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"Let us officially congratulate Hong Meiling for achieving absolute first place in Stardew Valley's very first Bandit King event! We formally invite all attending members of the Scarlet Devil Mansion to the stage to receive their grand award!"
The atmosphere at the main venue today was exceptionally, awkwardly strange. The usually arrogant Eldest Daughter of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, who valued her aristocratic face above absolutely all else and loved to loudly flaunt her vampiric majesty everywhere, was completely, suspiciously absent from the crowd.
On the brightly lit wooden podium stood only an exhausted, dirty Hong Meiling, awkwardly holding the massive, glowing trophy with a look of pure bewilderment, and Reimu Hakurei, the designated award presenter, who wore an incredibly forced, twitchy smile as she handed it over. Even the usually chaotic Flandre was quietly hiding directly behind Leo's legs, absolutely not daring to step forward into the spotlight to claim the prize for her family.
Don't ever underestimate a brat's sharp intuition; Flandre was actually quite incredibly clever when it came to reading a room's hostility. It absolutely wasn't as if she didn't mathematically know all about the massive, explosive, dimension-crossing fight between her smug sister and the furious Reimu two days ago. She absolutely wouldn't dare willingly get anywhere close to the Shrine Maiden right now; if she were caught on stage, she'd definitely be used as a political hostage to command the others, or worse, get her immortal bottom violently smacked with a gohei!
"Uh, it seems our esteemed Eldest Daughter Remilia has urgent, aristocratic matters to attend to and physically cannot make it to the stage today. Let's respectfully skip this awkward part and aggressively continue the ceremony! Please welcome our hard-working second-place winner, Youmu Konpaku!"
After standing there waiting in agonizing silence for a while and seeing that Remilia absolutely still refused to come out from hiding, Leo had absolutely no other choice but to loudly proceed with the script to save the mood.
Youmu Konpaku successfully secured second place entirely thanks to the massive, double point bonus from Yuyuko's designated feeding station. After all, absolutely no sane person in the crowd who miraculously dug up something delicious would ever willingly give it to someone else... unless the specific, terrifying person sitting at the feeding station was their own demanding Lady Yuyuko staring daggers at them.
Youmu absolutely didn't dare secretly eat a single, tiny bite of the delicious food she exhaustingly dug up; she dutifully, tearfully handed it all directly over to Yuyuko, who had been lazily lying at the feeding station all day drawing circles in the dirt and maliciously cursing Leo. Youmu herself could only miserably go home to Hakugyokurou late at night and pitifully eat plain green onion fried eggs with leftover rice for dinner.
Third place surprisingly went to Utsuho Reiuji (Okuu). This bird-brained child's massive success was purely, statistically due to being completely empty-headed and insanely lucky. Her bizarre, incredibly abstract, nuclear train of thought was sometimes hard for even the chaotic Little Fairies to logically follow.
Given the exact same, scribbled crayon treasure map as a normal player, Utsuho could stubbornly, loudly state a geographical perspective completely different from the original artist's intended vision. And she'd miraculously be so incredibly, confidently convincing in her broken logic that the specific Little Fairy who drew the map would slowly nod and feel that was indeed exactly how it should visually be interpreted, and that they must have simply buried the chest in the wrong place by mistake!
She would literally, passively pull the map-makers' IQ violently down to her subterranean level and then effortlessly defeat them with her rich experience in being an idiot!
Miss Utsuho Reiuji was an absolute pioneer who effectively created her own terrifying, unblockable school of thought: the Idiot Consciousness Style, which specifically, violently countered actual experts who overthought the puzzles. Her absolute, only natural nemesis in this specific field of idiocy was Cirno.
"The Bandit King event officially ends here! Finally, as the World Lord, I have some incredibly important, delicious news to formally share with everyone: the massive animal husbandry infrastructure at Stardew Valley Farm is fully established and operational! By early summer, we will officially be able to provide a limited, premium supply of various fresh meats! Absolutely everyone is welcome to come to Stardew Valley for massive BBQ cookouts, cold beer, and grilled clams!"
The massive crowd of Youkai violently cheered, throwing their hats into the air. This glorious, carnivorous news from Leo was absolutely no less historically significant to them than Aya Shameimaru suddenly turning over a new, honest leaf or Marisa Kirisame permanently retiring from her 'borrowing' hobbies—it was a grand, monumental announcement worthy of being permanently recorded in Gensokyo's history books!
The massive event was officially over, time to happily go home and sleep... or was it?
Looking outside the heavy wooden door of the farmhouse, Leo blinked. There was Miss Sakuya Izayoi, standing perfectly straight with her hands respectfully behind her back, looking very professional and majestic... yet carrying massive, heavy canvas bags and small, tied cloth bundles on her shoulders exactly as if she were desperately fleeing a natural disaster.
Directly behind her were Patchouli Knowledge and Koakuma, who both looked completely, physically half-dead and exhausted. Absolutely everything about this sudden, midnight arrival revealed that Remilia Scarlet absolutely wasn't as majestic and in control as she confidently appeared on the surface.
"Something the matter?"
Leo asked uncertainly, standing in the doorway. They absolutely didn't look like they were casually dropping by for a friendly midnight visit; they looked exactly like terrified war refugees. Thick, acrid black smoke was still wafting heavily off Patchouli's purple robes, the pristine white silk stockings on Miss Sakuya's legs were severely 'battle-damaged' and torn, and Hong Meiling in the back was in an even worse, tragic state, desperately clutching the violently twisted and deformed iron gate of the Scarlet Devil Mansion in her arms, looking so incredibly aggrieved she was about to actively shed 'little pearls' of tears on the porch.
