Homura flexed in her new attire, making sure it all fit just right.
"Took some retooling." the shopkeeper, a caucasian man in his mid-thirties, told her as she stood in the main room of the armorer store, "Don't get many kids asking for gear like this. Thankfully I had an old one fitted for a wood elf from a while back who tried to skimp out on payment. How's it feel?"
Homura stood neck to toe in moderately thick yet flexible leather armor. It was a bit tighter and more restrictive than she'd imagined, but then she'd never really worn armor before. Still, it seemingly did its job at protection, and she could still move fairly well so she assumed this was a success.
"It's fine" she said, "Exactly what I was looking for." Aside from her new armor, Homura had kept the cloak, though right now she had the hood down, as well as of course her bow and sword.
"You sure she'll need all this just for a hunting trip?" the shopkeep asked Theodor, who was currently rearranging books on a shelf by color instead of alphabetically, "Seems a little over… um…" he trailed off when he saw what the other man was doing, "Please… don't do that…"
Theodor stopped what he was doing, then looked back with a sheepish smile as if he'd been caught doing something naughty, "Oh, yes, of course. Can't be too careful with my nieces' first hunting trip! Could you imagine if something happened? What if she lost an eye? Or a leg? What would her parents say? We'd have to get her a peg-leg, call her Peggy… the name change forms would be a nightmare in and of themselves, you know how Whiterun bureaucracy is."
"Uh…"
Homura coughed politely, "My uh, uncle," she grit her teeth as she stuck to their cover story, "Has an… odd sense of humor. Don't mind him."
The store owner shrugged, "Yes…uh, well, it seems everything is in order. If you are satisfied, Ms… Akemi, was it?"
Homura nodded.
"And Mr… Gorlash?"
"She's my sister's kid," Theodor said with a smile, "Or brother's. Whichever one gets us different last names."
Homura resisted the urge to facepalm.
The shopkeep looked at both of them, "Uh… huh"
"I'm adopted," Homura said, putting on her best "good girl" face.
"You can't even keep track of the cover story you came up with." Homura growled as they left the store and exited out onto the main street of the small town they found themselves in. Her eye twitch was back; it had been doing a lot of that today.
"You're really tightly wound, you know that?" Theodor replied casually as he stoked his beard. "You need to learn to relax. Oooh, I know! There's a bakery down the street. You ever had a sweet roll? They're to die for."
"I'm not interested."
The older man shrugged, "Fine, fine. Suit yourself, more for me." Together the unlikely duo headed over to the bakery Theodor had seen, but as soon as he entered the shop Homura vanished with an invisibility spell and high-tailed northward as fast as possible.
She HAD warned him, after all.
She'd only managed to keep up her invisibility for a scant few minutes before her magical reserves had emptied out, but by then she'd managed to get out of town and lose Theodor altogether. Now, three hours later Homura felt just relaxed enough to be able to dare enjoy the cool afternoon breeze as it wafted over the open plains. The sun was shining, Theodor was long gone, and within a few more days she would finally arrive where Hircine said Madoka had been staying.
Things were… looking up…? That felt weird. Like, unsettlingly weird.
Her chest tightened at the thought of something going wrong. She'd arrive in Frost Creek only to find it burned to the ground by bandits, or she'd find out Hircine had been lying to her and Madoka had never made it here alive.
… Or she'd find Madoka, and the pink-haired girl would only look at her in disgust over what she'd done. Even Madoka had to have limits to what she could accept, and Homura had pushed right through those and kept going some time ago.
… What WAS she going to do when she saw Madoka again? Homura had been doing her best to ignore that question, but here as she found herself alone the question stared at her right in the face. She'd essentially declared Madoka her enemy; the culmination of the promise she'd made during Madoka's first attempt at reascension. She'd hurt her friends. She'd ruined the world Madoka had thought so highly of.
Homura had long assumed she and Madoka would never be together, would never be friends again. After the first few timeline loops she had moved further and further away from the other girl, helped in no small part thanks to her increasing trauma and abandonment of any pretense of a life beyond fighting. Even if she had beaten Walpergisnacht, she would have been too distant, too broken for Madoka to have ever cared for her as she once had.
And then just like that, Madoka had been gone. She'd never existed, and for a time Homura wondered if she hadn't just made it all up, wondered if she hadn't just gone mad. She almost did go mad.
… And then in a fit of terrible inspiration she'd pulled god down from heaven, imprisoning her in a gilded cage so as to finally give her the life she'd been owed so long ago. And as a demon, as the very concept of evil, Homura knew she had no place in Madoka's life beyond that of a shadowy protector. She didn't deserve to be any closer. Even serving as her doomed warden had been too high an honor.
And then she killed the universe. Because she still wasn't good enough. Because everything and everyone were working against her. Because she was worthless.
So the question remained, what would Homura do when she caught up with Madoka? Revealing herself would only instigate a conflict; if not with Madoka, then certainly with Mami or Sayaka. Kyoko now as well, probably; she'd burned that bridge quite brilliantly.
