Attacking a fully manifested Susanoo with a standard kunai is an exercise in profound stupidity.
The core reason Danzo Shimura once attempted it was his utter lack of Space-Time Ninjutsu and tactical foresight.
The tranquilizer syringes Senju Tobirama planted directly into Naruto and Sasuke's backsides, however, were genuinely effective.
It operated on the exact same principle as the Fourth Great Ninja War, where Gaara used his sand to forcibly drag Uchiha Madara out of his Susanoo.
The Flying Thunder God Technique allows the user to choose a precise landing point relative to the target, offering immense tactical flexibility.
When Tobirama transported Sarada earlier, he maintained a safe distance.
Now, he closed the gap completely.
By teleporting at point-blank range, he essentially materialized directly inside the Susanoo, naturally bypassing its absolute defense.
The same flawless logic applied to Naruto's side.
Orochimaru had specially formulated the anesthetic.
The exact moment Sasuke was hit, he only felt a sharp stinging pain in his ass.
Before his brain could even process what happened, his vision went black.
Sasuke's very last thought before losing consciousness was wondering if the pain was from one of Naruto's Shadow Clones sneaking up and using the Thousand Years of Death on him.
The Susanoo could defend against external attacks, but what if Naruto had transformed into a small pebble and hidden behind him before the skeletal ribcage activated?
As former teammates, Sasuke had witnessed and cooperated with Naruto in countless absurd maneuvers.
Every time Naruto pitched a ridiculous plan, Sasuke would smirk, call him a total loser, and then silently execute the strategy perfectly.
This had been their dynamic from the very beginning.
After all, Naruto was the Number One Most Unpredictable Ninja.
As Sasuke thought of this, a faint, nostalgic smile graced his unconscious lips.
But a second later, his subconscious remembered the current reality—Naruto wasn't just the Number One Most Unpredictable Ninja anymore.
He was the Number One Most Unpredictably Pregnant Ninja!
The smile on his face instantly vanished.
...
Over on Naruto's side...
Even though Sasuke had collapsed into the dirt, "Naruto" was still bursting with terrifying vigor.
Clearly, Orochimaru's heavy anesthetic dose had failed.
The entity currently piloting Naruto's body was the Nine-Tails itself.
'Naruto's physical body is anesthetized, but what does that have to do with me?'
Tailed Beasts are massive aggregations of chakra that possess life-like characteristics.
For example, the Eight-Tails once went on a drunken rampage due to one of Orochimaru's chemical potions.
However, when a Jinchūriki channels Tailed Beast chakra, the beast naturally exists in a purely energetic state.
In this state, medical anesthesia is useless. One cannot simply tranquilize a mass of sentient chakra.
Right now, the Nine-Tails was operating Naruto's paralyzed body like a puppet master pulling the strings.
What was even more terrifying was that Naruto could have theoretically wrestled control back from the fox. But with his nervous system heavily anesthetized, he was trapped.
Whenever he tried to assert dominance, his consciousness would attempt to merge with his physical brain, only to be immediately knocked out by the tranquilizer.
His mind would grow cloudy and fade, forcing him to retreat back into the seal.
Now, Naruto could only watch helplessly from the sidelines as the Nine-Tails went entirely rogue.
To be fair, Naruto had originally agreed to let the beast take over.
But it was painfully obvious that after seeing Sasuke faint, the Nine-Tails altered the mission parameters.
Think about what the Nine-Tails had been doing just moments ago.
Forcibly kissing Sasuke? That was just child's play!
The Nine-Tails fully intended to push things to the absolute limit!
This completely crossed the line of merely "stimulating Sasuke to awaken his eyes."
The Nine-Tails didn't give a damn about Sasuke's eye development anymore.
It was just using the mission as an excuse to forcibly forge an inescapable permanent bond between the two boys.
Sasuke already awakened his Mangekyō and manifested the Susanoo.
Mission accomplished.
Why would the Nine-Tails stop fighting just because the target passed out?
