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"What's the situation inside the house now?"
Aya Shameimaru, who was currently working in the fields in exchange for strawberries, saw Leo walk out. She immediately leaned over, her reporter instincts tingling with gossip. She didn't dare enter the farmhouse herself; every single person inside had unfortunately appeared in her Bunbunmaru News at least once. If she went in, it would be like a bird walking into a trap, throwing herself directly into the net.
"I have nothing left to lose now," Leo muttered, his eyes dead to the world. He looked as if his soul had left his body and refused to return. No matter how outrageous his actions or words were moving forward, nothing could possibly compare to the absolute social death of having his fetishes and private thoughts broadcasted in front of everyone.
"Tsk, as expected." Aya clicked her tongue, leaning on her hoe. "When I saw Komeiji Satori go in, I guessed it would end like this. I feel for you, buddy. Back when I was young and naive, the first time I went to the Palace of the Earth Spirits to do an interview, that girl exposed all my little secrets too."
She patted Leo's shoulder in genuine sympathy. In Gensokyo, whenever Komeiji Satori was mentioned, there was a long list of people who had suffered from her psychic persecution. Leo was just the latest victim added to the ledger.
"You don't understand," Leo sighed heavily, burying his face in his hands. "I was exposed in front of everyone for lusting after their bodies."
He dug out a bowl of freshly picked strawberries from a nearby wooden crate. The two of them squatted on the ridge of the dirt field, chatting while they ate. The sweet, tart juice was small comfort for his shattered dignity.
"Their bodies? Just how many do you like?" Aya raised an eyebrow, popping a strawberry into her mouth. "According to the usual light novel tropes, a protagonist like you should spend half the time acting ambiguous everywhere, holding hands and whispering sweet nothings, but never taking the final step until the very end, when you finally choose whoever has the highest popularity poll ranking."
Speaking of this, Aya was quite experienced. Besides making up fake news, her newspaper office also accepted fiction submissions written by the Youkai of Gensokyo. Otherwise, if it were strictly news, the paper would be no different from toilet paper; publishing serialized stories was a proven way to increase readership.
The most famous author was a certain "Miss Patchouli" from the Scarlet Devil Mansion, who preferred to remain anonymous (unsuccessfully). The female-oriented romance novels she wrote were incredibly popular in Gensokyo and brought massive traffic to Bunbunmaru News. Aya herself was an avid fan.
"How should I put it..." Leo chewed thoughtfully. "Komeiji Satori might have a slight misunderstanding of the word 'like'. I like everyone, sure, but for most of them, it's the kind of 'like' you have for a good bro, or a cool character. Only with people like Lady Ran is it the formal, serious kind of 'like'... with marriage in mind."
Leo covered his face with both hands again, groaning. He really wanted to strangle Komeiji Satori right now. If he ever got the chance, he swore he would aggressively pet her cat (Rin), her bird (Utsuho), her sister (Koishi), and her nuclear reactor right in front of her to assert dominance.
"I get it, I get it," Aya nodded sagely. "A mind-reading Youkai reads the surface, but doesn't understand the heart. So..." She leaned in, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "What kind of 'like' do you have for me?"
Aya loved gossip more than anything. Like a neighborhood busybody, she scooted closer to Leo, strawberries in hand, and nudged him playfully with her shoulder, looking intensely curious.
Leo didn't speak. He just slowly turned his head to look at Aya.
His gaze gradually turned into a complex, analytical pie chart. To be honest, Aya Shameimaru was very sunny, lively, and energetic. She was exactly like the perpetually cheerful, slightly annoying childhood friend next to the protagonist in a slice-of-life anime. Even in the failed, unpublished web novels he used to write in his past life, he had featured Aya as the female lead.
Fifty percent bro, thirty percent annoyance, twenty percent...
"Alright, stop right there!"
Seeing the terrifying, analytical "pie chart" look in Leo's eyes, Aya shuddered all over. Her wings puffed up in alarm. She was the free-spirited Wind God Girl; she didn't want to be tied down hatching eggs at such a young age!
She decisively snatched the bowl of strawberries directly from Leo's hands. "I treated you like a brother, and you actually want to hatch eggs with me! Go say whatever you have to say to your Lady Ran. Goodbye!"
