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"Hah, you think I'm like you? I still have my Yuyuko, she'll come pick me up in a bit, unlike some people."
Yukari Yakumo aggressively bumped Leo aside with her hip and sat there calmly on the folding chair. The sound of heavy spring rain drumming against the canvas roof of the small "Family Foster Area" tent filled the silence. She crossed her long legs, adjusted her red tourist cap, and confidently waited for her beloved Yuyuko to realize she was missing.
But what exactly was Yuyuko doing at that precise moment?
Inside a massive, brightly lit tent with a hastily painted Adventurer's Tavern wooden sign hanging at the entrance, the air was thick with the mouth-watering scent of charcoal smoke and sizzling fish fat. Yuyuko gulped down a massive wooden cup of sweet honey water and slammed it heavily on the sticky tavern table, her cheeks flushed, looking slightly, happily drunk on the sugar.
In the open, steaming kitchen behind the counter, the Kappa interns were busily working the hot grills, their bodies entirely tense with primal terror. They were all nervous culinary students from the Chef Branch of Kappa Heavy Industries Vocational Technical College, working here part-time in the mud just for graduation credits.
But absolutely no one had warned them that their very first customer of the day would be the legendary, bottomless pit herself, Yuyuko Saigyouji!
The whole of Gensokyo's culinary underworld knew the terrifying, whispered rumors about what had happened on the day the humble Night Sparrow Tavern expanded into the Night Sparrow Canteen.
This is a wok, this is a spatula, this is Saigyouji Yuyuko. You have now learned the basic operations of stir-frying and can go challenge your opponent. Looking at Yuyuko sitting gracefully and elegantly at the counter with a polite, deadly smile, the head Kappa chef, carrying a massive, sizzling plate of heavily seasoned grilled fish, walked over with her webbed legs trembling visibly. No one knew the exact, horrific details of what physically happened in the shop on the day the Night Sparrow Canteen was destroyed. Afterwards, a traumatized Mystia Lorelei only described that her serving speed had to get faster and faster, her arms a blur, until her stamina simply couldn't keep up with Yuyuko's terrifying eating speed. Then, a massive black shadow swept violently through the entire shop, and absolutely all the raw ingredients she had painstakingly prepared for the week vanished into thin air, leaving the tables, chairs, benches, iron pots, bowls, and dishes completely shattered everywhere.
"Y-Yuyuko-sama, this is the grilled fish most popular with adventurers in our tavern, please try it!"
Even though her legs were knocking together with mortal fear, the Little Kappa persisted in completing the scripted role-playing task—this interactions was worth a full 10 academic credits! The desperate capitalist desire for credits barely diluted her fear of the legendary glutton, and she steadily placed the heavy, steaming plate directly in front of Yuyuko.
"Tastes good, ten more servings."
As soon as the Kappa turned her back, Yuyuko's cheerful voice rang out. The massive plate of grilled fish, originally weighing a full one and a half pounds, was now instantaneously reduced to just a picked-clean fish head and a tail bone. Hearing Yuyuko's terrifyingly fast order, the Little Kappa chefs busy at the grills squeaked in panic and magically sped up their cooking movements—this expensive tent was their financial responsibility, and if it got destroyed by a hungry ghost, they'd have to pay the massive compensation out of pocket!
Back in the dim, quiet waiting tent, the rain continued to pour.
"Hey, where's your dear Yuyuko~~? Why hasn't she come yet? Could it be... she forgot about you~~? Guess who Ran is here to look for~"
Sitting bored in the corner, Leo saw the tent flap flutter. He spotted Ran Yakumo's beautiful, golden nine-tailed silhouette walking over through the rain and immediately started mocking the already pale, ashen-faced Yukari in a highly annoying, shrill, sing-song voice. They had been sitting there in the damp cold for almost an entire hour, and not only had Yuyuko not shown up to claim her friend, but even the greedy Reimu hadn't bothered to come looking for the Sage.
"Ran, Ran, you must be here for me, right! You must be!"
Yukari leapt up from her chair and pitifully grabbed Ran's damp sleeve, her usually dignified voice tinged with actual, desperate sobs. She absolutely didn't want to be left as a lonely, forgotten old lady sitting in a dark tent with this smug little brother!
Ran was her loyal Shikigami, she MUST be here to serve her master! Right...?
"Um... how about, Yukari-sama, you come too? Yuyuko-sama is eating at the Adventurer's Tavern."
Ran reached out, gently grabbed Leo's hand, and affectionately pulled him up from the dirt floor. Looking at her ancient master's pathetic, clinging state, Ran sighed softly, hesitated for a brief moment out of pity, and politely extended her other hand toward the Sage.
"Good! Good! Let's go together!"
Instantly dropping the pathetic act, Yukari cheerfully patted the dust off her jeans, stood up in a flash, tightly hugged Ran's arm, and skipped ahead out into the rain.
On the other side of Ran, Leo clicked his tongue loudly in annoyance and reluctantly followed them into the storm. If the Old Hag likes being an awkward third wheel so much, why doesn't she just legally legally change her name and cosplay as a streetlamp?!
Meanwhile, at the edge of the Mine Cave Lake.
The heavy spring rain lashed against the dark surface of the deep mountain lake, creating a thousand rippling circles.
Chen, wearing a bright yellow raincoat, walked solemnly and dramatically onto the center of the massive wooden high platform built by the Kappa. She gripped the glowing, heavy Iridium Fishing Rod Bestowed by Heaven, Eternal and Prosperous tightly in her small paws. Directly behind her stood a rigid, militaristic row of Little Fairies, struggling to carry heavy wooden buckets filled to the brim with the incredibly pungent, rotting bait prepared by Wakasagihime.
"All troops, listen to my command—bait the water!"
