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CRASH!
The massive, ancient wooden gate of Hakugyokurou was violently kicked open by a single, red-and-white shoe. The heavy wood splintered and groaned on its iron hinges.
Youmu Konpaku, who was still cowardly huddled deep in Yuyuko's soft arms on the veranda, shuddered violently just at the deafening sound; if she hadn't turned and run back inside just a moment ago, she would have absolutely been the one sent flying through the air instead of the door.
"I heard... you kidnapped my boss? You've got some serious nerve, Yukari, touching someone under my financial protection."
Reimu Hakurei walked in nonchalantly, dusting off her shrine maiden sleeves. Behind her, dozens of glowing, translucent spirits floated in the cold air, having just flown up from the Netherworld gardens to instinctively cosplay as mid-stage video game mobs.
At this exact moment, these squishy, mochi-like spirits each had a glowing, explosive paper talisman stuck firmly to their ethereal heads. With a stylish, highly practiced snap of Reimu's fingers, the talismans detonated simultaneously in a flurry of spiritual sparks, instantly dispersing the surrounding spirits with a series of soft pops.
(To be legally clear, no actual sentient beings will be permanently hurt in this specific 'Incident' activity. Once these generic Netherworld spirits are physically dispersed by danmaku, they just need some time to peacefully reform their energy. This is a perfectly healthy, 1800+ rated Gensokyo Incident).
Hearing Reimu's confident, aggressive voice, Leo's sense of security instantly surged. His tight silk blindfold had been completely removed by Yukari upon arriving. He looked around the pristine, cherry-blossom-filled courtyard at Yuyuko, Yukari, and Eirin sitting nearby on the wooden porch, and let out a very arrogant, confident snort. My bodyguard is here, you hags!
"Don't worry, Boss!" Reimu shouted across the courtyard, giving Leo a confident thumbs-up and revealing a charming, highly capitalistic smile. "The emergency rescue fee this time is exactly 100,000 gold in total! I absolutely guarantee I'll get you back to the farm safely. I'll even physically bundle these three troublemakers up for you, and you can do whatever you want with them as revenge!"
"Wait a minute!"
Leo, who had previously had his head held high in arrogant triumph, immediately snapped out of his confident delusion upon clearly hearing the specific number 100,000.
He looked dead seriously at Yukari, who was currently casually resting her chin on her hand and cheerfully greeting the arriving Ran Yakumo.
"Untie me! Quick! Let's fight Reimu together! I absolutely don't have that much liquid money for her to rescue me! We absolutely cannot let her succeed!"
With his hands and feet all tightly tied up with spiritual rope, Leo flopped onto the wooden floorboards. He desperately imitated Wakasagihime's land movements and wiggled his body like a frantic caterpillar, inching toward Yukari.
Seeing that the smirking Sage had absolutely no intention of untying him to join the fight, Leo instantly flipped over on his stomach and wiggled desperately toward the inner depths of Hakugyokurou to hide from his own rescuer.
Being conceptually invincible in Gensokyo was absolutely no joke. Leo now only desperately hoped that the three ancient monsters behind him could physically stall Reimu for a long while.
100,000 gold! Even if he sold his own healthy kidneys and liver on the black market, he wouldn't be worth that much! What couldn't he do with that kind of massive capital? He could add a massive automated shed for the animals, fully upgrade the wooden cabin again, upgrade all his iron tools to iridium, hire permanent Kappa escorts... absolutely anything was better than giving that hard-earned money to the bottomless pit that was Reimu. If he gave it to her and she didn't even actually let him do whatever he wanted with the kidnappers afterward, it would be a total, unmitigated financial loss!
Give me a gun! We're fighting our way out!
The explosive sound of high-tier magical fighting hadn't come from behind him yet; it seemed they were all still formally trash-talking each other to build tension. Leo wiggled exhaustingly out of the main room and flopped down into the soft grass beneath the sea of blooming cherry blossom trees.
This was too frustrating. Was this the absolute, terrifying gap between an ordinary human and a Great Youkai?
Leo now desperately wanted to permanently increase his own combat power and stats, and the only legendary item in Stardew Valley directly related to permanent self-enhancement was the mythical Stardrop fruit. It was entirely his fault for living too casually and just fishing every day. Once he got back to the farm this time, he swore he would aggressively start grinding for Stardrops to see what magical effect they actually had on a human body after eating them.
BOOM!
A massive, colorful explosion suddenly sounded from behind the paper screens. Just as Leo struggled to turn his head from the grass to check the battle, he saw a blur of white and blue flying horizontally through the air directly toward him at high speed.
The two collided heavily, and Leo rolled a long distance across the grass, tangled up with the projectile.
"Hiss! What a heavy punch," Eirin Yagokoro grunted, sitting up. She released Leo from her protective arms and rubbed her sore shoulder. If she hadn't actively protected Leo just now when she was violently sent flying through the wall, the squishy little guy's spine would have snapped and he would already be back in Pelican Town waiting to respawn.
"That's it?!" Leo yelled, spitting out grass. "Aren't you the legendary Sage of the Moon?! Why are you so physically weak?! Where are your sci-fi trump cards?! Lunar Goddess Orbital Cannon?! Eclipse Reverse Summon?! Fourth Apostle?! Go get her!"
Leo looked up at Eirin, whose usually perfect silver hair was completely disheveled, and angrily entered taunt mode. In his meta-knowledge impression, Eirin Yagokoro should be a flawless, unbeatable master strategist and combatant; how did she realistically get sent flying through a wall so easily by a shrine maiden?
"What nonsense are you babbling about?" Eirin scoffed, dusting off her skirt. "I'm definitely the absolute strongest one here. Why else would Reimu deliberately target and specifically sneak-attack me first to get me out of the fight?"
