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"Yukari, Yukari-chan, my dear Yukari, do you really not remember everything from the past?"
With his eyes securely blindfolded by Yukari Yakumo with a strip of soft, dark silk cloth, Leo could only feel himself being effortlessly carried over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes. The rushing wind whipped past his ears. He felt like he was flying at incredible speeds through the dimensional void, and the ambient temperature was slowly, steadily dropping, causing his breath to fog. He could roughly guess their ultimate destination.
As a ten-year Touhou fan who didn't need a written invitation to recognize the lore, wasn't this freezing, ethereal path the exact road leading straight to Hakugyokurou in the Netherworld?
The faint, ghostly scent of blooming cherry blossoms lingered at the tip of his nose, masking the cold. Leo lay surprisingly calmly on Yukari's shoulder. The ancient Old Hag had a natural, powdery fragrance that was actually quite intoxicating up close. It seemed she hung out with Yuyuko Saigyouji every single day until the distinct, sweet scent of the Ghost Princess's cherry blossoms had permanently soaked into her clothes and hair.
"What kind of body wash do you use? It smells pretty good. Can I have some too?"
Since he was tightly bound with spiritual rope and couldn't do anything physical anyway, Leo started casually chatting with Yukari out of sheer boredom. He could clearly feel the conceptual tether of his cozy bed far away in the Stardew Valley world, which meant that even if he was murdered in other dimensions, the system rules still applied. He could simply return directly to his bed after dying and wait until exactly 6:00 AM the next morning to magically respawn with a slight headache.
So, what was there to actually be afraid of? Might as well go wild and tease the terrifying Sage.
"Can't you have some basic sense of urgency and self-preservation?" Yukari sighed, her footsteps silent as they moved through the void. "This is a serious, extremely sinister kidnapping. Be serious. Why are you calmly chatting with your vicious kidnapper about hygiene products? At least let me hear a few terrified screams of agony to set the mood."
Yukari's voice still had that mysterious, lilting quality. Suddenly, Leo felt a cold, small hand reach specifically for the soft, ticklish flesh at his waist, mercilessly pinching his meager amount of farmer fat.
"You! Stop! Ow!" Leo squirmed violently against his bonds.
"Hmph~"
Yukari's voice was absolutely full of sadistic delight. The tables had finally turned! The humiliating cat-huffing incidents and the foot-warming slanders she had suffered in the past could finally be repaid today. Seeing that Leo had finally stopped his annoying talking, she satisfiedly rubbed his pinched waist to maliciously soothe her new ingredient's emotions.
Meanwhile, outside Eientei.
Ran Yakumo stood in the bamboo clearing, watching the spatial ripples of the disappearing Eirin Yagokoro. She then slowly turned her golden, predatory gaze toward the dazed, trembling Reisen Udongein Inaba.
The nine massive, golden tails behind Ran suddenly lengthened with a terrifying rustle, whipping forward and wrapping tightly around the confused Moon Rabbit. The thick fur slowly enveloped Reisen completely, muffling her panicked squeaks, and then instantly shrank back to their normal, fluffy size.
The large, adult Reisen who had been standing there just a moment ago had completely vanished.
Burp~~
Leaving the empty courtyard of Eientei behind, Ran took to the sky, flying directly toward the Hakurei Shrine at maximum speed.
It wasn't that she didn't want to kidnap Kaguya Houraisan as well—the immortal Moon Princess was a natural, hard conceptual counter to Eirin—but the problem was Ran really couldn't beat that terrifying shut-in in a physical fight. Don't be fooled by Kaguya staying at home every day playing video games like a lazy, NEET shut-in; she was actually a terrifying powerhouse sitting firmly in Gensokyo's second tier of absolute strength.
The First Tier consisted of the terrifying Old Hags who had survived the bloody wars since ancient times, like Eirin Yagokoro, Yuuka Kazami, Yukari Yakumo, Byakuren Hijiri, and those two unpredictable goddesses from the Moriya Shrine. They all acted carefree and silly usually, but who knew exactly how many world-ending trump cards they were hiding up their sleeves? Every single one of them was a ruthless, ancient mastermind.
The Second Tier included the new, terrifying generation of Great Youkai like Kaguya Houraisan, Remilia Scarlet, and Aya Shameimaru. Lacking the raw, brutal experience of fighting their way out of the ancient monster pits, their overall combat strength was a level lower, but they were still among the absolute top predators in Gensokyo.
The Third Tier consisted of Hong Meiling, and only her. The Gatekeeper was the absolute watershed of power in Gensokyo; those who could beat her in a fight could sit down, talk, and laugh with the Great Youkai as equals, while those who couldn't were all universally considered small fry.
Reimu Hakurei from the Hakurei Shrine absolutely did not participate in these mortal rankings. She was a pure, unadulterated system cheater—conceptually invincible within the borders of Gensokyo, possessing infinite stamina and mana bars, and inherently immune to all negative status effects. This was a legacy administrative issue that simply couldn't be changed.
So Ran went straight to the top, becoming the first person in Gensokyo's long history to formally ask the brutal "City Management Officer" to violently beat up her own master. This level of betrayal was unprecedented in the entire history of Gensokyo; the only thing even remotely comparable was Flandre willfully letting Marisa into the mansion to steal books.