And that confrontation would only hurt Madoka.
… Maybe she should just stay away.
Homura stopped, no longer paying attention to the sun or the breeze. Familiar dread filled the pit of her stomach as a maelstrom of conflicting emotions threatened to overtake her. She'd betrayed them all, each in turn and played her role to the bloody end… and yet it had been necessary. She did what the others could not. Given their personalities if left free they would only ever spiral into pointless self-sacrifice—either because of Incubator plots or because of simply who they were, and each would inevitably drag the others down with them.
As if she was any better. No, she was even worse. She'd failed just as utterly and completely as any of them, and her price was far higher.
"Ah, there you are! Been waitin' for ya!"
Homura jumped, shaken from her thoughts by the voice coming from atop a rocky outcropping on the side of the road. Sure enough, on top sat Theodor Gorlash, stuffing his face.
"You—how—" Homura sputtered, at a loss as to how he'd found her, or even how he'd gotten here before her.
With his characteristic wide grin, the elder man dropped down like someone forty years younger, "I told you! I'm a really good tracker." he handed her a sweet roll, "Here, you forgot this." It was still warm, even hours later. That didn't seem possible.
"I didn't—"
"Nonsense!" he shoved it at her, "Junk food makes everything better! Except heart disease, I guess" he paused, "You don't have to worry about that, right?"
Homura sighed. She could feel the headache returning, "… Not anymore…"
"Good, good." Theodor said dismissively as they began to walk once more, "So what's been eating you?"
"Excuse me?"
"You looked like someone had just eaten your cat. Not that cats aren't tasty, but I can see why you'd be distressed, it's your cat after all."
"It's none of your business." Homura said briskly, irritated that Theodor was once again trying to get inside her head. For some reason he was relentless in asking about her goals, backstory, anything that would get her to open up.
Theodor walked a bit in front of her, turning around as he kept moving forward, "Aw, don't be like that. Let Uncle Theo in, I'm only here to help."
"You are not my uncle." Homura glared at him.
"Your sweet roll's getting cold."
Homura's stomach growled despite herself when she looked down at the pastry still in her hands. She hadn't eaten since breakfast, and it looked and smelled so good. Her hunger got the better of her, and even with her not wanting to seem even remotely grateful to the man she quickly found herself digging into the food with gusto.
Theodor laughed, "Ah, see? Nothing like food to make everything better. Now, what's the problem? Homesick? Pet die? Mom wouldn't let you go to that party so you snuck out late at night and now you're grounded? Worried about mortality and the implications of the utter horrifying abyss we hover over every waking second of our lives?" he gave another sharp laugh, "Just kidding, mostly. But seriously, boyfriend troubles?" he paused, his grin somehow getting even wider, "…Or girlfriend troubles?"
Homura froze, her mouth full of the pastry as she looked at the man as he gave her a knowing look. She tried to pass it off by looking away as she swallowed her food, but it was too late; there was blood in the water.
"Ah. What's the matter? Got into a fight? Don't know how to apologize? Sweets are always good, flowers a close second. Selling your soul to a daedric god…less advisable. Ooh! You could always kill a man, turn them inside out, and use them as a full-body puppet! Think of the puppet shows."
Homura looked at him like he was insane. Well, more insane than usual.
"What?" he asked defensively, "She might have a hidden kink, you don't know. Unless it wasn't that bad of a breakup."
"… It was," Homura admitted at last, quietly.
When she didn't elaborate Theodor decided to push further, "So what'd she do to make you angry at her?"
Homura gave him an offended glare, "What? Madoka didn't do anything. She couldn't." Homura sighed, "She's the nicest, kindest person. She's pure and selfless." too pure, too selfless. That was her flaw and every time the world chewed her up and spit her back out for it, "She couldn't ever do anything to hurt me or make me angry."
"Madoka, eh?" Theodor smiled. Homura winced at that, cursing herself for the accidental dropping of information as he continued, "So you hurt her, then?"
Homura looked at the ground aimlessly, but said nothing.
"And now you want to find her and apologize."
"… No." Theodor gave her an expecting look as she replied, "I did what was necessary, and I won't ever regret it." She'd saved Madoka, she'd protected Madoka, she'd given Madoka her life back. She'd given all of them their happy lives. She had sacrificed everything, all for her.
… And then she'd ruined it all, even as Madoka had cried for her to stop.
So where did that leave her? Where did it leave Homura?
"So why do you seem like you do?"
"I don't." Homura reaffirmed tersely, stopping to look the old man directly in the eyes with steel and determination, "And I'll keep doing it. I'll keep protecting her, I'll keep saving her, I'll keep suffering in her place, forever. I'll never let her hurt for as long as I am able." With that, Homura dramatically flicked her cloak, turned on her heels, and continued marching down the road at a brisk pace.
While she felt saddened that she'd been forced into her actions, she refused to feel remorse.
"… Even if she hates me for it." she added, so quietly only she could hear.
Theodor followed behind, his trademark grin having turned predatory, "…Good