Aya bolted, leaving Leo and Ran—who had just walked out of the house—alone by the fields. Aya had seen Ran approaching long ago; that question earlier was intentional, meant to prank Leo and stir up drama, but she hadn't expected the gossip to backfire on herself.
"Ah, Lady Ran..."
"That..."
"Why don't you go first..."
The two of them spoke simultaneously with awkward rapport. Then, both stopped in absolute silence. They stared at the ground, intensely counting how many leaves the strawberry plants in the field had grown.
Only the two of them were visible outside the farmhouse now. But in the unseen trees, behind the bushes, and behind the fences, the Little Fairies, Flandre, and Marisa were hidden everywhere, their eyes gleaming in the shadows.
Even Eirin Yagokoro, who usually maintained a gentle, dignified, and intellectual style, had squeezed her way right up to the glass window of the small house to get the first-hand gossip.
"Everyone move aside, I can read lips! I can do a live simultaneous interpretation!"
After demonstrating her tactical advantage, Eirin successfully squeezed out Yuuka Kazami, who was radiating a terrifying murderous aura and occupying a large area by the window all to herself. When it came to prime gossip, even Yuuka didn't dare provoke public anger and obediently stepped aside to let the professional work.
The following is the live, simultaneous interpretation provided by Doctor Eirin Yagokoro to the peanut gallery inside:
Eirin (dubbing Leo): "Lady Ran, I..." Eirin (dubbing Ran): "It's alright, Lord Leo. There's no need to be so formal. On the contrary, I am quite flattered by this. You are a good person; you've helped us so much and even play with Chen. I am very grateful to you."
Oho! He got the 'good person' card! Just hearing the first two sentences, the group of ancient monsters crammed inside the house became incredibly excited, their gossip engines boiling over like a whistling kettle.
"Meow? Lady Ran is right, Leo is a good person meow. Anyone who likes kitties is a good person."
Chen's innocent, childlike voice instantly silenced the Great Youkai hiding in the dark corners. Their gazes collectively turned toward the small kitten who didn't understand the heavy romantic tension of what was happening outside. Then, they turned toward Yukari Yakumo with looks of intense reproach.
How could a child be allowed at a prime gossip scene like this? Throw her out, quickly!
The next moment, the door of the small house opened a tiny crack. A pale hand reached out, grabbed the kitty by the scruff of her neck, gently placed her outside on the porch, and then slammed the door shut. Yukari locked the deadbolt so she could continue gossiping about her own shikigami without moral interference.
Eirin (dubbing Leo): "Ah... I see. Just a 'good person'. (Dejected tone)" Eirin (dubbing Ran): "No, no, Lord Leo, you've misunderstood! I mean you are very kind, you don't put on airs, you are good to me and Chen, and you aren't lazy like Lady Yukari. I also admire you very much, but... I am just a shikigami—and a shikigami who has her own shikigami at that. I am not worthy of you. (Anxious, flustered tone)"
Listening to Eirin's vivid, highly accurate vocal mimicry, everyone in the room grew expectant. It's here! The direct offensive from the female side! Now to see how Leo replies; this is the key moment for a qualitative change in affection!
Eirin (dubbing Leo): "Stop calling me 'Lord'. I'm just an ordinary person who farms. I don't have superpowers; I can't fly, I can't use danmaku, and I'm just a regular guy who can't even 'Daba Shui Xiu Ha' (shoot a basic energy beam). I like you, and you have feelings for me too, so... how about we start dating?"
Eirin (dubbing Ran): "But... back home... if Lady Yukari doesn't have me, even eating will become a problem for her..."
BAM!
The window flew open.
"You two go ahead and date without worry!" Eirin shouted out the window at the top of her lungs, abandoning her lip-reading entirely. "You don't need to return to Gensokyo for a while! We'll take care of Yukari Yakumo at Eientei! I'll reserve a hospital bed specifically for her and guarantee she stays in bed every day!"
Inside the room, everyone looked at the shrinking, sheepishly smiling Yukari Yakumo with expressions of profound disappointment. She's holding her own daughter back!
Eirin's sudden shout startled Ran like a frightened little fox. Her nine tails puffed up instantly in shock. Face burning red, she grabbed Leo's hand and dragged him out of the farm like a streak of golden lightning, fleeing the scene of their romantic execution.