For 30 + advance chapter: patreon.com/Snowing_Melody
Back scrub: 20 gold; Traditional cupping: 20 gold; Iced fruit juice: 50 gold; Seasonal fresh fruit platter: 50 gold; Deep tissue massage: 80 gold; All-you-can-eat buffet: 100 gold; Premium BBQ is absolutely extra; Lady Yuyuko's bottomless consumption will absolutely be calculated entirely separately.
Additionally, there's a premium 'VIP Package Deal': the absolutely full spa service is only exactly 500 gold, fully including absolutely everything mentioned above and completely all luxury services not yet formally introduced.
This massive, luxurious bathhouse center created by Leo and Nitori Kawashiro's exploited workforce might absolutely not physically be a true "Heaven on Earth" where even breathing the humid air costs money, but one could cynically say there's a strict fee for absolutely every two steps taken inside. Though the listed prices absolutely weren't terribly high—just exactly the rough cost of a decent meal at the tavern—most ordinary people could safely afford it.
"Then the premium VIP package deal it officially is. Send the massive bill directly to the farm; Lord Leo's paying. It's completely his grand treat today."
Remilia Scarlet waved her small hand grandly and arrogantly arranged a massive, full VIP package deal for absolutely everyone in the group. They came here specifically to enjoy themselves in luxury, and in her aristocratic view, maliciously splitting every single service fee so incredibly finely was purely because Leo was a cheap capitalist who had absolutely nothing better to do after eating his fill.
"Alright, absolutely. Here are all your waterproof wristbands and locker number tags. The massive lockers in the changing room have the exact corresponding numbers where you can safely place your dry clothes. If you strictly need premium laundry service, please hang up the red laundry tag, and a Little Kappa will promptly come to collect them. Please be incredibly careful absolutely not to leave any shiny valuables in the lockers to strictly guard against Marisa Kirisame's presence."
The waterproof rubber wristbands were a bright, safety orange and could be comfortably worn on the wrist or efficiently used as a temporary hair tie in the water. Inside the massive, steamy changing room were neat rows of full-height wooden lockers, with massive, bold warning signs posted absolutely everywhere on the walls to Beware of Marisa's Presence.
After quickly undressing and modestly wrapping themselves in massive, fluffy white bath towels, absolutely everyone walked out of the heavy changing room doors.
What beautifully met their eyes was an incredibly massive, steaming open-air hot spring. The entire architectural structure of Heaven on Earth was an elegant, hollow-square-shaped wooden building with the massive, boiling hot spring located right in the dead center courtyard; one could logically, easily jump directly into the water by recklessly flipping over the polished wooden railings on the second or third floors.
"What exactly took you guys so incredibly long?! I've absolutely almost soaked myself entirely into a bloated steamed bun waiting before you arrived!"
Leo sat comfortably submerged to his chest in the scalding hot spring and waved energetically, completely not feeling embarrassed or shy at all. A small, floating wooden boat drifted gently directly in front of him, completely filled with various sliced tropical fruits and glasses of iced juices, making him look incredibly relaxed and decadent.
"Coming, meow!"
Chen absolutely didn't look exactly like a normal cat afraid of getting wet at all. She happily jogged to the rocky edge and did a massive, splashing cannonball dive directly into the water. After surfacing and shaking her head, she skillfully used the doggy paddle to rapidly swim to Leo's side, gracefully picked up a massive piece of pineapple with a wooden toothpick, and happily started eating.
"Yahoo! We can violently play in the water!"
The four hyperactive Flandre clones darted aggressively around the massive hot spring exactly like blonde torpedoes. It was incredibly lucky this specific hot spring was physically massive enough for Flandre to chaotically play like this without restraint, or they would absolutely have violently hit the rocky walls long ago and cracked their heads.
"Mistress, absolutely relax~ relax~. Just gently move your pale legs slowly. Absolutely don't worry, I'm firmly holding your hands."
On the far other side, safely in the shallow children's pool, Remilia was proudly wearing a bright, frilly red swimsuit and nervously splashing in the shallow area. Sakuya Izayoi was gently, professionally guiding her small body to patiently teach her exactly how to swim...
Well, Remilia absolutely couldn't swim. Vampires are naturally, biologically afraid of running water; is there a massive problem with a vampire not knowing exactly how to swim?! She was the incredibly elegant, powerful Mistress of the Scarlet Devil Mansion; absolutely wasn't it perfectly normal and dignified for her not to know how to doggy paddle?!
Thanks to the incredibly thick, white mist floating heavily on the boiling surface of the hot spring, Yukari Yakumo and Yuyuko successfully found a completely unnoticed, quiet corner behind some rocks to sit down in. The bright red, glowing spirit charm Ofuda mark physically stuck on her small arm made the tiny Yukari Yakumo's pale skin look even fairer in the steam. Feeling the incredibly warm, soothing water gently flow over her tired skin, Yukari Yakumo peacefully closed her eyes in absolute comfort.
She had exhaustingly done so incredibly much political scheming and manipulation over the centuries just for her peaceful retirement—to lazily eat and drink heavily every single day, to comfortably sleep until noon... well, completely forget that last part. Even when she was ruling in Gensokyo, she just desperately wanted to lazily sleep exactly as late as she wanted, go out happily with Yuyuko to see the cherry blossoms, and maliciously tease her little brother Leo. Life was absolutely much more flavorful and interesting this way.
This was truly living, not just being born and exhaustingly surviving.
