I'm broken and I'm a mess, do you still want me? My walls are weakening, my control slipping , the reins I'd once held tight are ripping, do you still want me? One day I'd loose it and I will become the monster they called me, would you still want me?
Purple awoke with pain tearing through her gut. Slowly getting off the bed, she made her way to the med kit they brought with them. Maybe she shouldn't have wolfed down the food so quickly. They'd run out of water, taking the tablets and a glass she walked out the room and headed for the kitchen.
Damn, next time she has to listen when a certain annoying someone with lighter grey eyes tells her to slow down.
The thought of their interactions the afternoon before made her annoyed all over again. How could he call her fat.
Maybe she should walk back in there and wake him up. How could he sleep so soundly when he got her here thinking about going on a diet.
"Ah! " She almost jumped out of her skin seeing the silhouette of a man standing before the kitchen sink.
Her gasp slowly turned into a surprised hiss when she realized it was Don. She hadn't realized he wasn't in the bed earlier. It was so dark anyway.
With her heart slowed and mind calm once again, the pain just resurfaced all over again. She quickly made her way to the sink, Don making way and watching quietly as though to determine what was going on.
Within a few breaths, she had gulped down the drug, however the effects were slow and the pain just kept on.
"Stomach ache?"
She heard the deep drowned voice of her quite man. Oh Don, Don would've never said that about her. Watching Don's form as he poured himself a glass too, she asked;
"Don, am I fat?"
Her hands slowly wounded round his waist, burying her head in her favourite hiding place, Don's chest. He was so warm and broad, and firm, maybe she really was fat. Compared to their fit form, she was so ... fat.
She looked up into his charming eyes,her hold on him tightening as a frustrated scream threatened to break through her lips.
"You're not fat."
"Liar", she was like this and he still dared to say she was not fat? And why had he delayed in answering? Was he trying to cheer her up? And who had taught her Don to lie. He never lies. Her silent man only liked to express himself when she was around and even so he'd rather be quiet than lie. Unlike that blabbermouth.
A startled gasp left her lips as she was swiftly lifted onto one of the counters.
Dark grey eyes looked into hers. The honeyed layer bleeding treacherously into the storm, their presence clear in the dark. They whispered the words"trust me" so honestly. She hadn't realized when he'd placed the glass aside.
"I love every bit of you Pur."
Solid hands caressed her thighs, softly groping her ass and with a slow and gentle move, she was in his arms, her bottom resting on his hands. Her legs instinctively wrapped around his waist, her arms around his neck and in time with his gentle tug, her forehead rested on his.
"You fit perfectly into me Pur... You're a gift, an undeserved blessing.''
If Dan was an enchantment, Don was a mystic. Dan's grins were a spell, sending her into chaos, Dan's silence and calmness was a call, a desolate request. He made her so calm, he reached into her soul calling out for her to seek his own spiraling one. And maybe she was just being paranoid, but something was wrong with her Don.
She looked again into his entrancing eyes, she was right. His averted gaze at her questioning eyes said as much. Her Don would never lie. He'd rather not answer.
Her eyes trailed his face, then to his stormy eyes. How could she have missed this. Her Don had missed his glow since the morning before, even while he messed up the kitchen, he seemed distracted.
"Don, what is wrong?" The concern on her face reflected her worries. And she knew he could tell. What had happened, what had caused her Don to loose his glow like that. Who hurt him? Was it her? Had she been too harsh the afternoon before.
"Let's get you to bed Pur, you're not well."
"I'm going no where Don, unless you tell me what's going on."
''We should...
Before he could refuse once again, she grabbed onto his face setting his avoiding eyes on her.
"You tell me to go back again, and I'm not going to be happy."
His eyes searched hers, seeing the sincerity in them , his gaze dropped again. His silence engulfed the room, and finally when he spoke, his words were a soft whisper.
"Let me take you somewhere nice Pur."
She didn't know where she was being taken, however her arms embraced him tightly a direct agreement to his request.
After a while, they'd reached the second floor. That was were the rooftop pool was situated. However they hadn't stopped there. His steps led them into a room on the side.