At Chen's sharp, authoritative command, the Little Fairies behind her marched to the very edge of the high platform and ruthlessly poured bucket after heavy bucket of the bloody, foul-smelling bait directly into the dark waters of the Mine Cave Lake. SPLASH! SPLASH! The massive group of Great Youkai who had been casually fishing and playing around the muddy lake shores were forced to take two quick steps back as the water level visibly rose a bit from the sheer volume of chum—if they didn't retreat, their expensive shoes would get soaked in fish guts.
Deep underwater, the Spring Legendary Fish, which had been peacefully sleeping in its dark, underwater cave, suddenly smelled an impossibly potent, strange fragrance permeating its territory. Following the irresistible, bloody scent, the massive, moss-covered mutant fish swam out of the gloom and broke the surface.
Its giant, bulging eyes scanned the shoreline. It saw the terrifying, glowing circle of ancient Great Youkai standing around the perimeter of the Mine Cave Lake, and the serious little cat girl standing highly above them on the wooden platform.
The massive amount of bait sinking to the muddy lake bottom, combined with the incredibly powerful, cult-like group of people solemnly surrounding the water, gave the Legendary Fish a deeply bizarre, unsettling thought as it looked up at Chen on the high platform.
Could these crazy surface people actually be treating me like an ancient river god and holding some kind of dark, cult sacrifice to summon me?!
"Hey, little girl, what era is this? We don't do sacrifices anymore, that's feudal superstition, not to be believed!"
The massive Legendary Fish fully emerged from the foaming water, its heavy, spiked scales gleaming in the rain. As the special, system-coded, and absolute only Spring Fish King of Stardew Valley, it naturally possessed the magical ability to speak human languages.
Though it genuinely enjoyed the cruel sport of maliciously dragging arrogant anglers into the freezing water and violently snapping their expensive fiberglass fishing rods, it considered itself a Fish King full of modern, positive energy; a fundamentally good, progressive fish.
Feudal superstition? Among the incredibly powerful people standing on the muddy shore of the Mine Cave Lake, there were literally several ancient beings who physically survived on the belief in gods. There were all sorts of literal deities and walking spirits present—Buddhists, Taoists, animists, and literal personality cults—not a single, scientifically normal person among them. Gensokyo's residents were all professional experts in their own magical rights, and this giant fish was actually trying to lecture them about modern feudal superstition?!
"Today, we settle this once and for all!"
Ignoring the talking fish's lecture, Chen opened her mouth wide and aggressively scarfed down the hot plate of greasy fish and chips—this was the magical Dish O' The Sea Leo had cooked and given her earlier.
The crispy, salty flavor exploded on her tongue. The moment she swallowed, a blinding, golden aura erupted from her small body. Eating it instantly granted her a massive, system-breaking Three-Level Fishing Buff lasting exactly eight hours. Chen felt her muscles bulge with incredibly strong, unprecedented power; her fishing level was temporarily pushed to a god-like Level 13!
"Hoho, so this bait is an offering to me? Then I won't stand on ceremony. I haven't eaten breakfast yet, after all."
The massive Legendary Fish scoffed. It casually opened its cavernous mouth and ate a couple of massive mouthfuls of the pungent, sinking bait to fill its stomach a bit—it was smart, and knew it needed to save ample room for the actual hook later. Using its powerful, spiked tail, it arrogantly swept the remaining bait aside into the shallows for the ordinary, lesser fish in the lake to scavenge.
The Legendary Fish then floated quietly and menacingly in the dark water, its fins keeping it perfectly steady, waiting for Chen to cast her rod. Now that her system fishing level was mathematically at 13, she was finally, officially qualified by the game's code to physically challenge it.
"Take this rod—it's a fishing rod infused with everyone's heartfelt wishes! Don't underestimate us!"
Chen roared, her yellow raincoat flapping in the wind. She baited the razor-sharp Iridium hook with a massive wad of bait and powerfully cast the heavy rod that embodied the combined, exhaustive wishes of the entire farm.
The heavy, magic-infused line whizzed through the rainy air and hit the water with a heavy PLOP. The exact microsecond the bait entered the water, the Legendary Fish swam straight over with terrifying, torpedo-like speed and violently bit the hook.
CHIME! CHIME! CHIME!
The nine precious gems hanging on the glowing Iridium Fishing Rod vibrated intensely from the sheer kinetic force of the strike, colliding wildly with each other to produce a deafening, yet strangely pleasant, magical chiming sound.
Chen hugged the heavy Iridium rod tightly to her chest with both hands. She leaned backward with absolutely all her feline might, her rubber boots braced hard against the high platform's wet wooden railing for maximum leverage. Her whole small body was straining in agony, her muscles locking up until her black tail was pulled perfectly taut like a bowstring.
"Weak! Weak! So weak! It seems you know nothing of actual fishing techniques, relying only on brute force!"
The massive Legendary Fish fighting underwater was as incredibly heavy and immovable as a sunken defensive tower. It gently, mockingly swayed its massive, muscular body, swimming in erratic, aggressive zig-zags, tightening and deliberately loosening the line intermittently just to aggressively drain Chen's stamina bar.
Folks, today I'll perform a hilarious, one-sided cat-fishing show for you all, the fish thought smugly. The foolish cat girl is already hooked on my line, and we just need to slowly, painfully wear down her physical stamina—no rush. This is a cat girl with a cheated fishing level of 13, complete with bottomless stamina, so making her cry will be fun!
"Go! Go!"
The Little Fairies huddled safely below the wooden platform cheered loudly through the rain, enthusiastically waving bright yellow, sunflower pom-poms generously sponsored by Yuuka Kazami, aggressively cosplaying as a dedicated cheerleader squad.