Leaning her small head comfortably on Yuyuko's soft, wet shoulders, the ancient Sage of Youkai peacefully closed her eyes, essentially 'passing away' into absolute relaxation at the fake age of 29.
In the foggy distance, the loud, chaotic sounds of Flandre's splashing laughter while playing violently in the water gradually blurred out, and the annoying sounds of the little brother Leo and Remilia aggressively bickering also grew faint. Her ancient thoughts drifted smoothly with the warm ripples of the water as she became incredibly drowsy; Yukari Yakumo actually fell completely, deeply asleep in the pool.
"Woo... Youmu~ Youmu~ I desperately want a snack boat too~"
Glancing at her sleeping best friend leaning heavily beside her, Yuyuko absolutely didn't dare physically move her shoulders too much, so she could only quietly, desperately call out to Youmu in a low, whining voice, asking her to quickly go get a massive floating snack boat exactly just like Leo's.
Youmu obediently nodded, got up out of the water, went directly to the wet bar to aggressively order an identical, overflowing snack boat, and gently placed it in the water directly next to Lady Yuyuko. Then she immediately soaked back down into the hot spring with a sigh. As a half-phantom, her physical body temperature was biologically always much lower than a normal living person's, so safely soaking in the scalding hot spring was incredibly, deeply comfortable for her.
Splash.
After an absolutely unknown amount of time had passed—at least long enough for exactly three completely empty, licked-clean snack boats to be floating aimlessly around Yuyuko—Leo lazily paddled over through the mist. He was just about to tell them to completely stop soaking so their skin wouldn't prune and aggressively go directly to the BBQ party outside, but exactly as soon as he opened his mouth, he saw the deeply sleeping, tiny Yukari Yakumo leaning on the ghost.
"Should I gently wake her up? The massive BBQ party is absolutely about to start outside, and Remilia and the hungry others have already headed over to the grills."
Leo whispered quietly to Yuyuko. He had been blindly looking through the mist for a while; so this quiet corner was exactly where the two lazy gluttons were hiding.
Yuyuko silently pointed a wet finger at her own stomach and then directly at Yukari Yakumo, shaking her head helplessly with a smile. It was incredibly rare for the stressed Yukari to peacefully sleep so comfortably and deeply, and she absolutely didn't want to violently disturb her sweet dreams.
But the massive BBQ feast outside...
Yuyuko thought greedily for a brief moment and suddenly had an incredibly good, selfish idea. She violently grabbed Leo's hand underwater, forcefully had him directly support Yukari Yakumo's sleeping head on his shoulder, and then instantly, magically phased directly through the water, floating rapidly away toward the smell of meat.
"Help me completely out for a bit! I'll absolutely come back to switch places with you exactly once I'm full!"
Yuyuko shamelessly left those echoey words behind before she completely departed the pool...
The misty scene instantly became incredibly awkward. Leo looked at the rapidly drifting, fleeing Yuyuko with an incredibly pained, betrayed expression. Wait until you're completely full?! By the time your bottomless stomach is completely full, I'll literally have soaked into a bloated, boiled corpse in here! Besides, he absolutely couldn't keep awkwardly supporting her heavy head with his arm like this forever; it was incredibly tiring!
Completely out of political options, Leo sighed, carefully sat down exactly where Yuyuko had been hiding, and gently used his broad shoulder to fully support the sleeping Yukari Yakumo's head, sitting there completely motionless exactly like a punished student violently forced to stand in the corner by a strict teacher.
It absolutely wasn't that he was terrified of Yukari Yakumo anymore; it was strictly just that she absolutely hadn't maliciously bothered him lately since being shrunk, plus she was biologically currently just a powerless child. It was literally just special, gentle treatment for a sleeping child. He would absolutely give the exact same protective treatment to Flandre, Chen, or Kogasa if they fell asleep in the water!
Watching the three completely empty wooden snack boats drift further away and disappear into the thick mist, Leo's mind was absolutely no longer on the relaxing hot spring. He vividly, painfully imagined his absolute favorite grilled squid skewers currently being aggressively eaten exactly one by one by the bottomless Yuyuko outside, the poor squid desperately calling his name before they tragically died in her stomach! Leo's stomach began to aggressively growl unhelpfully.
Grumble~
"Mmm~ Yuyuko, are you incredibly hungry? Let's..."
The loud, rumbling sound of a growling stomach seemed to instantly be Yukari Yakumo's waking trigger. Exactly as soon as it sounded, she groggily woke up. Without even opening her tired eyes, she instinctively, lazily reached out her small hand for Yuyuko's hand, fully intending to magically open a Gap to go greedily get hot food.
But the physical, muscular sensation from the hand she grabbed made her instantly, violently freeze in terror. This massive, calloused size absolutely wasn't right at all! Her ancient brain quickly booted up in panic, and when she finally snapped her eyes open, she absolutely didn't see her fragrant and soft Yuyuko, but rather her stinky, annoying little brother's desperate, starving expression of someone who had just been violently released from a long prison sentence!
Where the hell's my Yuyuko?! Why on earth has she been completely replaced by the little brother?!
"She selfishly went directly to the massive BBQ feast outside without us. If you sleep absolutely any longer, she'll literally even aggressively eat the hot charcoal along with the dipping sauce! Let's go right now!"
Seeing Yukari Yakumo finally awake, Leo absolutely couldn't wait to violently stand up, grab a towel, and frantically change his wet clothes for the BBQ. Any single second later and he absolutely wouldn't even have a single drop of dipping sauce left to lick!