic Tool modified by Wiz, which was already preset with a highly brainwashing dynamic rhythm."Trust me, this kind of interactive dance will definitely make the men below... ah, no, the followers, feel the goddess's most intimate salvation."Kazuma listened from the side, breaking into a cold sweat, looking at Haru as if he were a monster:"Hey... Haru, you guy, you're not trying to take the opportunity to satisfy your own bad taste, are you? Why do I feel like you've brought some strange things to this other world? This is a festival! Are you sure you won't be hunted down by the Eris Order
Chapter 290: Goddess, Please Scrub Harder!The demonic rhythm, amplified by Wiz's modified megaphone, instantly covered the entire Axelsquare with a brainwashing loop.The rhythmic "thump, thump, thump-crash" felt as if it were striking directly at people's souls (and their lower limits).On the stage, the massive transparent glass curtain wall sparkled under the moonlight and the glow of magic lamps.On the left, Aqua had fully entered the zone. Not only was she wiping the glass, but she was also swaying her defenseless waist to the beat, humming an unknown tune."Hey! Hey! Everyone, look closely! This is the Water Goddess's magnificent rhythm! Scrub, scrub, scrub! Let's use Purification on your filthy souls along with this glass! Ohohohoho!"Meanwhile, on the right, Chris—or rather, the current Goddess of Luck, eris—was falling into the greatest crisis of her life.Her small hands, clad in silk gloves, were pressed against the glass, rubbing up and down stiffly in time with the rhythm.Because the breast pads were stuffed so thick, she felt her center of gravity was unstable with every movement. The shame made her face flush so red it almost dripped, and even the silver strands of hair on her head were trembling slightly."Ugh... Mr. Lin Jin is such a big idiot... What part of these movements is even remotely holy..."While mechanically repeating the movements, Chrisscreamed frantically in her heart."Help! The looks in the believers' eyes are terrifying! Why are they all having nosebleeds?! That bearded Adventurer over there, don't try to kiss the glass! So gross!"Haru sat cross-legged in a director's chair, tapping his palm rhythmically with a folding fan he had acquired from somewhere.Looking at the absurd yet extremely eye-catching scene on stage, he let out a long sigh of relief, a look of extreme comfort—the kind of scum-like smile that only appears when scrolling through short videos late at night—spreading across his face."Ah, that's the flavor. The sparks flying from the collision between the innocence of another world and the tacky taste of modern civilization... this is truly the most beautiful art in the world."Haru lamented, his eyes full of self-indulgence."My life is complete. Being able to see two goddesses wiping glass here, I haven't lived this reincarnation in vain.""Hey! Isn't your 'completeness' a bit too cheap?!"Kazuma complained wildly from the side, but his hands didn't stop. He was using a Recording Magic Item to film from various tricky angles."Even though you're a certified piece of human trash, if this video were sold to those fanatics... no, if it were kept as internal cult archives, it would definitely fetch an astronomical price! Haru, you're a true genius—I mean, a genius in the criminal sense!"The atmosphere below the stage had completely spiraled out of control.For the first time ever, the Axis Cultists and Eris cultists stopped arguing. They stood shoulder to shoulder, staring at the stage with blank yet fanatical eyes, waving their glow sticks in unison to the beat and shouting:"Scrub! Scrub! Scrub! Goddess, please scrub a little harder!"The glass-wiping performance on stage had reached a fever pitch. Aqua was attempting to complete a high-difficulty spinning move with a rag between her toes, while Chris was desperately trying to maintain her teetering sense of 'justice' on her chest.The waves of cheering from below grew louder and louder. Having accomplished his goal, Haru quietly squeezed into the fanatical crowd, preparing to appreciate his masterpiece from a mortal's perspective.Just then, he noticed an extremely conspicuous presence standing beside him.It was a knight of exceptionally burly build, covered head to toe in heavy silver armor.Strangely, there seemed to be no sign of a living person inside the armor. Instead, it emitted an indescribable, deeply profound... perverted aura.The armor leaned forward slightly, two faint blue lights shining through the slits of the helmet, staring intently at Chris on the right side of the stage. A low, academic-sounding monologue drifted from inside the armor:"Hmm, the one with water-blue hair on the left has an excellent sense of rhythm, but because her intelligence is clearly dragging her down, that sense of holiness is tinged with a clear sense of stupidity. However, this 'useless goddess' attribute is a top-tier treasure in certain circles..."The voice from inside the armor was deep and magnetic, yet it carried a bone-chilling sense of professionalism."On the other hand, the silver-haired one on the right... although her movements are awkward, that sense of shame from being forced to perform is the finishing touch. Most importantly, the curve of those breasts... although clearly heavily padded, the sense of constraint caused by the padding shifting while she tries to present a perfect figure—that is the true soul of it all!"Haru raised an eyebrow. This professional and perverted perspective instantly gave him a strange sense of resonance. With his hands behind his back, he slowly chimed in:"You have a good eye, brother. Not only did you notice the lag of the padding, but you could even link desecration with praise. However, you missed one point: the essence of that goddess lies not in the pads, but in her eyes—eyes that desperately want to flee the scene yet must persevere for the sake of salvation. That tug-of-war between divinity and humanity is the true soul of this dance."The massive armor whipped its head around, the blue light in the helmet slits flickering violently. Its tone was filled with amazement and the ecstasy of finding a kindred spirit:"Ohhh! Such profound insight! Such soul-piercing analysis! Are... are you perhaps the director who orchestrated this miracle? My apologies! I am Aigis, a Holy Armor pursuing the ultimate feminine beauty and... ahem, a sense of holiness! The 'tug-of-war in the eyes' you mentioned just now... it's making my joints so excited they're about to rust!""It's nothing, it's nothing. I am Haru, just an Adventurer who understands a bit about art."Haru flashed a smile that hid his fame and achievements, then pulled a treasured Recording Stone of Chris's shameful moment from his pocket and gave it a shake."Brother Aigis, look at this one. This captures the expression of her life being over while she was putting in the pads. What do you think?""Hiss... Perfect! This composition! This lighting! Lord Haru, you are truly a role model for our kind!"The massive armor let out a sharp laugh like metal grinding, even wanting to reach out an iron hand to shake Haru's."I have wandered Axel for many years, thinking all humans were mediocre talents. I never expected to meet a kindred spirit like you! This dance tonight—I shall call it Axel's Number One Holy Painting!"The two stood in the fanatical crowd—one a calm, scum-like Adventurer, the other a self-muttering perverted Holy Armor. As they critiqued the goddesses on stage, the atmosphere was strangely harmonious, filled with the mutual respect of gentlemen.