Kurotsuchi's ability to casually call out Makoto and Hikari by their actual names clearly indicated that these Kage had already shared their intelligence.
'No wonder they had all gathered together for a boss-fight ambush.'
However, Hikari honestly didn't give a damn about whether the enemy had shared tactical information.
She was way more concerned about what the actual fuck Kurotsuchi was just talking about.
'A steed? What the hell is that supposed to mean?!'
'Even if I take a million steps back into the realm of pure degeneracy... does a chick in a wheelchair honestly qualify to be someone else's steed?!'
'How does the logic of that even work?!'
"Now that you know exactly what we're here for, just hand over the One-Tail. There's absolutely no need for further bloodshed," Konan stepped forward, facing the all-female Allied Shinobi Forces without a trace of fear.
During their flight over, Konan had politely asked if they should just summon the rest of the Akatsuki members for backup, noting that the organization absolutely loved a good, chaotic team battle.
But Makoto had vetoed the idea.
For him, this godforsaken Limited Tsukuyomi DLC was finally nearing its end.
There was no need to introduce any more variables or traumatize any more of his friends.
"No need for further bloodshed?! Are you fucking hearing yourself?!" the alternate Tsunade roared, her voice cracking with righteous fury.
"You personally destroyed Konoha and slaughtered so many of our innocent villagers..."
"Wait a minute," Temari suddenly frowned, cutting Tsunade off and piercing her with a glare.
"Didn't your earlier intelligence reports say Konoha's shinobi forces were almost completely wiped out? Why are you only crying about the dead villagers right now? What about your actual ninja?"
"Uh... it was a slip of the tongue," Tsunade stammered, her face instantly flushing bright red with embarrassment.
"Just a minor slip of the tongue."
"Bullshit it was a slip of the tongue!" Temari snapped, her voice ringing with absolute disgust.
Standing right in front of the Allied Shinobi Forces, Temari began to publicly air out the Hidden Leaf's dirty laundry, her words cutting through the desert air like a sharpened blade.
"My little brother Gaara was once a cheerful, sweet boy! He was loved by everyone in the village and was so eager to make normal friends. But during the Chūnin Exams years ago, he unfortunately crossed paths with your village's twisted, degenerate Nine-Tails Jinchūriki. From that horrifying moment on, Gaara was so traumatized that he chose to befriend his inner demon, the One-Tail Shukaku instead, completely abandoning all human companionship!"
"Later, your village's rogue ninja, Orochimaru, launched his grand 'Konoha Restoration Plan,' attempting to resurrect all of the Leaf's past shinobi. The Third Hokage only managed to stop half of it, which accidentally allowed Orochimaru to revive our dead father, Rasa."
"After his resurrection, Rasa proved he was still a piece of shit. He aggressively forced Gaara to transform into Shukaku every single day, using my brother as a literal punching bag to vent his rage. Gaara grew to hate everything, wanting to murder all living beings alongside Shukaku, forever abandoning his belief in love."
"Well, that is a deeply tragic story," Mei Terumi remarked, her voice tinged with genuine surprise.
"But then how exactly did you become the Kazekage, young lady? If Rasa was revived, shouldn't he be leading the village?"
"Ah, speaking of that... that is an even greater, unforgivable disgrace to the Hidden Sand," Temari sighed heavily, rubbing her temples.
"And we actually have to thank that goddamn Nine-Tails Jinchūriki for it."
"During the Konoha Restoration Plan, Gaara initially resisted the Nine-Tails Jinchūriki's sick mind-control attempts, refusing to form a 'romantic bond' with the beast. He even unleashed Shukaku's full power to fight back."
"But that cunning, perverted Jinchūriki used Exploding Tags combined with the Thousand Years of Death technique to completely shatter Gaara's pride!"
Everyone winced.
"Who could have predicted that only one of the Exploding Tags shoved up his ass would actually detonate?" Temari continued, staring blankly into the distance.
"The other tag might have been a faulty dud... or perhaps it was just too high-quality, and the sheer force of the first explosion propelled the second tag much, much deeper inside."
"It wasn't until our father, Rasa—that absolute beastly excuse for a human being—used his Magnet Release Gold Dust to physically reach up inside Gaara and forcefully detonate the remaining Exploding Tag."
"..."
Makoto's soul left his body.
"Caught completely off guard by the internal blast, Rasa was critically injured," Temari said deadpan.
"Gaara, meanwhile, suffered a devastating crippling blow to both his body and his mind."