And a magical paradise greeted them. It was the night sky and rain, the sound of pitters and patters a comforting hymn echoing in the room.
It was already dawn, the skies didn't hold such stars nor was it raining when they entered. Which only left one reasoning, it was man made.
A rainy night. It was so pretty, she hadn't realized she was being carefully watched by her quite and troubled man.
"Chef Thomas said you loved rainy nights."
"It is beautiful."
Gently, he lowered her to the ground. And seeing the glass that kept the stars and rain in it's secure hold, she couldn't help but feel a sense of comfort sweep through her.
However she had walked here for a reason, and she wasn't going to let the beautiful scenery distract her.
Seeing the beautiful patch of artificial grass and flowers on the floors she dragged Don to a side where the view was blocked by his profile.
Sitting comfortably on the patch of grass, she said,
" So tell me, what is going on?"
However, a deep silence is all she had for an answer.
"Is it my fault?"
" No it's mine."
The answer was swift this time.
"I lost control and Pur, I rarely loose it. But..last night I realized, I might...I might hurt you when I do loose it completely. I hate to hurt you Pur, especially now when you're so good to us. But somehow I can't stop it. It's chaos, and raging and I can't seem to stop it. I'm scared Pur, I'm scared I might be the reason we loose you... I'd always been calm, always been in control, it was the best cover and the best shield too yet now I don't seem to have a hold anymore.
I just ... I'm scared... you'll hate me and try to leave..."
That was seriously the longest Don had spoken. And his expression broke her.
He looked so lost, so...much like a fallen man.
And that is why she embraced him. Tight and assuring.
" Don't run Pur." He said.
And she has heard those words before, has she not?
However, now she had something else to think about.
She understands what Don is feeling. The previous night, she had held that burning tool against their skin, and even though she knew she was going to hurt them, she was too drunk on their plea for more to stop herself. She had never done what she did that night before, nor had she ever thought of hurting her men like that.
They'd changed her too, in a way she never thought she could. Somehow she felt she's also lost a hold on something she used to hold onto.
"That's what it does to us, love. It breaks boundaries and walls, makes you vulnerable, like that."
That was what she'd come to understand.
Now she didn't try to fight it or overthink either.
"But I don't want to loose control."
"Why because you're scared you'd hurt me? I'm fine Don, trust me "
" They call me a monster Pur."
"Who dares to call you that... Is it Dan? Hmm tell me I'll take care of that talker for you."
"Pur.. I might.. really loose control, I'm that unstable. We are. Dan and I. However I've held on for so long, I'd been so good at it for so long, my facade never slipped. And when I subtly let loose the other night you saw what happened..."
" I don't care.."
She remembers what had happened the other night the memories still an unfamiliar play in her mind. Don had held her grip around the burning quail, it had burned her then, she'd told him to stop and yet he wouldn't... couldn't. A desperate begger, that was what he turned into forcing her hands to trace the words "Mine" and " Yours" on his chest. He'd laughed so loud and big then. She had never thought he was able to laugh like that.
Back then, he had said,
"I'm going to be yours when you call me mine and even if you don't, I'll always be yours, all of me Pur..."
She had been so shocked back then, she had never seen her Don like that. She was even more surprised when he'd taken the quail and burned the words Mine on her neck. But he hadn't been the only one, Dan had scribbled his name on her back too. It had been so painful. The burn sizzling her skin but she felt how it had made them feel. They'd been so happy, her men had been so ecstatic about the marks they left on her. And she was proud of herself for that.
Don wasn't used to loosing his control like that and maybe he would one day be driven insane with his possessiveness, maybe even lock her up, but she knew he'd never really harm her.
You could be a monster and yet I'd still claim you mine. She wanted him to know that, maybe drill it into the part of his genius brain that kept holding back when it came to her.
"You're are mine Don, a monster a villain an overlord but mine."
Her eyes trailed down the loose PJs he wore the dark color a complement to his tanned his. Right there, peaking out the dress trying to show itself to it's maker was the marks she'd left on him. Now it was slowly healing a wound she'd caused. But she was fine as long as they were too. And that was why she was going to make sure her gloomy man snapped out of.