"Huh? What's wrong with Yukari this time?"
At the dilapidated Hakurei Shrine, Reimu lay lazily on the sun-warmed outdoor wooden corridor, picking her ear. "Go handle it yourself. It's not like there's any real danger. She won't actually do anything permanent to Boss Leo. At most, she'll just playfully kidnap him for a few days to assert dominance and then send him back when she gets bored."
Beside Reimu was a large, half-empty plate of sweet Rice Flower Balls from the Hero's Hut. Daiyousei had made far too many of them yesterday and put the surplus up for sale on the Universal Shop app—perfect, cheap snacks for a poor shrine maiden to munch on when bored.
"But if Lord Leo is kidnapped and locked in the Netherworld, he absolutely won't be able to run the farm," Ran stated plainly, standing in the courtyard. "If he can't run the farm, he won't make money. If he doesn't make money, he physically won't be able to pay back the 50,000 gold he owes you from yesterday. Without that 50,000 gold hitting your account, you won't be able to continue this lazy, comfortable lifestyle."
Reimu paused mid-chew.
The Shrine Maiden rarely actively interfered with Gensokyo's internal faction affairs. She had only established the formal Spell Card Rules specifically to prevent the Great Youkai from causing massive property destruction when they got carried away fighting. She ignored the rest of their drama; as long as it wasn't a major, world-ending Incident threatening Gensokyo's barrier, she wouldn't lift a finger. She preferred to stay at the shrine every day, eating, sleeping, and sunbathing.
"Very well. Your sincerity has deeply moved me."
Reimu stood up instantly, her eyes flashing with a terrifying, righteous light, the half-eaten rice ball forgotten.
"As the absolute City Management Officer of Gensokyo, I shall strike hard and mercilessly against such a vicious, unprovoked kidnapping case that could cause a major interdimensional diplomatic incident! Let us depart!"
Well, although Reimu was conceptually invincible in Gensokyo, her personal financial situation had always been aggressively, painfully poor. Because she was far too lazy to take on normal extermination requests, the shrine usually had zero income and relied entirely on others' charity and dropped coins. Did people really think the "100,000 gold for any service" meme was just a joke? For money, Reimu would beat the Sage of Youkai into a pulp.
[Warning: Nuclear Missile Launched]
A brilliant, terrifyingly fast streak of red and white light rose vertically from the Hakurei Shrine, piercing the clouds with a sonic boom.
The Hakurei Shrine Maiden has been launched! All unrelated civilian personnel, please return to your homes immediately and absolutely do not cause trouble! Otherwise, Reimu has zero money to pay for your medical damages if you're accidentally caught in the crossfire!
The Netherworld.
"Tsk! Ran is being a bit of a sore loser."
Inside the eternal spring of Hakugyokurou, Yukari, who was currently comfortably cuddling and hand-feeding sweet treats to Yuyuko on the veranda, clicked her tongue in annoyance. She felt the massive spiritual pressure approaching.
However, she didn't run away. She had to formally follow the Spell Card Rules Reimu had established herself to maintain face. It wasn't like they didn't have a fighting chance to stall!
"Youmu-chan, I now officially appoint you as the Stage 1 Boss. Go out there and defeat the approaching Reimu."
Yukari began casually assigning her defensive troops. They didn't have many people living in the Netherworld, so they just used whoever they had on hand. They had to scrape together at least three or four dramatic stages for the Shrine Maiden to fight through, or it would be far too embarrassing for the Sage's reputation.
"Huh? Me? I'm fighting Miss Reimu?!"
Youmu Konpaku, the half-ghost gardener who was currently kneeling on the floor holding a massive Rice Ball with both hands, looked up in sheer horror. She pointed at herself with a trembling finger still stuck with sticky white rice grains, her face full of absolute disbelief.
"Me, fight Reimu?! For real?! No one's been drinking alcohol today, so how can you say that with a straight face?!"
"Good luck, Youmu."
Yuyuko swallowed the last bite of her Rice Ball and gave her terrified gardener a cheerful, highly encouraging thumbs-up gesture. As everyone knows, pink-haired anime creatures are either complete airheads or 'pink on the outside, pitch-black on the inside.' Yuyuko firmly belonged to the latter category. She looked cute, gluttonous, and brainless, but in reality, the ancient, wise Lady Yuyuko had already seen through absolutely everything happening.
"Since it is Lady Yuyuko's direct command... I shall give it my absolute all!"
After hurriedly washing the sticky rice off her hands, Youmu's face set in a grim mask of determination. She confidently shouldered her twin legendary swords, Roukanken and Hakurouken, and walked dramatically out the front gate without looking back. The wind sighs, the Yi River is cold, the brave hero departs and... Whoosh.
...she's back.
"Lady Yuyuko, I'm scared! Reimu's hits really, really hurt!"
As soon as she bravely stepped out of Hakugyokurou's massive wooden gate, Youmu had seen the terrifying, blinding red light approaching in the distance at Mach speed and immediately turned and ran right back inside.
Truly worthy of being called the fastest on earth alongside Aya Shameimaru. She ran back in an instant, diving to the floor and desperately hugging Yuyuko's waist, her eyes turning into dizzy, teary swirls as she looked pitifully up at her Lady Yuyuko.