"Yes. Flandre was being incredibly, violently naughty when we unfortunately went back this afternoon and she accidentally, magically blew up the entire Scarlet Devil Mansion again to its foundations. It absolutely hasn't been rebuilt yet by the fairies, so we're formally, gracefully staying at your place for a couple of days. You absolutely wouldn't be incredibly unwelcoming to your biggest clients, would you?"
Remilia Scarlet stepped out from behind Sakuya and said flatly, avoiding eye contact. Her aristocratic tone was very smooth and sincere, and the explosive excuse was actually one that people in Gensokyo could fully, realistically believe happening.
Leo silently glanced back at the four identical, blonde heads currently peeking out curiously from the corner of the stairs inside his house. If the Main Body Flandre absolutely hadn't been standing directly by his side all afternoon happily helping him clean up the venue trash, he might have actually, foolishly believed the vampire's lie.
"Alright, fine, I'll generously take your word for it," Leo nodded reluctantly, sighing. He'd just logically go along with whatever transparent lie Remilia said; he was genuinely afraid that if he actively pushed further and exposed her humiliation by Reimu, the 'majestic' Eldest Daughter would violently fly into a murderous rage to silence him. This was the great, wealthy benefactor who completely provided his smartphone with unlimited internet access; some dangerous things were vastly better left unquestioned by a smart man.
"But the farm cabin is completely full of people now. I'll arrange another, private place for you all to stay. Do you have any specific, aristocratic requirements for the house?"
"Massive, highly conspicuous, incredibly majestic, and something that immediately lets common people clearly see at a single glance that the Scarlet Devil Mansion is extraordinary and wealthy."
Remilia stated her arrogant requirements instantly, without a second thought, crossing her arms.
"I see... then let's go with this abandoned building." Leo swiped on his glowing phone screen and pointed out the specific location of the massive, ruined Community Center on the hill north of Pelican Town to Remilia.
Since this massive building absolutely didn't require complex Junimo bundles to repair in this specific reality, its actual use wasn't that great or magical anymore; it was literally just a massive, empty, slightly dusty house. If Remilia wanted to arrogantly live there like a queen, let her. After all, she had generously shared her vampiric abilities with him via the system, so it was only right to pay her back with some prime real estate...
Meanwhile, in the dark rafters of that exact building, Aya Shameimaru, who was currently furiously, happily writing a scandalous press release in her secret base, suddenly felt a violent, terrifying shiver run down her spine. Her long, paranoid years of experience in hiding from angry subjects and her sharp Tengu sixth sense screamed that this place was absolutely no longer safe—it was time to bolt!
Quickly, frantically packing her camera equipment and notebooks under the cover of night, Aya Shameimaru violently slipped out of the broken Community Center window with her luggage and hid silently in the nearby bushes to see exactly who was looking for her.
"This is the place. Smoothly move the things in first, Meiling. We'll simply make do for tonight and formally tidy up the dusty rooms tomorrow."
After heavily moving the massive luggage into the Community Center lobby, Sakuya Izayoi immediately went to efficiently make a soft bed for the Eldest Daughter. Hong Meiling, meanwhile, effortlessly removed the rotting, original wooden door of the Community Center from its hinges, forcefully, violently straightened the twisted iron Scarlet Devil Mansion gate with her bare, muscular hands, and aggressively installed it in the doorframe. Only then did she nod in absolute, sleepy satisfaction.
As for the discarded, rotting wooden door, she simply joined the two planks together on the floor, laid out her cheap bedding on top of it, and fell completely asleep instantly.
Heaven knows, she had just happily returned to Gensokyo that afternoon to proudly share her tournament joy with Miss Sakuya and the Eldest Daughter, only to tragically encounter Reimu Hakurei violently laying a magical siege to the castle! Without a single word of warning, Reimu had aggressively launched a massive, explosive Yin-Yang Orb right in her face, violently blowing her and the heavy iron gate completely away into the lake!
Pity her cozy guard room also completely perished in the massive explosion. Her entire worldly net worth now consisted literally only of this twisted iron gate she was holding. The simple tables and chairs she had proudly made herself and the old, sentimental items she collected were all completely gone! Along with some precious private savings she had desperately hidden in a thermos!
But... fortunately, the heavy iron gate was still physically there. Most of her actual, hard-earned private savings were cleverly, securely kept hidden deep inside the hollow metal bars of the gate. As long as the gate physically remained intact, everything was fine.
As long as the gate remains, the poor guard's dream lives on; between heaven and earth, true love still exists~~ love~
"Tsk, why on earth did Remilia and the others move into my base?!" Aya Shameimaru complained from the bushes, biting her lip. "Dammit, I have to exhaustingly find a brand new place to safely stay again!"
Aya Shameimaru, whose cozy 'crow's nest' had just been aggressively occupied by 'vampire bats,' saw that even the Community Center's front door had been violently replaced with an iron gate. She knew it was absolutely impossible to ever get her secret base back from them and decisively, silently vanished into the dark night.
In her dangerous line of paparazzi work, hesitation was the absolute greatest sin. Remilia's terrifying ability over manipulating fate meant Aya Shameimaru absolutely didn't even dare maliciously gossip about her behind her back, for intense fear of being instantly tracked down through the invisible lines of fate and impaled on a spear. If this specific secret base was gone, so be it; she had plenty of other hidden bases scattered around the valley anyway.
Carrying her heavy belongings, Aya Shameimaru darted silently through the dark Cindersap woods and soon arrived at a small, isolated cabin by the river (Elliott's Cabin), smoothly pushing the door open and stepping confidently inside to set up her new darkroom.