"Seizing the golden opportunity while Rasa was incapacitated and bleeding out from the ass-shrapnel, I just used my Kamaitachi wind scythe to cleanly sever my father's head, finally ending the miserable bastard's life."
"Gaara's... condition made him entirely unfit to inherit the Kazekage title. And Kankuro literally spends all his days aggressively playing with Sasori of the Red Sand's inflatable, life-sized sex puppets, showing absolutely zero ambition for leadership. So the burden fell to me—and only me—to become the Kazekage."
Temari sighed deeply, then pointed a furious, accusatory finger right at Tsunade's face.
"And absolutely ALL of this is the Hidden Leaf's fault! We came out here in good faith to forge an alliance, and this absolute clown show is the result we get?!"
"It seems the alternate Orochimaru is actively working with them," Makoto whispered to his group.
"Huh? How do you know that?" Uchiha Hikari asked, completely surprised.
As their dedicated telepathic liaison in the real world, the real Orochimaru hadn't shared a single drop of this crucial tactical information with her.
This suggested that from her end, everything was supposed to be proceeding peacefully as planned.
Moreover, besides Orochimaru, there was the real Tsunade.
If the two enemy sides were collaborating for an ambush, shouldn't she have been frantically warned first?
"Because Orochimaru is a rogue ninja," Makoto explained calmly. "Even if Temari is furious, she wouldn't be acting this self-righteous about an alliance with the Leaf unless they brought something massive to the table. And look at the others—Mei Terumi, Kurotsuchi, and Karui are all dead silent. This shows they all know Temari has a totally legitimate grievance, but they're willing to overlook it for the greater good."
Makoto paused, analyzing the Kage.
"The key here is the resurrection aspect of that 'Konoha Restoration Plan' Temari mentioned. That is highly likely their ultimate trump card."
"Resurrection? Who else could literally bring the dead back to life besides Nagato with his Rinnegan?" Konan frowned deeply.
"Resurrection? Big deal. Just kill them again after they're revived. It's not even as annoying as fighting the Impure World Reincarnation..." Hikari scoffed confidently, but her words suddenly trailed off as she received a telepathic ping.
She totally lost her train of thought.
Then, Hikari opened her mouth, looking like she desperately wanted to scream a string of curse but barely held them back.
"Tsunade just told me she completely stopped watching her counterpart in this world," Hikari gritted her teeth.
"She rage-quit the broadcast after discovering her alternate self was planning to transplant someone else's tits into herself. She found it way too disgusting, so she's just been sitting in the audience writing her smut novel instead. So she had no idea what her counterpart was doing to organize this ambush!"
"And Orochimaru..." Hikari's eye twitched.
"He just chimed in. He said the scientific ideas behind his alternate self's 'Konoha Restoration Plan' were simply brilliant. While he seemed like he was properly communicating with us and doing his job as our overwatch, he was actually taking notes on his counterpart's actions. He couldn't bear to miss a single scientific detail, so the asshole just didn't stop to warn us about the ambush until right now!"
Hikari violently stomped her foot in the sand in sheer frustration.
"The Legendary Sannin?! More like the Legendary Shitheads! None of them are reliable! They're all completely insane!"
"Okay, so... has Orochimaru at least explained how his counterpart revived people in this world?" Makoto asked, trying to salvage the situation.
He knew perfectly well how meticulous Orochimaru was when it came to hardcore Ninjutsu research.
Some physics and mechanics of the Limited Tsukuyomi world were fundamentally bugged and couldn't be directly applied to the real world (like the Yin-Female Water just becoming ordinary Hero Water when ported over, or the Heavenly Transfer Jutsu just being a fast-travel technique).
Therefore, Orochimaru's intense obsessive focus must mean he had genuinely witnessed a viable scientific breakthrough.
"He's saying..." Hikari paused, listening to the voice in her head.
"Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay, what the fuck?"
Hikari nodded as if she were on a phone call, then relayed the insane message to Makoto.
"He says that in this universe, his counterpart first researched advanced cell cultivation and cloning techniques. He only recently began studying the Impure World Reincarnation."
"His initial resurrection attempts failed because his Edo Tensei technique was buggy and not yet fully mature."
"So, his genius method for truly resurrecting people in this world is this: He uses the Edo Tensei to successfully summon the target's soul from the Pure Land into a basic ash vessel. Then, once they become a functional Edo Tensei zombie... he surgically and gradually replaces the Edo dirt and ash with actual, living human stem cells cultivated in a lab!"
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