"You can loose control Don, you can let go of the reins you've held on for so long, slowly, and I'd be here to take it."
"I know you wouldn't hurt me."
" You don't know that... Even i don't. You saw how I was back then too..."
" Don listen to me, that night, you marked me as yours,and I'm proud to be yours. I saw the marks today myself and I thought they'd be terrible but it's beautiful and I know I can feel your presence now even if you're no where near. The thought drives me crazy with joy. And yes it hurts, but it will go away after a while, that tiny prickling couldn't possibly overcome my joy... Trust me Don, you listened, that night when I told you to stop you listened not entirely but you loosened your hold enough for me to easily bolt free if I wanted to. But I didn't. I chose not to, I chose to stay in your grasp, I chose to let you have your fun, and maybe I was in the wrong. I was so selfish and careless for doing that, but I'd never seen you so freed, I never heard you laugh so loud. It was beautiful and I was the selfish one wanting to hear more of it even if made you think you'd caused me pain or forced me to. I'm... I'm really sorry..... Mn.."
'I trust you,'.
' it's ok'. ,
' I'm yours'.
' and breath..'.
Yes, how could she forget, Don's lips transferred messages in their own way. A special way that cost her breath. She knew why now... Why she couldn't bring herself to breathe. Don took her to a world beyond, a word of silence and peaceful interactions, his words a fleeting hymn and if she dared to breath maybe she'd miss them. She didn't want to. Se wanted to hear it all, feel it all and have all of him. His mess, the darkness he'd locked away that only showed in their special place in the world he leads her into. She was curious about the Don he hid from her. And yet this was the only times he set him loose.
"Breath Pur. "
Halted breaths broke through her throat in haste, making her cough and heave.
Yeah, she was too greedy.
After a while she relaxed and stared at the silent angel before her. Don's curls fell to his face in clustered strands always managing to hide his beautiful eyes. And she'd made it her hobby to swoop them away from their place, that is if she isn't busy making a good mess of it as she has done now. If you could fall in love with Dan's grin, you'd probably have a crush out at the sight of Don's lethal eyes and his naturally pouted lips that now glistened with reminants of their passionate kiss. The soft way they beconed to be touched, to be caressed to be loved. And looking at his glistening eyes, she knew he was too out of it himself to realize what he was doing to her.
Making herself comfortable on the lap she had at some point gotten onto, she stared in his glazed irises..
"I'm always going to be here. If you ever loose loose control, I'll be there to bring you back, and if I should ever be stubborn or annoyed enough by your brother to run away, then drug my stubborn ass back here kicking and clawing. I'll be fine if you just let me hit him a few times. And if I refuse to stay,then lock me up, if I refuse to love you back, then show me I marked you mine. I can't possibly refuse to take responsibility."
Surely there was nothing in this world that could make her want to leave her men, if she ever did that, it would definitely be something life threatening.
"Pur... I love you. And I think you'd be the end of me."
"Yeah right, did you just realize that? You'd be the end of me too. How could you be so cute and yet so miserable huh? What were you thinking, keeping all that to your self... I told you no secrets remember! What am I going to do with you."
" Anything Pur, you can do anything to me, use me all you want Pur, I'm entirely yours ''
She was so naive, saying he was cute. He was only cute because he was unaware of what his actions could do to a certain lady right before him. The iconic sight of her man who'd gently tugged away his shirt to show her the inscriptions she'd made on the base of his collar. Don was a dark sin, a slippery path so alluring. It's calls subtle and it's sincerity assuring until you take a step and you find yourself slipping, slipping into the sweet innocent darkness that was him. Surely sincerity and pure honesty couldn't have such power. He didn't have to enchant her or trick her or seduce her like his sneaky brother did. His raw and unintentionally unfiltered words brought her to him.
Just like they'd beconed her lips to his. Cupping the face of her dark trippy sin, she made sure he understood just how much his words affected her. And it was so assuring so satisfying how his palms warmed against her back.
Her Don.
"Pur, let's be a forever."
"Yes let's do that, for as long as forever can possibly last."
"Till death do us apart ."
"Yes till death do us apart."