No, this was the perfect opportunity!
Freed from the moral restraints of both Sasuke and Naruto, the Nine-Tails became entirely unhinged.
Controlling Naruto's body, it pounced directly onto the unconscious Uchiha!
Up in the trees, everyone froze, far too stunned by the sheer audacity to intervene.
"Hmm?"
After wriggling around on top of Sasuke for a moment, "Naruto" frowned.
The blonde reached back, pulled the massive syringe out of his own ass, tossed it into the grass, and went right back to work!
"This... We should stop this, right?"
Senju Tobirama hesitated, turning to Makoto for the final call.
While what the Nine-Tails was doing was utterly depraved, the situation did have its tactical upsides.
Perhaps after enduring this horrific psychological trauma, Sasuke would leap directly from the Mangekyo to the Rinnegan.
But the last shreds of Tobirama's moral compass kept reminding him that letting this continue was deeply wrong.
"We must stop it." Makoto gave his definitive answer.
The exact second Makoto uttered those words, Gaara didn't wait for further instructions.
Reacting even faster than Sakura, the Kazekage leaped down from the branches and commanded a massive wave of sand to violently separate Naruto and Sasuke.
As Makoto had once explained to Sarada, Naruto was Gaara's one and only. (friend obviously)
Sakura had been a step behind because her brain short-circuited.
She was busy wondering if she was actually the "third party" in Naruto and Sasuke's relationship.
Now, seeing Gaara intervene with such frantic possessive desperation, she dismissed that thought entirely.
She wasn't even the third wheel!
She would have to take a number and get in line.
"Why?" Tobirama breathed a sigh of relief.
Makoto's decision aligned with his own ethics, but he was genuinely curious about the reasoning.
Setting morality aside, letting the Nine-Tails finish the job was arguably the fastest route to power.
"Are you worried that Uchiha Sasuke still harbors some lingering attraction to women, and that Naruto's forceful actions might cause him to rebel, amplifying those feelings and driving him into hatred rather than love?" Tobirama speculated aloud.
Hearing the Second Hokage's analysis, Sakura's expression brightened with a glimmer of hope.
"No," Makoto shook his head, instantly crushing Sakura's dreams.
"Second Hokage, you understand the Uchiha better than the First, but you still lack a fundamental grasp of romance."
"For an emotionally sensitive Uchiha, a milestone like this should happen during a moment of intense emotional release—a genuinely romantic fitting moment. It shouldn't play out like one of those trashy novels where the connection is forced through an accident, a medically induced coma, or a misunderstanding."
"That won't make them think it is 'fate' or 'destiny.' The Uchiha Clan doesn't believe in fate, they only believe in their own intense emotions."
To translate Makoto's philosophy into simpler terms: That is not how you play the game!
You are supposed to build the relationship gradually.
You chat often, select the right dialogue options, give the correct gifts, and trigger special events on multiple holidays to continuously raise the affection meter.
Only then do you unlock the hidden inner quest.
Finally, by flawlessly executing the most important loyalty mission, you trigger the final romance cinematic.
The Nine-Tails was trying to skip all the preliminary dialogue and fast-forward straight to the sex scene!
That is mathematically guaranteed to lead to a Bad Ending.
Even if you have only played the most basic dating simulators, you know you cannot just skip straight to the bedroom on the first playthrough.
And they were dealing with an emotionally volatile Uchiha no less!
"STUPID TANUKI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! GET OUT OF MY WAY!"
"YOU PERVERTED FOX! YOU ACTUALLY TRIED TO ASSAULT UCHIHA SASUKE! I'M TELLING ALL THE OTHER TAILED BEASTS ABOUT THIS!"
Down below in the dirt, the two Tailed Beasts with the absolute worst relationship in history finally clashed.
Unsurprisingly, the moment Gaara borrowed Shukaku's power to violently rip the Nine-Tails off Sasuke, the giant fox exploded in rage!
Gyūki: I already know about them by the way. I'm watching closely and taking careful notes.