Unlike Tei Inaba's slight, prideful embellishment earlier, Eirin was telling the absolute tactical truth. Even the invincible Reimu couldn't easily pull off a legendary, frontal one-versus-three fight against these specific ancient monsters; by utilizing her system cheats and a devastating, preemptive sneak attack to eliminate the healer, Reimu had already given Eirin an immense amount of combat respect. Unfortunately for Reimu, Eirin had reacted just in time to block the worst of the impact.
"Today! No one! Can! Stop me from getting that 100,000! Fantasy Seal!"
Reimu's furious roar echoed deafeningly amidst the chaotic, dancing geometric patterns of deadly danmaku filling the sky. It seemed she was actually getting a bit anxious and pressured from being perfectly double-teamed by the spatial manipulation of Yukari and the overwhelming bullet density of Yuyuko, and had officially started spamming her invincible ultimate moves. Under the formal danmaku dueling rules, even she had to play along properly and dodge occasionally.
"Lord Leo... Leo, let's go!"
The massive, golden Great Fox ran over from a distance, effortlessly took the bound Leo from Eirin's side, and quickly used her sharp claws to slice the spiritual ropes, untying him.
"Go? None of you are going absolutely anywhere! All of you, get down here immediately!"
A sharp voice that sounded a bit childish but held terrifying, absolute cosmic authority rang out across the courtyard.
The Chief Justice of Gensokyo, the Yama-Loli, Eiki Shiki, stood before Eirin with an incredibly dark face, gripping her Rod of Remorse so tightly her knuckles were white. She looked like she wanted to eat someone alive for violating the laws of life and death.
The exact millisecond the Yama girl appeared, the millions of deadly danmaku bullets that had been flying everywhere simply ceased to exist, vanishing into thin air. Everyone instantly stopped fighting in unison with great, terrified tacit understanding.
This was the exact, calculated reason Yukari had deliberately chosen the Netherworld as the kidnapping battlefield; she knew that once things inevitably went too far and Reimu started destroying property, Eiki Shiki would be forced to appear and intervene. Absolutely no one dared to move recklessly or cast a spell in front of the ultimate judge of the dead, not even the invincible Reimu.
"You all are doing quite well today, aren't you?" Eiki's voice was dangerously quiet. "It's one major sin to brazenly enter the Netherworld as living beings without official permission, but you even arrogantly dare to fight a destructive battle here. Do you think I don't exist? Do you think the laws of the afterlife are a joke?"
A very small, petite figure projecting immense, crushing authority. The haughty vampire Remilia Scarlet would at most be considered an annoying, underage loli in front of this terrifying girl. This was true, undeniable majesty. Yukari, Eirin, Yuyuko, and Reimu immediately stood in a neat row, looking completely at the floor. They were as well-behaved and silent as Cirno after taking a brutal headbutt from Teacher Keine.
"Um... excuse me. I'm the victim here, and Ran is the one who officially reported the crime. This shouldn't have anything legally to do with us, right?"
Seeing Eiki Shiki take a very deep, long breath to begin her legendary, hours-long moral lecture, Leo, firmly holding Ran's warm hand, weakly raised his other hand to politely ask a legal question. He had only come to Gensokyo today for medical treatment for his broken legs; everything chaotic that happened afterward was entirely beyond his control. He absolutely wasn't taking any of the blame or sitting through a lecture.
Hiss—whoo—
Eiki Shiki exhaled heavily, rubbing her temples. "It has nothing to do with you two. Leave the Netherworld as soon as possible. Don't linger among the dead."
She waved her hand dismissively for Leo and Ran to leave the dimension. She was a perfectly just judge who clearly distinguished right from wrong. This whole chaotic Incident was entirely the fault of those two ancient troublemakers, Yukari and Eirin. Reimu was just greedily following along with the madness for a paycheck.
As for Yuyuko...
"It has absolutely nothing to do with me either!" Yuyuko chimed in, pointing a finger. "At most, I was just doing some light aerobic exercise in my own private home. That's not illegal, is it? On the contrary, Reimu violently tore down my historic front gate without a single word of warning! Wuwuwu, Lady Eiki, you have to stand up for my property rights!"
Yuyuko blinked her pure, innocent large eyes, looking quite blameless and victimized. If Leo hadn't literally just seen the entire sky blotted out by her terrifying, lethal 'Resurrection Butterfly' spell cards a minute ago, he might have actually believed her act.
"Then it has nothing to do with me either," Eirin stated calmly, smoothing her hair. "I hadn't even actively done anything offensive before being violently punched through a wall by Reimu. Officer, you simply cannot logically wrong an innocent medical professional."
Ignoring the group's increasingly ridiculous, finger-pointing excuses, Eiki Shiki just gave Leo a faint, warning glance to leave.
Leo didn't need to be told twice. He immediately pulled Ran's hand and sprinted outside the compound. It would be highly impolite and dangerous to stay and watch the resulting punishment show any longer.
"Goodbye, Youmu! Come visit the farm when you have some free time!"
As he sprinted past Youmu in the courtyard, Leo waved a cheerful goodbye. At this moment, the poor half-ghost gardener was pitifully squatting in the splintered ruins of the historic front gate, trying hard to find any pieces of wood still usable for repairs.
Truth be told, Leo thought, this place, Gensokyo, was a bit cursed; the expensive houses of these major powers would completely blow up or get destroyed every few days due to petty squabbles, especially the Scarlet Devil Mansion...
Wait!
Leo froze mid-step, his blood turning to ice.
It was HIS farm now! Flandre was currently unsupervised at HIS house!